Erin Ptah (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ptahrrific) wrote2007-11-09 12:05 am
ptahrrific) wrote2007-11-09 12:05 am
Fake News: Five Times Jon Terrified Stephen (5)
Title: Five Times Jon Terrified Stephen (5)
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Rating: PG for innuendo
Words: ~3300 in total
Disclaimer: Two.
For the Report characters: They and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and of course Viacom. Not mine. Sue me not, please.
And for the real people, the poem:
Please, make no mistake:
these people aren't fake,
but what's said here is no more than fiction.
It only was writ
because we like their wit
and wisecracks, and pull-squints, and diction.
We don't mean to quibble,
but this can't be libel;
it's never implied to be real.
No disrespect's meant;
if you disapprove, then,
the back button's right up there. Deal.
One | Two | Three | Four |Five
Five Times Jon Terrified Stephen
Five.
He can't remember how they came to this point; his mind seems to have blocked out the rest of the conversation. All he knows is that Jon is pushing him and he's trying to evade it and it isn't working because every step is backing him closer and closer to the cliff.
Of course, they're having pizza for lunch.
"Don't be ridiculous, Stephen," says Jon, wiping tomato sauce from his lips. "Whatever you've done, it hasn't gotten rid of me yet, has it?"
"It's not what I've done, Jon," replies Stephen miserably.
"Well, what is it, then?"
His heels are on the edge. "It's what I want to do."
"Come on, Stephen. Just wanting to do something can't possibly be that bad."
"You don't know what it is, Jon."
"So tell me."
There's no way to get out of it. Nowhere to run. Nothing to do except take another step back.
"I want you, Jon," he says.
And then, "I love you."
Jon goes very still.
But he doesn't scream, or shout, or back away; and Stephen, barely breathing, teeters on the edge, clinging to the faint thread of hope that maybe, maybe...
"I'm married," says Jon at last.
"Yeah," says Stephen weakly. "So 'm I."
Jon shakes his head. "No, I mean, I'm straight."
His feet falter, his tether snaps, and Stephen topples over the edge. He buries his head in his hands. On the outside he can feel himself shaking; on the inside, falling...
And then he feels the touch of a hand, palm pressed gently against his hair.
"Stephen," says Jon softly. "Stephen, look at me."
It takes him some time, but at last Stephen looks up, blinking very hard to clear his vision, which has gone maddeningly swimmy.
"I can't," says Jon. "I can't. I'm married; I'm monogamous; I'm straight. I'm sorry. But -- Stephen. Listen to me. Stephen."
He holds Stephen's gaze, and he doesn't look away.
"You're not going to scare me away with something like that. I'm your friend, Stephen, and I love you as a friend, and you're never going to lose that. Never."
Stephen dissolves into relieved sobs, and Jon comes around the desk and holds him, just holds him -- which is the most he can do, certainly not as much as Stephen would have liked, and yet, somehow, it's enough.
Sometimes, when you fall off a cliff, someone catches you.
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Rating: PG for innuendo
Words: ~3300 in total
Disclaimer: Two.
For the Report characters: They and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and of course Viacom. Not mine. Sue me not, please.
And for the real people, the poem:
Please, make no mistake:
these people aren't fake,
but what's said here is no more than fiction.
It only was writ
because we like their wit
and wisecracks, and pull-squints, and diction.
We don't mean to quibble,
but this can't be libel;
it's never implied to be real.
No disrespect's meant;
if you disapprove, then,
the back button's right up there. Deal.
One | Two | Three | Four |
Five Times Jon Terrified Stephen
Five.
He can't remember how they came to this point; his mind seems to have blocked out the rest of the conversation. All he knows is that Jon is pushing him and he's trying to evade it and it isn't working because every step is backing him closer and closer to the cliff.
Of course, they're having pizza for lunch.
"Don't be ridiculous, Stephen," says Jon, wiping tomato sauce from his lips. "Whatever you've done, it hasn't gotten rid of me yet, has it?"
"It's not what I've done, Jon," replies Stephen miserably.
"Well, what is it, then?"
