ptahrrific | Fake News: Red String

Entry tags:

Fake News: Red String

Title: Red String
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: "Stephen", Jon/Tracey, families
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The fictional characters are fictional, not mine, and used with love, not profit.

An epilogue to Green & Gray. Just enough to tie up the loose ends.

Red String

"Jon! Jon, wake up. You have to wake up!"

He doesn't want to. It's comfortable, and he's sleepy. But that's Stephen's voice, and when Stephen wants something from Jon he usually gets it, so it'll save time to just give in now.

"'Sup?" he yawns, kneading the cobwebs from his eyes.

"It's dinnertime. And your wife worked very hard on those frozen pizzas out of a box, you'd better show some appreciation. Jon, come on!"

The armchair creaks in sympathy as Jon gets up. Stephen's nearly hopping with anxiety, and Jon realizes with a start that he's not alone: the kids are hiding behind his legs, Nate clutching a Captain America action figure, Maggie's eyes wider than ever behind her new glasses.

"It's okay, guys," he says, taking their hands. "Uncle Stephen sometimes gets nervous when he doesn't need to, remember? There's nothing to worry about. I'm fine."

♦

It's been six months since the sirens pulled up to the foot of the building while Stephen cried over a body twenty floors above. Five months since he was ruled not guilty by virtue of self-defense. Four months since Jon's kids stopped waking up in the middle of the night to check that their parents hadn't disappeared again.

Liam's sister got the apartment, and almost everything else. She has a standing order that keeps Stephen away from the gravesite. His own family hasn't been in touch, except to uninvite him from things.

The first time Jon and Tracey came up to the cabin was, he later confessed, the first time he had shaved in weeks. If it weren't for the drives into town to see his therapist, he's not sure he would have showered.

This time, he greets them at the door with a grin, sporting freshly combed hair and a new cable knit sweater. He brags about his new boat, laughs as he takes them out on the water.

And if he has to leave when the kids start carving jack-o-lanterns, to lock himself upstairs and have a good cry...well, he's not doing that every day any more. It's progress.

♦

Long after the kids have been put to bed, nobody's suggested that Stephen go back to his own cabin.

He's glad. It's warm and safe on the rug before the Stewarts' (real, working) fireplace, talking about the new project Tad's working on, the movies Steve wants him to be in, the guest post he made on a (heavily-moderated) political blog that drew so much traffic it crashed their servers. He doesn't use the phrase Colbert Bump, tarnished as it was by too many awful tabloid puns, but the principle still holds.

Eventually the conversation retreats to Jon and Tracey, and Stephen lets his eyes fall closed.

His own cabin has guardians stationed everywhere: the golden statuette on the mantel and a cave troll on his bureau, a plush Steagle Colbeagle on the piano and a plastic Lady Liberty on the bathroom sink. Here, he feels safe enough to only need one.

♦

Jon doesn't say: About once a day, no matter what I'm doing, I end up thinking about how the bastard died with my name stamped in his skull. Sometimes I don't catch it until someone asks me why I'm smiling.

Stephen doesn't say: I still love him. I can't forgive him, but I don't know how to stop loving him.

Tracey doesn't say: After everything else you two have gone through, it wouldn't make much sense to draw the line here. She thinks she would, if one or both of them came to her and asked permission to spend a night together; but they don't ask.

♦

When Jon nudges him awake, Tracey's already upstairs and the fire has burnt itself out. The pewter pendant on its length of red string slips from his cardigan when he sits up.

"Didn't know you were wearing that," says Jon mildly, brushing carpet scruff off his back.

"It's a Catholic thing." Stephen wraps his fist around the medal and lets Jon guide him up the stairs. "St. Andrew. He's, um, kind of the patron saint of BDSM."

"I'm guessing that's not official."

Stephen, who's still relearning how to be teased, winces. "I'd get rid of it if you told me to."

Jon stops at the door of the guest room and lifts the string over his head. Before Stephen can let go of the pendant, Jon winds the loop around his wrist and holds it in place. They're always going to be tied to each other, but not by debt. Never by debt.

