Erin Ptah (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ptahrrific) wrote2008-10-13 12:12 am
ptahrrific) wrote2008-10-13 12:12 am
Entry tags:
Fake News/Doctor Who: I'm Your Moon, part 5
Title: I'm Your Moon (5/9)
Rating: PG
Series: The Colbert Report, Doctor Who
Spoilers: Anything through New Who S3/Torchwood S2 is fair game.
Summary: Ten gets up to his usual civilization-saving hijinks, with Jack in tow, while young Stephen stays behind; Four and Sarah Jane get into trouble in adult Stephen's head, until they meet an unexpected ally; and ninja moves are broken out all around.
Beta by the estimablestellar_dust. Table of contents, and footnotes, here.
I'm Your Moon
Part Five
Earth: 1562.
Stephen was hiding behind the TARDIS when he heard people approaching. He stuck his head out as little as possible, in case some of the bathhouse employees were investigating; but no, it was Jack and the Doctor, both scrubbed pink and gleaming.
"There you are!" exclaimed Jack. "Was wondering where you'd got to."
"I heard—" began the Doctor.
"Nothing happened!" yelped Stephen. "I didn't do anything! And anyway, I don't want to talk about it! Well, we're all done here. Let's go!"
Both adults blinked at him.
"As I was about to say," continued the Doctor, "I'm pretty sure I overheard the makings of a plot to kill the Sultan, and since he's meant to die in his bed and not for another four years at least, I think we'd better nip this one in the bud. Are you coming?"
"No, no, that's all right!" said Stephen quickly. "I'll wait inside. You go on and save the kingdom. Empire. Sultanate. Whatever."
"If you're sure," said Jack.
"Positive. Have fun!"
⇔
The psi-moon: 2,999,404 AD
"Do you have any last words?" said Truthiness to the prisoner.
The little boy might have been a very young Stephen, though Sarah Jane was too far away to be sure. "Please," he choked out between sobs, "please—"
The Doctor was already elbowing his way into the back of the crowd. Scrambling down from her vantage point on the pedestal, Sarah Jane followed.
"That's enough!" declared Truthiness. "Open the doors!"
A couple of Stephens must have broken from the crowd to follow this order, for moments later a set of double doors at the end of the room slid open. Beyond them were a massive set of iron bars, followed by darkness. Within seconds of the opening a growl emerged from the depths.
The whole group seemed to draw back at the sound. Even the pair in military dress, now standing on the raised platform beside Truthiness, looked hesitant to approach.
"Obedience! Conformity! Bring the condemned forward!" ordered Truthiness. "It's not like you're Weakness and Cowardice! Anger won't turn on you!"
At the same time, one of the figures grabbed Sarah Jane before she could pass. "Hey there! No cutting! We got here first!"
"Let go of me!" she shouted, too late: two more Stephens had got ahold of her, and she wasn't nearly strong enough to fight off three adult men, or at least the near equivalent.
Another Stephen reached for the Doctor. Sarah Jane was about to yell a warning when the Time Lord turned, caught the arm, and executed a throw that she hadn't seen him use since his previous incarnation. The attacker crashed into several more Stephens, sending them all to the ground.
"Venusian aikido," said Sarah Jane with a grin. "Bet there's nothing in Stephen's mind that knows how to counter that."
⇔
Earth: 1562.
"Ooh, nice move," said Jack, as the Doctor caught the man who had rushed him in a perfectly executed throw. The attacker went down hard and stayed there. "Where'd you learn that?"
"Venus," replied the Doctor. "A couple of millennia from now. I'll take you some time. See if you can't be convinced to learn some method other than that for defending yourself."
"Oh, come on, Doc, it's set on stun," protested Jack, aiming the gun at two more attackers and firing. They were in the courtyard of the palace where the Sultan was currently staying; it was only dusk, more than light enough to see the masked men clearly. "Speaking of destinations, what do you think of the Planet of the Nymphomaniacs for our next stop?"
"Aww, Jack," groaned the Doctor as another man charged towards him, knife raised. "Don't you ever think of anything else?"
