Erin Ptah (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ptahrrific) wrote2007-10-17 12:08 am
ptahrrific) wrote2007-10-17 12:08 am
Entry tags:
Fake News: The Thing With Feathers: Trailer
Title: The Thing With Feathers: Trailer
Fandom: The Daily Show/The Colbert Report
Rating: G
Words:
Disclaimer: Two.
For the Report characters: They and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and of course Viacom. Not mine. Sue me not, please.
And for the real people, the poem:
Please, make no mistake:
these people aren't fake,
but what's said here is no more than fiction.
It only was writ
because we like their wit
and wisecracks, and pull-squints, and diction.
We don't mean to quibble,
but this can't be libel;
it's never implied to be real.
No disrespect's meant;
if you disapprove, then,
the back button's right up there. Deal.
Notes: Unfortunately, this story is a little too esoteric for me to cut together my ideal trailer. Here is the trailer that I actually made.
What follows is the script for the trailer I wanted to make.
For the full table of contents, click here.
The Thing With Feathers
Trailer
Note: Stephen-the-character and Stephen-the-actor are not distinguished in this script. Neither are "Jon" and Jon. Figuring out which is which in any given scene is left as an exercise to the interested reader. Or you could just read the story, in which they all show up in context.
INT. SYMPOSIUM - DAY
STEPHEN COLBERT, in a tan jacket with no tie, walks onto the stage amidst generous applause. He comes to a stop behind the podium and faces the ASSEMBLY of people. It's a dinner event, and they are all sitting around tables. He waits for the applause to die down.
STEPHEN
It can be a little awkward for me to do engagements like this, because I play a character on TV...
INT. REPORT HALLWAY - NIGHT
Stephen, in suit pants and a collared shirt, follows BOBBY out of his office, yawning.
STEPHEN (V.O.)
...who has the same name as me, and the same voice, and the same hair...
INT. REPORT SET - NIGHT
Pan across the set to show people working at all corners as Stephen and Bobby enter. Stephen scans the room.
STEPHEN (V.O.)
...and sometimes I'm not sure which Stephen Colbert they meant to invite.
Stephen spots TAD. His face lights up, and he jogs over.
STEPHEN
Paul! What are you doing here?
(Hugging Tad.)
I didn't know you were in town!
TAD
Um, Stephen ... my name's not Paul.
The screen goes black.
A brief reaction shot of Stephen -- his face hovering between confusion and fear.
TAD (O.S.)
It's Tad.
Black again.
INT. STEPHEN'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Stephen is frantically rifling through his possessions, searching. There is a knock on the door.
STEPHEN
(distracted)
Who is it?
BOBBY (O.S.)
It's Bobby.
STEPHEN
I don't want to talk to Bobby. I want to talk to Eric.
BOBBY
(doubtfully)
Would you like me to be Eric?
STEPHEN
Not like that, no!
EXT. REPORT STUDIO - NIGHT
Stephen, standing on the sidewalk, eyes ALLISON SILVERMAN with cold disinterest.
STEPHEN
Who are you?
Allison starts to look worried.
INT. REPORT STUDIO - NIGHT
Eric is pacing, talking on a cell phone.
ERIC
It's like he's fallen into character and he can't get up.
INT. STEPHEN'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Stephen and JON STEWART sit on adjacent chairs in Stephen's living room. Stephen looks increasingly disheveled; Jon, in trademark grey T-shirt and khakis, looks concerned.
STEPHEN
I'm not the Stephen you know. I have the same name, and some of the same history, and the same hair, but I'm not him.
INT. REPORT STUDIO - NIGHT
Jon, Allison, and Eric walk together down the hall; all eyes are on Jon.
JON
He's not wearing it lightly. He's not wearing it at all.
INT. CAR - NIGHT
Stephen and Jon sit beside each other in the back seat of a car, a partition closing them off from the driver. Stephen looks helplessly furious.
STEPHEN
(angry whisper)
Why do you put up with it? How can you stand him?
INT. STEPHEN'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Alone in the office with the door locked, Stephen walks slowly around his desk, touching things gingerly: the lamp, the paperweight, the inbox.
JON (V.O.)
He is angry, because anger is the emotion of defense. When anger doesn't work, he tries crying. But they're all just defense mechanisms, to shut off how he actually feels about everything.
Stephen comes around to the back of the desk and takes one of the picture frames, tilting it to see better.
