ptahrrific | Synopsis - Fake News: Jon Almighty

Entry tags:

Synopsis - Fake News: Jon Almighty

Four Fake News Stories Erin Will Never Write, And One That Accidentally Got Written While Doing This (3)
Rating: PG
Warnings: Blasphemy, possible mature themes, character death, Serious Religious Business
Disclaimer:
Please, make no mistake:
these people aren't fake,
but what's said here is no more than fiction.
It only was writ
because we like their wit
and wisecracks, and pull-squints, and diction.
We don't mean to quibble,
but this can't be libel;
it's never implied to be real.
No disrespect's meant;
if you disapprove, then,
the back button's right up there. Deal.

Summary: A couple of chunks of this spontaneously wrote themselves while I was summarizing. The rest is probably never going to happen. Features real!Stephen; crossover with Bruce Almighty/Evan Almighty.

One-line summary: Jon is the Second Coming.
Title: Jon Almighty
Characters: Jon, real!Stephen, families, crossover characters

For a Jew to believe in God is good. For a Jew to protest against God is still good. But simply to ignore God–that is not good. Anger, yes. Protest, yes. Affirmation, yes. But indifference? No. You can be a Jew with God. You can be a Jew against God. But not without God.
Ellie Wiesel

Was that a parable, or a very subtle joke?
They Might Be Giants, "God Shuffled His Feet"

In the beginning, there was Bruce (Jim Carrey). Then, there was Evan (Steve Carell). Now God (Morgan Freeman) has appeared to Jon, and informed him that he's the Second Coming of Christ.

Jon, being Jon, is completely uninterested in announcing this to the world. He admits the experience to his wife, who manages not to dismiss him as a complete lunatic, although she privately suspects it was just a bad dream.

And then they're on vacation at the beach one day, and somebody's little girl gets caught in a rip tide, and there's really nothing for it but to run out there and save her. On top of the waves.

As Jon is walking back to the beach, terrified kid in his arms, cell phones are flashing and cameras recording. "If all of you could just keep this to yourselves," he says awkwardly, "and not start uploading it to YouTube or anything, that would be great."

("You know what the headline on Fox is going to be tomorrow," his wife remarks.

"What's that?"

"'Jon Stewart Can't Swim.'")

The news spreads like wildfire, much to Jon's dismay. Naturally, his aversion to self-promotion only fans the fervor of the people who believe it, and doesn't stop the rest of the world from mocking him mercilessly or condemning the whole thing as serious blasphemy. But the story is here to stay, especially when Jon's face starts appearing on grilled bread products across the globe.

Self-proclaimed followers start showing up at the studio looking for wisdom and healing. Jon really doesn't know how to handle them, but how can he not try his best? A couple of miracle cures, and now people are starting to take him seriously, even though he doesn't feel like he has any better advice than he did before the whole thing started.

In the middle of all this, Stephen is the one person close to Jon who outright refuses to accept it. At first he figures it's just a handful of fans gone overboard ("you know, there's been a song on the Internet about this for a while now"), and laughs it off ("all this time, I figured my fans were the most over-the-top bunch!"). Then Jon reluctantly admits that he believes it.

Things get awkward fast. Stephen has a sense of humor about his religion, but at the core he does have serious faith, and he's hurt by the idea that Jon would mock it like this. Jon, meanwhile, doesn't like the situation at all, and was counting on being able to lean on Stephen for support. The complete lack thereof is a serious blow.

As the tension builds, God shows up again. Turns out he forgot to mention something before: Jon's supposed to be setting up for the Apocalypse.

Jon starts tentatively trying to work "how to prepare your soul for the end of the world" into the show. This forces everyone from his friends to the staff to the network execs to start splitting along the lines of "we support him (whether or not we believe him)" to "we think he needs to be stopped." It doesn't help that various angry groups of all faiths are starting to call for boycotts (even as some of their members start to defect). Sponsors start to pull out—except for those few that turn out to be headed by believers.

With unwanted bits of omniscience flashing into his mind, Jon learns that he's on the verge of being fired, and books a private flight to Virginia to see Congressman Evan Baxter.

(Bruce and his family are also visiting the Baxters, as Bruce and Evan have ended up bonding over their shared vision-of-God. Joan Girardi may drop in as well.)

