Erin Ptah (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ptahrrific) wrote2009-12-28 09:08 pm
ptahrrific) wrote2009-12-28 09:08 pm
Entry tags:
Fake News: Assorted Belatedly Collected Drabbles (Stephen's Staff Edition)
Title: Assorted Belatedly Collected Drabbles (Stephen's Staff Edition)
Series: TDS/TCR
Disclaimer: Works of parody. Not real; not mine.
I actually wrote these back in 2006, and then spent several years forgetting to archive them. Whoops.
Title: Animal Magnetism
Characters/Pairings: Bobby, Ric Ocasek
Rating: PG
Notes: Takes place during Bobby's secret mission to Vegas.
"You have to understand...this isn't something I'd normally do."
"I’m not surprised. Don't take this the wrong way, but you don't look the type."
"Yeah, I know. If it weren't for your animal magnetism, I wouldn't even consider this."
"Can't believe I'm considering it myself. But hey – it’s Vegas, right?"
“I just can't shake the feeling that Stephen will find out. You know how he is..."
"Bobby. Relax. He won’t hear a word of it. This is just between you, me, and the audience."
"Thanks, Mr. Ocasek."
"Call me Ric.”
(Their bear-training act puts Siegfried and Roy to shame.)
Title: The Memo
Characters/Pairings: Meg, Tad
Rating: G
Notes: Follow-up to this clip.
Every Report hiree got the memo:
1) Stephen is always right.
2) If Stephen is being absurd, smile and nod.
3) If Stephen is just plain wrong, smile and nod.
4) Then do what you know is right.
5) But don’t let him find out.
6) If you absolutely must challenge Stephen, make sure Killer is standing nearby.
7) Get Stephen's coffee right.
8) NEVER EVER EVER compare Stephen to Jon Stewart.
Breaking any of these rules could cost you the job.
And yet, Meg went to the trouble of faking her death instead.
Tad sighed as he hauled out the body. Some people were such drama queens.
Title: Morning
Characters/Pairings: a certain Stephen
Rating: G
Stephen wakes up slowly.
At some level, he does realize that there's work to be done. He has foes to fend off, competition to combat, and, before any of that, breakfast to eat – if someone doesn't snatch it from him.
Every instinct tells Stephen to be vigilant. You can never tell when you'll be attacked, after all.
Still, for one brief slumbering moment, he’s calm.
Then he hears the growl.
*
"I think that one's going to hurt himself," frets the new handler.
"Don't worry," an old hand reassures her. "Stephen Junior always does that when the bears get restless."
Title: Candy and Air
Characters/Pairings: Bobby, Meg
Rating: G
Notes: Follows this segment, and refers to this one.
"This is so bad for us," remarked Meg halfheartedly. "We should probably stop."
"How much did you buy from his daughter's fundraiser?" countered Bobby, who had propped himself contentedly against the giant tub of individually wrapped chocolates.
Meg frowned as she reached for her third almond cluster in as many minutes. "What? . . . Oh. I wasn't around back then. He made everyone buy fudge from her school, right?"
"Exactly. And then he ended up giving my order to Killer." Bobby reached into the tub and retrieved an overflowing fistful of candy. "So I'm eating as much of this as I can."
Title: Follow Shot On Bobby
Characters/Pairings: Bobby, Meg, Jimmy, Killer
Rating: G
Notes: Sequel to the previous drabble, directed by Jimmy.
Jimmy blocked the scene in his head as he walked in.
Pan across break room: Bobby, half-empty tub of candy, Meg. Cut to massive pile of discarded wrappers. Zoom out to reveal Bobby, as he tosses another wrapper onto the pile.
Cut to Jim, doing his best to be tactful: "Bobby, have you ever considered joining a gym?"
Bobby fidgeted. "I don't think it's for me.”
“You used to get beat up in gym class, didn’t you."
Close-up on Bobby's sigh. "Yeah."
(The next day found Bobby gamely running a treadmill, Killer standing at his side. He wasn’t interrupted once.)
Title: In Season And Out
Characters/Pairings: Bobby, Tad, Stephen
Rating: G
Notes: Drabble-and-a-half, following this segment. The title is from 2 Timothy 4:2: 'Be prepared in season and out of season.'
It starts with a coffee spill, which has Bobby in the restroom for five minutes, wringing out his shirt and running the hapless front under cold water.
Then somebody drops a cigarette in a trash can. Bobby and Tad both descend with fire extinguishers – from opposite sides. Tad pulls off his jacket, and spends the rest of the day avoiding Stephen’s poorly disguised ogling. Bobby's only wearing a shirt, so he has to leave it on and deal.
But when he's sent on emergency deli run (Stephen needs a BLT, and they're out of L), the summer sun takes its toll. He returns to the studio hot, sticky, and unwilling to take it anymore.