JON
(continuing)
He builds these walls to keep himself from showing his true emotions, because he's afraid they'll be seen as weaknesses.
The camera finally moves around to Stephen's shoulder and zooms in on the photo. It's a group shot of Stephen, his wife, and his kids, standing in front of the Magic Kingdom and looking ridiculously happy.
JON
(continuing)
He's insecure, and he's scared, and he's lonely, but he cares about people, and he wants to do the right thing. He's a good person.
Stephen drops the picture and falls limply into the chair.
INT. PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT
Jon and Stephen walk down the rows of cars; Stephen has turned around to face the wary-looking Tad and Bobby, who walk behind them.
STEPHEN
Bush is a terrible president, the war is a huge mistake, and there's nothing wrong with being gay.
Tad stumbles, and barely keeps his balance. Bobby just falls.
INT. REPORT SET - NIGHT
Jon, Allison, and Eric stand together at the edge of the set, watching Stephen at the desk.
JON
Unless either of you have actual Malaysian medication on-hand, that's all we've got, so don't tell him it's candy, understood?
INT. REPORT SET - NIGHT
The GUEST is at the desk, the AUDIENCE in the seats, and Stephen sitting on the floor, looking pleasantly up at Bobby.
STEPHEN
I meant to finish the show. I really did. But I seem to have overdosed on painkillers, and I think I need to go to the hospital now.
INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT
An angry Jon has wrestled an increasingly distressed-looking Stephen against the wall, and holds him in place; Stephen struggles weakly at first, but gradually stills.
JON
I'm going to be right here for you until you get back to your own Jon, who would want me to do this because he cares about you no matter how much you treat him like dirt.
INT. STEPHEN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Stephen kneels by the bed, clutching a gaudy rosary.
STEPHEN
(whispers)
If you're still here, if you exist in this place, please, I could really use some hope right now.
TITLE
White text on a white background, outlined only by the shadow it casts:
The Thing With Feathers
CHORUS (V.O.)
(singing)
Don't stop believin', Stephen, Stephen...
INT. STEPHEN'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Stephen, Jon, Eric, and Allison sit in a circle on the floor. Stephen is wrapped in blankets but sitting up.
ERIC
It's like we're in an episode of The Twilight Zone.
STEPHEN
(quietly)
Maybe you are.
NOW PLAYING
Fandom: The Daily Show/The Colbert Report
Rating: G
Words:
Disclaimer: Two.
For the Report characters: They and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and of course Viacom. Not mine. Sue me not, please.
And for the real people, the poem:
Please, make no mistake:
these people aren't fake,
but what's said here is no more than fiction.
It only was writ
because we like their wit
and wisecracks, and pull-squints, and diction.
We don't mean to quibble,
but this can't be libel;
it's never implied to be real.
No disrespect's meant;
if you disapprove, then,
the back button's right up there. Deal.
Notes: Unfortunately, this story is a little too esoteric for me to cut together my ideal trailer. Here is the trailer that I actually made.
What follows is the script for the trailer I wanted to make.
For the full table of contents, click here.
The Thing With Feathers
Trailer
Note: Stephen-the-character and Stephen-the-actor are not distinguished in this script. Neither are "Jon" and Jon. Figuring out which is which in any given scene is left as an exercise to the interested reader. Or you could just read the story, in which they all show up in context.
INT. SYMPOSIUM - DAY
STEPHEN COLBERT, in a tan jacket with no tie, walks onto the stage amidst generous applause. He comes to a stop behind the podium and faces the ASSEMBLY of people. It's a dinner event, and they are all sitting around tables. He waits for the applause to die down.
STEPHEN
It can be a little awkward for me to do engagements like this, because I play a character on TV...
INT. REPORT HALLWAY - NIGHT
Stephen, in suit pants and a collared shirt, follows BOBBY out of his office, yawning.
STEPHEN (V.O.)
...who has the same name as me, and the same voice, and the same hair...
INT. REPORT SET - NIGHT
Pan across the set to show people working at all corners as Stephen and Bobby enter. Stephen scans the room.
STEPHEN (V.O.)
...and sometimes I'm not sure which Stephen Colbert they meant to invite.
Stephen spots TAD. His face lights up, and he jogs over.
STEPHEN
Paul! What are you doing here?
(Hugging Tad.)
I didn't know you were in town!
TAD
Um, Stephen ... my name's not Paul.
