Erin Ptah (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ptahrrific) wrote2012-04-15 03:15 pm
ptahrrific) wrote2012-04-15 03:15 pm
Fake News(/MST3K) - Prompt Ficlets 1
A sequence of ficlets written for prompts at ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
punditfic and ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fakenews_fanfic.
Blanket Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.
Title: Terms & Conditioner
Rating: R
Cast: "Stephen"/Jon
Prompt: frompoliticette, "Jon and Stephen exploring kinks of Jon's that Stephen doesn't necessarily share."
This was not how things were supposed to go.
"What?" protested Jon, flinching under his boyfriend's judgmental glare. "You've asked for things that are so much kinkier! I would've thought you'd be happy I'm finally getting into the spirit."
"This is nothing like that." Stephen clutched at both sides of his head, eyes wide and shot through with horror. "Your kink might mess up my hair."
They worked it out eventually. Jon got to pull out just before the end of the blowjob and drape opalescent stripes across Stephen's face and chest, as long as Stephen got to put on a shower cap first.
Title: Next Monday Through Thursday, A.D.
Series: TCR/MST3K
Rating: G
Cast: Jon, "Stephen", Dr. Forrester, TV's Frank
Prompt: "Take the last fictional series you watched/read/listened to, and write or draw a crossover."
"I don't understand it, Frank," wailed Dr. Forrester, tearing at his (already precariously uneven) hair. "This is the most soul-sucking footage we could find! It's worse than Monster A-Go-Go and Santa Claus Conquers The Martians put together! How are they not bleeding from the ears?"
Frank shrugged. "Beats me." He peered at the monitor, where Jon's brain waves were holding steady at "mild despair tempered by amusement," then jolted up to "healthy with a side of adoration" as Stephen T. Colbot made a particularly snarky quip. "It's almost as if they came to us already desensitized."
"Well, it's not fair!" snapped Forrester. "What are the odds we'd kidnap the one person on Earth who's been successfully inoculated against C-SPAN?"
Title: And The Colbert's Red Glare
Rating: G
Cast: Jon/BriWi, unrequited Jon/"Stephen", correspondents
Prompt: "explosions." (Some kind of young-adult AU.)
Jon showed up at the bar steeling his nerves for another night of friendly connection (from, this time around, Sam, Larry, Stephen, Kristen, Wyatt, and Olivia) mixed with sexual frustration (from whatever potential hookups Stephen was going to drive away tonight, and, okay, maybe a little from Stephen himself). The landscape shifted a bit when he discovered that it was a karaoke bar.
Getting Stephen on stage to half-sing, half-shout "Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue" was child's play, and kept him out of the way while Jon found a guy at the bar with an arrestingly charming smile. He got the guy's name (Brian) and occupation (roller-skating waiter, but with volunteer firefighting on the side), and nothing at all about his opinion re: President Bush's relative greatestness. Jon's senses were a little rusty here, but he thought there might actually be chemistry.
Kristen and Larry loudly demanded an encore, leading Stephen to belt out "American Child" without noticing that Brian had made it back to their table, and was not only holding his own against Jon's habitual snark but returning in kind. Sam enticed Stephen into a duet of the national anthem, accompanied by Olivia's beatboxing; Jon tried on Brian's glasses and teased him about his socks. So far, so good. Then Wyatt challenged Stephen to a rap-off, and made the mistake of queuing up the Black Eyed Peas. Stephen ran sobbing from the stage, though at least he fled straight for the bathrooms without stopping to interrupt the feeling-up Jon was getting.
Loath as he was to disconnect from Brian's lips, once the would-be rap champion was back at their table, Jon dialed the making out down to cuddling long enough to say, "Really, Wyatt? I could've told you that would happen if you confronted Stephen with lyrics about having junk in your trunk."
"Nah, I'm pretty sure that wasn't it," said Wyatt, reclaiming his cherry margarita. "He snapped pretty much the second after Brian said whatever it was that made you grin the way you normally only do at, like, kittens stuck in tissue boxes."
Jon cringed, guilt probably mapped all over his face. Brian squeezed his shoulder. "Maybe you should go check on your friend."
"Yeah," said Jon, without much enthusiasm. "You, uh, you'll stick around while I do damage control?"
"No, I don't think so," said Brian calmly. Before Jon's hopes could crash, he continued: "I haven't gotten a chance to sing all night. Any requests?"
"Ooh, this one's a keeper!" exclaimed Kristen, slapping Jon on the back. To Brian she added, "If you're doing Springsteen when he gets back, he'll probably be doing you on the cab ride home. And by that second 'doing', I mean--"
"Brian, my friends are all wonderful people and you should never ever listen to them," said Jon, standing up. "I'll be right back."
Title: Heartless
Rating: G
Cast: Jon, "Stephen"
Prompt: lyrics fromkshandra, "It takes the truth to fool me / And now you've made me angry"
"What do you think you're doing?"
"I--"
"This is cruel, you understand? Heartless, and cruel, and mean, and awful, and heartless, and--"
"You know you said 'heartless' twice?"
"That's because you have twice as much of no heart!"
"Stephen, that doesn't even make -- listen, I'm sorry, I didn't know you would--"
"Just tell me why, Jon! Why would you do this to me? Is it some kind of sick joke?"
"Wha...?"
"Publicity stunt? Are there photographers hiding in the bushes? Or is the Gay Mafia trying to send me a message? You tell Rocky I'll get him his money, I swear, just give me a few more days!"
"Wait, you owe who money?"
"That's not important! Look, Jon, you're my friend and I tolerate you, so I'll give you one chance to turn this around. Just tell me why you did it, and I'll accept your apology."
"Stephen...I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you. That's all."