"It's not for me!" cried Jack. "It's for Stephen! Come on, didn't you see how he was looking at the kid soaping him up? He could stand to spend a little time with someone he doesn't have to pay for."
The Doctor's second attacker landed with a thud. "You really think the money was the issue? I know you're an enlightened 51st-century-guy, but didn't you live through the eighties?"
There was a rustling in a tree above them; Jack fired, and a figure came crashing down through the branches. "Sure I did. And a lot of decades before that, right back to the point where I found myself after you 'dropped me off.' What's the big deal? The sexual revolution happened in the sixties, right?"
"Not in South Carolina, it didn't. I think that's it for the assassins."
"Let's hope so. So you think he's just closeted and scared? Well, what do you suggest we do about it?"
"Nothing, Jack. Absolutely nothing."
Jack felt as if someone had stuck a knife in his heart.
This wasn't because of anything the Doctor had said, but because someone had actually stuck a knife in his heart.
"Guess we missed one," he said, and collapsed.
⇔
The psi-moon: 2,999,404 AD
It had taken a dozen Stephens working together to bring down the Doctor, with the crude but effective strategy of all piling on top of him at once.
Sarah Jane redoubled her efforts against her own captors, but in vain. Worse, another one had grabbed her from behind, and she was pretty sure it was Heterosexuality from the way he was feeling her up.
She brought her heel up behind her with a sharp kick. There was a yelp of pain as the offending hands let go.
Satisfying though this was, it didn't make much difference in the greater scheme of things. She and the Doctor were both helpless, the little boy addressed as The Need To Be Held was still on track to be sacrificed to the growling creature in the cage, and Truthiness seemed not even to have noticed the commotion.
Suddenly there was a terrific crash from the ceiling, sending the Stephens scattering in all directions to avoid the shower of glass.
"You!" shouted Truthiness over the noise. "Get out of here! You're not invited!"
"Nobody Asked You," snapped a no-nonsense female voice from the ceiling.
Holding a hand over her eyes in case there were still glass particles drifting downwards, Sarah Jane looked up.
The person suspended above them was definitely not a Stephen. Her features were too different, even after you accounted for her gender and the fact that she was completely albino. She wore a flowing blue dress with narrow stripes and a geometric pattern printed along the hem, pinned at the shoulder with a round red brooch. As if all this weren't quite random enough, she sported a massive set of filmy but distinct butterfly wings.
Her figure stood out against a backdrop of jet black. The windows, it seemed, weren't windows at all. They shone with artificial light, but the real sky outside, as seen through the new hole, was pitch dark.
"Doctor! Sarah Jane!" called the stranger, ignoring a string of continued invectives from Truthiness. "Hang On!"
"Not until we save that kid!" cried Sarah Jane.
"He's Just An Allegory. The Only Way To Help Him Is To Help Stephen!"
With that, she swooped down and grabbed them both under the arms. Moments later they were so high that it wouldn't have been safe to object.
To Sarah Jane's surprise, the Doctor looked perfectly happy with this turn of events. "Do you trust her, Doctor?"
"Don't be silly, Sarah," the Time Lord admonished. "There's probably only one being here who can be absolutely trusted not to be under Truthiness' control. And that's the Wørd."
Rating: PG
Series: The Colbert Report, Doctor Who
Spoilers: Anything through New Who S3/Torchwood S2 is fair game.
Summary: Ten gets up to his usual civilization-saving hijinks, with Jack in tow, while young Stephen stays behind; Four and Sarah Jane get into trouble in adult Stephen's head, until they meet an unexpected ally; and ninja moves are broken out all around.
Beta by the estimable
stellar_dust. Table of contents, and footnotes, here.I'm Your Moon
Part Five
Earth: 1562.
Stephen was hiding behind the TARDIS when he heard people approaching. He stuck his head out as little as possible, in case some of the bathhouse employees were investigating; but no, it was Jack and the Doctor, both scrubbed pink and gleaming.
"There you are!" exclaimed Jack. "Was wondering where you'd got to."
"I heard—" began the Doctor.
"Nothing happened!" yelped Stephen. "I didn't do anything! And anyway, I don't want to talk about it! Well, we're all done here. Let's go!"