There's a box of leftover T-shirts in the studio, so he trades his own unsalvageable specimen for one of these.
Thus, Bobby is the only one actually wearing a WELCOME JESUS shirt when the Rapture comes.
Series: TDS/TCR
Disclaimer: Works of parody. Not real; not mine.
I actually wrote these back in 2006, and then spent several years forgetting to archive them. Whoops.
Title: Animal Magnetism
Characters/Pairings: Bobby, Ric Ocasek
Rating: PG
Notes: Takes place during Bobby's secret mission to Vegas.
"You have to understand...this isn't something I'd normally do."
"I’m not surprised. Don't take this the wrong way, but you don't look the type."
"Yeah, I know. If it weren't for your animal magnetism, I wouldn't even consider this."
"Can't believe I'm considering it myself. But hey – it’s Vegas, right?"
“I just can't shake the feeling that Stephen will find out. You know how he is..."
"Bobby. Relax. He won’t hear a word of it. This is just between you, me, and the audience."
"Thanks, Mr. Ocasek."
"Call me Ric.”
(Their bear-training act puts Siegfried and Roy to shame.)
Title: The Memo
Characters/Pairings: Meg, Tad
Rating: G
Notes: Follow-up to this clip.
Every Report hiree got the memo:
1) Stephen is always right.
2) If Stephen is being absurd, smile and nod.
3) If Stephen is just plain wrong, smile and nod.
4) Then do what you know is right.
5) But don’t let him find out.
6) If you absolutely must challenge Stephen, make sure Killer is standing nearby.
7) Get Stephen's coffee right.
8) NEVER EVER EVER compare Stephen to Jon Stewart.
Breaking any of these rules could cost you the job.
And yet, Meg went to the trouble of faking her death instead.
Tad sighed as he hauled out the body. Some people were such drama queens.
Title: Morning
Characters/Pairings: a certain Stephen
Rating: G
Stephen wakes up slowly.
At some level, he does realize that there's work to be done. He has foes to fend off, competition to combat, and, before any of that, breakfast to eat – if someone doesn't snatch it from him.
Every instinct tells Stephen to be vigilant. You can never tell when you'll be attacked, after all.
Still, for one brief slumbering moment, he’s calm.
Then he hears the growl.
*
"I think that one's going to hurt himself," frets the new handler.
"Don't worry," an old hand reassures her. "Stephen Junior always does that when the bears get restless."
Title: Candy and Air
Characters/Pairings: Bobby, Meg
Rating: G
Notes: Follows this segment, and refers to this one.
"This is so bad for us," remarked Meg halfheartedly. "We should probably stop."
"How much did you buy from his daughter's fundraiser?" countered Bobby, who had propped himself contentedly against the giant tub of individually wrapped chocolates.
Meg frowned as she reached for her third almond cluster in as many minutes. "What? . . . Oh. I wasn't around back then. He made everyone buy fudge from her school, right?"
"Exactly. And then he ended up giving my order to Killer." Bobby reached into the tub and retrieved an overflowing fistful of candy. "So I'm eating as much of this as I can."
Title: Follow Shot On Bobby
Characters/Pairings: Bobby, Meg, Jimmy, Killer
Rating: G
Notes: Sequel to the previous drabble, directed by Jimmy.
Jimmy blocked the scene in his head as he walked in.
Pan across break room: Bobby, half-empty tub of candy, Meg. Cut to massive pile of discarded wrappers. Zoom out to reveal Bobby, as he tosses another wrapper onto the pile.
Cut to Jim, doing his best to be tactful: "Bobby, have you ever considered joining a gym?"
Bobby fidgeted. "I don't think it's for me.”
“You used to get beat up in gym class, didn’t you."
Close-up on Bobby's sigh. "Yeah."
(The next day found Bobby gamely running a treadmill, Killer standing at his side. He wasn’t interrupted once.)
Title: In Season And Out
Characters/Pairings: Bobby, Tad, Stephen
Rating: G
Notes: Drabble-and-a-half, following this segment. The title is from 2 Timothy 4:2: 'Be prepared in season and out of season.'
It starts with a coffee spill, which has Bobby in the restroom for five minutes, wringing out his shirt and running the hapless front under cold water.
Then somebody drops a cigarette in a trash can. Bobby and Tad both descend with fire extinguishers – from opposite sides. Tad pulls off his jacket, and spends the rest of the day avoiding Stephen’s poorly disguised ogling. Bobby's only wearing a shirt, so he has to leave it on and deal.
But when he's sent on emergency deli run (Stephen needs a BLT, and they're out of L), the summer sun takes its toll. He returns to the studio hot, sticky, and unwilling to take it anymore.
There's a box of leftover T-shirts in the studio, so he trades his own unsalvageable specimen for one of these.
Thus, Bobby is the only one actually wearing a WELCOME JESUS shirt when the Rapture comes.
no subject
no subject
Morning
:)