ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: This Candidate Clearly Supports WIP Amnesty, Jon.
Fandom: fake news
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", ensemble
Rating: T
Disclaimer/warnings: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement.

Taking a deep dive through my WIP folder to retrieve these fake news fics. Some of them are 5+ years old! A few, I had completely forgotten writing. All of them have just enough substance to post, as Works No Longer In Progress.

Or, as the Bush Administration would have called it: Fiction Accomplished.

  1. We prefer to be called megalomaniac-Americans (T)

  2. Genderswap "Stephanie" angst (T)

  3. Olivia/"Stephanie" sexy jealousy (T)

  4. The Mysterious 51st State of HOHOQ (G)

  5. Olivia/Kristen college AU (T)

  6. Jon/liberal!"Stephen"kink + romance (soft R)

ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Two Pets Stephen Is Not Allowed To Keep (and one he is)
Rating: G
Cast: Jon/"Stephen", animals
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For some prompts back in the day at [livejournal.com profile] fakenews_fanfic: name an animal and I will write the ficlet about how Jon reacted when "Stephen" tried to bring one home.

Mirrored on the AO3.

'Meet Greta Van Fluffteren, the softest, prettiest bunny in the whole wide world.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: The one where Stephen is a cat
Rating: G
Cast: Jon, cat!"Stephen"
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

What it says on the tin. For the prompt "Lost and found." (Illustration source.) (Mirror on the AO3.)

'Most of the cats pick up that we have a schedule for treats, but Stephen here expects to be fed every time someone comes in.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
A sequence of TDS/TCR ficlets written for prompts at [community profile] punditfic and [livejournal.com profile] fakenews_fanfic.

Blanket Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.


Title: Worldly Pleasures
Rating: PG-13
Cast: Jon/"Stephen"
Prompt: courtesy the Homolust Challenge Generator: "A racist monk + a clumsy stripper in a lab. They are frenemies. It must involve spanking."

'Kinda far from the cloister, aren't you? How'd that happen?' )

Title: The Heist
Rating: G
Cast: Olivia, Wyatt
Prompt: from They Fight Crime: "He's a lonely dishevelled master criminal fleeing from a secret government programme. She's a virginal antique-collecting hooker with someone else's memories. They fight crime!"

'As long as you follow my lead, we're gonna get your set of vintage pie plates back, I promise.' )

Title: One-sentence Easter fic
Rating: PG-13
Cast: Jon, "Stephen"
Prompt: It's bunny day!

When Stephen shakes him awake in the morning... )

Title: Stephen's Worst Nightmare
Rating: G
Cast: Jon, "Stephen"
Prompt: Nightmares. From [personal profile] politicette: "Stephen" had a bad dream that all his hair fell out.

It's about four in the morning, and Jon really shouldn't try to answer his phone, but he's too groggy to remember that he can send it to voicemail. )
ptahrrific: Woman with a notebook (Default)
A sequence of TDS/TCR ficlets written for prompts at [community profile] punditfic and [livejournal.com profile] fakenews_fanfic.

Blanket Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.


Title: You, The Heroes
Rating: G
Cast: Jessica, real!Stephen, Olivia, Kristen, Wyatt, "Stephen"/Jon
Prompt: "Power" (with sub-prompts for specific superpower/character combinations) + "First meetings" (for the last one)

Sequel to the "Stephen" one: It's A Bird! It's A Plane! It's...A Chair! Now with a mirror on the AO3.

It was harder to line up a couple to adopt her this time. People who believe in phoenixes at all, much less consider them lucky, are getting rarer and rarer. )

Title: PDA
Rating: G
Cast: Jon/"Stephen", Wyatt
Prompt: Public displays of affection

When Stephen was in complete denial, their interactions were bewildering, but at least all the stress was on him. )

Title: Shotgun
Rating: G
Cast: "Stephen"
Prompt: Characters' résumés

(This totally fits the prompt, because you just know Stephen would be very proud to list it as work experience, particularly for any tuxedo-requiring jobs.)

"I was born to wear a tux. In fact, as a child my parents used to rent me out as a ring bearer for shotgun weddings." (I Am America, 219)

Stevie loves weddings. He gets to wear a tuxedo, which makes him basically a grown-up. )


Title: Labor Day
Rating: PG
Cast: Jon/"Stephen"
Prompt: Worth

An extended version of how Stephen spent his Labor Day. (Stephen's wearing this dress, to make [personal profile] politicette happy.)

The back of the creamy-white gown scoops low under Stephen's shoulder blades, then explodes at the waist into a frothing mass of lace and sheer billows. )
ptahrrific: Woman with a notebook (Default)
A sequence of ficlets written for prompts at [community profile] punditfic and [livejournal.com profile] fakenews_fanfic.