After Jon apologizes for mocking Evan's whole building-an-ark thing on his show (Evan Almighty is so awesome for including this, by the way), they have a group heart-to-heart. The others point out that they always come around to doing what God tells them to in the end, and it always turns out well. Still, Jon really isn't sure this Apocalypse thing is a good idea in the first place, and says so.

Being in the presence of so many people who believe "God showed up and talked to me", without being overwhelmed by it, turns out to be incredibly healthy. By the time they all sit down to dinner, Jon is turning the water into martinis and making sure they have plenty of extra breadsticks.

As he begins to actually get comfortable with his role, Jon starts seriously flexing his omniscience muscles. He still isn't thrilled with the idea of the world ending. And if he's actually divine, here, he should be able to come up with a way to stop it.

*

Flash forward.

*

It's the day after Jon's death, and rumors are flying.

The family is trying to keep the services quiet, but believers and would-be followers are determined to track them down. Conflicting stories about the cause are traded back and forth. Websites have sprung up with three-days-from-time-of-death countdowns; others are already reporting sightings. His visage is appearing on record amounts of toast.

Some say Stephen was the one who called the ambulance, the one that arrived too late. Others say Stephen was the one who killed him.

Either way, Stephen has gone MIA, and Evelyn can't get a straight answer out of anyone.

Then her home phone (the one with the number they only give out to friends) rings. It's a stranger. "Our Lord Jon gave me this number; he said to remind you to check your mail."

There's a letter from Jon, postmarked before the death, in her mailbox. As if that isn't creepy enough, it gives her a set of directions and explains that this is where to find Stephen. (As a P.S., it tells her not to be afraid.)

It isn't just the letter and the call, either. Jon has seeded her whole journey with believers. The cop who pulls her over for speeding, the gas station attendant, the kid working the register at the fast food place where she stops after realizing that she hasn't eaten all day: each one was warned beforehand to expect her, and each one cheers her on. It's dizzying.

She ends up at a dilapidated little rural church. Stephen's alone in the sanctuary.

To say he's stunned is putting it mildly. He's also clearly been in tears for a while now.

Though she sympathizes with his grief, Evelyn's pretty angry. "I know this isn't easy for you, especially since you don't believe he's coming back; but you can't just disappear on us like that!"

Stephen shakes his head. "You don't understand. At the end—I believed him."

*

Back.

*

After the post-show wrap, Stephen is informed that Jon is waiting for him on the roof. "And, please, I really think you should go see him, because I asked if he would heal my brother, and he said he was sorry, but he hadn't figured out cancer yet, and I hadn't told him it was cancer in the first place...."

Reluctantly, he climbs the stairs. It's a cloudy night; it's darkish outside. Jon's there.

"You still don't believe me."

"...I believe you think you are who you say you are. Because you wouldn't hurt this many people for a joke." You wouldn't toy with me like this for a joke. "But you're not the first person to think they're the Messiah, and you won't be the last. It's a delusion, Jon. You need help."

Jon smiles. "I knew you'd say that. Come over here and look at the moon with me." When Stephen hesitates, partly because the moon is well and truly behind the clouds, Jon adds, "Just humor me a minute, okay?"

So they stand at the edge of the roof, looking up at the sky.

This is the point where the clouds part, a shaft of moonlight falls down directly on Stephen, and a voice he hasn't heard for three and a half decades announces, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased."

Cue the openmouthed awe.

"You would not believe how many strings I had to pull to get that to work," remarks Jon.

Everything Stephen thought he knew shatters and rearranges itself. He sinks to his knees.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! None of that!" stammers Jon, dropping down to his level. "I don't need another worshipper, okay? I've got more than enough of those right now as it is. What I need right now is a friend."

*

Stephen can't quite believe how easily everything falls into place. Once he's accepted the premise, the rest just sort of follows naturally.

(It's as if part of him knew all along that Jon Stewart was God.)

"...and so, basically, I'm supposed to help put together the Apocalypse. You know, destroy the world."

"But I like the world."

"So do I. That's why I don't want to do it."

"Are you allowed? I mean, if God...the God...wants it done...."

"Look, I know your people have a bit of a thing for meekly following God's will," says Jon. "Which, yeah, there's a time and a place, but you look at our tradition, you see a whole bunch of people arguing with God. Some of them even win. And I think that's what I'm supposed to do."

"That takes..."

