ptahrrific | Fake News: The Thing With Feathers, Chapter 8

Entry tags:

story: the thing with feathers

Fake News: The Thing With Feathers, Chapter 8

Title: The Thing With Feathers, Chapter 8
Fandom: The Daily Show/The Colbert Report
Rating: PG (cursing, drugs)
Words: ~1700
Disclaimer: Two.

For the Report characters: They and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and of course Viacom. Not mine. Sue me not, please.

And for the real people, the poem:
Please, make no mistake:
these people aren't fake,
but what's said here is no more than fiction.
It only was writ
because we like their wit
and wisecracks, and pull-squints, and diction.
We don't mean to quibble,
but this can't be libel;
it's never implied to be real.
No disrespect's meant;
if you disapprove, then,
the back button's right up there. Deal.

Notes: These won't come up in the story, but in case you want to know happened to some other correspondents in the TDS-is-real-news-'verse:

Ed is undercover at a paper factory in Scranton. Steve is a reporter at Eyewitness News Channel 7. Rob is on stakeout in an airport men's room. And Mo, well, Mo's still blogging.

For the full table of contents, click here.

The Thing With Feathers
Chapter 8

(here.)

By the time Jon reached the door, it was closed and locked and he knew he had to stop running around or his asthma would put a stop to it for him. He rattled the doorknob a couple of times, then pounded on the door itself, not so much to get it open as out of sheer frustration.

"You shouldn't have brought that up in front of me," said Allison from behind him. "In fact, you probably shouldn't have told us about it at all."

"Why not? You write him. He's mostly your creation."

"That may be," replied the writer, "but he sure thinks he's real."

"Hey, guys," cut in Eric, appearing with a handful of printouts. "Uh-oh. What happened?"

"We were trying to explain this whole 'you're not our Stephen' thing, and Jon here said his Stephen wouldn't subject him to a gay mauling, and of course that Stephen freaked out," said Allison briskly.

"You guys could have written him at least a little more tolerant," complained Jon, still leaning on the door.

"Hey!" snapped Eric. "It's not like we were expecting to actually meet him! Don't try to blame us for this!"

"Though it brings up an interesting question," put in Allison. "Did we, by writing the character, somehow bring him into being? Or is he from a universe where his own decisions just happened to make him exactly like the person we write about?"

Jon tried to think about it, but it made his head hurt. "How would you know the difference?"

"...I don't know."

"Neither do I. Eric, did you find anything useful?"

"Plenty." He held up the printouts. "Do you want the good news or the bad news first?"

"The good," said Jon and Allison together.

"Wise choice. And it is good news. Vicodin addicts can get to the point where they'll take a hundred pills a day; we haven't written Stephen taking more than a couple at a time, so he's still a relatively mild case."

He flipped through his notes. "Also, the physical addiction is actually less intense than the mental addiction. Withdrawal is particularly nasty because the addict gets the mental and physical withdrawal at the same time, but if Stephen's taking the fake pills he should get the physical withdrawal on its own, at least at first."

"And what's that going to be like?"

"Um," said Eric. "That's the bad news. It's going to suck. I've found at least twenty possible side effects, and none of them are pretty."

Nobody asked for details.

"It would be easier," said Allison slowly, "if we just checked him into detox, rather than trying to deal with this on--"

"No!" snapped Jon. "When our Stephen gets back, people won't understand that it wasn't him who got addicted in the first place. His reputation will be ruined."

He glared at the other two, daring them to suggest that this might never happen. Neither of them did.

"I don't suppose," he added, more calmly, "we could get him some actual--"

"Stop right there," snapped Eric, brandishing the sheaf of papers like a dagger. "I know you're not about to suggest that we help an addict get his fix, so don't finish that sentence."

"You created the addiction in the first place," pointed out Jon.

"Whether or not we did," cut in Allison, "we were writing it for a fictional character. That's a real person in there, Jon! You were the first of us to realize it, so why can't you treat him like one?"

---------------------
---------------------
(there.)

