Erin Ptah (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ptahrrific) wrote2008-11-24 12:30 am
ptahrrific) wrote2008-11-24 12:30 am
Entry tags:
Fake News/Doctor Who: The Eagle Has Landed, part 2
Title: The Eagle Has Landed (2/5)
Rating: PG
Series: The Colbert Report, Doctor Who
Spoilers: Anything DW/TW/SJA is fair game.
Summary: Adult Stephen tries to shout himself out of his depression; Four has a brilliant idea, though Sarah Jane is dubious. A panicked young Stephen takes off onto an unknown planet; Jack tries to follow, but Ten stops him.
Beta by the auspiciousstellar_dust. Table of contents, and footnotes, here.
The Eagle Has Landed
Part Two
Han Wavel: 3004 AD.
After the TARDIS had landed, Stephen waited five minutes for the Doctor and Sarah Jane to leave, then five more just in case they had forgotten something. Not until he was satisfied that he was alone in the ship did he roll off of bed and stagger over to the mirror.
"This," he said out loud, "is Formidable Opponent."
His reflection, disheveled and red-eyed, glared miserably at him.
"Shake it off, Col-bert!" he ordered. "So what if you missed the opportunity of a lifetime? It was the right thing to do."
"Then how come I feel so horrible about it?" demanded Stephen Col-bert from the mirror.
"How should I know? Stop thinking so much! If you're going to keep dwelling on Jon instead of enjoying the sights of the universe, you might as well just go home."
His reflection paled. "Home?"
⇔
????.
The Doctor is in his tenth incarnation. Stephen Col-bert is 17. Jack Harkness is much too old for this sort of thing.
The TARDIS' landing was the roughest Jack had ever felt. He was thrown against a wall so hard his vision blurred.
The next thing he saw clearly was Stephen bolting for the door. It opened to let in a blast of freezing, snow-laden air, and for a moment he thought they were back on Allosimanius Syneca; but if this was the same planet it was at a different time, when instead of being crystal blue the sky was pitch black.
Into this cold and darkness the boy charged.
"Stephen, wait!" shouted Jack, getting to his feet but swaying dangerously before he even took a step.
The Doctor was at his side in an instant. "Easy, Jack. Don't hurt yourself."
"Why are you worried about me?" sputtered Jack. "Stephen's the one in danger!"
"He's perfectly safe. We'll go get him once the storm dies down."
Jack stared. Was this some kind of hallucination? He hadn't thought the bump was that bad. "Doctor, he could die out there! He doesn't come back when that happens, remember?"
"He won't die." The Doctor looked more relaxed than Jack had seen him since Stephen had come on board. "Don't panic. I know how this one ends."
⇔
Han Wavel: 3004 AD.
"This trip has to end," said Stephen firmly. "Just like the last one. You didn't want to go home then either, remember? And look how well that turned out."
"It didn't," snapped his reflection.
"Sure it did! You've got the whole Colbert Nation! They love you! They're changing the world for you!"
"They're not doing it for me," said his reflection bitterly. "They're doing it for Truthiness. The only people in the universe who would change so much as a tire for me are the people in the TARDIS."
"And Jon."
"But I can't go back to Jon! Not after what's happened!"
"Don't be stupid! It's not like he remembers who you are. If he did, he would have said something in the last eight years."
"But I remember! I'll never be able to look him in the eye again without remembering that I could have had him. If we try to have a conversation, in five minutes I'll be wondering why I didn't throw the timeline out the window and just stay with him!"
Stephen ignored the images that this idea conjured in his head. No sense being homesick for a time that had never existed.
"You couldn't have," he insisted. "He would have met the younger you while doing The Daily Show and it would've all gone wonky. Or, if he never made to the show, then it wouldn't have taken off and you never would've gotten your show and you wouldn't have been in the South Pacific when the TARDIS landed there. Besides, he was so young! He wasn't the Jon I lo—he wasn't my Jon, I mean. Not yet."
"He was never 'your' Jon anyway," mumbled his reflection. "And now he never will be."
"It's for the best!" cried Stephen. "Now stop whining! And go clean yourself up. You look like a slob."
Thus chastised, he stalked off to the shower.
⇔
The Vortex.