"...And here I thought my tolerance meant something to you."
punditfic and fakenews_fanfic.Blanket Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.
Title: Terms & Conditioner
Rating: R
Cast: "Stephen"/Jon
Prompt: from
politicette, "Jon and Stephen exploring kinks of Jon's that Stephen doesn't necessarily share."This was not how things were supposed to go.
"What?" protested Jon, flinching under his boyfriend's judgmental glare. "You've asked for things that are so much kinkier! I would've thought you'd be happy I'm finally getting into the spirit."
"This is nothing like that." Stephen clutched at both sides of his head, eyes wide and shot through with horror. "Your kink might mess up my hair."
They worked it out eventually. Jon got to pull out just before the end of the blowjob and drape opalescent stripes across Stephen's face and chest, as long as Stephen got to put on a shower cap first.
Title: Next Monday Through Thursday, A.D.
Series: TCR/MST3K
Rating: G
Cast: Jon, "Stephen", Dr. Forrester, TV's Frank
Prompt: "Take the last fictional series you watched/read/listened to, and write or draw a crossover."
"I don't understand it, Frank," wailed Dr. Forrester, tearing at his (already precariously uneven) hair. "This is the most soul-sucking footage we could find! It's worse than Monster A-Go-Go and Santa Claus Conquers The Martians put together! How are they not bleeding from the ears?"
Frank shrugged. "Beats me." He peered at the monitor, where Jon's brain waves were holding steady at "mild despair tempered by amusement," then jolted up to "healthy with a side of adoration" as Stephen T. Colbot made a particularly snarky quip. "It's almost as if they came to us already desensitized."
"Well, it's not fair!" snapped Forrester. "What are the odds we'd kidnap the one person on Earth who's been successfully inoculated against C-SPAN?"
Title: And The Colbert's Red Glare
Rating: G
Cast: Jon/BriWi, unrequited Jon/"Stephen", correspondents
Prompt: "explosions." (Some kind of young-adult AU.)
Jon showed up at the bar steeling his nerves for another night of friendly connection (from, this time around, Sam, Larry, Stephen, Kristen, Wyatt, and Olivia) mixed with sexual frustration (from whatever potential hookups Stephen was going to drive away tonight, and, okay, maybe a little from Stephen himself). The landscape shifted a bit when he discovered that it was a karaoke bar.
Getting Stephen on stage to half-sing, half-shout "Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue" was child's play, and kept him out of the way while Jon found a guy at the bar with an arrestingly charming smile. He got the guy's name (Brian) and occupation (roller-skating waiter, but with volunteer firefighting on the side), and nothing at all about his opinion re: President Bush's relative greatestness. Jon's senses were a little rusty here, but he thought there might actually be chemistry.
Kristen and Larry loudly demanded an encore, leading Stephen to belt out "American Child" without noticing that Brian had made it back to their table, and was not only holding his own against Jon's habitual snark but returning in kind. Sam enticed Stephen into a duet of the national anthem, accompanied by Olivia's beatboxing; Jon tried on Brian's glasses and teased him about his socks. So far, so good. Then Wyatt challenged Stephen to a rap-off, and made the mistake of queuing up the Black Eyed Peas. Stephen ran sobbing from the stage, though at least he fled straight for the bathrooms without stopping to interrupt the feeling-up Jon was getting.
Loath as he was to disconnect from Brian's lips, once the would-be rap champion was back at their table, Jon dialed the making out down to cuddling long enough to say, "Really, Wyatt? I could've told you that would happen if you confronted Stephen with lyrics about having junk in your trunk."
"Nah, I'm pretty sure that wasn't it," said Wyatt, reclaiming his cherry margarita. "He snapped pretty much the second after Brian said whatever it was that made you grin the way you normally only do at, like, kittens stuck in tissue boxes."
Jon cringed, guilt probably mapped all over his face. Brian squeezed his shoulder. "Maybe you should go check on your friend."
"Yeah," said Jon, without much enthusiasm. "You, uh, you'll stick around while I do damage control?"
"No, I don't think so," said Brian calmly. Before Jon's hopes could crash, he continued: "I haven't gotten a chance to sing all night. Any requests?"
"Ooh, this one's a keeper!" exclaimed Kristen, slapping Jon on the back. To Brian she added, "If you're doing Springsteen when he gets back, he'll probably be doing you on the cab ride home. And by that second 'doing', I mean--"
"Brian, my friends are all wonderful people and you should never ever listen to them," said Jon, standing up. "I'll be right back."
Title: Heartless
Rating: G
Cast: Jon, "Stephen"
Prompt: lyrics from
kshandra, "It takes the truth to fool me / And now you've made me angry""What do you think you're doing?"
"I--"
"This is cruel, you understand? Heartless, and cruel, and mean, and awful, and heartless, and--"
"You know you said 'heartless' twice?"
"That's because you have twice as much of no heart!"
"Stephen, that doesn't even make -- listen, I'm sorry, I didn't know you would--"
"Just tell me why, Jon! Why would you do this to me? Is it some kind of sick joke?"
"Wha...?"
"Publicity stunt? Are there photographers hiding in the bushes? Or is the Gay Mafia trying to send me a message? You tell Rocky I'll get him his money, I swear, just give me a few more days!"
"Wait, you owe who money?"
"That's not important! Look, Jon, you're my friend and I tolerate you, so I'll give you one chance to turn this around. Just tell me why you did it, and I'll accept your apology."
"Stephen...I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you. That's all."
"...And here I thought my tolerance meant something to you."
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"Stephen" is such a princess, ILH. :333
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I still <3 the Jon/BriWi fic so much.
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(I'll have you know Stephen is crushed that you would <3 his pain. Crushed.)
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