Fake News: A Modest Proposition

[ptahrrific]

Title: A Modest Proposition
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Swearing, violence against tables, past violence against people, rage, some blood.
Characters/pairings: Jon/liberal!"Stephen"
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Summary: Where "Stephen" is angry all the time but afraid to show other emotions, the liberal AU "Stephen" emotes like crazy but is afraid to express his anger. So he bottles it up and pretends he doesn't feel it at all.

Jon doesn't figure this out until the passing of Proposition 8.

(Warnings for anger, injury, and angst. Mirror on the AO3.)



A Modest Proposition


"Hi, Jon! Come on in!"

Jon did a double-take. He had come prepared for Stephen to be crushed, bringing organic apple muffins and a healthy sense of sympathetic anger. After all, Stephen never tried to hold back his tears, and for once Jon figured the man had a fantastic reason to be upset.

At the very least, there was absolutely no reason for him to be extra perky.

"You're not high, are you?" he asked uncertainly, as Stephen waved him inside.

"Unfortunately, no. But that could always change. Want to split a peace pipe with me?"

"I'll pass," said Jon, looking his friend up and down for signs of hidden distress.

Stephen looked about the way he usually did when the shows were on vacation, in designer pre-ripped jeans and a T-shirt with the logo of an alt-punk-rock band he didn't actually listen to. His hair was uncombed, his beard untrimmed, and he smelled faintly of tobacco, but that, too, was par for the course. If the man ever did let himself go, Jon wasn't sure he would be able to tell.

"Have you seen the news?" he continued, following Stephen through the beaded curtain into the parlor.

"Sure have," said Stephen cheerfully, sweeping a stack of poetry books (well-thumbed, but only because he had gotten them secondhand) and an ornate hookah off of the couch. "You heard about Sotomayor, right? She's going to be awesome on the court, isn't she?"

"She sounds very qualified, yes."

"She's Hispanic, Jon! And a woman! She doesn't need to be qualified!"

"That's...not how affirmative action works, Stephen."

To Jon's surprise, Stephen stopped fussing with things and looked up. Like he was actually taking what Jon said into consideration. "This is a thing, isn't it?" he said, brows furrowed. "Where it's trying not to be racist, but it actually is?"

"That's right," prompted Jon.

"Because...." Stephen stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Because Latinas are not interchangeable, and it doesn't respect her personal experience and hard work? Or because she's an individual, not a representative for everyone of her race? Or because it's exotifying to assume that being born Latina automatically imbues her with magical decision-rendering powers?"

"...I'm gonna have to say all of the above."

Stephen plopped down on the cleared couch, where Jon joined him. "You'd still rather have her than another old white guy, though, right?"

"Oh, absolutely."

"Great!" exclaimed Stephen, cuddling up against Jon's side. "Can I have a muffin now?"

"You're not getting a muffin just for figuring that stuff out, Stephen."

"Why did you bring them, then, if you weren't going to share?"

"I was! I just—" Remembering his original purpose, Jon leaned back to stare at Stephen in disbelief. "Did you even hear about the decision in California?"

"Oh, that," said Stephen. "I forgave them."

His tone was just a little too quick, a little too light.

"You know what would go great with these?" he continued, one arm snaking around Jon and grabbing the muffins. "Fresh, home-grown organic zucchini."

Caught off-guard, Jon could only stutter, "Uh, why zucchini?"

"It's the only thing I've figured out how to grow."




Stephen's disconcerting nonchalance never wavered as he knelt across the coffee table from Jon, laid out a couple of healthy-looking vegetables and a cutting board, and started chopping.

"Aren't you the least bit upset?" blurted Jon, when he couldn't stand it any longer.

"It's not that big a deal, Jon," said Stephen, placing one of the muffins in the center of a plate and arranging the slices from the first zucchini artfully around it.

"Not a big—? Stephen, they're denying you your civil rights. Your human rights."

"We'll get them eventually. The facts are on our side. If we just keep explaining them, calmly and rationally, then everyone will come around sooner or later. Factiness, remember?"

"But it isn't fair that you need to justify yourselves in the first place."

Stephen shrugged. "Life is unfair."

"How can you just brush it off like that?"

"Calm down, Jon! It could be so much worse. California still has domestic partnerships. That's way ahead of a lot of states. New York, for instance."

"That doesn't make California any righter. It just makes New York wrong too."

"And New York's better than plenty of other places," countered Stephen, though his voice was starting to fray. "Sure, America came pretty close to turning into a fascist dictatorship under the Bush regime, but at least being gay has stayed legal!"

"That's your standard? It's okay if they treat you like less than human; you're just lucky they don't put you in jail for it?"

