Erin Ptah (![[personal profile]](http://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ptahrrific) wrote2012-06-04 23:28
ptahrrific) wrote2012-06-04 23:28
Entry tags:
- genre: comedy,
- genre: crack,
- genre: drama,
- genre: fluff,
- meme,
- pairing: charlene & "stephen",
- pairing: doctor & jack,
- pairing: jon & "stephen",
- pairing: jon/"stephen",
- pairing: olivia/kristen,
- pairing: yomiko/nenene,
- series: doctor who,
- series: fake news,
- series: read or die,
- ~fake news drabbles & ficlets
Alternate Universe Meme
Give me a character or pairing and I will write snippets of ten different alternate universes for it. One line, ten lines, a ficlet if you're lucky.
01. Wild West
02. Cyberpunk
03. Shapeshifters
04. Pirates
05. …In SPACE!!
06. Born Another Gender
07. Schoolfic
08. Police/Firefighters
09. Urban Fantasy
10. Harem
Fandoms I'm up for writing: fake news, Hellsing, Doctor Who, Madoka Magica, Sailor Moon, But I'm A Cat Person, Read or Die, Tek Jansen. (Feel free to suggest an alternate for "IN SPACE" if you ask for a character who's canonically there!)
FILLS
Doctor Who
+Ten Doctors, Ten AUs (Teaspoon | AO3) (Jack, One through Ten, Ace, Romana, Rose | PG)
+What This AU Needs Is More Nitro-9 (Teaspoon | AO3) (Ace, Seven | G)
Fake News
+Ten Wyatt&Jessica AUs (Wyatt, Jessica | PG)
+It's What Lincoln Would Have AU'd (Jon, "Stephen", the Wørd, Charlene, Neil, Kilborn, Oprah | through R)
+Ten Olivia/Kristen AUs (Olivia/Kristen, Jon, "Stephen", correspondents | through PG-13)
Note: all three fakenews harem AUs are part of the same continuity.
Read Or Die
+AUs From Beyond The Ceiling (AO3) (Nenene/Yomiko, Maggie, Michelle, Anita, Junior, Nancy | through PG)
01. Wild West
02. Cyberpunk
03. Shapeshifters
04. Pirates
05. …In SPACE!!
06. Born Another Gender
07. Schoolfic
08. Police/Firefighters
09. Urban Fantasy
10. Harem
Fandoms I'm up for writing: fake news, Hellsing, Doctor Who, Madoka Magica, Sailor Moon, But I'm A Cat Person, Read or Die, Tek Jansen. (Feel free to suggest an alternate for "IN SPACE" if you ask for a character who's canonically there!)
FILLS
Doctor Who
+Ten Doctors, Ten AUs (Teaspoon | AO3) (Jack, One through Ten, Ace, Romana, Rose | PG)
+What This AU Needs Is More Nitro-9 (Teaspoon | AO3) (Ace, Seven | G)
Fake News
+Ten Wyatt&Jessica AUs (Wyatt, Jessica | PG)
+It's What Lincoln Would Have AU'd (Jon, "Stephen", the Wørd, Charlene, Neil, Kilborn, Oprah | through R)
+Ten Olivia/Kristen AUs (Olivia/Kristen, Jon, "Stephen", correspondents | through PG-13)
Note: all three fakenews harem AUs are part of the same continuity.
Read Or Die
+AUs From Beyond The Ceiling (AO3) (Nenene/Yomiko, Maggie, Michelle, Anita, Junior, Nancy | through PG)
no subject
Ten Olivia/Kristen AUs (1-5)
01. Wild West
(Warning for 1870's racism.)
Olivia makes honest money, but that doesn't mean every store will take it. Folks talk free white labor and got to discourage the coolies, and pretend not to notice her when she bangs on their counters.
Kristen buys things on her behalf sometimes. She's tempted to throw in a little extra, but if Olivia ever caught wind of the price difference it'd hurt her pride something fierce.
02. Cyberpunk
The OLIVIA unit (Operational Lifeform Intended for Violence and Immediate Assassination, one of the scary ones) lies sprawled on the floor of the studio a meter and a half away from Jon's desk, where Kristen tasered it into quiescence seconds before it took the host's head off with one swift kick.
Jon is safely behind the yellow police tape, wrapped in a shock blanket and talking with some officers, while two other hackers stand over Kristen and watch her rearrange the wires under the OLIVIA's back panel. Officially they're there to supervise on behalf of the digital authorities; in practice they're there to stand back and hope they learn something from this.