"...chutzpah?"

"You could say that."

"But I think it's all in the plan. I'm starting to get the idea that this is the whole point of having the Supreme Being incarnated as a human every few thousand years. So that there will be someone with the will and the way to convince God to put off the End of Days a while longer. I...think this is what I did last time, too."

He pauses, giving as much time as Stephen needs for it all to sink in.

"But I can't pull this off the way I am now."

Stephen doesn't understand, and says so.

"I need to die, Stephen."

The world stops turning.

"And these days, you can't just insult Caesar and earn yourself a quick death sentence."

When Stephen finds his voice again, he breathes, "How can you be so calm about this?"

"Calm?" Jon laughs. "Stephen, I'm terrified. That's why I need your help."

"Don't ask me to kill you."

Jon shakes his head. "I wouldn't do that. But if you could...maybe hold my hand?"

*

And forward.

*

I don't know how to end this one.

There's always the "triumphant return" scenario, full of dramatic irony. Jon starts reappearing. Dropping in on an executive meeting and gently warning them not to cancel TDS or TCR. Sitting down at a bar and buying drinks for a couple of believers who don't recognize him until after he's left. Someone plays doubting Thomas. Someone else runs into him on a flight to Damascus. And so on.

Problem is, while there's a lot of "why yes, I am awesome" and "I told you so!" on Jon's behalf, it's also on behalf of Jesus/God/(this-version-of)-Christianity. And the world gets enough of that from actual Christians already.

Another possibility, the "ambiguous but hopeful" scenario, has Jon not coming back at all. But Stephen has faith that Jon's failure to return either means he's still arguing his case with God, or has succeeded. Either way, since the world is still around, he knows it's all for the best.

Which does leave open a slight possibility that Jon was simply delusional from the start. This kind of ambiguity grates on me.

And then there's the "let's follow Jon as he descends into Hell and three days later makes it to Heaven," which would actually track his conversations with God, and probably throw the Devil in there. (And possibly the Antichrist: "Here, Jon, meet your nephew.")

But of course that one runs the risk of getting theme-park-y and silly, and it's on a completely different scale from the rest of the story, which would probably just throw the whole thing out of whack.

I would like to write a scene where still-dead Jon hijacks the first Wørd after the show's return, comforting Stephen that way. Even if Wørd-made-flesh puns have been done to death by now.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh man, this would be an epic read however you decide to end it. All I can think of is what would happen if you tossed in some Good Omens for good measure, heh.

Now there's an idea.

"Another day, another Apocalypse to be stopped..."

Jon meeting grown!Adam!

...Now I'm just going to be contemplating an ending for all eternity.

Interesting take on Good Omens.

After Jon apologizes for mocking Evan's whole building-an-ark thing on his show (Evan Almighty is so awesome for including this, by the way)
...What, does Jon have a cameo on the show? *tilts head* I didn't see the movie, what is it?

It's a movie, and yep - there are a couple of clips of Jon mocking Senator Baxter's ark-building efforts. (They're the kind of congressional craziness that TDS thrives on.)

Hmm, we might need a few more chapters for that Bible book...oh, goodness, would that be fun or what? This story idea is, as my FSM t-shirt says, sacrilicious.

If you were going to actually write this, it would be really cool to include a Peter-figure. "Say, didn't you used to work for The Daily Show?" "...No." "Really? I coulda sworn I saw you with that J--" "Nope. Never met him in my life." -- repeat twice more.

A reference that kept coming to my mind while reading this:
"First I saw God, then I was God." -- Bender, Futurama

~A. Fann

Ooh. Yes, that would definitely have to be on the list.

Bender!God and Jon!God. Either one sounds like a party =D

Bender!God and Jon!God. Either one sounds like a party =D
"Our God is an awesome God" indeed.

~A. Fann

... not sure why, but I really really like Rob Riggle for Peter.

These summaries are getting more and more epic! I really like this idea.

FWIW, on your issues with the ending, I don't think I would mind the 'why, yes, I am awesome'/'I told you so!' on behalf of Christianity if it came from Jon, partly because he's Jon, and his version of that would be some weirdly humble thing, (plus, what he represents is just so inherently decent and reasonable) and partly because, well, you're a talented writer.

(And I second the idea of throwing in a splash of Good Omens. Even just some passing references. Talk about a crowning moment of awesome.)

