fics by Erin Ptah

Title: It Came From Beyond The Stars And Stripes (short version)
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Alien!sex, (skip) mpreg
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

A ficlet held back from the Merry Month of May. As prompted by biichan: "Fic where Stephen is the alien and is secretly conducting a study of human behavior. His, ah, Stephen-ness is his way of 'blending in.'"

Expanded version: Table of Contents

( 'So the rest of the galaxy currently thinks my entire species behaves like you do?' )

Title: The Gravitas Never Fails
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon, "Stephen", BriWi
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.

For sarcasticsra, who wanted "Jon and Stephen discover they have a mutual crush on Brian."

( 'Don't be ridiculous, Jon. This is not a slumber party.' )

Title: The Rainbow Agenda
Series: TDS/TCR, Death to Smoochy
Characters/Pairings: Jon, "Stephen", Sheldon
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: See the index.

For seagullsong, who wanted an AU where Jon and Stephen are on a popular children's show, preferably with ridiculous costumes. The crossover was inevitable. (Inspired by this Sesame Street clip.)

( 'Have you seen the lyrics?!' continued Stephen, while an intern zipped him into his bright orange eagle costume. )

Title: Campaign Strategy
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon, "Stephen", shoutout to Rahm
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: See the index.

For zelkovaserrata, who wanted more of the Senateverse, and prompted "flirting lessons."

( 'Come on, Stephen, don't do this. You're endorsing my opponent. I know.' )

Title: Grey, And Oh So Large
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", an elephant
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.

For punkishgrin, who wanted Jon and Stephen riding an elephant.

( 'And after all I've done for their population growth, too!' )

Title: Into The Rain
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: See the index.

For zelkovaserrata, who wanted "sexy accents. And trenchcoats."

( It was as if the night itself had simply grown a pair of headlights. )

Title: Peachy Keen
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon, "Stephen", cats
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.

For anais_rhys, who wanted "tiny babies and/or furry animals." (I went with kittens.) Sequel to Anchor's Pet.

( 'I will take videos of the kittens being adorable, and use them to draw traffic to the Colbert Nation website. Once we have enough cute cat footage, we will crush YouTube, which will in turn destroy Google, which will then surrender its position as ruler of the world to the Nation.' )

Title: Cozy
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: See the index.

For violent_rabbit, who wanted "The reason Stephen has a secret panel in his desk."

( Jon mentally added cough drops to the list of increasingly improbable things he had seen come out of that panel in the last twenty minutes. )

Title: What's Up, Doc?
Series: TDS/TCR; Looney Tunes
Characters/Pairings: "Stephen"(/Jon), Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.

For doctorv, who wanted "the one where they're cartoons." Which turned into a thoroughly bizarre crossover.

( 'And what do you see when you experience this dizziness? Stars and planets, or little singing birds?' )

Title: The Drapes
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: See the index.

For bobdafrogg, who prompted "Stephen is blond."

( 'If we go any farther, you will discover my most shameful secret.' )