It's a matter of minutes to change the unit's wireless frequencies, after which she can rewrite the code using her smartphone. By now even thumb-typing doesn't slow her down. The firewalls are hacked; the data copied in bulk to be examined for evidence later; the murderous personality templates wiped. There's a whole swath of free hard drive real estate waiting to be filled with anything she can torrent.
"Hey, Jon!" calls Kristen across the set. (The inspector talking to him looks annoyed, but tolerates the interruption.) "You want to start rectifying your lack of female correspondents?"
"Are you suggesting I hire the android that tried to kill me?"
"War on women!" yells Kristen.
"It doesn't even have a gender! It's a robot!"
"War on artificial lifeforms!"
"Fine!" cries Jon. "Give it a funny personality and I'll give it an interview! But if it doesn't make me laugh, it doesn't get hired!"
Kristen grins and fires up her web browser. This is going to be epic.
03. Shapeshifters
"Oh. My. God."
This is it. The pack warned her it would probably happen, but she, like an idiot, decided to go and take the chance. And now Olivia's freaking out. Well, of COURSE she's freaking out! Who wouldn't?
"You. Are. Adorable."
Wait. What?
Olivia scoots closer until they're almost nose-to-muzzle, searching Kristen's eyes. "Yep, totally still blue! The rumors are true! Can I rub your ears? Or is that, like, offensive? I'm sorry, they're just so cute."
"You can rub whatever you want," says Kristen, and then realizes maybe that didn't come out right.
If Olivia notices, she saves the teasing for later. For now she squeals like an eight-year-old with a pony and buries her hands in the fur of Kristen's head and neck.
In spite of herself, Kristen's tail starts bobbing.
04. Pirates
(Olivia here is inspired by Ching Shih. Attempted non-con, death, gory stuff.)
Katrien has always had some trouble with petticoats, but when one of the pirates shoves her into a different compartment of the twenty-gun junk from the rest of the people and items hauled off her doomed ship, she doesn't mind having a couple dozen extra layers of clothing. The man is ranting in Chinese, of which she knows maybe fifty words, but she has a hunch this can be roughly translated as "what stupid Dutch fashion designer decided to give people all these skirts?"
She kicks and flails (which would be more effective if her shoes hadn't already gone missing) and yells at him ("war on women" probably doesn't translate, but "stop" and a plethora of expletives have got to be making it across the language barrier), which seems to be temporarily working until his fist catches her in the temple and everything goes swimmy.
She's on her back on what feel like sacks of rice, rough burlap over grain...there are hands on her thighs, only one layer of cloth separating them from her bare skin, and then the cloth separating under the touch of a blade...
...and the blade goes wild, slicing shallowly through flesh before getting muffled in her skirts, as the guy is yanked back.
Her vision must be worse off than she thought. His head seems to be going in a different direction from his body.
A sharp Chinese command is snapped out in a higher voice, and shadowy figures begin to drag the body away. Their commander resolves into a slim figure, face painted and hair tied tightly back, in an outfit that seems oddly feminine (granted, most of her people's clothes read that way to Katrien, but still).
And sure enough, in the hand not holding a curved blade, she's carrying the would-be rapist's severed head by its tight plait of hair. His face has gone slack; there's blood dripping from the neck.
"Ugh," says Katrien eloquently. "Thanks. I hope."
The woman (another pirate?) snaps something at her now, in flat tones that grate on her still-ringing ears. She tries to remember how to say 'sorry, don't speak it' in Chinese, but all that's coming up is numbers and the names of various rice dishes.
And then the woman switches to what sounds like badly accented French.
"Huh?" says Katrien. Her leg stings like burning; a trickle of blood runs down it. "No..non, parlez pas français...you speak Dutch?" The woman stares, blank; no surprise there. She tries again. "English?"
"English!" echoes the stranger. "You speak?" When Katrien nods, the woman sheathes her sword and holds up her hand. "How many fingers?"
"Three." She repeats it in Chinese, for good measure.
The woman grins and offers the hand to Katrien. "Good! Very good. You come now."
She's about to take it when something wet plops out of the still-dripping neck and lands on the floorboards next to the woman's boots. Katrien flinches away.
"You no afraid," the woman orders her. "Him fool. No good on ship of soongleehwah."
"Ship of...what?"
She taps her chest. "Sun Li-hua. Captain. Me."
Oh. Well.
"Katrien Schaal," sais Katrien to the woman, pirate, commander of a fleet, and takes her hand.