The Doctor is in his fourth incarnation. Sarah Jane Smith is 29. Stephen Colbert is 44.
"Stephen didn't say a word when I told him what he missed on Han Wavel," reported the Doctor. "What do you think we should try next? I was thinking the Marshes of Fallia. There are reports that its gases have caused some unwary hitchhikers to die of pleasure . . ."
"He didn't respond at all?" asked Sarah Jane. "Are you sure he's all right?" She didn't think he would do anything too drastic—and she hoped the Wørd was looking out for him—but you could never be too sure when it came to Stephen.
"The TARDIS would warn me if he were in danger," the Doctor assured her. "No, he's just in a mood. Although I can't think why the prospect of visiting the Great Red Plain of Rars on Preliumtarn doesn't draw him out."
Sarah Jane sighed. "Doctor, isn't it obvious? He's heartbroken, and he doesn't want us to see."
"All the more reason for him to get out of the ship for a while! Give him something to think about besides his own troubles."
"I don't think there's any distracting him right now. Any little thing could remind him of what he's missing. Even the most alien planet, if it has a moon, would make him think about Jon."
The Doctor considered this, then broke into a wide grin. "Sarah Jane, you're brilliant."
"Wait, why?"
The Time Lord was already rounding the console, reaching for dials and buttons and levers. "If he's going to think about Jon anyway, we might as well just cut out the middleman. Setting course for Earth!"
⇔
????.
After about a minute of wading through the storm, one arm held up to protect his face from the driving snow, Stephen began to reconsider his plan.
He was still dressed for the freezing weather of Allosimanius Syneca, but he hadn't exactly been warm to start with, so his face and hands were already numb. On top of that, he didn't know where he was going, or even if there was anywhere to go. Walking at random might get him to shelter, but it was just as likely to take him off a cliff.
And it wasn't like he could outrun Jack and the Doctor if they made the effort. By all rights they should have caught him already.
Well, I'm not going back! If I die out here, it's their fault!
His thoughts were interrupted when he walked into a wall.
⇔
The Vortex.
Stephen straightened his tie.
The routine, once begun, had taken on a life of its own. Wash, brush, shave; press shirt, straighten collar, shine shoes until you could see yourself in them. He didn't have a staff on hand to make sure he was perfect from every angle, but the Wørd had been uncharacteristically helpful, warning him about out-of-place hairs and hard-to-see flecks of dust.
So what if he was falling apart on the inside? His cuffs were even, his buttons were buttoned, and he was going to have the straightest tie the universe had ever seen.
The TARDIS chose that moment to land.
Relatively speaking, the landing was incredibly smooth. It was still bumpy enough to jolt Stephen's hands, yanking loose the knot.
"Goddamnit!" yelled Stephen to no one in particular, kicking the ground. A moment later he was striding towards the door, aflame with good old-fashioned righteous anger. They had ruined his tie. Somebody was going to pay.
He yanked the door open, just in time for Sarah Jane to rap her fist against his chest.
"What?" he barked.
She jumped about a foot in shock. "Stephen! Are you all right?"
"I'd be a lot better if people would let me get dressed properly!" snapped Stephen. "Where are we, and why was it so important that we land there right in the middle of my tie-knotting?"
"That's what I came down here to tell you," replied Sarah Jane. "We're in New York City."
⇔
????.
The wall was made of wooden planks, or this planet's equivalent. Pressing against it, partly for guidance and partly because his legs didn't seem invested in staying upright, Stephen edged along the side. A few feet down, and he began to see a warm yellow glow through the snow. A window.
He turned a corner, and now there was a roof overhanging him, cutting off just a little bit of the storm's force. Another window. A door.
With frozen fists he pounded, praying there was someone inside to hear.
Rating: PG
Series: The Colbert Report, Doctor Who
Spoilers: Anything DW/TW/SJA is fair game.
Summary: Adult Stephen tries to shout himself out of his depression; Four has a brilliant idea, though Sarah Jane is dubious. A panicked young Stephen takes off onto an unknown planet; Jack tries to follow, but Ten stops him.
Beta by the auspicious
stellar_dust. Table of contents, and footnotes, here.The Eagle Has Landed
Part Two
Han Wavel: 3004 AD.
