ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Stone By Stone
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen"/Bill O'Reilly, "Stephen"/OMC, Liz/Jack, "Stephen"/Liz, various FOX cameos
Warnings: Slavefic, associated abuse (sexual and otherwise), (skip) non-con, non-main character death
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report and the creators of 30 Rock. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only. With apologies to everyone involved, especially Tina Fey.

A prequel one-shot for the Castle Down 'verse, which for some reason turned into a 30 Rock crossover. Scenes from Stephen's life in Vulpis before the war, and his doomed friendship with one of the other "pets" he got to know there.

Refers to the Wørd "Bite The Hand That Feeds You", which unwittingly provided this universe a bit of backstory. Other references: the O'Reilly tartan; the Megyn Kelly meme. Title is another lyric from the Emilie Autumn song.

'I'm on a very important mission for General Bill O'Reilly, and you are infringing on his right to have me walk here!' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Battered Rose
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen"/Jon, Olivia/Kristen, assorted correspondents
Warnings: Sex, emotional abuse, (skip) consent issues, choking
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

By, um, popular demand: the alternate ending to the Castles In The Sand in which Jon refuses to give Stephen up.

(Or, to put it another way: an extended argument for why the canon ending is the happy one.)

'Mine. In body and heart, to do with as I please. That's the deal, right?' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Medium: Television
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Subject: "Stephen", Olivia, and friends (Castleverse AU)
Title: Turrets & Moats

Official soundtrack for the heroes of the Castle Down universe, a fantasy slavefic AU featuring all that is best in life: soulbonds, unicorns, and magical fempreg.

Thanks to [personal profile] politicette and [personal profile] queenfanfiction for song suggestions!

Far beyond these castle walls, where the distant harbor meets the sky )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castles In The Sand (Epilogue)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

And so our story ends! Before the end of the year, even, which is a relief as it was one of my 2011 fannish New Year's resolutions.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

Five months later. Friends are reunited, future plans are laid, and, of course, our troublesome magical baby is finally born. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castles In The Sand (10/10+epilogue)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy, Bobby, Alan, Jay, Meg, Buttons, Rebecca Drysdale, (skip) a tentacle monster, Neil Degrasse Tyson, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Paulina Porizkova, Helen Thomas, Martha Stewart, Stephanie Tubbs-Jones, Reza Aslan
Warnings:
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For those of you who have the misfortune not to recognize Rebecca Drysdale...run, don't walk, to watch Time Traveling Lesbian.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

Some relationships are patched up, others not so much, and the H.M.S. Report reaches the End of the World. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castles In The Sand (9/10+epilogue)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy, Allison, (skip) Rebecca Drysdale
Warnings: (skip) Tentacles!
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Apparently all my Olivia fics are going to make her cry at some point. Not that anyone else escapes the angst in this chapter.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

Allison hates her job, Kristen is cold and wet, Jon and Stephen mix like vinegar and baking soda, and Olivia could really use someone to talk to. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castles In The Sand (8/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Buttons, Jon, Allison, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy
Warnings: Past trauma, (skip) fire! (Again!)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Well, would you look at that. New pairing tags.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

In which our heroes decide to coordinate their breakdowns, and the term DIAF becomes uncomfortably literal. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castles In The Sand (7/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, c!Stephen/Tad (subtext), Amy, Bobby, (skip) Neil DeGrasse Tyson, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy
Warnings: Past trauma, hazardous coconuts
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For the record, this whole fic is a wildcard fill on my [community profile] hc_bingo card, for the prompt "unexpected pregnancy" and/or "unexpected consequences of planned soulbonding." (How much do I love that both of those are options?)

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

Our heroes split into groups to explore an uncharted island. Cue physical danger, prophetic uncertainty, and personal revelations. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castles In The Sand (6/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, c!Stephen/Amy (subtext), c!Stephen/Tad (also subtext), Buttons, (skip) Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres
Warnings: Foreplay, tumbling (literal)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Makes reference to this clip.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

This is the chapter with the Big Reveal. Also, pirates. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castles In The Sand (5/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Tad, Amy, Alan, Buttons
Warnings: Foreplay, Scrabble abuse.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

In which Stephen continues to bond with Tad and Amy, Olivia's insecurities pop up at weird times, Jon gets shirtless, and a revelation is made...sort of. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castles In The Sand (4/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Congresswoman Duchess Norton, c!Stephen/Tad (subtext), Amy
Warnings: Fire!
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

Olivia tackles her seasickness, Tad and Amy are helpful, and Stephen, as in any universe, can't resist picking a fight with Eleanor Holmes Norton. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castles In The Sand (3/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Tad, Amy, Allison, Buttons, Alan
Warnings: Foreplay, tumbling (literal)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Silphium is (or was) a real plant, although the magical AU version is slightly different. The ship's doctor can be seen in this clip.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

The H.M.S. Report sets sail for the Eagle Islands, a trip which leaves Stephen sick of crossword puzzles and Olivia just plain sick. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castle Crossing
Rating: G
Pairings/Characters: Jon/"Stephen" (Castleverse); Jon, "Stephen", Olivia (canon 'verse)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Response to a "give me two AUs to cross over" prompt: Castleverse Jon/"Stephen" meets canon Jon/"Stephen", for [personal profile] kribban. Doesn't affect the main story, but if it did, it would fit chronologically before Castles in the Sand. Fictional languages transposed into real ones for crossover purposes.