05. ...In SPACE!!
When Kristen gets behind the controls of a Viper, she wraps her hand around the firing mechanism, opens her eyes until the whites show all around, and cackles like a genocidal madowman.
Up on the bridge, Olivia shivers and hopes nobody notices how much it turns her on.
Re: Ten Olivia/Kristen AUs (1-5)
but
FUCK
YOU WROTE OLIVIA AS CHING SHIH
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE OLIVIA
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE CHING SHIH
I CAN'T EVEN
I CAN'T EVEN
*falls off the bed*
*falls out the window*
*falls off the surface of the earth*
*falls into the sun*
Re: Ten Olivia/Kristen AUs (1-5)
Ten Olivia/Kristen AUs (6-10)
Kristen doesn't laugh, or disbelieve, or break out any of the creepy radfem sentiments he had spent a couple of anxiety attacks being convinced she would reveal.
She just purses her full lips and says, "So do you want us to start calling you Oliver now? Because that could get pretty confusing around here, but I'm sure we could try."
07. Schoolfic
Olivia spends weeks resisting. She'd just as soon go in a T-shirt and jeans. It'll be awkward if she does something wrong, if she stands out more than they will already. Something something oppressive patriarchal standards of beauty something. (Words like that usually get Kristen's agreement; the order doesn't always matter.)
Finally Kristen says, "Look, I'm going to wear a stupidly fancy dress, first because I want to, and second as a giant screw-you to all the people who think I don't look good enough to rock a stupidly fancy dress. And if I were you, I would wear whatever says the giantest screw-you to the people who deserve it, whether that's a princess-type ball gown or an Iron Man T-shirt."
When they stroll into prom, Olivia's wearing a gathered royal-blue gown worthy of Disney, with flawless makeup and jewelry that sets off her eyes. Kristen's in emerald-green with black gloves and a gaudy feather-strewn handheld eye mask.
Granted, most of the stares are probably because they're holding hands, but somehow Olivia spends the whole night believing that she looks good.
08. Police/Firefighters
The purse-snatcher is about five steps from the entrance to the subway station when Kristen lands in front of him.
"I don't think you want to do that," says Olivia cheerfully. "In fact, I'm thinking you can't wait to give that back. Normally I'm not a great psychic, but I have a good feeling about this one."
Kristen just grins. Her lips slowly unfurl back over dagger teeth.
The guy's eyes roll back in his head, and he keels over onto the cobblestones.
"I'll get the purse, you haul this guy to the station?" says Olivia. As she slides down off her partner's neck, Kristen nods.
Keeping crime down is a lot easier when you have a were-dragon on the force.
09. Urban Fantasy
Okay, Kristen's got this one. It's textbook. Deals and wishes lead to unthinkable awful fates, and conversation is the only thing known to lead to deals and wishes, so when it comes to the Fae, you don't talk. At all.
Of course, that leaves her standing awkwardly in the lobby of her building while the woman with glowing skin battles the mailbox next to hers.
The glow is pretty subtle. You wouldn't notice if you weren't paying attention, although that could be totally innocent, obviously, since Kristen's a Hunter and trained to be super-observant and all; it's not like you'd have to be checking her out. Anyway, the faerie also has blue-black hair that's lifting slightly, like she's not bound by the same laws of gravity, or maybe just has really fantastic volumizing shampoo. And she probably knows half a dozen different unlocking spells, but since you're not allowed to use magic in the building outside your own rooms, she just keeps stabbing the key at different parts of the mailbox panel like she thinks it has a hidden catch somewhere.
Finally Kristen's inherent niceness gets the better of her common sense. "Here," she says, stepping around the faerie's shopping bags (junk food and designer clothes, respectively), "let me help you with that."
"Hm?" says the faerie. She has freckles (also glowing), and eyes that are practically golden (but otherwise normal).
"You just push the key in here." Kristen guides the metal up over the nameplate (Olivia Munn, also normal, surprisingly so) and eases it into the keyhole. "Gently now. Then twist until it clicks, and pull."
The front of the mailbox pops open, revealing a bill, a credit card offer, two adverts, and an issue of SkyMall.
Olivia lights up. "Thanks!" she exclaims, flashing white teeth as she scoops up the papers. "Can't get the hang of this mortal stuff, it's so embarrassing. I owe you one."
Great. That's it. Kristen has just sealed her own doom.
It's probably the fae-glamour talking, but she's not entirely convinced it wasn't worth it.