Both adults blinked at him.
"As I was about to say," continued the Doctor, "I'm pretty sure I overheard the makings of a plot to kill the Sultan, and since he's meant to die in his bed and not for another four years at least, I think we'd better nip this one in the bud. Are you coming?"
"No, no, that's all right!" said Stephen quickly. "I'll wait inside. You go on and save the kingdom. Empire. Sultanate. Whatever."
"If you're sure," said Jack.
"Positive. Have fun!"
The psi-moon: 2,999,404 AD
"Do you have any last words?" said Truthiness to the prisoner.
The little boy might have been a very young Stephen, though Sarah Jane was too far away to be sure. "Please," he choked out between sobs, "please—"
The Doctor was already elbowing his way into the back of the crowd. Scrambling down from her vantage point on the pedestal, Sarah Jane followed.
"That's enough!" declared Truthiness. "Open the doors!"
A couple of Stephens must have broken from the crowd to follow this order, for moments later a set of double doors at the end of the room slid open. Beyond them were a massive set of iron bars, followed by darkness. Within seconds of the opening a growl emerged from the depths.
The whole group seemed to draw back at the sound. Even the pair in military dress, now standing on the raised platform beside Truthiness, looked hesitant to approach.
"Obedience! Conformity! Bring the condemned forward!" ordered Truthiness. "It's not like you're Weakness and Cowardice! Anger won't turn on you!"
At the same time, one of the figures grabbed Sarah Jane before she could pass. "Hey there! No cutting! We got here first!"
"Let go of me!" she shouted, too late: two more Stephens had got ahold of her, and she wasn't nearly strong enough to fight off three adult men, or at least the near equivalent.
Another Stephen reached for the Doctor. Sarah Jane was about to yell a warning when the Time Lord turned, caught the arm, and executed a throw that she hadn't seen him use since his previous incarnation. The attacker crashed into several more Stephens, sending them all to the ground.
"Venusian aikido," said Sarah Jane with a grin. "Bet there's nothing in Stephen's mind that knows how to counter that."
Earth: 1562.
"Ooh, nice move," said Jack, as the Doctor caught the man who had rushed him in a perfectly executed throw. The attacker went down hard and stayed there. "Where'd you learn that?"
"Venus," replied the Doctor. "A couple of millennia from now. I'll take you some time. See if you can't be convinced to learn some method other than that for defending yourself."
"Oh, come on, Doc, it's set on stun," protested Jack, aiming the gun at two more attackers and firing. They were in the courtyard of the palace where the Sultan was currently staying; it was only dusk, more than light enough to see the masked men clearly. "Speaking of destinations, what do you think of the Planet of the Nymphomaniacs for our next stop?"
"Aww, Jack," groaned the Doctor as another man charged towards him, knife raised. "Don't you ever think of anything else?"
"It's not for me!" cried Jack. "It's for Stephen! Come on, didn't you see how he was looking at the kid soaping him up? He could stand to spend a little time with someone he doesn't have to pay for."
The Doctor's second attacker landed with a thud. "You really think the money was the issue? I know you're an enlightened 51st-century-guy, but didn't you live through the eighties?"
There was a rustling in a tree above them; Jack fired, and a figure came crashing down through the branches. "Sure I did. And a lot of decades before that, right back to the point where I found myself after you 'dropped me off.' What's the big deal? The sexual revolution happened in the sixties, right?"
"Not in South Carolina, it didn't. I think that's it for the assassins."
"Let's hope so. So you think he's just closeted and scared? Well, what do you suggest we do about it?"
"Nothing, Jack. Absolutely nothing."
Jack felt as if someone had stuck a knife in his heart.
This wasn't because of anything the Doctor had said, but because someone had actually stuck a knife in his heart.
"Guess we missed one," he said, and collapsed.
The psi-moon: 2,999,404 AD
It had taken a dozen Stephens working together to bring down the Doctor, with the crude but effective strategy of all piling on top of him at once.
Sarah Jane redoubled her efforts against her own captors, but in vain. Worse, another one had grabbed her from behind, and she was pretty sure it was Heterosexuality from the way he was feeling her up.