"In all seriousness," said Stephen, "how did you end up in real news? My Jon--" and Jon's heart skipped a beat, the way it did every time this other Stephen said that-- "can't stand the way the networks shirk their responsibilities, and sometimes people ask him why he doesn't take responsibility himself, but the answer is that he's not a newsman, he's a comedian. He satirizes the system, but he's not part of it."

"That sounds like a good life," sighed Jon. "If you mean the way the TV news is more interested in ratings than accuracy, the way they bend over backwards to give equal time to views with unequal support, the way they play up fear and sensationalism and flash and graphics over substance and research and thoughtful investigation and follow-ups -- I can't stand it either."

"That is exactly what I mean. So why do you do it?"

Jon thought about it. He hadn't thought about this for a long time.

"Satire," he said at last, "is about using humor to point out the flaws in a system, right? It's more than just making stupid jokes. It's about changing the system from the outside."

"That ... isn't our main goal," replied Stephen, "but we all secretly hope it'll make some kind of difference. Even if it's just to shame people into shouting less."

"All right," said Jon. "I wanted to change the system from the inside."

Stephen nodded. The highway rushed past.

"I wanted," he continued, dusting off ideas he hadn't contemplated in years and putting them in order as he spoke, "to make a different news program. A better one. One that didn't shirk its responsibilities. I had it all planned out -- I would get the ratings and the research, the style and the substance, the best of both worlds. And with that, we'd be a model for the networks to follow, and the corporate suits would resist but eventually they would come around, and the press would do its job again and life would be good. That was the dream."

"What happened?" asked Stephen softly.

Jon snorted. "Reality happened. And now we have poor ratings, shoddy accuracy, no thoughtful debate because the thoughtful debaters aren't interested in us, silly graphics, and no budget for substance or research, much less follow-up."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was my own fault. We tried to have everything at once; we bit off more than we could chew. But we're getting by. Have been for years. And the Report helps; it has so much energy, and it brings in a different demographic, it's done wonders for the network's overall number of viewers."

"But it's exactly the kind of thing you hated in the first place!" exclaimed Stephen. "A talking head spouting unresearched and poorly-informed opinions, shouting at anyone who disagrees, polarizing every debate and shutting down nuanced, thoughtful discussion. Why on Earth would you give that Stephen his own show?"

For the ratings, for the advertising dollars, for the way he looked at me and said, Please, Jon, give me a chance...

"Did he do something to you?" continued the other Stephen.

"What? No! Why would you think that?"

"We've alluded to it on my show a couple of times -- that the character somehow blackmailed you. Or that you just needed to get him out of the studio, and this was the easiest way to ditch him."

"It's not like that at all!"

"What is it like, then? Why did you give him a show?"

"Because he asked for it," said Jon.

That, at least, seemed to shut the other Stephen down.

When he spoke again, it was calmer, more subdued: "Do you ever stand up to him?"

"Of course I do!"

"When was the last time?"

Jon thought back; it wasn't hard. "A couple of months ago. It was even during a toss, so there's a video record if you want to see."

"No, I think I remember it," said Stephen. "The Ron Paul one? Where you said you'd had him as a guest the week before..."

"That's the one. And you -- I mean, not you, you know what I mean -- got all upset, thinking I was trying to steal your thunder..."

"...and you said 'Every time we do the toss, all I get is the attitude! I'm sick of it! I want a little respect!'"

Jon remembered it vividly, years of pent-up anger and frustration breaking their bonds and rushing forth, lashing out at Stephen because Stephen, fool that he was, had charged right into their path; and it was painful to hear this man talking about it so casually, because for him it was just a bit, ninety seconds of comedy, acted and laughed at and forgotten...

"And then what?" he asked.

"Well, then I led the audience in slow applause, and you did this grumpy old codger bit when I smiled and waved, and then you said 'Ah, acting!', and that was it. Moment of Zen. How did it go for you?"

"You -- he -- he did the slow clapping, but without the smiling or waving, just that disdainful look that you two are so good at. And there wasn't really anything I could say to that before the camera cut back to me."