10. Harem
(Again with the 'verse explored above.)
In a marbled chamber with pillow-strewn floors, Jon and his concubines sit in a circle of velvety-red oversized beanbag chairs. Stephen, as usual when too many others are in Jon's vicinity, is draped possessively across the man's lap, while the others are loosely grouped in a way that would dissolve under a casual gaze: Wyatt and Jessica, Sam and Jason, Kristen and Olivia, John, Aasif.
"So here's the problem," says Jon, passing around the bowl of grapes. "O'Reilly is visiting tomorrow. And O'Reilly has heard...Rumors."
The capital letter rustles around the room. Olivia slips her hand into Kristen's and squeezes.
"Nothing definite, and I can probably brush off anything he says at the Council as grudgebaiting." He ruffles Stephen's hair. "But it would be nice if we had battle plans. Just in case."
+++
"So these are your people?" says O'Reilly, looking around from his plush seat at the gauze-clad bodies enjoying the cushions around him. Stephen is kneeling by his side with the fruit-and-cheese platter and the wine ready for pouring; Olivia by Jon's, with an identical setup. Everyone else is out in the sprawl. "Nice bunch."
"You flatter me, sir." Jon rests a hand on the crown of Olivia's head, ostensibly to be possessive and dickish, in reality to remind her not to throttle the man. (Or Jon, for that matter. She trusts him — heck, even Sam trusts him, and she's been here since before Jon made his turnaround — but that doesn't mean it doesn't grate.)
"No, I mean it! I mean," and O'Reilly pats Stephen's head, "this one's seen better days, but your cupbearer there, she's, she's a real cute one. You keeping 'em all busy?"
It's a perfect opening, and Kristen takes it. "Not at all," she declares, popping up from behind Jon's couch and leaning forward. With exaggerated gestures she rubs Jon's shoulders; her breasts squish into high circles against the back of his head. "He is so neglectful sometimes, aren't you? In a harem this size, two or three times a night is just not enough to go around!"
"Well, uh, I, um...." Jon isn't entirely faking. "...Sorry?"
Kristen pinches his cheeks. "Not good enough!" She releases him, to everyone's relief except possibly O'Reilly's, and strolls over to where Olivia's still kneeling in wait. "It's gotten so bad, we've had no choice but to turn to...each other."
She pulls Olivia's head against her, and lets the expositing die away in favor of heavy breathing.
Olivia closes her eyes and lets her mouth fall open as she nuzzles between Kristen's legs. Her bottom lip drags across the satiny fabric; she can smell Kristen through the perfume, can just feel the contours of the warmer folds underneath. "Yeah, it's awful," she mumbles. "Absolutely awful. Unf."
Kristen waits a long and delicious moment before hauling her upward — Olivia gets her face dragged right through Kristen's cleavage and manages to get in a good lick before their mouths are on a level. Kristen's hands caress her bare arms; Olivia wraps them around Kristen's ample waist and kisses her deeply. There's a string of bangles slung around Kristen's hips, and when Olivia grinds their pelvises together she learns that one of them is placed just right....
"Ladies!" exclaims Jon. "If I promise to take both of you to my room tonight, will you quit interrupting our meeting?"
"No, please," puts in O'Reilly, trying to sound professionally detached and failing. "Don't stop on my account."
+++
"Well, I think it's clear who stole the show today...."
"Me, right?" says Stephen hopefully.
Jon squeezes his hand. "You were good too, babe."
Olivia and Kristen get a round of applause. Jessica hugs them both. Jason goes for the same, a sly leer on his face; Sam gently yanks him back.
"And I wasn't kidding about you getting my room tonight," Jon adds. When the joy in the room vanishes behind wary shields, he hastens to add, "Not with me in it! No, of course not. I'll be in one of the guest rooms. With, uh, I don't know if anyone wants to call tonight, but I was hoping...."
"I've got an idea," interrupts Olivia. Her arm is around Kristen's shoulders and vice versa, like they've been welded there. "How about you and Stephen cuddle in one of the spare bedrooms in our wing?"
Jon shuffles from foot to foot. "You do realize, that if that story gets out, I will be in even bigger trouble than I was before the not-sexing-the-concubines-enough rumor got squashed...."
Kristen shrugs, lightly jostling Olivia's arm but not losing it. Never losing it. "Then I guess you better keep us all happy enough not to spread it around, huh?"
Jon's gaze skips around the circle, face to face to face. Then he rubs the back of his neck. "I guess I better."
