Fake News: The Thing With Feathers, Chapter 6

[ptahrrific]

Title: The Thing With Feathers, Chapter 6
Fandom: The Daily Show/The Colbert Report
Rating: PG (drugs, cursing)
Words: ~2500
Disclaimer: Two.

For the Report characters: They and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and of course Viacom. Not mine. Sue me not, please.

And for the real people, the poem:
Please, make no mistake:
these people aren't fake,
but what's said here is no more than fiction.
It only was writ
because we like their wit
and wisecracks, and pull-squints, and diction.
We don't mean to quibble,
but this can't be libel;
it's never implied to be real.
No disrespect's meant;
if you disapprove, then,
the back button's right up there. Deal.

Notes: If you're not familiar with the legend of Urashima Taro, Wikipedia can help you out. You may also want to refresh yourself on 1 Corinthians 13:13.

For the full table of contents, click here.

The Thing With Feathers
Chapter 6


(here.)


"Let me get one of those," said Jon, grabbing a pillow before it tumbled from the heap of miscellaneous bedding in Allison's arms and fell back down the stairs. Eric was walking alongside her, his arms also full but at least not overflowing.

"Thanks," said the writer. "You didn't leave him alone, did you?"

"It'll be fine," replied Eric. "I swear, it's some sort of joke."

They had clearly been having this argument before Jon arrived, but seemed happy to go through it again. "No way would Stephen go this far for a joke," protested Allison. "No matter how good it was."

"He's always said he would give up any status for a joke. And look at the things he's done on television -- stripped, faked drug addiction, pretended to be related to Hitler..."

"Completely different. He's letting go of his family, pulling us away from ours. It doesn't matter of how ridiculous he'll make himself; he wouldn't put other people through that sort of thing without their consent. If this were a game he would have stopped before we actually agreed to stay here all night."

"He'll have a reason. He's got to have a reason."

"Not if he isn't in control of this."

"What, you think he's lost his mind?"

"I didn't say that! Maybe something happened and he couldn't find any way to handle it except retreating into his character. Or, yes, it could be some kind of condition. I don't know; I'm not a doctor. But something's wrong."

"All of that sounds good, except for the fact that Stephen is about the most stable, well-adjusted person I know."

"I agree! But it doesn't matter. These things can happen to anyone. I don't want to believe it either, but that doesn't mean it isn't true."

"Jon, what do you think?"

"Who, me?"

"Yes, you," repeated Eric. "You know him better than we do."

"You're the ones who write him," said Jon absently.

"Uh, Jon?" said Allison after a moment. "We write the character. He isn't real."

"I know, I know. I don't know why I said that." Jon paused. "Except..."

"Except what?" prompted Eric.

"Listen, when you two write Stephen -- the character, I mean -- he's gay, right?"

The other two exchanged puzzled looks over their respective armfuls of bedding. "Pretty much," said Allison, at the same time as Eric said, "It's not important in every episode, but yeah."

"Do you write him as attracted to anyone in particular, or just men in general?"

"He's got a thing for Matthew McConaughey," offered Allison.

"And we did that bit with 'not being gay' for Paul Dinello's character," added Eric.

"We've mentioned a couple of other hot celebrities, too. There's a running joke about Soledad O'Brien..."

"Bill O'Reilly. After O'Reilly said that line that was great out of context."

"Oh, that was disgusting."

"It was. I can't believe he went with it."

"But it was too good to pass up."

"It really was."

"I think that's it," finished Allison. "Why do you ask?"

Now that he'd brought it up, there was no getting out of it. "He, ah," said Jon quietly as they turned a corner, "well, once we were alone in the office, he kind of, um, jumped me."

Allison promptly walked into a wall, and Eric into Allison.

Sleeping bags fell askew, pillows went tumbling; for a moment all three were occupied just gathering everything up again. At last Eric said, "See, that fits! You guys have done plenty of gay innuendo gags!"