"You don't owe me anything," he says. "Be who you are. Do what you love. Wear what you want. Just don't wear this guy to bed, because being a saint doesn't stop it from being a choking hazard, and I want you still here in the morning."

Jon and Stephen, encircled by loops of red string clasped in their hands.

Jon and Stephen, encircled by loops of red string clasped in their hands.

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I'm such a wuss, I love that you ended this piece with such hope.

And Jon walking around smiling like a badass? *pumps fist in the air* Yeah!!!

After taking almost everything else from Stephen, I had to leave him with something. And I wanted to call back to the conflict from the very beginning, showing that rejecting the abuse didn't mean he stopped being into BDSM (even if it'll take time for him to get comfortable with a partner again).

As for Jon, he's very conflicted about those smiles...but as long as he manages not to burden Stephen with them, I think he's entitled ^_^

This is so damn sweet. Stephen has lost his own family, but he's a part of the Stewart family. I also like that he is single and working on himself through therapy, without rushing into a new relationship.

I wonder how he fulfills his need for submission being single. Reading a lot of BDSM stories and submitting to God?

In his own cabin has guardians stationed everywhere: the golden statuette on the mantel and a cave troll on his bureau, a plush Steagle Colbeagle on the piano and a plastic Lady Liberty on the bathroom sink. Here, he feels safe enough to only need one.

I love how adorably geeky Stephen is. :-) Also, it's cool to see that as much as he loves being hurt he also craves protection from harm.

<3 Tracey!

I love how you write Tracey/Jon; I really ship them.

And the ending, Jon looping the string around Stephen's wrist, is that a play on BDSM on his part or just a friendly gesture?

I'm so happy you ended this series, and on such a hopeful note too.
Thank you.

Stephen's too much of a wreck to handle a normal BDSM relationship right now, let alone the discomfort and questioning that would come from everything with Liam being public knowledge. He'll work up to it.

He also has a hard time keeping his thoughts away from "it was my fault; I could have done something different that would have prevented everything; I'm a horrible person who doesn't deserve to have my needs fulfilled." When he's not struggling with that too much to deal with anything else, though, he definitely reads ~~fanfiction~~ BDSM stories. And he's starting to think about how to make those desires work with his faith, rather than against it.

"I ship Tracey/Jon" sounds redundant, somehow ^_^;

It's a comforting gesture. Any kind of physical contact is reassuring/grounding for Stephen (that's also why he's so touchy-feely with Jon when they appear together, even when they're supposedly fighting), and since he won't be able to feel the pendant around his neck, Jon makes sure it's secure around his hand. Jon's not domming Stephen, but it's because of the BDSM that he guessed Stephen would appreciate the gesture in the first place.

Heh, I'm happy I managed to end it too. Thanks for reading ^_^

Is it public knowledge that it was a BDSM relationship and not just a same sex relationship?

Well, I'm sure real!Jon is relieved that I approve of his relationship.

I hope Stephen manages to evolve into a healthy masochist one day, although the kind of partner that Jon described might be difficult to come by.

I'm in awe by your ability to write long and finish.

Ohhhh yes. There was a big messy public trial, full of lurid press speculation and scandalized gossip over every detail. Stephen got asked if the masochism didn't prove he was somehow unbalanced, and should be locked up for the sake of public safety; Jon got asked if he was involved in the BDSM, and through it had brought Liam's attack on himself; they both got grilled on how they felt about each other. It was basically Stephen's worst nightmare. (Except for the fact that he had supporters throughout, and still does.)

I've heard that there are more subs on the scene than doms, and it's obvious why people with an interest in being cruel or abusive might be attracted to the position, but the decent, caring doms are definitely out there. (Note to self: write that liberal!Stephen fic.)

♥

Oh that's awful. I hope the Nation stood by him. On the flip side, now he's "out" and might attract Doms. Or, you know, friends.

Yes, I've heard that too. It makes sense. To be a sub is basically to be the center of attention and you don't have to be in charges of scenes.

What liberal!Stephen fic? Spill! I have to be honest with you, I don't really see liberal!Stephen as that appealing a Dom. :-(

He's not safe and comforting, he's insecure, he's flaky and not very authorative. Plus he has troubles with commitment.

