fics by Erin Ptah

Title: Underappreciated Tea-Boys Unite!
Rating: PG (violence, one dead President)
Series: Doctor Who/Torchwood, The Colbert Report, Tek Jansen
Characters/Pairings: Ianto(/Jack), Gwen, Owen, Tosh, Bobby, Stephen, Meangarr
Spoilers: New Who S3; Torchwood S1; Tek Jansen #1
Disclaimer: Work of parody; not real; not mine.

It's the day of Children in Need, and you know what that means: crossover time.

Side story to Truthiness And Relative Dimensions In Space. In which Bobby is on a secret undercover mission, Torchwood is having a hard time functioning without Jack, and Cardiff is being menaced by a Tek Jansen villain. (So, pretty much business as usual.)

Beta, as always, by the sterling stellar_dust.

( 'Couldn't we luck out, just once, and get an asexual embodiment of the pure evil that builds up under the sink?' )

Title: Truthiness And Relative Dimensions In Space
Rating: PG-13
Series: The Colbert Report, Doctor Who
Spoilers: Overall, everything is fair game. See individual chapters for specifics.
Beta: The very awesome stellar_dust
Disclaimer: This is a work of parody. Although reference is made to real persons, places, and events, the dialog, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only. Fictional characters and settings are the property of the BBC, RTD, STC, TCR, and various other initials which are not mine.

Summary: Obnoxious right-wing pundit Stephen Colbert catches a lift with Four'n'Sarah Jane...and, in his younger days, Ten'n'Jack. Can Four cope with the older Stephen acting like he knows what he's doing? Can Ten avoid saying anything to the younger Stephen that will cause a paradox? And can the rest of space and time handle the truthiness?

(Don't be daunted by the pile of links, just start at the top and work your way down, until you're either bored or hooked.)

Read on Other Sites

Mirror on A Teaspoon And An Open Mind
Mirror on the AO3

( Chapters, illustrations, extras, and various geeky notes )

Title: A Truthy TARDIS Crew's Christmas (4/5)
Rating: PG-13
Series: The Colbert Report, Doctor Who
Spoilers: Anything DW/TW/SJA is fair game.
Summary: Jack and Stephen have a moment by a fireplace, Sarah Jane and Maria have a moment in the kitchen, and several understandings are reached.

Jack has just told this story. Maria refers to this snowfall.

Beta by the joyful stellar_dust. Table of contents, and footnotes, here.

( Stephen and Jon were keeping an almost tangible distance between them, Jon kept shooting dark looks at Jack, Maria seemed to have developed an aversion to Stephen, and poor Luke was wearing that nervous look he got when he knew something was wrong but didn't have the first idea what to do about it. )

Title: A Truthy TARDIS Crew's Christmas (3/5)
Rating: PG-13
Series: The Colbert Report, Doctor Who
Spoilers: Anything DW/TW/SJA is fair game.
Summary: Sarah Jane passes on the bad news about Gallifrey, Jon is introduced to the idea of psychic alien sex, Luke continues to win at Scrabble, and the (much-anticipated) final visitor arrives to the party.

Beta by the gracious stellar_dust. Table of contents, and footnotes, here.

( 'Um, thanks? I didn't realize there was a snarky alien voyeur involved.' )

Title: A Truthy TARDIS Crew's Christmas (1/5)
Rating: PG
Series: The Colbert Report, Doctor Who
Spoilers: Anything DW/TW/SJA is fair game.
Summary: Jon finally knows about the Doctor, time travel, and paradoxes, but Stephen still has a lot of secrets. And the present-day Sarah Jane just invited them to spend Christmas at 13 Bannerman Road.

Artwork and deleted scenes from the last serial are also up.

Note: This special uses all the canon up to (but not including) the final arc of DW S4. Includes SJA S2, which is pretty much written as if the S4 finale didn't happen anyway (i.e., everyone is still surprised by aliens). Will point in a Sarah Jane/Maria direction by the end, so if the very idea squicks you, be prepared to skip, or at least skim.

Beta by the festive stellar_dust. Table of contents, and footnotes, here.

( Yeah, that'll go over great. 'Hey, Jon, did I mention that there's an alien in my head? No, there's no physical evidence; she's basically just a voice that I sometimes hear. Oh, and she experiences everything I do. Yes, everything. She loves that thing you do with your tongue, by the way.' )

Title: The Eagle Has Landed (5/5)
Rating: PG
Series: The Colbert Report, Doctor Who
Spoilers: Anything DW/TW/SJA is fair game.
Summary: The timelines of Jon, Stephen, Jack, Sarah Jane, and the Doctor circle and collide. Can they all wrangle happy endings when no two people reach 'the end' at the same time?

There's a Christmas special coming up, but this is the final chapter of the main story. To everyone who's been guessing, speculating, and theorizing, your questions are about to be settled. Also, you people are awesome.

Beta by the virtuous stellar_dust. Table of contents, and footnotes, here.

( 'It's as if the universe is determined to use you to prove that sometimes there is, in fact, a free lunch.' )

Title: The Eagle Has Landed (3/5)
Rating: PG
Series: The Colbert Report, Doctor Who
Spoilers: Anything DW/TW/SJA is fair game.
Summary: Four and Sarah Jane get embroiled in a small alien problem at Jon's studio. Young Stephen gets an unexpected rescuer.

Beta by the auspicious stellar_dust. Table of contents, and footnotes, here.

( 'This is a counteracting agent. It just happens to come in a convenient lipstick-like form.' )

Title: The Eagle Has Landed (1/5)
Rating: PG
Series: The Colbert Report, Doctor Who
Spoilers: Anything DW/TW/SJA is fair game.
Summary: Ten, Jack, and young Stephen go on a spree of planet-saving. Four and Sarah Jane try (and fail) to coax adult Stephen out of his room.

Beta by the lovely stellar_dust. Table of contents, and footnotes, here.

( 'Well, you've somehow mellowed him out enough that, after we restored the Crown Prince of Ciceronicus 12 to his rightful throne, Stephen let His Majesty snog him in front of the entire court. And the universe hasn't torn itself apart yet.' )

Title: Truthiness And Relative Dimensions In Space: deleted scenes
Rating: G
Series: TCR/DW
Summary: A couple of alternate endings for the fourth serial.

Table of contents, and footnotes, here.

( As they opened the TARDIS doors, Stephen turned suddenly to the Wørd. 'Do you want to stay?' )

Title: Children in Need Special: The Colbert That Never Was
Rating: PG-13 (violence, character death)
Series: The Colbert Report, Doctor Who
Spoilers: End of New Who S3.
Summary: Traveling the world in her quest to defeat the Master, Martha ends up in the remains of New York and meets a man who claims to have known the Doctor.

"Stephen" should have recently returned from the journey with Four that was predicated by the journey with Ten that was pre-empted by the paradox of this year. His life has been made retroactively impossible, and his sanity isn't handling it well.

Beta by the sterling stellar_dust. Table of contents, and footnotes, here.

( This is the Children in Need Special. Click for details . . . )

( Martha knew a Significant Capital Letter when she heard one. 'Which Doctor are you talking about, Stephen?' )