One thing I'm confused about, though--why does Stephen continue to doubt, especially after that whole 'walking on water' incident? Isn't that kind...um. Substantial evidence? I mean, it's no stretch to think of "Stephen" blithely refusing to believe what's in front of his own eyes, but the real person?

Dammit, Erin! You've got me all interested in this 'verse now! *shakes fist* =P

Yeah, Jon himself would definitely manage not to be obnoxious, no matter what happened. (Thus why he's ideal for this job.)

Trouble is that the narrative would have to get caught up in the awesomeness - really, if this were done right, the readers would be cheering every five minutes during the last chapter or two. And I'm not sure I could pull that off, partly because the "on behalf of Christianity" factor would grate on me, no matter how many readers didn't mind.

This definitely wouldn't work as a "Stephen" story. The character's faith is very arbitrary; some authority figures told him to believe this, so he believes it. (And it's fragile; he would toss out any of it in a heartbeat if intimidated enough.) The actor - you get the sense that his faith is meaningful. He's considered it; he's had it tested; he's lost it, and found it again; he walks with it, he's comfortable with it, he's secure in it. It's a much weightier thing.

But this means that "Okay, now take that intense and personal lifelong relationship you have with your Savior, and redirect it to me" is a huge thing for Jon to ask.

(This on top of the "I already know this guy" factor. There's a reason Jesus wasn't accepted by the folks back in Nazareth.)

Stephen does (presumably) believe in saints, angels, and miracles. Having an ordinary person walk on water (especially to save a kid) is not beyond the zone of reasonable doubt. After all, it wasn't just Jesus who did that one; Peter pulled it off too. Simpler to believe Jon is a Peter, whose head got a little unscrewed afterwards with the encouragement of a lot of overenthusiastic fans.

Jon isn't really the kind of guy who would show off a series of other miracles in order to make his point, and Stephen isn't the kind of guy who would ask him to. Besides, that would feel kind of cheap ("Clearly I'm God; just watch me pull a rabbit out of this hat!"). What Jon eventually does by way of proof is (hopefully) profound enough that it fits the situation.

...clearly I don't actually need to write out the story to carry on about it =3

Oh, I totally got the choice for Stephen instead of "Stephen." You're absolutely right. Stephen's faith is thoughtful and important. "Stephen"'s faith is just another desperate ploy to prove that he's Really A Good Boy. I was just saying that not believing the blatantly transparent seemed more like him than the actor. But your explanation made sense, and presumably, were you to change your mind and write this, it'd be clear in the story. I was just confused, because, obviously, I do not know how to accept the fact that a summary is not a fully-fleshed out story, and some details will get left out. =P

No worries. This emotional arc is kind of an essential part of the story, so it's good that you made me explain it ^_^

asdfghjkl; This idea makes me flail so hard and I think I want to read some more of it.

You've already seen the good bits! (But thank you =D)

...You are a goddamn tease.

Please continue! *grin* (Teasing, I mean. Though I would not object to the long version of this.)

You know you love it XD

Thanks!

(That's it, tease me, baby. Rrowr. XD)

I have a history of fic-related masochism. ;)

Oh. My. God.

My comment got sent before I finished, I was going to add that this sounds totally awesome on an epic level.

Oh, good, it was the approving kind of "oh my god" =D

Thanks!

As a long time fan and serious devotee of both you and Jon, I think you really, REALLY need to write this and Jon's Inferno.

Would it be possible for you to combine the two? At the end of Jon Almighty Jon descends to Hell and begins the Uber-Nerd-Out-Squee-Fest that is Dante's Inferno Crossovers? The only possible problem I can see, (And of course, this is just going by your summaries, I don't dare presume this is all the ideas you have), is the narrative shift into verse for Jon's Inferno, but as you already suggested, you could cover that with Jon's "WTH is going on" ...

I'm sorry. I just realized I ranted on and on about the epic combination of two stories you have sworn to never write.

...

(But never say never?)

The Stephen-vs-"Stephen" dilemma also throws a bit of a wrench in the gears there, I'm afraid. Still, that would be an awfully epic combination.

It's not so much "have sworn never to write" as "will probably not get around to." So, never say never - I just don't want you to get your hopes up only to have them crushed :\

But thank you for the confidence!

Question: what's Jon's wife doing in all this? Does she believe after the walking on water incident? How does she take her husband's death?