Re: Ten Olivia/Kristen AUs (6-10)
The entire team draped with gauze? Over their naked skin?
I would pay to see that. ;D
And the image of a Olivia - dressed like that - kneeling at Jon's feet, pretending to be subservient = very sexy.
She trusts him — heck, even Sam trusts him, and she's been here since before Jon made his turnaround — but that doesn't mean it doesn't grate.
Oooh! So much delicious backstory here. Was Olivia forced to go into service? When did Jon stop coercing his concubines into sex? Why did Sam begin to trust him? So much angst!
Kristen's hands caress her bare arms; Olivia wraps them around Kristen's ample waist and kisses her deeply.
This whole scene was HOT! Kristen sure can put on a show.
Olivia and Kristen get a round of applause. Jessica hugs them both. Jason goes for the same, a sly leer on his face; Sam gently yanks him back.
"And I wasn't kidding about you getting my room tonight," Jon adds. When the joy in the room vanishes behind wary shields, he hastens to add, "Not with me in it! No, of course not. I'll be in one of the guest rooms. With, uh, I don't know if anyone wants to call tonight, but I was hoping...."
The dynamics here are interesting. Sam and Jason are obviously a couple and have some degree of monogamy. Everyone, including Jon, takes for granted that he has no right to sleep with Kristin and Olivia, and he's passively waiting for someone to step up and claim him for the night.
I don't get why Olivia wants him to sleep in the Concubine wing? And why she assumes he and Stephen will only cuddle? :)
"Then I guess you better keep us all happy enough not to spread it around, huh?"
Jon's gaze skips around the circle, face to face to face. Then he rubs the back of his neck. "I guess I better."
This shifting of power is interesting. Outside of the home, Jon has the upper-hand, legally and socially, but his concubines hold increasing power over him behind closed doors.
Uhm, write more? If nothing else, I hope some delicious fanart comes out of this universe! :D
Re: Ten Olivia/Kristen AUs (6-10)
There's more to the outfits than just gauze! Gauze is an integral part of the design, that's all :3
I'm not sure what caused Jon's turnaround -- if there was any particular event involved, or if his own self-loathing at going along with the system reached a point where he couldn't live with himself if he didn't at least try to change things, no matter what the risk.
Sam and Stephen are the only two concubines remaining from before the change, and Stephen's trust in Jon is only loosely fact-based, so Olivia doesn't consider it a reliable source XD
I'm assuming Sam's view changed after Jon took some substantial risk to protect some of the harem members.
Even after giving up his bedroom, it wouldn't be much of a sacrifice for Jon to sleep in one of the equally cushy guest rooms. Sleeping in the same kind of rooms as the concubines shows more of a willingness to treat himself no differently from them. (Even if only for the night, it's still a good symbolic gesture.)
Olivia assumes they will definitely cuddle. That doesn't preclude them doing anything else :3
If RL calms down any time soon, there just might be some fanart coming out of this AU. Prompts -- for art as well as fic -- are also welcome!
Re: Ten Olivia/Kristen AUs (6-10)
Yes, the angst and h/c potential both. Can you truely trust, like, love someone who owns you, even if it's only on paper?
Plus it would have a lot of real world implications. Sam and Jason wouldn't be able to have children, neither of the concubines could marry, or travel without Jon.
Good idea about Sam.
Sleeping in the same kind of rooms as the concubines shows more of a willingness to treat himself no differently from them.
Ah, I see. That's very clever! :) The concubine rooms are fairly comfortable, I hope.
If RL calms down any time soon, there just might be some fanart coming out of this AU. Prompts -- for art as well as fic -- are also welcome!
I hope RL calms down for you soon. You could draw a group portrait of all the correspondents in their harem outfits. Maybe you could be the painter who gets contracted to paint their portrait every year. ;)
Hmm, fic. Id!ficcy:
Sam, as the head concubine is in charge of punishing the others if they break the rules. Olivia does, is punished in a creative way, and Kristin comforts her.
Jon and Stephen start dating for real: moonlight strolls, dancing, little gifts. All is well until Jon's guilt over owning his boyfriend affects his performance in the bed room.
Actual exposition:
Jessica spends a lot of her first month trying to get to know her fellow concubines. She uses bribes, alcohol, and plain old gossiping to get the goods on each person in the household, including Jon, and gains great insight into how the harem functions. Plus some good stories and new friends.
Okay, I shall mull this over and if I come up with any more interesting, I'll get back to you.