The sword, she realized, was only the beginning; he was dressed like he'd just come from a Ren Faire. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castles In The Sand (2/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Allison Silverman, Tad, P.K. Winsome, Amy, Starbeam and Rainbow
Warnings: Bad puns. (As if "de sea" wasn't bad enough.)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

I don't think this 'verse has had enough gratuitous unicorns lately. Let's fix that.

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

Our heroes saddle up the unicorns and head for the port town of En-by-the-Sea, where their first move is to split up. Shenanigans ensue. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castles In The Sand (1/10)
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Hodgman, Miss Jenny Slothodor (a cavern singer), Sam(/Jason), Wilmore/Oliver
Warnings: Sexy sex; gratuitous bathing scene. Eventually: (skip) pregnancy, potential abortion, references to past traumas, magical fempreg, more sex, mortal peril
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

It's the third installment in the magical fantasy epic. If we've learned anything from Narnia—not to mention Pirates of the Caribbean, Shrek, and even Tolkien—that means it's time for a voyage to the End of the World. (Almost everything else about this story would probably make C. S. Lewis spin in his grave, but what can you do.)

That's right, folks, the Castleverse threequel is finally out of the "wistful hint-dropping" stage and into the "actual posting" one :D

Amazing beta job by [personal profile] queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Title comes from the Philosopher Kings song. To get up to speed on the prequels, see the Castleverse Table of Contents.

Stephen and Olivia parlay their geekiness into a job; Olivia and Kristen parlay their geekiness into hot sex. But just when everything seems to be going swimmingly, Kristen's fire powers decide to take a holiday. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castle Walls (8/8)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Jon/c!Stephen, Olivia/Kristen, Aasif, John/Larry, Sam/Jason
Warnings: That was the hurt; this is the comfort.
Two disclaimers, with love )

Decorative capitals are from Daily Drop Cap. For the rest of the story, see here.

It's all over but the healing. As Stephen and Olivia struggle with guilt (and, in Stephen's case, smoke inhalation), Jon and Kristen stand by them. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castle Walls (7/8)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Jon/c!Stephen, Olivia/Kristen, everyone and the kitchen sink
Warnings: Lots of fire, (skip) mortal peril
Two disclaimers, with love )

Pay no attention to the slapdash nature of the legalese in this part. (Hopefully you weren't reading this for the law drama, either.)

Decorative capitals are from Daily Drop Cap. For the rest of the story, see here.

Kristen and company bring the pwn, but the last trap isn't sprung yet. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castle Walls (6/8)
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: Jon/c!Stephen, Olivia/Kristen, Jason, OCs
Warnings: (skip) Sexual assault
Two disclaimers, with love )

The villains' appearances and some of their lines are pulled from this incident (videos here; partial transcription here). Yes, it's another Thinking and Drinking with Lizz Winnstead; no, it did not go as well as Rachel Maddow's version.

Crois Dóiteáin is Gaelic, and means something like "cross of the blaze." Or, less poetically, "cross fire."

Decorative capitals are from Daily Drop Cap. For the rest of the story, see here.

Our heroes meet their captors, while their rescuers race against time. )
ptahrrific: Woman with a notebook (Default)
Title: Castle Walls (5/8)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: (skip) Kidnapping
Pairings/Characters: Jon/c!Stephen, Olivia/Kristen, John/Larry, Sam/Jason
Two disclaimers, with love )

The honorifics are Japanese, or at least the American otaku versions thereof; -hime is "princess", -sensei is "teacher". Bunshinjutsu is a technique straight out of Naruto. The bit about Olivia's name is true.

Decorative capitals are from Daily Drop Cap. For the rest of the story, see here.

Olivia and Stephen find themselves in deep trouble, while Jon and Kristen round up a search party. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Castle Walls (4/8)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: (skip) Drugging, kidnapping
Pairings/Characters: Jon/c!Stephen, Olivia/Kristen, Sam, Lizz
Two disclaimers, with love )

Lizz's outfit and mannerisms can be seen in this Thinking and Drinking interview, in which she and Rachel Maddow chat about the 2008 primaries and drink cheap beer. It's a bit like IRL crack.

Decorative capitals are from Daily Drop Cap. For the rest of the story, see here.

Jon is run ragged, Kristen can't stop fretting, Stephen gets a civics lesson from a stranger in a bar, and Olivia is in more danger than she realizes. )

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