"Was this a gag?" asked Allison pointedly.

Jon didn't hesitate. "No."

There was an uncomfortable silence. Allison broke it. "As his character," she said slowly, "he gets away with all kinds of things -- arrogance, insults, demands -- because he can pretend it isn't him. Maybe..."

"He's not pretending," interrupted Jon. "He's not kidding around, and I don't think this is just a crossed wire in his head, either. I told him, when we were planning this show and he was worried about the character being a jerk, I said, 'Wear it lightly.' He's not wearing it lightly. He's not wearing it at all. He is the character. This is the poorly-informed high-status egotistical blowhard, in the flesh."

There was another silence. They didn't know how to respond to that idea.

Fair enough. Neither did Jon.

"It makes as much sense as any other theory," he continued. "Occam's Razor. If it fits all the facts, no matter how improbable..."

"No," replied Eric, "Occam's Razor says to start by eliminating the impossible. And that's imp--"

He broke off. They had reached Stephen's office, and it was empty.


---------------------
---------------------
(there.)


"Run that by me one more time," said Jon.

Stephen tried again. Having tried to explain it three different ways, he had at least figured out how to be succinct by now. "I'm an actor. A comedian. In my world, the Report is a parody of shows like O'Reilly's, and I play a parody of O'Reilly himself. He's pretty much an improv stock character -- the well-intentioned, poorly-informed, high-status idiot. I satirize conservative views by using the character to take them to ridiculous extremes. But it's all fictional. His history is partly based on mine, but a lot of it is fictionalized, based on his personality and whatever would be funniest at the time."

He waved around to indicate the room, the house, the world in general. "From my perspective, none of this has any existence except for comedic purposes."

"I can ... sort of understand the satire part," said Jon slowly. "There are times when I wonder how anyone takes you--"

"Him," corrected Stephen.

"--him, then, seriously. But what's funny about, say, sexually harassing your employees?"

"It's more parody. It satirizes the O'Reilly case, and it underlines the self-centered, oblivious, obnoxious qualities of my character."

Jon's expression soured. "Why would you go that far for the sake of a joke?"

"Well, I don't actually harass anyone! We just make reference to it, and occasionally I do a bit on-air with some leering or groping, but it's all with other actors, all scripted. I wouldn't actually -- I would never -- we're not that invested in realism. I didn't actually taser Eric, either."

"Who's Eric?"

"Bobby. Eric's one of my writers, the people who help come up with the character's jokes, and he plays Bobby."

"Who plays me?" asked Jon curiously.

"Um, you do. Sort of. You -- that is, my Jon -- plays a version of himself, adapted, again, based on what's funny at the time."

Jon snorted. "My life is not a scripted comedy. If it were, I'd have a lot more witty banter."

"It's not your life, no. It's just your appearances on The Daily Show. And the tosses, and the Report every once in a while. Like I said, you -- he -- he's mostly playing himself."

"But you're playing a completely different person? Or mostly different? All the differences done to be funny?"

"That's right."

"You didn't find it funny when you got here," said Jon softly.

Stephen winced, looking briefly towards the stairs that led to the empty bedrooms.

"It isn't supposed to be real," he said at last. "If you woke up one day and found yourself in the life of the fourth male lead from Death to Smoochy, you probably wouldn't laugh much either."

Jon considered this, then shuddered.

At least that made sense to him.

"I don't know how it happened," continued Stephen. "I think I've been here since I woke up this evening, so maybe something happened while I was asleep, but I don't know what, and I don't know why. I..." His voice caught. "I just want to go home, and I don't know how. I don't even know if I can go home. Maybe I'm stuck in a version of the Urashima Taro legend, and if I come back from the other world after a day I'll find out that hundreds of years have passed. I don't know if I could cope with that. I don't know what to do."

He sagged, head dropping, catching his forehead in his good hand and leaning heavily against it, feeling the weight of the thought that he might never see his family again, or, and he didn't know which was worse, that he might come back to find his kids grown and Jon and his wife long gone...

