Hellsing/Sailor Moon: "The woman with two hearts! Blessed are the pure"

Title: The woman with two hearts! Blessed are the pure
Fandom: Hellsing, Sailor Moon
Genre: Comedy, light drama
Words: ~2700
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: Hellsing is the creation of Kōta Hirano. Sailor Moon is likewise the creation of Naoko Takeuchi. I make references to other shows; they're not mine either. Characters used without permission - but with love (and, more importantly from a legal standpoint, without profit).

Notes: Hellsing/Sailor Moon crossover as part of hellsingreviews's 100th-review celebration. Takes place during the SMS series of the anime.

( 'That's the person I just met for the first time today that I've never seen before this episode!' exclaimed a distressed Usagi. 'We can't let it get her!' )

Glossary:
Gomen nasai = I'm very sorry (Gomen = Sorry)
Daijoubu desu ka? = Are you all right?
Arigato = Thank you
Ai to seigi no, sailor bishoujo senshi, Sailor Moon! Tsuki ni kawatte, oshioki yo! = For love and justice, I'm the pretty suited sailor soldier Sailor Moon! In the name of the moon, I'll punish you!
Portuu-chan is of course the Flench equivalent of "porte" (door). (Flench = Japanese-mangled French, just as Engrish = Japanese-mispronounced English)
And of course, last names and first names get switched (thus Takagi Yumiko).
Henshin yo, minna-chan! = Transform, everybody!
Sailor Senshi is, obviously, Sailor Soldiers.
Tuxedo Kamen = Tuxedo Mask
Tougen battou jai ryuu! Ama zan! = Island-plain drawn sword style: Heaven Mountain (see Cross Fire #2)

And, of course, the Italian:
Beati quelli che hanno il cuore puro, perché vedranno Dio = Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.