His heels are on the edge. "It's what I want to do."
"Come on, Stephen. Just wanting to do something can't possibly be that bad."
"You don't know what it is, Jon."
"So tell me."
There's no way to get out of it. Nowhere to run. Nothing to do except take another step back.
"I want you, Jon," he says.
And then, "I love you."
Jon goes very still.
But he doesn't scream, or shout, or back away; and Stephen, barely breathing, teeters on the edge, clinging to the faint thread of hope that maybe, maybe...
"I'm married," says Jon at last.
"Yeah," says Stephen weakly. "So 'm I."
Jon shakes his head. "No, I mean, I'm straight."
His feet falter, his tether snaps, and Stephen topples over the edge. He buries his head in his hands. On the outside he can feel himself shaking; on the inside, falling...
And then he feels the touch of a hand, palm pressed gently against his hair.
"Stephen," says Jon softly. "Stephen, look at me."
It takes him some time, but at last Stephen looks up, blinking very hard to clear his vision, which has gone maddeningly swimmy.
"I can't," says Jon. "I can't. I'm married; I'm monogamous; I'm straight. I'm sorry. But -- Stephen. Listen to me. Stephen."
He holds Stephen's gaze, and he doesn't look away.
"You're not going to scare me away with something like that. I'm your friend, Stephen, and I love you as a friend, and you're never going to lose that. Never."
Stephen dissolves into relieved sobs, and Jon comes around the desk and holds him, just holds him -- which is the most he can do, certainly not as much as Stephen would have liked, and yet, somehow, it's enough.
Sometimes, when you fall off a cliff, someone catches you.
no subject
Although I change Stephen's circumstances, and his personality varies according to them, there are core features of his character that always remain the same.
He's clueless in a way that is (usually) charming. He's well-intentioned. He craves attention and approval. He's fragile and plagued by self-doubt. He always tries to do his best. He has a streak of childish innocence.
Those are reasons why I love "Stephen", independent of Stephen; and they're reasons why Jon loves him. All of them show up on TCR, too, so they shouldn't need re-establishing in every story. (Haven't I indoctrinated you into watching TCR with automatic sympathy yet? Tsk. I'm clearly not doing my job.)
So glad you like that line; it's the one I kept rewriting =)
no subject
I was watching the Best of DVD, and when he's interviewing Eleanor Holmes Norton in the BKAD, there's a moment where you can just see him ramp the charm up. And he's still semi in-character, but it's a lot different than the guy he is at the desk, even at the desk interviews. It's Stephen with a side of "Stephen." Or maybe the other way around. That's the character guy I love. The other I love to...be amused by, I guess.
I didn't need a long explanation. And it could have come at the end, and that would have been excellent. Jon: "you'll never lose the love I have for you as a friend.... You're 'fill-in-the-blank here' - how could I give that up?" (Or something less crappy). Plus, it gives Stephen a reason to really love himself. (other than because Jon says he loves him)
It's not that you didn't make me love Stephen here. I totally did. I was upset when he was upset and I wanted him to win Jon at the end. But I got to hear his inner thoughts and know why he was acting the way he was. Jon didn't. I gotta look out for Jon and make sure he's not being shafted (which is what I would say if I viewed their tosses - the ones where no one cracks up anyway - as being real) in the friendship deal.
no subject
There's the catch. I want you to aww because you like "Stephen".
It's not that you didn't make me love Stephen here. I totally did.
Oh good!
But I got to hear his inner thoughts and know why he was acting the way he was. Jon didn't.
Jon doesn't hear his inner thoughts, but Jon knows (or guesses) enough to love him.
Some of the tosses come off as simply mean, but the depth is clear in others, even in-character. The "where are you?!" toss, for example. And then there was the one before Thanksgiving where Stephen assumed Jon would come over, and was all excited that they would be making something (pie, I think) that he knew Jon really liked.
His pushing-Jon-around in most tosses seems mean, but it's a defense mechanism (that idea was especially developed in the first part of this story), and Jon understands that (which is why he puts up with it), even though he doesn't articulate it.