After the TARDIS had landed, Stephen waited five minutes for the Doctor and Sarah Jane to leave, then five more just in case they had forgotten something. Not until he was satisfied that he was alone in the ship did he roll off of bed and stagger over to the mirror.
"This," he said out loud, "is Formidable Opponent."
His reflection, disheveled and red-eyed, glared miserably at him.
"Shake it off, Col-bert!" he ordered. "So what if you missed the opportunity of a lifetime? It was the right thing to do."
"Then how come I feel so horrible about it?" demanded Stephen Col-bert from the mirror.
"How should I know? Stop thinking so much! If you're going to keep dwelling on Jon instead of enjoying the sights of the universe, you might as well just go home."
His reflection paled. "Home?"
????.
The Doctor is in his tenth incarnation. Stephen Col-bert is 17. Jack Harkness is much too old for this sort of thing.
The TARDIS' landing was the roughest Jack had ever felt. He was thrown against a wall so hard his vision blurred.
The next thing he saw clearly was Stephen bolting for the door. It opened to let in a blast of freezing, snow-laden air, and for a moment he thought they were back on Allosimanius Syneca; but if this was the same planet it was at a different time, when instead of being crystal blue the sky was pitch black.
Into this cold and darkness the boy charged.
"Stephen, wait!" shouted Jack, getting to his feet but swaying dangerously before he even took a step.
The Doctor was at his side in an instant. "Easy, Jack. Don't hurt yourself."
"Why are you worried about me?" sputtered Jack. "Stephen's the one in danger!"
"He's perfectly safe. We'll go get him once the storm dies down."
Jack stared. Was this some kind of hallucination? He hadn't thought the bump was that bad. "Doctor, he could die out there! He doesn't come back when that happens, remember?"
"He won't die." The Doctor looked more relaxed than Jack had seen him since Stephen had come on board. "Don't panic. I know how this one ends."
Han Wavel: 3004 AD.
"This trip has to end," said Stephen firmly. "Just like the last one. You didn't want to go home then either, remember? And look how well that turned out."
"It didn't," snapped his reflection.
"Sure it did! You've got the whole Colbert Nation! They love you! They're changing the world for you!"
"They're not doing it for me," said his reflection bitterly. "They're doing it for Truthiness. The only people in the universe who would change so much as a tire for me are the people in the TARDIS."
"And Jon."
"But I can't go back to Jon! Not after what's happened!"
"Don't be stupid! It's not like he remembers who you are. If he did, he would have said something in the last eight years."
"But I remember! I'll never be able to look him in the eye again without remembering that I could have had him. If we try to have a conversation, in five minutes I'll be wondering why I didn't throw the timeline out the window and just stay with him!"
Stephen ignored the images that this idea conjured in his head. No sense being homesick for a time that had never existed.
"You couldn't have," he insisted. "He would have met the younger you while doing The Daily Show and it would've all gone wonky. Or, if he never made to the show, then it wouldn't have taken off and you never would've gotten your show and you wouldn't have been in the South Pacific when the TARDIS landed there. Besides, he was so young! He wasn't the Jon I lo—he wasn't my Jon, I mean. Not yet."
"He was never 'your' Jon anyway," mumbled his reflection. "And now he never will be."
"It's for the best!" cried Stephen. "Now stop whining! And go clean yourself up. You look like a slob."
Thus chastised, he stalked off to the shower.
The Vortex.
The Doctor is in his fourth incarnation. Sarah Jane Smith is 29. Stephen Colbert is 44.
"Stephen didn't say a word when I told him what he missed on Han Wavel," reported the Doctor. "What do you think we should try next? I was thinking the Marshes of Fallia. There are reports that its gases have caused some unwary hitchhikers to die of pleasure . . ."
"He didn't respond at all?" asked Sarah Jane. "Are you sure he's all right?" She didn't think he would do anything too drastic—and she hoped the Wørd was looking out for him—but you could never be too sure when it came to Stephen.
"The TARDIS would warn me if he were in danger," the Doctor assured her. "No, he's just in a mood. Although I can't think why the prospect of visiting the Great Red Plain of Rars on Preliumtarn doesn't draw him out."