Jon's hand, this Jon's hand, rested tentatively on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't know either. I don't have any ideas. But I'll help you try to figure this out. I'll do anything I can. When the show's over, I'll come straight back and find you, and we'll deal with this together. I'm here for you."

Stephen's head shot up. "Oh, God, the shows! They actually broadcast live at eleven for you, don't they? Have I made you miss rehearsal?"

"Yes, but it's just news, it's reading from the prompter, I'll survive. But you..."

Stephen took a deep breath. "Our shows tape in the afternoon, except for the occasional special live event. I've done today's material a couple of times already. I can do it again."

"Are you sure about this?"

"I'm not going to sabotage your universe, or alternate reality, or whatever this is. I don't belong here, but with everything you've done for me, the least I can do is not screw it up for you."

"I ... that's very good of you, but I mean, are you sure you can be my -- I mean, the Stephen I know? You're so different from him..."

Stephen sat up straight, arching his eyebrows, pouring status and authority into his voice: "Just the kind of weak-willed liberal naysaying I would expect from a member of the mainstream media."

Jon reeled, shock and fear and wild hope flashing through his eyes.

The persona fell away in an instant. "Oh, no -- I'm so sorry, Jon, I should have warned you -- that was me, just me, acting -- I told you, I act, I pretend to be him for a living." Jon's breath was rapid, shaky. "God, Jon, I'm sorry. It wasn't him. He's not back. It was me."

The other man nodded, forcing his breathing to slow. "I knew," he said at last. "You told me you acted -- and you're not my Stephen, my Stephen wouldn't drop references to Japanese fairy tales in conversation, I knew -- but seeing it like that, I hoped, just for a second -- I wasn't prepared, that's all."

"I'm sorry," said Stephen again. Jon nodded.

"We should go," he said softly. "It's a long drive back."

"Yeah, you're right." Stephen got to his feet. "Just ... give me a few minutes, okay? There's something I need to do."


---------------------
---------------------
(here.)


After dumping the bedding at the office door and conducting a brief but frantic search, they emerged onto the set to find Stephen at his desk. "Who's there?" he shouted as they appeared.

"Stephen, it's us," called Jon.

Stephen was fairly coiled in his seat, hunched, defensive, eyes wide; he took in the three people at the door, then some sound caught his attention and he whipped around to focus on a corner of the ceiling.

"Bobby," he called shakily, "are those real?"

Jon followed his gaze, but saw nothing particularly exciting.

"Are what real?" called Eric.

"The bats!"

"Maybe you're right," murmured Eric to Allison.

"No, hang on!" she replied, shaking her head. "We did this on the show today, remember?"

With one ear to the conversation behind him, Jon answered the question. "There aren't any bats there, Stephen."

"Okay. No bats. Got it." With that, he began rifling through the props hidden behind the C-shaped desk, muttering to himself. At last he let out a delighted cry and held up an orange bottle. "Here you are!"

"He isn't..." began Jon in disbelief.

"Haven't you caught the show this past week? It's a prop -- we've got this running story arc where the character's addicted to painkillers," explained Allison. "The bottle's full of sugar pills."

Stephen, meanwhile, swallowed two of the fakes whole and smiled. "That's the stuff," he said, half to himself.

"Even if he thinks he's the character, he shouldn't be having real, physical withdrawal symptoms," Allison was saying.

"It could be -- what's the word -- psychosomatic. If the fakes are easing the symptoms, then that proves it's all in his head," suggested Eric.

"No." Jon shook his head. "The withdrawal's real. The cure is all placebo effect, and, unless either of you have actual Malaysian pain medication on-hand, that's all we've got, so don't tell him it's candy, understood?"

Capping the bottle, Stephen began to relax; when he focused on his visitors again, it was no longer fearful, but still suspicious. "Hey!" he called. "Are you real?"