"Did you talk about it afterward?"

"Did you?"

"Well, no, but we're only in-character when we're on camera. You live these lives twenty-four-seven. You must have said something about it."

"The next time we talked, he just acted like it had never happened."

"And you went along with that?"

"Why not? I stood up for myself. It was very cathartic. And then we went back to being friends, no mess, no fuss."

Stephen shook his head. "How the hell are you friends with him?"

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

I think I'm getting the feeling of what Vicodin withdrawal is like. Come on, Ptah, just one more hit! One more to get myself together and then I'll get clean, I swear!

For the ratings, for the advertising dollars, for the way he looked at me and said, Please, Jon, give me a chance...

Aw, "Jon's" story is so sweet and sad.

I remain worried about "Stephen," but I found Eric and Allison arguing with Jon about whose fault the addiction was pretty amusing. It's an interesting question, whether they are like conduits for this alternate universe and it feeds into their writing, or if what they write is a framework for the other universe and the gaps are somehow filled in.

(Also, when you said Ed was at a paper factory, my first thought was, "Why is he on Heroes?")

You're getting that feeling from my skillful writing of "Stephen", or from wanting the next chapter of this story?

"Sweet and sad" is going to characterize a lot of what "Jon" does, I'm afraid.

It's an interesting question, and for the moment I'll leave it at that =)

(I haven't watched Heroes for a long time. But it did amuse me when Ed briefly returned to TDS and announced that his Office role was an undercover investigation. Ditto for Rob's explanation of his absence.)

Oh... the way Jon's heart skips when he hears "My Jon" == that made MY heart skip. Wonderful.

"Jon" is a total sweetheart that way.

Thank you ♥

From wanting the next chapter. They are well-written, but short. But that's good for always leaving them wanting more. Unless you're the one who wants more. ;)

(The paper factory thing in Heroes was in the first season, if I'm correctly remembering what Noah's cover was.)

Ed is undercover at a paper factory in Scranton. Steve is a reporter at Eyewitness News Channel 7. Rob is on stakeout in an airport men's room. And Mo, well, Mo's still blogging.

For some reason that had me laughing for ages...

Ahh I can't really figure out what to think of Jon! You're making me feel much more sympathy towards "Stephen" than I've had before...

I'm glad I included it, then =)

I have an enormous amount of sympathy for "Stephen", so it's good that that's translating. But you should feel okay sympathizing with Jon, too. Remember, his friend has vanished, and been replaced with this angry stranger whom he has no unscripted experience in dealing with. He's in a complicated place, and he's not at his best right now.

Most excellent. Hang in there ^_^

(Ah. Nope, don't remember that at all. Oh well.)

Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself (about Jon). I think I should just get used to having huge amounts of sympathy for all of them!

That's a real person in there, Jon! You were the first of us to realize it, so why can't you treat him like one?"

Yay, Allison!

I feel so for poor, whipped Jon. I'm glad the real Stephen is around to help him regrow a backbone.

It's good to have an Allison.

"Jon" is more complex than that, as you will see -- and at the moment Stephen's being a bit whippy himself. (Not that I blame him. He's slightly stressed out right now.)

OH! The angry Jon toss! How cool that you wrote that in.

Why though is real Jon being so insensitive? Surely he wouldn't suggest they actually get pills for "Stephen"? Or does he not think that's a real person? Or is it?

AAAAAH confusion! It's good though. :)

I love the angry Jon toss. I'm surprised there wasn't more fic about it; I took it on in Expecting, I took it on here, and I have at least two more ways I'm going to approach it in fic.

Jon is in a complicated place right now. He is used to "Stephen" being a layer worn by Stephen for comedic purposes. Without Stephen underneath, all Jon saw at first was the outer layer; it's taking him time appreciate that the real-person "Stephen" has complex inner workings of his own. On top of that, he has never dealt with "Stephen" outside of a script, and he doesn't know how to do so gracefully (unlike "Jon", who has lots of practice); and he doesn't know where his Stephen is, which is stressing him out and making this whole thing harder.