"We are lucky, Jon! It's such a privilege that we're even able to argue over things like whether to call same-sex partnerships 'marriages' or 'civil unions'. You know there are countries where they would kill me for having a gay relationship at all, no matter what I called it?"

"Stephen — someone tried to kill you! You were out with your boyfriend, and some bastards with a tire iron—"

"You think I don't know that?"

Jon jumped backwards so violently that he slammed against the back of the couch. As he shouted, Stephen had stabbed the knife down at the tabletop, its tip biting deep into the wood.

"You want me to get mad about California?" he went on, in a tone no longer frayed so much as snapped. "You want me to be angry that we're only allowed to get married there if we call it something else? I can't! Because if I don't forgive that, then I won't be able to forgive the fact that every day I have is borrowed time, that if luck had been on their side we would have died, that he hasn't returned my calls since the trial but I can still hear the way he screamed as they hit him!" His fist clenched low on the handle of the upturned knife. "I have to let these things go, Jon! If I start getting angry about them, I will never be able to stop!"

He broke off, shoulders heaving, eyes ablaze.

Jon hardly dared breathe.




"I've scared you," whispered Stephen at last, as the fires died down.

Jon swallowed, mouth dry. "Little bit."

A thin trickle of red ran down the blade.

"Stephen, your hand...."

For a moment Stephen just stared at the fist, as if he had forgotten that it was a part of him. Then he unclenched it with a start, breath catching at the gash on the heel of his palm.

Frightened as Jon was, instinct kicked in. "Let's get you cleaned up," he murmured.




While Stephen washed the cut, Jon picked through the bathroom cabinets for gauze.

"You see why I can't get angry?" said Stephen as he switched off the faucet.

It was almost too quiet to hear. Jon stopped his rummaging to listen more closely.

"I mean," continued Stephen, in a strained imitation of levity, "can you imagine what the world would be like if I was that way all the time? I'd probably be pulling weapons on my audience on a regular basis."

He tried to laugh. It broke halfway through.

Jon held out his arms. He had long ago learned that he couldn't come running every time Stephen shed a tear, but there was nothing superficial about the sobs that racked the man now.

Stephen kept his distance.

"Have to forgive them," he choked, arms drawn up against his chest, hands clutched together like a prayer. "Have to just — turn the other cheek — why can't I—?"

"My God, Stephen — there's got to be some clause about not having to turn the other cheek after they break your jaw."

"Isn't! And even if there was — can't be mad all the time — no one would listen — scare people — be a bad role model — lose you—"

"I'm not going anywhere," said Jon fiercely.

The outburst had shaken him, yes. But if he was going to jump ship because Stephen's fury ran deeper than expected, then he had no business encouraging it in the first place.

Stephen looked desperately up at him, eyes red and puffy. "Jon — I stabbed a table."

There was a horror in his voice far out of proportion to the words. As though they carried the weight of all the more unspeakable things that rage might lead him to do.

Jon swallowed. "It's just a table. You didn't hurt me, Stephen. You're not going to turn into them. I won't let you."




A fresh sob hit Stephen as he finally accepted the embrace. At a loss for anything else to say, Jon rubbed soothing circles on Stephen's back, until the tears began to recede.

"'M sorry," mumbled Stephen at last, as he let go of his death grip on Jon's T-shirt.

"Take all the time you need."

"No, I mean...your shirt."

Jon followed his gaze. The still-unbandaged cut had left an angry red smear, standing out against the light grey fabric, though it was so much less than the blood that must have nearly vanished against the dark sidewalk.

"Forgive me?" pleaded Stephen faintly. As if Jon might be unpardonably wounded by a probably-washable stain on a cheap shirt.

Jon shook his head as he reached for the nearly-forgotten gauze. "There's nothing to forgive."

Comments

[rissaofthesaiya.livejournal.com]

It's like all the "Oh, Stephen" from the last month just turned up at once.

It's so fitting that this Stephen discovering his anger (and I agree that this is very, very justified anger) is just as disturbing and world-shaking as regular!Stephen trying to figure out his non-anger emotions.

reposted because I fail at HTML

[ptahrrific]

That's about the size of it, yep. (I suppose that means it would be healthier for me to post angst at regular intervals, instead of cutting myself off for a month...?)

I kind of love turning all the conservative!Stephen tropes inside out for liberal!Stephen. Where c!Stephen is angry all the time but afraid to be emotional, l!Stephen emotes like crazy but is afraid to be angry. While c!Stephen is a control freak, secretly wanting to let go but afraid the world will fall apart if he does, l!Stephen is learned helpless personified, wishing he could take some control but afraid he would ruin things - would hurt someone - if he tried.

♥

[stellar-dust.livejournal.com]

Agreed with rissaofthesaiya - you have once again, amazingly, created a liberal!Stephen who is exactly the same as conservative!Stephen.