"Yes!" replied Jon firmly.

But you're not.


---------------------
---------------------
(there.)


It was gaudy and flashy and expensive, the kind of rosary you would buy if you wanted to show off the fact that you had one; but it was still a rosary, and it was still in the drawer where Stephen kept his own, so he found it quickly.

He didn't have time to meditate on all of the mysteries; he rarely had time for that these days anyway. But he knelt by the other Stephen's bed, closed his eyes, made the sign of the cross, and said the Apostles' Creed on the other Stephen's crucifix, the Our Father on the first large bead, the Hail Mary once for each of the three small ones.

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee..."

Lord, give me faith...

"Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus..."

Lord, give me hope...

"Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death..."

Lord, give me charity...

"...Amen."

Faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of these is love.

But God, if you're still here, if you exist in this place, please, I could really use some hope right now.

And then he felt -- something.

He never could explain it to his satisfaction. The best he could manage was to say that it was like the brush of soft feathers against his cheek, except without the feathers, or the brushing. ("Then how was it anything like...?" "I don't know. It just was.")

When he opened his eyes, there was nothing and nobody to be seen.

Hope.

Stephen skipped to the final prayer, then crossed himself one last time before laying the beads on his character's pillow. He switched off the light as he walked out.

Comments

[imoldfashioned.livejournal.com]

This continues to be so strong, so well written. You've really nailed the characters and I can't wait to see how this progresses--what happens, how they get back--if they get back. I like your use of Stephen's faith too. The part beginning with "He never could explain it..." is beautiful. Interesting that character!Stephen has a rosary as well (perfect that it's gaudy). I like the humor here too with Alison and Eric. I really look forward to new chapters of this.

[ptahrrific]

I've always wished there were more stories that involved the characters' faith, especially Stephen's, as more than a way to rachet up angst over the gay. Stephen sees no clash between homosexuality and his beliefs, and his faith is very real and very present in the rest of his life.

"Stephen" clings to the structure of his faith, so of course he would have all the trappings, including a nice flashy rosary. (Like so many things about him, his faith is very rigid and therefore very fragile.)

This is the first chapter that foreshadows just how weird things are going to get. Stick around.

[violent-rabbit.livejournal.com]

*bites nails*


I like how Jon wasnt completly freaked out and rational. It was good to see "Stephen" not more traumatised.

And "Jon"'s little flash of hope! BREAKS MY HEART IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY.


May I say, I have been compusivley refreshing the page all day waiting for this. :D

[ptahrrific]

Hmmm. You may not like the next chapter.

"Jon" is a dear.

I never get these up until after TCR is finished, which should save you some clicks =)

And thank you!

[nacchi-camui.livejournal.com]

Yay for Japanese tale reference !

I was so waiting for Jon to ask the writers about "Stephen"'s gayness, haha. That part was pretty funny and interesting at the same time, with them trusting Stephen so much they can't believe he'd go crazy...and that let them with such an improbable option, poor guys.
For a second I thought you were going to use Sherlock Holmes' "when you have excluded the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth"...

"Hey!" he called. "Are you real?"
"Yes!" replied Jon firmly.
But you're not.
Ouch. :(
I feel bad, I'm way more worried about "Stephen" than Stephen, actually (and I sense it's really not going to get better in the next chapter, with Jon convinced he's not real).
And the praying part was just beautiful.

Can't wait for the next chapter (as usual) !

[ptahrrific]

It's lucky that they went to the improbable option, because it's the true one. (And I definitely had the Holmes line in mind.)

I sense it's really not going to get better in the next chapter, with Jon convinced he's not real.

Oooooh. Gold star for you.

Like I said to imoldfashioned, I really wish writers would make broader use of Stephen's faith.

Thank you!

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for showing us Stephen's religious side, in such a natural, wonderful way! One of the things I love about him is how he is who he is, and still a devout Catholic. I'm not religious myself, but when I see - for want of a better word - sane religious people, it gives me so much hope for the world. And Stephen is so much saner than anyone I know.

