Entry tags:

genre: fluff, illustrated, pairing: jon/"stephen", series: fake news

Title: Also Good For Play
Series: TDS/TCR
Rating: PG
Contents: Roleplaying, bondage, reluctance, drag, adorable chibi-ness.
Disclaimer: Two.

For the Report characters: They and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and of course Viacom. Not mine. Sue me not, please.

And for the real people, the poem:
Please, make no mistake:
these people aren't fake,
but what's said here is no more than fiction.
It only was writ
because we like their wit
and wisecracks, and pull-squints, and diction.
We don't mean to quibble,
but this can't be libel;
it's never implied to be real.
No disrespect's meant;
if you disapprove, then,
the back button's right up there. Deal.

In picking his own spider, Stephen asked, "Webs: are they just for catching prey, or also good for play?"

Jon is less than enthusiastic.


Also Good For Play


". . . I don't think I can do this."

"Shh! You're breaking character!"

"Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry . . . but I feel silly!"

"Well, stop! You're not silly! You're menacing! And I am helpless in your evil clutches, remember? Now, try it again."

"It's not going to help. I can't do supervillain speeches. I'll crack myself up if I try."

"So don't talk. You can always ravish me silently."

"It's not just about the talking! Listen, I've tried playing bad guys before, and with really talented directors, too—not that you're not talented, of course, I didn't mean—the point is, I'm completely unconvincing. On all levels."

"You aren't even trying!"

"Stephen, I—"

"Look, let me put this very simply: Do you, or do you not, want to get laid tonight?"

"I do."

"Then at least put in the effort to stop calling me 'Stephen'. Can you do that?"

". . . Sure."

"And what are you going to call me instead?"



"Satisfied?"

"Yes. Now pierce my thorax and inject me with your enzymes, already."