(Come to think about it, does Jon have any kids in this 'verse?)

--

Problem is, while there's a lot of "why yes, I am awesome" and "I told you so!" on Jon's behalf, it's also on behalf of Jesus/God/(this-version-of)-Christianity.

I'm not really sure I see the problem (sorry if I'm being thick). An amount of "I told you so!" seems (to me) to be unavoidable given in the premise - the Christian belief that there was a Christ and He will come again has to be true.

(Haven't seen Bruce Almighty or Evan Almighty - did they avoid it, or just not care?)

--

Another possibility, the "ambiguous but hopeful" scenario, has Jon not coming back at all.

You could go for something like that, but make it less ambiguous by piling on the hints that it wasn't all a delusion.

e.g. On the third day since Jon's death, his followers all receive little miracles. Someone's garden is suddenly filled with their favourite flowers. Someone else finds their allergies are temporarily gone. A missing cat comes back home carrying a long-lost family heirloom. And so on. And the followers all just know, instinctively, what the things mean - and there's a montage of them whispering to themselves that Jon isn't dead, he's just delayed.

Or Jon doesn't return officially, or publically, but he does casually pop round to see Stephen - saying he's sorry, and he knows he's late, but the whole thing is taking way longer than expected, and does Stephen have any ideas on how to justify the existence of lawyers?

--

I wonder if you could have Jon returning from the dead, but keep his (His?) divinity ambiguous? But that would only work if you could find some medical condition that makes the sufferer appear dead for several days. (Hey, you could have a House reference/cameo...)

--

And an idea that won't work in any way - a twist ending! Jon fails. The world ends. Everyone ends up in Heaven enjoying an eternal Moment of Zen.

Jon's wife trusts him, and is remarkably Zen about the whole thing. The kids may be too young to really grasp what's going on (or at least, considered thus by their parents). I expect they withdraw a lot afterwards, especially since the kids are getting told "Daddy isn't dead; he's just gone away for a while," and while their mother believes it, a lot of people think it's a lie to spare their feelings, and an unhealthy one at that.

--

Bruce/Evan Almighty weren't explicitly Christian, just generally monotheist. There were little nods to Christian continuity (the miraculous appearance of fries and fish sticks!), but that's not quite as in-your-face as Jesus Himself Standing Right There.

You're right that the "I told you so!" is kind of unavoidable in the premise. That's...one reason I would have trouble writing the thing in the first place, let alone an ending that had it in stereo :\

--

Oh, man, I love the "tons of little miracles" idea.

...and does Stephen have any ideas on how to justify the existence of lawyers?

I lol'd.

--

Everyone ends up in Heaven enjoying an eternal Moment of Zen.

It runs counter to the major theme of the story, but this does sound pretty awesome.

Bruce/Evan Almighty weren't explicitly Christian, just generally monotheist.

Arc building is rather Abrahamic, though. *shrugs*

--

You're right that the "I told you so!" is kind of unavoidable in the premise. That's...one reason I would have trouble writing the thing in the first place, let alone an ending that had it in stereo :\

Could do some sort of Crossover Cosmology (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CrossoverCosmology) thing, where Christianity turns out to be right (at least to some extent) - but so do all other religions.* But that would be a bit hard to fit with the rest of the story, I think.

Maybe monotheism is right, and there is just the One True Morgan Freeman, but many religions were right about His manifestations and prophets. So while you do have Jesus Himself Standing Right There, you also have cameos from Buddha and Krishna and Muhammad (pbuh) and so on to mollify the effect.

* This gives me the delightful mental image of The Daily Show with Our Lord Jon covering meetings of the United Deities (http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/columnists/miles-kington/miles-kington-united-deities-left-traumatised-by-bushblair-axis-of-confusion-449835.html), but I'm getting a bit too obscure here.

*worships* ;D I also hope you write this one day!

A nice ending might be for Jon to appear once, very briefly, just to Stephen, to say he did what he needed to - enough so the reader knows it wasn't a delusion, but understated and Jon-ish. (And then Stephen could be his Paul, if he wanted to.)