Speaking of BDSM, I wish Sara would write more D/s-verse. (It's so good!) And I wish that you'd write more of that D/s-verse fanfic of yours.

Well, the Nation in-'verse is watching for a man who seriously says things like "gay people shouldn't have driver's licenses." Stephen lost a lot of them. And it was the kind of dramatic story where he's going to be fending off rubberneckers for a while now. At least when the honest friends do come, he won't have to worry about them finding out anything worse.

For me the attraction of being a Dom is that you do get to be in charge of scenes ^_^; And I like the idea of having someone completely dependent on me (with the safety net that they can revert to being a self-sufficient adult if I screw up).

Heh, it's a fic about l!Stephen learning to be an appealing dom in the first place. Just as c!Stephen is a prickly control freak who secretly longs to be a sub, l!Stephen is a wishy-washy doormat who secretly longs to tie someone up and smack them around. So it's the process of him trying to learn skills like "giving orders without apologizing" and "sounding confident without adding a bunch of caveats" and "acting like he's entitled to something without having a complete liberal-guilt meltdown."

It's coming together slowly because there's not a whole lot of precedent to work from. Fics about subs are all over the map, but there's not a whole lot of fic about newbie doms, or doms who are at all insecure about their interests. I guess it ruins the fantasy-dom image that a lot of people are interested in writing about? And there's even less with subs who aren't really into the role but willing to indulge for their partner's sake; sometimes the dom is, but the sub's always either "totally into it" or "hates it, because this is a rape-fantasy fic". So in trying to write l!Stephen/Jon D/s, I'm pretty much flying blind. Here's hoping it works out somehow.

You'd have to talk to Sara about her D/sverse stuff (I'd love to see more of it too). As for that fanfic continuity...I don't have any more ideas for it ^_^; The muses, they are a fickle bunch.

Well hopefully many of them still love him so much so that when he says "gays are okay" they just follow him and think whatever he says is best.

For me the attraction of being a Dom is that you do get to be in charge of scenes ^_^; And I like the idea of having someone completely dependent on me (with the safety net that they can revert to being a self-sufficient adult if I screw up).

It's appealing sometimes, too. I'd worry that they wouldn't use their safe word even if they needed it.

I guess it ruins the fantasy-dom image that a lot of people are interested in writing about

Yes, I see your problem. We all want the dom to be perfectly attuned to the sub's needs and intuitive. I'm sure l!Stephen would be good at that by the way. Especially since he views Jon's submission as a gift. (Btw, I've known exactly one BDSM person in my life and he wrote every other LJ post about how grateful he was for his wife's gift of submission in going to the grocery store.)

And there's even less with subs who aren't really into the role but willing to indulge for their partner's sake; sometimes the dom is, but the sub's always either "totally into it" or "hates it, because this is a rape-fantasy fic"

Well, the problem, at least for me, is that unenthusiastic submission veers very close to rapey-ville. Especially if there is pain involved. Agreeing to be hurt when you don't like it is a really huge sacrifice.

That's one of the things I hatehatehate about Dan Savage; his insistance that you must accept aggresive and/or humiliating sex when you're dating a man.

Sara only seems to be writing original fic these days.

Awww, it's full of such possibilities! Stephen slowly getting over his fear of subbing and re-learning gender roles. Jon exploring his gender queerness. BriWi being really really hot.

His appearance on Letterman after Bin Laden was killed - Mmmmm!

Hear, hear.

L!Stephen would have that same kind of anxiety, definitely. Once he starts admitting he's into domming at all, he'll wind up overcompensating by trying to call off even vanilla sex if he doesn't think Jon looks happy enough.

The painful aspects of submission are definitely a high bar to clear (although that again makes it seem like there would be more doms than subs...and yet). But there are plenty of non-painful options to explore: light bondage, sensation play, little things like Stephen deciding what Jon wears and eats, or, you know, ordering him to go to the grocery store.

In fairness to Dan Savage, he's equal-opportunity. It doesn't matter the gender of the person; if they're hardwired to get off on degrading sex, he would still say it's part of the price of admission of dating them.

