Erin Ptah (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ptahrrific) wrote2009-05-22 08:35 am
ptahrrific) wrote2009-05-22 08:35 am
Entry tags:
Fake News: Peachy Keen
Title: Peachy Keen
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon, "Stephen", cats
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.
For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
anais_rhys, who wanted "tiny babies and/or furry animals." (I went with kittens.) Sequel to Anchor's Pet.
Peachy Keen
(Week 1)
"Ohthey'resocute," gushed Stephen, hovering over the box.
In spite of their best efforts, no one at the studio had ever managed to catch Margaret. Her kittens were a different story.
"Look at his widdle ears!" cooed Stephen, running a finger along the fuzzy orange back. He could have covered the whole kitten (flopped as it was along the curve of a soft pink blanket) with the palm of his hand. "Can I have one, Jon? Please?"
Jon still wasn't sure how he had gotten in charge of adopting out the litter, but he was doing his best to do it right. "We're keeping them together for now," he replied. "Besides, we want to hang on to them until we can ensure that they get spayed and neutered."
"You know, you're contributing to the deballsification of America," said Stephen sternly.
Jon hid a smile behind his fist. "You'll just have to work extra hard to counter it."
--
(Week 2)
"What's the camera for?"
"Taking over the world, Jon."
Jon blinked. "I'm sorry, I don't..."
"It's simple, Jon," said Stephen firmly. "I will take videos of the kittens being adorable, and use them to draw traffic to the Colbert Nation website. Once we have enough cute cat footage, we will crush YouTube, which will in turn destroy Google, which will then surrender its position as ruler of the world to the Nation."
Jon shushed him. "I think it's going to have to wait until another day. They're asleep right now."
"That's perfect!" declared Stephen in a whisper, planting himself by the box. "There is nothing more watchable than a sleeping kitten!"
--
(Week 4)
"Jon! The little monster bit me!"
"Let me see." Jon took Stephen's outstretched hand and examined the fingertips. "It's barely a scratch! You're not even bleeding."
"It's vicious," declared Stephen, glowering down at the orange kitten, which was now peering up over the edge of the (new, bigger) box while its littermates frolicked inside.
"She's playing," Jon corrected him. "You don't like cat rules, don't play cat games."
Stephen pouted. "I don't think I want one any more."
--
(Week 6)
The kittens were taking over the studio.
They scurried down the halls and played in the break rooms. After one got accidentally shut in a bathroom overnight, everyone started pitching in to round them up when necessary. None had wandered onto the set in the middle of a taping, but Jon was sure it was only a matter of time.
Stephen left his glasses on the arm of the office couch for a moment during lunch, then discovered the orange kitten, now big enough to make two overflowing handfuls, chewing on the earpiece.
"You've got balls," he admitted grudgingly, as the kitten gave him a good round of tug-of-war. "Lady-balls. Lady-cat-balls. Meowgaret Thatchers."
"She's the only one who hasn't been claimed," remarked Jon.
At last Stephen got his glasses free of the little paws. Deprived of its toy, the kitten began clambering with determined curiosity over his legs.
--
(Week 9)
"Catbert?"
"Hm?"
"I'm working on names, Jon. How about Colb-cat? Colbitten?"
"Taken, awkward, and probably a bad omen."
Stephen held the newly fixed orange kitten to his chest. She purred like an engine and rubbed her head against his tie.
"You could always call her Peach, or something," remarked Jon. "She's about the right color."
Stephen lit up like the sun breaking through the clouds. "It's perfect!" he exclaimed. "I know there was a reason I kept you around."
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon, "Stephen", cats
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.
For
anais_rhys, who wanted "tiny babies and/or furry animals." (I went with kittens.) Sequel to Anchor's Pet.Peachy Keen
(Week 1)
"Ohthey'resocute," gushed Stephen, hovering over the box.
In spite of their best efforts, no one at the studio had ever managed to catch Margaret. Her kittens were a different story.
"Look at his widdle ears!" cooed Stephen, running a finger along the fuzzy orange back. He could have covered the whole kitten (flopped as it was along the curve of a soft pink blanket) with the palm of his hand. "Can I have one, Jon? Please?"