Sarah Jane sighed. "Doctor, isn't it obvious? He's heartbroken, and he doesn't want us to see."
"All the more reason for him to get out of the ship for a while! Give him something to think about besides his own troubles."
"I don't think there's any distracting him right now. Any little thing could remind him of what he's missing. Even the most alien planet, if it has a moon, would make him think about Jon."
The Doctor considered this, then broke into a wide grin. "Sarah Jane, you're brilliant."
"Wait, why?"
The Time Lord was already rounding the console, reaching for dials and buttons and levers. "If he's going to think about Jon anyway, we might as well just cut out the middleman. Setting course for Earth!"
????.
After about a minute of wading through the storm, one arm held up to protect his face from the driving snow, Stephen began to reconsider his plan.
He was still dressed for the freezing weather of Allosimanius Syneca, but he hadn't exactly been warm to start with, so his face and hands were already numb. On top of that, he didn't know where he was going, or even if there was anywhere to go. Walking at random might get him to shelter, but it was just as likely to take him off a cliff.
And it wasn't like he could outrun Jack and the Doctor if they made the effort. By all rights they should have caught him already.
Well, I'm not going back! If I die out here, it's their fault!
His thoughts were interrupted when he walked into a wall.
The Vortex.
Stephen straightened his tie.
The routine, once begun, had taken on a life of its own. Wash, brush, shave; press shirt, straighten collar, shine shoes until you could see yourself in them. He didn't have a staff on hand to make sure he was perfect from every angle, but the Wørd had been uncharacteristically helpful, warning him about out-of-place hairs and hard-to-see flecks of dust.
So what if he was falling apart on the inside? His cuffs were even, his buttons were buttoned, and he was going to have the straightest tie the universe had ever seen.
The TARDIS chose that moment to land.
Relatively speaking, the landing was incredibly smooth. It was still bumpy enough to jolt Stephen's hands, yanking loose the knot.
"Goddamnit!" yelled Stephen to no one in particular, kicking the ground. A moment later he was striding towards the door, aflame with good old-fashioned righteous anger. They had ruined his tie. Somebody was going to pay.
He yanked the door open, just in time for Sarah Jane to rap her fist against his chest.
"What?" he barked.
She jumped about a foot in shock. "Stephen! Are you all right?"
"I'd be a lot better if people would let me get dressed properly!" snapped Stephen. "Where are we, and why was it so important that we land there right in the middle of my tie-knotting?"
"That's what I came down here to tell you," replied Sarah Jane. "We're in New York City."
????.
The wall was made of wooden planks, or this planet's equivalent. Pressing against it, partly for guidance and partly because his legs didn't seem invested in staying upright, Stephen edged along the side. A few feet down, and he began to see a warm yellow glow through the snow. A window.
He turned a corner, and now there was a roof overhanging him, cutting off just a little bit of the storm's force. Another window. A door.
With frozen fists he pounded, praying there was someone inside to hear.
no subject
He so very nearly said it! Oh, Stephen/repression, you are this show's true OTP. Formidable Opponent is utterly creepy without the camera tricks. The mirror was a nice touch.
no subject
Hee! That belongs on page 1 of the How To Be A Companion official guidebook.
I love Stephen/repression. My Stephens argue with mirrors a lot.
Thanks!
no subject
(Anonymous) 2008-11-24 08:53 pm (UTC)(link)...have you seen Stephen's Christmas Special yet? the part with the Mistletoe? and the bear? and...?
humbly yours,
Kagaya
no subject
Ickle!Stephen is understandably worried, but his fate will become clear shortly...
I saw the Christmas Special. Oh, did I see the Christmas Special. The bear! The mistletoe! The windowpane scene! *melts*
oh no! i forgot! i'm delicious!
(Anonymous) 2008-11-25 09:05 pm (UTC)(link)the windowpane scene = the pizza scene part 2.
and Stephen is a really good singer...
no subject
hyper ventilating with GLEE.
God, I love your "Stephen". All your Stephens.
Glee!
no subject
Thank you!
no subject
Awwww, Stephen.
*fights urge to kidnap and cuddle ickle!Stephen whether he likes it or not*
*wants more; waits impatiently* =P
no subject
Thanks =3