I'll put that 'verse up for grabs at the sandbox project; maybe someone will pick it up ^_^

...I have to admit, I frequently forget about the Sadomasochism aspect of BDSM. I tend to focus exclusively on the bondage and D/s aspects and forget that some people are actually in it for the pain.

Max, replying to your comment here because LJ is down (cries). Just wanted to tell you that I'm working on your prompt and it shall be done soon. Thank you for being patient.

*pets the boys...very very carefully*

Jon doesn't say: About once a day, no matter what I'm doing, I end up thinking about how the bastard died with my name stamped in his skull. Sometimes I don't catch it until someone asks me why I'm smiling.

Stephen doesn't say: I still love him. I can't forgive him, but I don't know how to stop loving him.

Tracey doesn't say: After everything else you two have gone through, it wouldn't make much sense to draw the line here. She thinks she would, if one or both of them came to her and asked permission to spend a night together; but they don't ask.

I love bits like this that really consist of entire stories on their own (and I envy/admire authors who can write concise bits of literature like that!)

It just occurred to me that Jon & Stephen's closing thoughts here remind me a lot of the way they each feel about KB at the end of Crush. Complicated to say the least.

And Tracey *hugs* She is a bit of a silent hero in this story. Part of me wanted her there during Stephen's rescue, but that probably wouldn't have done anything to curb Liam's violence and Jon would of course never allow/ask her to put herself in that kind of danger.

I also enjoy the way Tracey accepts and embraces (for lack of a better word) the intimacy of Jon & Stephen's relationship that includes sexuality even though they are not actually sexual with each other. I have grown an appreciation for celibate intimate relationships.

And of course, the final drawing is lovely <3

Had to keep those bits as short as possible, or they would have gotten out of control and turned into full-fledged stories, and completely bogged down the terseness of the denouement.

You can tell how much I imprinted on Crush, even after all these years ^_^; Different situation, different things to be conflicted over, but a similar sense that there isn't a simple easy way to feel, even though it sure sounds like there should be.

If nothing else, Tracey had to stay outside to keep the car running. They had no way of knowing it wouldn't be necessary. (Not that it'll stop her from feeling guilty about it afterward...even Jon probably has his moments of "if she had been there, maybe it would have gone better.")

the intimacy of Jon & Stephen's relationship that includes sexuality even though they are not actually sexual with each other

I like this way of putting it.

Glad you like, and thanks for reading =)

So I found this fic after reading your lovely transverse story (Sorry, I know how horrible I am with commenting) and I just wanted to add my praise for this verse. The whole subtle renegotiation of Stephen's rules was unsettling to read and I love how you constructed the story so it wasn't just black and white, and the reader could clearly see and empathise with Stephen as he was being pulled in deeper. Sorry, probably not explaining myself well but I would say the feeling evoked was similar to that I had when reading Animal Farm, with the slow change of the rules. The way the abusive seemed to gradually intensify as Stephen had less and less self worth felt very realistic, as did Jon's reaction.

I was sort of saddened by Stephen not being on the air in the end even though, once again, it was very realistic with the huge scandal and the composition of his audience. In my head I'm now adding a little coda, where he gets a new show and a lot of the nation still love him and send him eagle plush toys :)

Sorry that wasn't very clear, (Thus the ridiculous amount of edits I need before I post anything), but I loved the story and how you captured the complexities that would exist in such a relationship.

I hadn't even thought about it in terms of Animal Farm, but that kind of slow, long-term manipulation is exactly what I was going for. The goalposts keep shifting, slowly enough that you feel like you should be able to keep up, and have a hard time grasping how bad it looks from the outside.

Stephen will make his way back on-air eventually, when his self-esteem has rebuilt to the point that it won't shatter if some unscrupulous person tries to win an argument by bringing up the scandal. In the meantime, he can work up to it by filling some of his public speaking offers, and there's definitely a subset of his audience willing to send him eagle plush toys no matter what he's up to. (One of his few public statements so far has been that supporters should donate in his name to domestic violence shelters instead.)

Thanks for reading, and thanks for commenting! It wasn't an easy dynamic to write, so I'm glad you think it came out well ^_^

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Fake News: Red String

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