And before that there could be a big epic battle where Jon fights the Beast on the astral plane! XD

I should know better than to reread things while the brainmeats are churning.
Thought on the ending: One way to at least partially avoid the "I told you so!" of the "triumphant return" and the grating ambiguity of "ambiguous but hopeful" could be to sort of combine the two. Do the whole "triumphant return" thing, but ambiguous enough that it's hard to tell if it's really Jon or people being delusional. And end it on a note where it's almost one hundred percent obvious that Jon's returned, but with a hint of ambiguity that could nag at the mind of the more masochistic reader. Something like...I don't know, Stephen enters his office and his eyes widen and he says "Jon?" and then just END. No confirmation. (In the context of an ending like that the Wørd scene could be something along the lines of, it sort of blinks or momentarily goes staticky, like there's clearly some sort of technical difficulty, and then when it clears the words are slightly different and a subtle message to Stephen.)

Ah hell, I want to watch Evan Almighty again. *laugh*

I also like

tamsin_m's thoughts up there. Not that I'm trying to push/pressure you to write this, I know what a pain that can be. I just had all this stuff poke at my brain while rereading and had to babble about it somewhere. This...seemed like the logical place. ^_^

Oh, man, I don't know if this sounds brilliant or sadistic.

As a reader, "are they just delusional?" twists are very possibly the kind I hate the most. (Calvin DOES talk to Hobbes, and Alice darn well went to Wonderland.) But the whole "'Jon?'--cut to black!" ending sounds like it might actually work.

No worries - I love that this is sparking Thought. (And if I ever do write the story out, it'll probably be because something in one of these comments helped it come together ^_^;)

Oh, man, I don't know if this sounds brilliant or sadistic.
It can't be both? ;D

As someone who occasionally wonders if they're delusional, I'm with you on the hate of anything that increases that paranoia. (And yes. I don't care how, but in some form or another, Hobbes was REAL.)

~~Eeeeexcellent, my plan is working perfectly. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!~~ It is, it really is! I almost wish it wouldn't, because I was actually brainstorming at work today, and I'd prefer my brainstorming to be on my own fics. *laugh* (Does Jon speculate that Bruce is sort of his step-father or uncle in a metaphysical way and they act goofy over it? Do they both make fun of Evan for just building a boat? "It was a big boat!")

Um...so I bought Evan Almighty the other day, and watched it. ...And then the next day at work I started writing. ...Apparently it's over six hundred words. Not a huge number, really, but still.

Uh...I'm not sure what to do about it. o_0

Oooooooh. *grabby hands*

Seriously, any of this that you want to write, I would be all over.

The call came during breakfast. "Evan! Hey, hi, it's Bruce."

Frowning in confusion, Evan prompted, "Bruce...?"

"C'mon! Bruce Nolan! From WKBW-TV?" There was a laugh. "You haven't forgotten us already, have you? That's it, I'm telling everyone that Evan Baxter's gotten too big and important for the little people."

"Bruce!" Evan exclaimed in surprise, a pleased smile stretching his mouth toward his ears. "How are you, man? How's everyone doing?"

"Good, good." A pause. "S'good."

Evan chuckled. "Wow, I was...not expecting to hear from you."

"Yeaaah, well, y'know, you've been busy."

"...Yeah," Evan agreed, the humor fading from his voice as his smile slid away.

"Building an ark," Bruce pressed.

"Yes, Bruce, I was there."

"Because...God told you to." There was an odd tone in the man's voice that, because it wasn't disbelief, Evan couldn't quite recognize.

A thought hit him suddenly and he frowned. "Bruce, if this is some sort of interview--"

"No! No. No, Evan, this is important!" An urgent note had crept into Bruce's voice. "Don't hang up."

Evan sighed. "Alright, Bruce, what is so important?"

"I need to know if you just heard Him or if He appeared to you."

"Bruce, if I see you quoting me on this--"

"Please, Baxter! This is... This is really important." Bruce took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

For whatever reason, Evan believed him. So he slowly said, "He appeared to me."

"What did He look like?"

Evan thought it over, searching his memory, before answering. "Older black man, a little taller than me--"

"Bearing a striking resemblance to Morgan Freeman?"

Evan's breath caught. "How--?" he croaked.

"I saw Him, too." There was silence for a moment before Bruce continued. He described his own encounter with God and having His powers bestowed on him for a time. His experiences, the lessons he had learned, and eventually, finally, everything being set right again. When he was done, Bruce was again silent for a moment before he said, "Evan? ...Baxter?"