Jon still wasn't sure how he had gotten in charge of adopting out the litter, but he was doing his best to do it right. "We're keeping them together for now," he replied. "Besides, we want to hang on to them until we can ensure that they get spayed and neutered."
"You know, you're contributing to the deballsification of America," said Stephen sternly.
Jon hid a smile behind his fist. "You'll just have to work extra hard to counter it."
--
(Week 2)
"What's the camera for?"
"Taking over the world, Jon."
Jon blinked. "I'm sorry, I don't..."
"It's simple, Jon," said Stephen firmly. "I will take videos of the kittens being adorable, and use them to draw traffic to the Colbert Nation website. Once we have enough cute cat footage, we will crush YouTube, which will in turn destroy Google, which will then surrender its position as ruler of the world to the Nation."
Jon shushed him. "I think it's going to have to wait until another day. They're asleep right now."
"That's perfect!" declared Stephen in a whisper, planting himself by the box. "There is nothing more watchable than a sleeping kitten!"
--
(Week 4)
"Jon! The little monster bit me!"
"Let me see." Jon took Stephen's outstretched hand and examined the fingertips. "It's barely a scratch! You're not even bleeding."
"It's vicious," declared Stephen, glowering down at the orange kitten, which was now peering up over the edge of the (new, bigger) box while its littermates frolicked inside.
"She's playing," Jon corrected him. "You don't like cat rules, don't play cat games."
Stephen pouted. "I don't think I want one any more."
--
(Week 6)
The kittens were taking over the studio.
They scurried down the halls and played in the break rooms. After one got accidentally shut in a bathroom overnight, everyone started pitching in to round them up when necessary. None had wandered onto the set in the middle of a taping, but Jon was sure it was only a matter of time.
Stephen left his glasses on the arm of the office couch for a moment during lunch, then discovered the orange kitten, now big enough to make two overflowing handfuls, chewing on the earpiece.
"You've got balls," he admitted grudgingly, as the kitten gave him a good round of tug-of-war. "Lady-balls. Lady-cat-balls. Meowgaret Thatchers."
"She's the only one who hasn't been claimed," remarked Jon.
At last Stephen got his glasses free of the little paws. Deprived of its toy, the kitten began clambering with determined curiosity over his legs.
--
(Week 9)
"Catbert?"
"Hm?"
"I'm working on names, Jon. How about Colb-cat? Colbitten?"
"Taken, awkward, and probably a bad omen."
Stephen held the newly fixed orange kitten to his chest. She purred like an engine and rubbed her head against his tie.
"You could always call her Peach, or something," remarked Jon. "She's about the right color."
Stephen lit up like the sun breaking through the clouds. "It's perfect!" he exclaimed. "I know there was a reason I kept you around."
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&hearts
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I love the idea of wittle kitties taking over the studio! And I'm sure Stephen will spoil Peach just like he does Gipper. (I'm presuming the two animals will get along. I've read it's the combination of older cats and younger dogs that tend not to-- as shown by my own pets.)
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Jon and Stephen need to have adorable kittens on their shows more, because as evident in this fic, the combination is squeeworthy beyond measure.
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dammit, this is making me need to write that scene where feline!Jon gets mad at feline!Stephen for letting the staff get hold of a video of Jon purring in his sleep - and for sneaking into his office while he was napping, and for rubbing his ears like that instead of just waking him up . . .
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The only possible thing more adorable than a sleeping kitten is a gushing Stephen cooing over the little fuzzballs ^_^
The dialogue is marvelous, just the right touches of snarky humor amidst the warm-fuzzies: "You've got balls," he admitted grudgingly, as the kitten gave him a good round of tug-of-war. "Lady-balls. Lady-cat-balls. Meowgaret Thatchers." XDDDD I think I want that engraved on something... Also, sounds like she will be a good match for Muffins ;-)
Stephen held the newly fixed orange kitten to his chest. She purred like an engine and rubbed her head against his tie.
"You could always call her Peach, or something," remarked Jon. "She's about the right color."
Stephen lit up like the sun breaking through the clouds. "It's perfect!" he exclaimed. "I know there was a reason I kept you around."
The darling darling boys ::sighs:: <3