This story remains awesome.

[ptahrrific]

I know exactly what you mean about sane religious people.

Thank you!

[unabstruse.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've commented yet (sorry)- but this is great :) I agree with many of the above in that I like you bringing in faith as a more complex part of the story. And to ask a nosey question (please feel free to ignore!); are you Catholic? I'm just curious if you bring this focus on faith in from personal experience, or if you are approaching it from an outsider's pov. Again, if this is too personal, please ignore :)

The emotions you've written are so delicately portrayed; they are felt deeply, but it's more nuanced that straight up angst. Wonderful.

You definitely deserve a WristStrong bracelet or two :) Thanks for writing!

[ptahrrific]

I'm not Catholic. I was raised Protestant, but right now I don't have any particular faith, nor do I feel the lack of it as something missing in my life.

My use of Stephen's Catholicism comes from things said in interviews (with him and with friends of his), supplemented by my understanding of my dad's faith (he has a lot of similarities with Stephen: smart, funny, geeky, teaches Sunday school).

Thank you for finally commenting; it's great to hear from you =)

[gaiafaye.livejournal.com]

Surely none of "Stephen's" staff or audience will be confused when ""Stephen"" breaks into laughter at an odd moment of right-wing ranting. Though perhaps the urgency of not screwing with an alternate dimension will prevent that.

Still, I keep thinking how "Stephen's" audience has to be way loonier than Stephen's. And that's pretty loony.

[ptahrrific]

I don't think he had any notable character breaks during the original episode; and you're right, he's in a very serious situation. Cracking up is not one of the things he'll have to worry about.

I would be just a little bit afraid of character!Stephen's audience. They're a Colbert Nation that doesn't think of itself as a parody.

[alivemagdolene.livejournal.com]

This gets better and better. As a Dickinson geek fan I was wondering when the poem would come up. And as a mythology geek fan, I was bouncy over the Urashima Taro reference! That's the Colbert (uh, Colbert, not "Colbert") we know and love (at least one of them), the mythology geek fan who referenced "The Judgment of Paris" on his show (I keeled over in a fog of geek bliss/ had a nerdgasm when that aired).

And Stephen explaining to "Jon" about his existence?

*!much delighted flailing!*

And flinging in my two coins (like in the Biblical story? That was always my favorite) about the faith reference, as a (relatively, at least on the subject of my faith) sane person of faith (just not Christianity) raised by a sane person of faith (which happened to be Catholicism, but as I reassure everyone, that's not the reason I converted, I have nothing but respect for real Christians), it's always nice to see that portrayed. ^_^

ADDENDUM: ...pretended to be related to Hitler...

*Christopher Lowell-level squealing*

I might very well love that sketch best of all Stephen's TDS bits. Not only for the obvious Jon/Stephen interaction, but the exquisite quotability.

"It was dark, I was drunk, and it was delicious!"

[ptahrrific]

Yep, the first meaning of "the thing with feathers" has made its way into the text. More are forthcoming.

the mythology geek fan who referenced "The Judgment of Paris" on his show (I keeled over in a fog of geek bliss/ had a nerdgasm when that aired).

Oh. OH. Um. Mguh. I went all flaily at that bit too -- which is why -- well, I can't say anything specific yet -- but oh my various Gods, you are going to love chapter thirteen. Don't ask what that means. I will say nothing more.

I'm glad you liked the use of Stephen's faith, too. As I've said in above comments (among many, many other things), I wish it came up more.

[belmanoir.livejournal.com]

eeee! love! i love all the parts with "jon"---how he freaks out when stephen goes in character, and also how he seems to feel a bit resentful that stephen made "stephen" such an asshole to him all these years just for a joke!

[ptahrrific]

Thank you! "Jon" is a dear.