Blanket Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.


Title: Not Sure If Breakthrough
Series: TCR
Rating: PG
Cast: Jon/"Stephen", OC
Prompt by [personal profile] kribban: The personal notes of Jon and "Stephen's" marriage counselor.

Re-evaluated considerations re: abuse. Encouraged J to employ reality testing. )

Title: Snowflake
Series: TCR
Rating: G
Cast: Jon, "Stephen"
Prompt: An image (at the end)

One of Stephen's creepy dimensional portals must have been holding the thing, and was now discharging it bit by bit: enough metal to form the frame of a mid-sized pup tent, and in almost as complicated a configuration. )

Title: Pulpit
Series: TCR
Rating: G
Cast: "Stephen", family
Prompt: "Warning signs," specifically from [personal profile] politicette: "Something about baby!"Stephen" and how if someone (Charlene?) were paying more attention, they would have honed in on a specific incident or two and caught how miserable and unstable he was growing up to be."

Stevie's standing on tiptoes behind the pulpit, on the velvet-covered footstool used by the kids who get called up to recite a prayer or light an Advent candle. )
ptahrrific: Woman with a notebook (Default)
Give me a character or pairing and I will write snippets of ten different alternate universes for it. One line, ten lines, a ficlet if you're lucky.

01. Wild West
02. Cyberpunk
03. Shapeshifters
04. Pirates
05. …In SPACE!!
06. Born Another Gender
07. Schoolfic
08. Police/Firefighters
09. Urban Fantasy
10. Harem

Fandoms I'm up for writing: fake news, Hellsing, Doctor Who, Madoka Magica, Sailor Moon, But I'm A Cat Person, Read or Die, Tek Jansen. (Feel free to suggest an alternate for "IN SPACE" if you ask for a character who's canonically there!)


FILLS

Doctor Who

+Ten Doctors, Ten AUs (Teaspoon | AO3) (Jack, One through Ten, Ace, Romana, Rose | PG)
+What This AU Needs Is More Nitro-9 (Teaspoon | AO3) (Ace, Seven | G)

Fake News
+Ten Wyatt&Jessica AUs (Wyatt, Jessica | PG)
+It's What Lincoln Would Have AU'd (Jon, "Stephen", the Wørd, Charlene, Neil, Kilborn, Oprah | through R)
+Ten Olivia/Kristen AUs (Olivia/Kristen, Jon, "Stephen", correspondents | through PG-13)
Note: all three fakenews harem AUs are part of the same continuity.

Read Or Die
+AUs From Beyond The Ceiling (AO3) (Nenene/Yomiko, Maggie, Michelle, Anita, Junior, Nancy | through PG)
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
A sequence of ficlets written for prompts at [community profile] punditfic and [livejournal.com profile] fakenews_fanfic.

Blanket Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.


Title: Terms & Conditioner
Rating: R
Cast: "Stephen"/Jon
Prompt: from [personal profile] politicette, "Jon and Stephen exploring kinks of Jon's that Stephen doesn't necessarily share."

This was not how things were supposed to go. )

Title: Next Monday Through Thursday, A.D.
Series: TCR/MST3K
Rating: G
Cast: Jon, "Stephen", Dr. Forrester, TV's Frank
Prompt: "Take the last fictional series you watched/read/listened to, and write or draw a crossover."

'This is the most soul-sucking footage we could find!' )

Title: And The Colbert's Red Glare
Rating: G
Cast: Jon/BriWi, unrequited Jon/"Stephen", correspondents
Prompt: "explosions." (Some kind of young-adult AU.)

Sam enticed Stephen into a duet of the national anthem, accompanied by Olivia's beatboxing; Jon tried on Brian's glasses and teased him about his socks. )

Title: Heartless
Rating: G
Cast: Jon, "Stephen"
Prompt: lyrics from [personal profile] kshandra, "It takes the truth to fool me / And now you've made me angry"

'This is cruel, you understand? Heartless, and cruel, and mean, and awful, and heartless, and--' )
ptahrrific: (doctor whoniverse)
Title: Eight Weeks, Three Days
Series: Fake news, Doctor Who
Rating: PG (references to character deaths)
Characters/Pairings: Jon, Martha
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Martha belongs to RTD and the BBC. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Prompted by [personal profile] politicette: Jon has Martha on for an interview about her new book, The Year That Wasn't. Also on the AO3 and on Teaspoon.

'So when you describe in detail all the gory ways a human being can die after a few months without access to modern medical technology, there's actual expertise backing that up.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Consulting Pundit
Rating: PG (language)
Characters/pairings: Jon, "Stephen"
Disclaimer: Work of parody; work of fiction; the characters aren't mine.