"Youuu...are a horrible person!" Evan said, still stunned by the fact that not only had Bruce made him speak in tongues on air, but only Bruce remembered it. "Why would you--"

"I was jealous!" Bruce protested. "And I'm sorry!"

"You are a sick, sick man, Bruce Nolan," Evan hissed.

"I apologized."

"You got me fired! On purpose!"

"Hey, I didn't have to tell you about that," Bruce said, as if that excused his actions. "But like I said, this is important. So I'm being honest with you."

"So...what, you called me up hoping we could bond over our religious experiences?" Evan scoffed.

"Mm, eh, sort of," Bruce hedged. "But don't you think it's weird? God appearing to both of us?"

Now that he thought of it, it did seem a little strange that God would appear to both of them. Completely aside from the strangeness of God speaking to them at all. "A bit," Evan admitted slowly, staring down at his cereal as if it would provide him with all the answers.

"Something's up, something's coming," Bruce said. He sounded relieved to finally have someone to tell.

"What's coming?" Evan asked, honestly curious.

"I don't know...but you can't tell me you haven't been seeing the signs."

Eyebrows furrowing, Evan slowly said, "Actually...yes. My cereal. It says 'I-N-R-I'."

"Are you sure?"

"Bruce, I am eating Cheerios. Usually all they say is 'ooooo'."

Bruce started laughing. After a moment, Evan joined in. If their laughter sounded a touch hysterical, no one was around to mention it.

"Ahhh...why didn't we ever hang out?"

"Beeecause you were a jealous bastard with your head up your--"

"I apologized!"

Evan found himself smiling down at his soggy Cheerios, even as they drifted closer to the misplaced letters. Trying not to think of the implications of his breakfast cereal, Evan set his spoon down in the middle of the Cheerio cross in his bowl and began making plans with Bruce.

Thing is, I couldn't remember for sure if everything did get returned to normal with only Bruce having memories of the craziness. It's been a while since I saw Bruce Almighty, and Wiki didn't say.

Aaand I wasn't sure if you had something specific in mind for the first meeting between Jon and God.
Though I did want Jon to point out, at some point, the lack of resemblance and God to say something along the lines of "What is it you say in one of your routines? 'Jews and blacks share the same history: two thousand years of bullshit.' Heh, that one always makes me smile."

*flail* I honestly did not mean to put this much thought into it, but it's really just such an awesome idea! o.o

AAAHHHH.

"Actually...yes. My cereal. It says 'I-N-R-I'."

"Are you sure?"

"Bruce, I am eating Cheerios. Usually all they say is 'ooooo'."

I laughed for, like, a minute straight.

Clearly we have matching senses of religious humor, and you should be writing a whole lot more of this.

I'm pretty sure God put everything back to normal, but other people did remember the craziness; they just wrote it off as One Of Those Weeks. And, no, I didn't have the first Jon-God meeting planned (the original post here contains pretty much every thought I had come up with). But that line is awesome, and definitely needs to show up at some point.

...Cheerio crosses. *giggle*

Okay, one tiny addendum: I threw in another epigraph at the start of the post. Because the quotation was much too apt not to use.

That is a brilliant quote. *_* Especially in this context.

Note: If I wrote (co-wrote?) an actual fic with this plot, I would probably name it "The Way Things Are Going." I leave it to you to get the reference. ;)

Isn't it, though? Heard it the other day, loved it immediately.

...I am missing the reference completely, sorry D: Give me a nudge?

Wriiiite iiiiit. I will throw you all the help and/or encouragement I can muster.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKdcLkNdUJM *grin* You seem pretty up in your music quotation skills, so I assumed you would get it. ;)

Ahh. I'm not a Beatles fan, which throws a bit of a wrench in that ^_^;

Definitely a song that would need to go on the soundtrack!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Synopsis - Fake News: Jon Almighty

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

No pun intended?

Re: No pun intended?

I really AM quite enjoying these.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

*nervous look*

Re: *nervous look*

A first scene of sorts...

Re: *nervous look*

Re: A first scene of sorts...

Re: *nervous look*

Re: *nervous look*

Re: *nervous look*

Re: *nervous look*

Re: *nervous look*

nervous look

Re: nervous look

Re: nervous look

Re: nervous look

Re: nervous look

Re: nervous look

Re: nervous look

Re: nervous look