He doesn't actually think that his existence was created by Stephen -- even though Stephen is somewhat under that impression. He just thinks that Stephen does the things "Stephen" does, except that Stephen thinks they're funny.

There shall be much more rumination between those two in coming chapters, too =)

[stellar-dust.livejournal.com]

Yay, a longer chapter! ;D

I love the religion aspect, and the way you described it - and I'm very curious about how the metaphorical "feathers" are going to play into getting everyone home, and determining how they got displaced to start with. Stephen's faith, sane religious people, all that stuff in the other comments up there = yes.

Yay! Bats! (I wonder if Stephen's going to do live the same pill crazyness that he did at the taping earlier? Hmm!) Also, yay Allison and Eric and Jon realizing who "Stephen" is! I was afraid they'd get farther in the story before they figured it out, but I guess the smoochies took care of that. (;

The flash of hope in "Jon's" eyes, and "But you're not [real]" - ouch.

I love both of your Stephen characterizations! Oh so much. The image of "Stephen" crouched in the chair is adorable!

... I'm still having trouble with the Jons, though. It almost feels like each of them is half a person, which is interesting in light of the way you've described writing them. I want to shake "Jon" and tell him to grow a spine, and laugh a little - and Jon I want to smack and tell him to show some compassion and not to treat "Stephen" like a joke! (Maybe they'll merge into a mega-Jon and take over the world!)

I'm starting to see hints in this chapter, though, that as this story goes on they'll both get more developed and complete - the way "Jon" is completely disarmed and so open with Stephen (and why it hurt all the more when Stephen put on the character, because oh, what if it's been "Stephen" all along and they could really be this way together), and how Jon knows instinctively that it's "Stephen" and knows exactly what he needs to feel almost safe. It's as though each Stephen is forcing each Jon to discover a bit of the other Jon in himself, just as (I expect?) "Stephen" is going to have to learn to relax and let go a little, both to survive in our world and then to handle a "Jon" who's been changed by Stephen ---

Okay, I think I've talked myself out of having trouble with the Jons, by viewing both of them as intentionally-incomplete-characters-in-the-story (and wow am I looking forward to that development), but now I'm seeing Stephen-without-quotes as the only sane, whole person in the foursome, and that lacks symmetry! *stamps foot*

Hmm. What can Stephen have to learn from "Jon", "Stephen" and their world that he doesn't already know? That he should take seriously the people who take his character seriously? But he already know that, doesn't he? That he's totally in love with Jon? That seems unlikely, the way the story's going so far. Hmm, I say again!

.. anyway, obviously, I am *loving* the meta, so thank you for writing this and making me think about it! :D

Rereading the last line before posting this comment, I wonder if the rest of the story will happen before anyone sleeps in "Stephen"'s bed, and when he finally gets back there in the epilogue he'll see the rosary on his pillow, and .. it will be adorable and heartbreaking. (Forgive me if that's a spoiler! HEEE.)

[ptahrrific]

Oh, the feathers. Layers of meaning. Keep watching for more.

I love your analysis of Jon and "Jon". The things you want to yell at them -- perfect. The hints you are seeing in this chapter -- delightful.

And it has led you to a brilliant insight about Stephen. He has things to learn. You'll see that in a couple of chapters.

I'm adoring the feedback on the meta; thank you for thinking so much about this!

[mira-8.livejournal.com]

Better and better!!!! :D Of COURSE my favorite line? "If you woke up one day and found yourself in the life of the fourth male lead from Death to Smoochy, you probably wouldn't laugh much either."

Hebrews 11:1

[ptahrrific]

Thank you!

Oh, wow, that's a beautiful verse. And so fitting. I'm using it as an epigraph one of these chapters.

[crackt3h2nd.livejournal.com]

That was better than usual. I loved the references to Urashima Taro because it was one of my favorite tales while growing up. The mere fact that you've gotten the 'reality is not what it seems' part so early to the story is good enough to me. With Jon understanding "Stephen's" situation and Stephen being completely considerate to "Jon's", I could imagine that the resolution would be more smoother in the future. Or not. Either way, I really do think that they were lovely to their best friend's counterparts.