Fusion with the BBC's Sherlock. I also have a vague idea that Olivia Munn gets to be The Woman, who combines pseudolegal activities with strategic nudity in order to blackmail the government to take stronger action against animal abuse. Anyone who wants to take this and run with it is encouraged.

'Uh...does that mean they're reading my blog?' )

Title: Useful Italian Phrases
Rating: PG-13 (language, foreplay)
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: Work of parody; work of fiction; the characters aren't mine.

Taking advantage of Stephen's favorite endearment. With thanks to this vocabulary list.

'You've done very well, principessa.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Jon Knows
Rating: R
Contents: (skip) Non-con
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A depressing drabble (100 words). Another of those through-a-glass-darkly twists on the OTP dynamic.

Jon Knows )


Title: Check In
Rating: G
Contents: (skip) Mental hospitalization
Characters/pairings: "Stephen", OC
Disclaimer: Same as above.

A second dismal drabble. Inspired by the lack of tosses lately.

Check In )

Title: Scars
Rating: PG
Contents: Past abuse
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: Same as above.

And a third, though this one is on the right track. Same universe as this picture (borderline NSFW).

Scars )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Archnemesis
Rating: PG
Contents: Innuendo
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Drabble (100 words) inspired by [personal profile] kribban, wondering if Stephen still considers Jon his archnemesis even after they get together.

Archnemesis )


Title: And It's F@#king Golden
Rating: G
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: Same as above.

Stephen reacts to Jon's recent exchange with an Emmy.

And It's F@#king Golden )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: When You Love Someone (And/Or Their Giant Head)
Rating: PG
Pairings/Characters: Various correspondent pairings
Warnings: Interspecies romance?
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For [livejournal.com profile] gaudy_night, prompt: "023. Lovers." Featuring...pretty much everything except Jon/"Stephen".

Clips referenced: Kristen; Larry and Aasif; Tad; appletinis; BriWi.

Kristen finds a fantastic family-owned hole-in-the-wall pie place, and refuses to tell Olivia where it is. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: E.B.B.G.A.S-T-T-F.F.
Rating: G
Characters/pairings: "Stephen", Olivia
Disclaimer: The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and I presume Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

For the prompt "Fixed" from [personal profile] politicette. Based on this video in which Olivia introduces her charity work, and clearly foreshadows her destiny to one day have "Stephen" as an arch-nemesis. (Or at least a foil.)

'What are you even doing here?' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Prawn Today, Hair Tomorrow
Rating: G
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Rounding the week off with a belated fill for the prompt "Irresistible," from [livejournal.com profile] colbertstark6.

'Don't lie. You've been checking out my hair all morning.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: The Affair
Rating: PG
Warnings: Foreplay.
Pairings/Characters: ...well, that would be telling.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

This is another of those old handfuls-of-words that I thought I was going to do more with, and then...yeah, it isn't happening. Enjoy the standalone domestic cuddling instead.


'—where all these gorgeous, powerful men — ummm — are falling at your feet — and you turn them all down and come home to me. Mmm.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: And Make It Snappy
Rating: G
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen"/Barry
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

I hereby declare this the Merry Month of March Neglected Commentfic Roundup Week.

Kicking off with a ficlet written at the request of [personal profile] politicette, who wanted me to pair "Stephen" with someone other than Jon, such as, perhaps, the barista under his desk.

'Double whipped grande black mocha venti latte with cream and sprinkles, on the rocks.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Microfics
Rating: G
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: Work of parody; work of fiction; the characters aren't mine.

A meme. The rules: Ten fics. Ten genres. Ten words or less.

Bonus references to Cardcaptor Sakura and Neon Genesis Evangelion (with art).


Stephen's self-control is iron. )
ptahrrific: Woman with a notebook (Default)
Title: Seven
Rating: G
Characters/pairings: "Stephen", liberal!"Stephen", happy!"Stephen", Steve ColberT, Jermaine Maine, Sweetness, Esteban, Jon, Allison
Disclaimer: Work of parody; work of fiction; the characters aren't mine.

Based on the virtues given in Dante's Purgatorio, where each corresponds to one of the Deadly Sins. Seven sentences, seven virtues, seven "Stephens" (and associated doppelgangers, alter egos, and hallucinatory voices):

...it's just the guy in the shocking pink, smiling like a sunbeam and holding out an envelope. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Afterwards, Wyatt Was Never Able To Look At Salad Tongs The Same Way Again
Series: TDS
Characters/Pairings: Wyatt/Kristen/John-O/Sam/Jason(/Aasif/???)
Rating: PG-13

The prompt demanded something NC-17. This is what I ended up writing instead.

Illustration by [personal profile] aybara_max.

Her hair fanned out along Wyatt's shoulder, where she had started to doze off without even bothering to shed her thigh-high leather boots first. )

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Erin Ptah

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