The screen goes black.
A brief reaction shot of Stephen -- his face hovering between confusion and fear.
TAD (O.S.)
It's Tad.
Black again.
INT. STEPHEN'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Stephen is frantically rifling through his possessions, searching. There is a knock on the door.
STEPHEN
(distracted)
Who is it?
BOBBY (O.S.)
It's Bobby.
STEPHEN
I don't want to talk to Bobby. I want to talk to Eric.
BOBBY
(doubtfully)
Would you like me to be Eric?
STEPHEN
Not like that, no!
EXT. REPORT STUDIO - NIGHT
Stephen, standing on the sidewalk, eyes ALLISON SILVERMAN with cold disinterest.
STEPHEN
Who are you?
Allison starts to look worried.
INT. REPORT STUDIO - NIGHT
Eric is pacing, talking on a cell phone.
ERIC
It's like he's fallen into character and he can't get up.
INT. STEPHEN'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Stephen and JON STEWART sit on adjacent chairs in Stephen's living room. Stephen looks increasingly disheveled; Jon, in trademark grey T-shirt and khakis, looks concerned.
STEPHEN
I'm not the Stephen you know. I have the same name, and some of the same history, and the same hair, but I'm not him.
INT. REPORT STUDIO - NIGHT
Jon, Allison, and Eric walk together down the hall; all eyes are on Jon.
JON
He's not wearing it lightly. He's not wearing it at all.
INT. CAR - NIGHT
Stephen and Jon sit beside each other in the back seat of a car, a partition closing them off from the driver. Stephen looks helplessly furious.
STEPHEN
(angry whisper)
Why do you put up with it? How can you stand him?
INT. STEPHEN'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Alone in the office with the door locked, Stephen walks slowly around his desk, touching things gingerly: the lamp, the paperweight, the inbox.
JON (V.O.)
He is angry, because anger is the emotion of defense. When anger doesn't work, he tries crying. But they're all just defense mechanisms, to shut off how he actually feels about everything.
Stephen comes around to the back of the desk and takes one of the picture frames, tilting it to see better.
JON
(continuing)
He builds these walls to keep himself from showing his true emotions, because he's afraid they'll be seen as weaknesses.
The camera finally moves around to Stephen's shoulder and zooms in on the photo. It's a group shot of Stephen, his wife, and his kids, standing in front of the Magic Kingdom and looking ridiculously happy.
JON
(continuing)
He's insecure, and he's scared, and he's lonely, but he cares about people, and he wants to do the right thing. He's a good person.
Stephen drops the picture and falls limply into the chair.
INT. PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT
Jon and Stephen walk down the rows of cars; Stephen has turned around to face the wary-looking Tad and Bobby, who walk behind them.
STEPHEN
Bush is a terrible president, the war is a huge mistake, and there's nothing wrong with being gay.
Tad stumbles, and barely keeps his balance. Bobby just falls.
INT. REPORT SET - NIGHT
Jon, Allison, and Eric stand together at the edge of the set, watching Stephen at the desk.
JON
Unless either of you have actual Malaysian medication on-hand, that's all we've got, so don't tell him it's candy, understood?
INT. REPORT SET - NIGHT
The GUEST is at the desk, the AUDIENCE in the seats, and Stephen sitting on the floor, looking pleasantly up at Bobby.
STEPHEN
I meant to finish the show. I really did. But I seem to have overdosed on painkillers, and I think I need to go to the hospital now.
INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT
An angry Jon has wrestled an increasingly distressed-looking Stephen against the wall, and holds him in place; Stephen struggles weakly at first, but gradually stills.
JON
I'm going to be right here for you until you get back to your own Jon, who would want me to do this because he cares about you no matter how much you treat him like dirt.
INT. STEPHEN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Stephen kneels by the bed, clutching a gaudy rosary.
STEPHEN
(whispers)
If you're still here, if you exist in this place, please, I could really use some hope right now.
TITLE
White text on a white background, outlined only by the shadow it casts:
The Thing With Feathers
CHORUS (V.O.)
(singing)
Don't stop believin', Stephen, Stephen...
INT. STEPHEN'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Stephen, Jon, Eric, and Allison sit in a circle on the floor. Stephen is wrapped in blankets but sitting up.
ERIC
It's like we're in an episode of The Twilight Zone.
STEPHEN
(quietly)
Maybe you are.
NOW PLAYING
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