Also: this was very cathartic to read. But ow, stephen!

[ptahrrific]

I take what is probably a slightly masochistic glee in using l!Stephen to skewer principles I am actually inclined to share. (Pacifism, white liberal guilt, the belief that everyone would come round to my point of view if I could just find the right way to calmly explain the facts...)

Had to seriously hurt him before he would actually push back, I'm afraid. It was cathartic to write, too.

[sarcasticsra]

Ditto what stellar_dust and rissaofthesaiya said. The references to things that regular!Stephen has done, too, were amazing. This whole 'verse is amazing, really. I love that this Stephen can believe the exact opposite of what regular!Stephen believes but still be, in essence, the exact same character, with many of the same issues. Incredible. :D

(Though it is a bit of a mindfuck to want to tell Stephen that it's okay to get angry, or to agree with his anger. Whoa.)

Reposted in the right spot. Oops.

[ptahrrific]

Oh, liberal!Stephen knows all too well what conservative!Stephen would be like. The whole core of l!Stephen's character is the fear of becoming c!Stephen. (Whereas a vast part of c!Stephen's character is the fear of being taken advantage of by people like c!Stephen - in other words, the fear of becoming like l!Stephen.)

You want something even more brain-breaking? This Stephen? Secretly a dom.

(He wants to give people orders, be in control, own someone; but he's too afraid that if he starts, he'll go too far and become abusive. The first night he tries it with Jon, he keeps pausing to fret: "Are you sure this is okay? Are you sure it doesn't hurt too much? You remember that you're allowed to stop me, right?" And he still ends up with a wicked case of top drop afterwards, even though Jon isn't so much as bruised.)

[sarcasticsra]

(OH MY GOD THAT IS PERFECT AND YET IT HURTS MY HEAD AND AHHHH SERIOUSLY HOW ARE YOU THIS AWESOME.

THIS NEEDS TO BE EXPLORED IN DEPTH AND OH MY GOD MAY I RUN WITH THIS? BECAUSE I JUST GOT KIND OF A BRAIN-BREAKINGLY META-Y IDEA AND I THINK YOU HAVE FINALLY BROKEN THE DAM ON MY WRITER'S BLOCK AND HOLY CRAP SERIOUSLY THERE ARE LIMITS TO AWESOME STOP HOGGING IT ALL.

I CANNOT STOP CAPSLOCKING WITH JOY OMG.)

[ptahrrific]

(Do I not keep saying that this (canon!!) AU needs more people playing in it?

RUN WITH IT! RUN LIKE THE WIND!

And don't even worry about matching my continuity. If there are lots of different fic continuities about c!Stephen, then surely l!Stephen can have the same.)

[sarcasticsra]

This is unrelated to my capslock-squee-related idea but is it too self-indulgent to want to write a Need series story set in the liberal!Stephen universe? This-Stephen-is-a-dom thing is TRIPPING ME OUT but it is awesome at the same time because it MAKES SO MUCH SENSE and oh my goddddd Jon-the-reluctant-sub would be moved by the same basic desire to see Stephen happy and fulfilled as Jon-the-reluctant-dom but the issues at play would be fascinating in reverse and ahhhhhhh.

JFC ERIN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE MY MIND IS GOING IN THIRTY DIRECTIONS.

[ptahrrific]

DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT--

*gasps for breath*

--DO IT DO IT DO IT.

Also, "the issues at play would be fascinating in reverse" is, like, this 'verse's whole reason for existing.

[sarcasticsra]

P.S. The line about l!Stephen's hair being uncombed and his beard untrimmed amused me a lot because I can just imagine him putting the same amount of time into making himself look as unkempt as possible as c!Stephen does into making himself look as perfectly-put-together as possible. He'd be looking at himself in the mirror for an hour, all, "No, no, it looks too combed!"

P.P.S. I'm writing what is probably the most stylistic thing I've written in at least three years thanks to you, and this is going to be a bitch to code. I would hate you if you weren't so awesome. *shakes fist ineffectually*

P.P.P.S. STOP HELPING THE BUNNIES ATTACK ME. I AM ON TO YOUR EVIL PLAN, WOMAN.

[ptahrrific]

Re: P.S.: Yes. Yes, he totally does.

Re: P.P.S.: Will the coding by any chance involve juxtaposing scenes with l!Stephen and the corresponding versions with c!Stephen?

Re: P.P.P.S.: STRIKE, MY FLUFFY MINIONS! STRIKE!

[sarcasticsra]

Re: P.S.: Eventually Jon calls him on this and Stephen rolls his eyes and tells him that he just doesn't understand. He has to look this way, really, Jon, don't you know anything? And it has to be perfect.