We're reaching the midpoint of the story, and with it the peak of problematic behavior from the characters. Hang in there. Turning points are coming.

You know, each time I said "I can't wait for the next chapter" I already really meant it, but this time..GAH torture us, why don't you ! D:

Jon's heart skipped a beat, the way it did every time this other Stephen said that--

For the ratings, for the advertising dollars, for the way he looked at me and said, Please, Jon, give me a chance...
Aw "Jon"... You manage to transcribe his feelings so well.

Also, your fics keep making me realize how much I love "Stephen" as much as Stephen and everybody else.
And I would give him Vicodin >__>

On one hand, this gives me something to look forward to every two days, on the other hand I think I might spontaneously combust from the wait. (Spellcheck is telling me I spelled "combust" wrong, but I am way too lazy for a dictionary)

Umm. Right, so this was awesome and I missed "Stephen" and I am absolutely in love with "Jon". And, in all honestly, the entire story.

In this story, for probably the first time, I've been pretty good at lining up "dramatic moments" with "chapter endings".

"Jon" is a dear. I'm so glad you like him, and "Stephen" too.

Although that is definitely a bad expression of said love. Withdrawal sucks, but addiction is worse.

"Combust" is spelled right; don't know what's up there.

There will be "Stephen" in the next chapter, never fear. And thank you ♥

I have the last confirmation that this is officially one of my favorite stories now: when I reach the end of the chapter, I start whining (to myself, mind you, I haven't gotten that bad yet),

"It's over already?" like a three-year-old. Good stuff! :^D

I love sorting out how much of The Daily Show is considered artifice. The Colbert Report is easier to identify, obviously, but since Jon, as umpteen articles have noted, is essentially "playing himself", how much then is The Daily Show "fake" news? Hee, I'm glad the green screen came into play. When they did that bit with John Oliver, I was a little
"NOOOOOO! Breaking the fourth wall!!!" But I love that you've incorporated their stated reason for doing it.

And the writers debating whose at fault for "Stephen"'s personality! I like that they've kind of come around to the realization that "Stephen" is really not Stephen. Um, right?

*won't ask as so not to spoil*

I LOVE THIS. I also have no brain today. So I bring love and nothing else.

I had that John Oliver bit very much in mind when trying to work out how much of this TDS would be faked. It gave me an explanation for any fourth-wall-breaking, green-screen-revealing bits in canon; and it adds a layer of complexity to what would otherwise be a standard news show.

Yes, the writers have worked out that "Stephen" is not Stephen. What they don't know is whether they somehow created this separate entity.

And I'm glad the story is so gripping for you =D

I can deal with that. Thank you =)

I want Jon to be nicer to him! I understand why he isn't (I think) but still, stop being mean, Jon! I'm really enjoying the conversations between Stephen and "Jon" :)

Me likey the differences between Jon and 'Jon' that were illustrated here. Jon's acting like 'Stephen's' still not real. I think that he's still in shock (and still a bit angry) with Stephen trying to jump him. With 'Jon' though, I'm as exasperated as Stephen is. Well...Kinda reminds me of how I am with one of my best friend. I mean it! I'm like 'Stephen'/Jon/Stephen and he's like 'Jon' in a way. I don't jump him though.

I adore the extra bits of information about the correspondents/ex-correspondents. 'Jon's' little back story is tear-inducing though. He was so full of hope, so full of vigor.... and how ironic is it that he's now clinging to something he was against in the first place. Sort of concerned with the Vicodin part with 'Stephen' though. Yes, I'm horrible for saying sort of, but I sort of...still have a sadistic tendency to see him in pain. I don't know WHY.

Creepy. And so that is what Mo is up to now...Other than being Anderson's secret French maid, of course.

I've talked a little in other comments about what's going on in Jon's head. Don't worry; Allison's snap here is a turning point.

And thank you!

An excellent observation. Jon isn't exactly angry about being jumped, but he doesn't know how to handle it gracefully, and he's too stressed at the moment (what with not knowing where his own Stephen is) to be very good at it.