I'm not Catholic, just Christian, but I have been in a Catholic school and sometimes we had to be in the gym with the others for their mass and I did not appreciate it. My principal there (whether intentionally or not) even insulted my religion, and a senior (same religion as I do) had to correct him. Didn't even say sorry. Instead, I'm pretty sure he said, "Same thing.".

If you would draw that scene in the very end with the angel bit, I would be very happy. Happier than I feel now, even.

[ptahrrific]

And here I was worried the references would be too obscure.

The relationships won't get smooth quite yet; there's still two-thirds of the story to get through, after all =)

So you're Protestant. I can see that being difficult in a Catholic school (but at least, since it's still Christian, there are more similarities than differences).

Who says it was an angel? ^_~

[beebee852001.livejournal.com]

I still think this is great :D Poor "Jon", I think he's so lovely. The two day breaks are quite frustrating ;) Can't wait for the next bit!

[ptahrrific]

Everybody loves "Jon" =3

Thank you!

[darkfaery1.livejournal.com]

It's already been said, but you're doing an amazing job with your characterizations. And Stephen praying...what else would a good Catholic boy do in a situation like this?

[ptahrrific]

Thank you ♥

I keep saying this to all the commenters, but I really did like being able to use Stephen's faith in a situation that wasn't "oh no gay angst".

[gaudy-night.livejournal.com]

I was wondering what 'the thing with feathers' referred to.

Boy, you're walking (quite expertly) this fine line between comedy and drama.

I'm torn between wanting more of (here. than (there.) and just enjoying how this entire piece plays out.

[ptahrrific]

It has a couple of layers of meaning, which go back and forth as the fic progresses =)

Hopefully the two places will balance out more as you go along. And thanks!

[acorn_squash]

Now that he'd brought it up, there was no getting out of it. "He, ah," said Jon quietly as they turned a corner, "well, once we were alone in the office, he kind of, um, jumped me."

Allison promptly walked into a wall, and Eric into Allison.

Sleeping bags fell askew, pillows went tumbling; for a moment all three were occupied just gathering everything up again. At last Eric said, "See, that fits! You guys have done plenty of gay innuendo gags!"

"Was this a gag?" asked Allison pointedly.

Jon didn't hesitate. "No.”

There was an uncomfortable silence. Allison broke it. "As his character," she said slowly, "he gets away with all kinds of things -- arrogance, insults, demands -- because he can pretend it isn't him. Maybe..."

"He's not pretending," interrupted Jon. "He's not kidding around, and I don't think this is just a crossed wire in his head, either. I told him, when we were planning this show and he was worried about the character being a jerk, I said, 'Wear it lightly.' He's not wearing it lightly. He's not wearing it at all. He is the character. This is the poorly-informed high-status egotistical blowhard, in the flesh."

I love that this was what finally proved that this isn’t the real Stephen — the way the character they had created was shining through.

The show must go on!

Stephen sat up straight, arching his eyebrows, pouring status and authority into his voice: "Just the kind of weak-willed liberal naysaying I would expect from a member of the mainstream media."

Jon reeled, shock and fear and wild hope flashing through his eyes.

The persona fell away in an instant. "Oh, no -- I'm so sorry, Jon, I should have warned you -- that was me, just me, acting -- I told you, I act, I pretend to be him for a living." Jon's breath was rapid, shaky. "God, Jon, I'm sorry. It wasn't him. He's not back. It was me."

The other man nodded, forcing his breathing to slow. "I knew," he said at last. "You told me you acted -- and you're not my Stephen, my Stephen wouldn't drop references to Japanese fairy tales in conversation, I knew -- but seeing it like that, I hoped, just for a second -- I wasn't prepared, that's all.”

Oh my god, this is heartbreaking.