Re: P.P.S.: ...maybe. In a way. *looks around shiftily*

Re: P.P.P.S.: *HOLDS UP CARROTS* LOOK, BUNNIES! *THROWS THEM* OVER THERE! GO GET THE CARROTS! *RUNS AND HIDES*

[ptahrrific]

Son of Re: P.S.: Wait, no, I've got that wrong. He spends too little time on his appearance.

Like, he will concede to do the show in a suit, but at the hotel before the Emmys one year he came down to the limo in something that had clearly been slept in. And Jon was like, "...did you even shower?" To which Stephen went "STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME FIT INTO YOUR REPRESSIVE SOCIAL NORMS." And Jon had to send the limo on ahead and drag Stephen back upstairs, where he made sure he washed up and put on deodorant before they went out in public.

(And declined Stephen's invitation to join him in the stall. "We're going to be late as it is." "REPRESSIVE SOCIAL NORMS." "...just hurry up, Stephen.")

[scripted_sra]

But he's "Stephen", so this is all part of a carefully crafted image. You mentioned the shirt with the band he doesn't listen to--he's trying so hard not to conform that he's just conforming in the opposite direction, and so he spends as much time fretting that he's not looking enough like a hippie as much as c!"Stephen" spends fretting that he looks too much like a hippie.

That's my reasoning, anyway.

[melannen.livejournal.com]

Oh, Stephen.

..yeah, I think that says it.

I love that you're dealing with Stephen's anger. Of course it scares him just as much as *everything else* scares the other Stephen.

[ptahrrific]

Liberal!Stephen is just as afraid to start being angry as conservative!Stephen is to stop.

I love that you prompted me to write this 'verse. The more I write in it, the more I feel like I've just scratched the surface of its possibilities. I'm quite dizzy with anticipation. Or is it the wind?

[lavinialavender.livejournal.com]

Stephen looked desperately up at him, eyes red and puffy. "Jon — I stabbed a table."

There was a horror in his voice far out of proportion to the words. As though they carried the weight of all the more unspeakable things that rage might lead him to do.
So good - funny and deep.

[ptahrrific]

♥

[seagullsong.livejournal.com]

ZUCCHINI SCENE BREAKS. OR WHATEVER THEY'RE CALLED. THAT IS AMAZING.

Actually, I liked the Sotomayor conversation quite a bit. :) Also the beaded curtain...

[ptahrrific]

I don't even know. Separators?

I didn't plan on the Sotomayor conversation coming in, but then l!Stephen dropped that comment, and at this point in the continuity I want him to be getting called out on such things and trying to unpack them. So that had to be addressed before getting on to Prop 8.

And I have a lot of fun coming up with the decorations for l!Stephen's home and office :D

[sirdrakesheir.livejournal.com]

Oh my god. Out of all of this very hard stuff, it was the part about Stephen and his boyfriend that broke me the most. I just. Damn. That's rough.


I just want to hold him and shield him from everyone forever and ever.

...this makes me wonder, though. Who is "Stephen?" He's not c!"Stephen" or l!"Stephen", not really, and he's certainly not our Stephen Colbert so. Who is he, when you get rid of all the protective coverings and neuroses?

I have a feeling? We last saw the real "Stephen" sometime in early elementary school. He was a sweet, vibrant, enthusiastic, empathetic little boy, but he was just so delicate and sensitive, not just to his own problems but to everyone else's too. So c!Stephen reinforced himself in this hardened shell of anger and self-righteousness, but l!Stephen just sort of... erased himself.

[ptahrrific]

That...would be the most breaky part, all right.



I have a feeling? We last saw the real "Stephen" sometime in early elementary school. He was a sweet, vibrant, enthusiastic, empathetic little boy, but he was just so delicate and sensitive, not just to his own problems but to everyone else's too. So c!Stephen reinforced himself in this hardened shell of anger and self-righteousness, but l!Stephen just sort of... erased himself.

This. Every word of this. Especially that last bit.

So in the normal 'verse Jon's task is to reach through c!Stephen's walls, but here his challenge is dragging him out of the world - in which he has immersed himself almost to the point of dissolving - and getting him to build some walls, set some limits, permit himself to exist as a distinct individual at all.

[holly-cullen.livejournal.com]

The liberalverse is so fascinating yet terribly, terribly painful to read, as I'm forced to realize (or remind myself) that "Stephen" will never be happy, liberal or conservative, because he will always, always take it too far.

Still a fantastic read, and Prop 8 can go fuck itself.

[ptahrrific]

At least, he will never be happy until Jon comes along and makes it all better.

Thanks, and hear hear.

[zelkovaserrata.livejournal.com]

i think this fic was full of zucchini. and i :heart: factiness. and your liberal!Stephen.

[(Anonymous)]

You're not going to turn into them. I won't let you.
*flinches*

yeah, that.