She brought her heel up behind her with a sharp kick. There was a yelp of pain as the offending hands let go.
Satisfying though this was, it didn't make much difference in the greater scheme of things. She and the Doctor were both helpless, the little boy addressed as The Need To Be Held was still on track to be sacrificed to the growling creature in the cage, and Truthiness seemed not even to have noticed the commotion.
Suddenly there was a terrific crash from the ceiling, sending the Stephens scattering in all directions to avoid the shower of glass.
"You!" shouted Truthiness over the noise. "Get out of here! You're not invited!"
"Nobody Asked You," snapped a no-nonsense female voice from the ceiling.
Holding a hand over her eyes in case there were still glass particles drifting downwards, Sarah Jane looked up.
The person suspended above them was definitely not a Stephen. Her features were too different, even after you accounted for her gender and the fact that she was completely albino. She wore a flowing blue dress with narrow stripes and a geometric pattern printed along the hem, pinned at the shoulder with a round red brooch. As if all this weren't quite random enough, she sported a massive set of filmy but distinct butterfly wings.
Her figure stood out against a backdrop of jet black. The windows, it seemed, weren't windows at all. They shone with artificial light, but the real sky outside, as seen through the new hole, was pitch dark.
"Doctor! Sarah Jane!" called the stranger, ignoring a string of continued invectives from Truthiness. "Hang On!"
"Not until we save that kid!" cried Sarah Jane.
"He's Just An Allegory. The Only Way To Help Him Is To Help Stephen!"
With that, she swooped down and grabbed them both under the arms. Moments later they were so high that it wouldn't have been safe to object.
To Sarah Jane's surprise, the Doctor looked perfectly happy with this turn of events. "Do you trust her, Doctor?"
"Don't be silly, Sarah," the Time Lord admonished. "There's probably only one being here who can be absolutely trusted not to be under Truthiness' control. And that's the Wørd."
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Oh my god, it's the Wørd. I love that she Talks Like This! And the dress is just completely made of win XD
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Poor scared ickle!Stephen. *pets* I still just want to hug him.
Loooove for this.
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Eee, the Wørd! I didn't see that coming at all, in fact, I'd nearly forgotten she would be on the psi-moon too.
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Glad you like!
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(Anonymous) 2008-10-13 08:36 pm (UTC)(link):insert row of hearts here:
she's so patriotic.
by the way, i had some Stephen-flavored ice cream. he says it tastes like him! maybe Ben n Jerry consulted the Master?
Kagaya
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That would be Stephen's influence, right there =D
maybe Ben n Jerry consulted the Master?
Oh, man, that's a fantastic idea.
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This wasn't because of anything the Doctor had said, but because someone had actually stuck a knife in his heart.
*bursts out laughing* That's the best thing I've read in a long time.
Okay, so I've randomly decided to read this whole series from the beginning. I'm sorry I haven't commented before - I'm enjoying this, though I don't watch Doctor Who (but I know a lot about it from reading my flist) and only occasionally Stephen Colbert (Jon Stewart's my true love).
Anyway, it's a great idea to personify Wørd like this. Also, I love the hurt/comfort stuff you build in.
- And OH MY GOD I just looked at today's And Shine Heaven Now (which I've been reading for years, stumbled in during the Pip/Seras-in-Paris storyline, and stayed up until five a.m. to catch up from the beginning).
ELL. OH. ELL.
I've taken great vindictive pleasure in lambasting Twilight for months (and imagining how Integra would burn every copy she got her hands on), and oh, this just made my day.
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We all love Jon Stewart here.
Character!Stephen h/c has always been a weakness of mine ^_^;
Thank you!
(Oh, Integra would hate that series. She would probably organize a worldwide lecture tour to teach teenage girls that vampire romance is NOT about sparkles and fluff.)
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*snerk*
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Ahahaha, I missed that the first time. Awesome.
Also awesome:
Jack felt as if someone had stuck a knife in his heart.
This wasn't because of anything the Doctor had said, but because someone had actually stuck a knife in his heart.
Oh, I laughed so hard.