This is a poor "Jon" chapter. He is, however, more complex than you and Stephen yet realize -- as you will see.

I don't want to spoil things, but this has been developing throughout the story already: if you enjoy seeing "Stephen" in pain, you'll like this fic. (It sort of veers into hurt/comfort territory, and this bit is the hurt.)

This story deserves long thoughtful meta for every single chapter! I wish I had time to do that! :D

I think I see where you're going with Stephen - showing him the ways that his character is sympathetic, maybe encouraging him to explore those aspects more when he gets back. Surely he (real Stephen, not either of the characters in your story!) knows how sympathetic and lovable "Stephen" can be, though, if *anyone* does, other than us! So, I'm still thinking about that.

And oh, Jon. I wonder if he's treating "Stephen" as less than real because he's already subconsciously dreading idea that Stephen might not come back?

I'm intrigued by the idea that "Jon" wanted to change the system from the inside. Does he have a substantially different history than Jon, that drove him in that direction rather than comedy? Did "Jon" inherit the show from "Craig" fully-formed as a real news show? Will "Jon" decide to re-label his show as a comedy at the end of the story and get a ratings boost? *g*

I long for more character development! *g*

I like your thoughts on Stephen. The next chapter will deal directly with several of them =3

You're quite right about Jon's fears. They aren't leaving him in a good state to deal with things gracefully.

The way I think of "Jon" is, he got the same start but has a different personality, which led him down a similar path but for different reasons. He's not as daring or confident as Jon; he goes with the flow. He probably had a local news show, not a talk show; he had a brief and nondescript film career, but never considered himself an actor; and anything that Jon doesn't talk about on the show (other shows he produces, movies he's pitched, standup he does), "Jon" simply doesn't do.

Like Jon, "Jon" inherited TDS from his local version of Craig Kilborn, had a vision, and tried to implement it. Unfortunately, "Jon" didn't have the self-assurance to actually pull it off.

More character development is definitely on the way.

Forgot to comment on this, but better late than never, right?

Since you asked for concrit, I have a minor niggly, so I'll take that first. I thought Jon, Allison and Eric were just a little quick to accept that this is another version of Stephen, rather than him having gone insane. I realize it's hard to write that sort of thing realistically (because you're writing a fantasy story after all), but it struck me as perhaps a little rushed. Nothing that detracted particularly from my enjoyment of the story though. Otherwise, great job as always! I gave you a rec in my journal. :)

You know, it's funny - I always identify with Stephen. I can write Jon, but not very well, and I have no idea what he's thinking. But in this? I'm so there! When Allison said "That's a real person in there, Jon! You were the first of us to realize it, so why can't you treat him like one?" I was going "But he's not!!" Hehehe... So yeah. :p

*runs off to read next chapter*

I didn't want to have the "here" side of the story stalled in the "what's going on?" stage for too long; it would have gone in circles, when the really interesting part is how the writers interact with their character come to life. So, yeah, I rushed it a little, I know. (It would have gotten really boring otherwise, believe me.)

So now this story has been illuminating for people regarding "Stephen", "Jon", and Jon. That's very cool.

Thank you! For the critical and the uncritical meta =)

Jon remembered it vividly, years of pent-up anger and frustration breaking their bonds and rushing forth, lashing out at Stephen because Stephen, fool that he was, had charged right into their path; and it was painful to hear this man talking about it so casually, because for him it was just a bit, ninety seconds of comedy, acted and laughed at and forgotten...

"And then what?" he asked.

"Well, then I led the audience in slow applause, and you did this grumpy old codger bit when I smiled and waved, and then you said 'Ah, acting!', and that was it. Moment of Zen. How did it go for you?"

"You -- he -- he did the slow clapping, but without the smiling or waving, just that disdainful look that you two are so good at. And there wasn't really anything I could say to that before the camera cut back to me.”

…Oh God.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Fake News: The Thing With Feathers, Chapter 8

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject