Erin Ptah (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ptahrrific) wrote2009-03-23 05:00 pm
ptahrrific) wrote2009-03-23 05:00 pm
Entry tags:
Fake News: The WØRD - Move On
Title: The WØRD - December 27, 2006: Move On
Series: The Colbert Report
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: It ain't my fake news show; I just fake write for it.
Done for the Colboard Report, the fan-produced series of segments that helped TCR addicts on the old Colbert Nation forum make it through a long cold show-free vacation.
___
Sad news today, ladies and gentlemen. Our 38th president, Gerald Ford, died yesterday at age 93. Which brings us to tonight's WØRD.
Move On!
Before some wishy-washy dead-hugging liberal group gets its panties in a twist about this, let me make it clear that this is in no way meant to disrespect President Ford. He was a good and honorable man. Otherwise, the American people wouldn't have elected him as their President.
Yes, I know he technically wasn't elected - he was appointed to the position of Vice President by Richard Nixon to replace Spiro Agnew, who resigned after pleading no contest to charges of tax evasion.
But just because Agnew had a few money problems, doesn't mean he was a bad Vice President. In fact, in terms of speaking ability, the man is almost as prestigious as me! For example, he was the first man to use the word "radiclib", a portmanteau of "radical" and "liberal".
Other phrases he used included "nattering nabobs of negativism", recently plundered by the Center for Media and Public Affairs for the title of a study about the prequel to the Report, The Daily Show with What's-His-Name.
So it was a sad day when Agnew left office for such minor offenses as tax evasion, money laundering, and alleged acceptance of almost thirty thousand dollars in bribes.
Fortunately, Nixon was wise enough to choose a man like Ford to replace him - a man who, as soon as he became president, after Nixon had that other little situation that we don't need to talk about...
...gave Nixon a full presidential pardon.
Of course, this kept him from being prosecuted and held on trial for breaking the law. But this just proves he didn't do it, because American law is based on the principle that you are innocent until proven guilty.
More importantly, Ford's pardon of Nixon was his greatest legacy, because it allowed the nation to do something very important:
Move on.
And that's the WØRD. We'll be right back.
Series: The Colbert Report
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: It ain't my fake news show; I just fake write for it.
Done for the Colboard Report, the fan-produced series of segments that helped TCR addicts on the old Colbert Nation forum make it through a long cold show-free vacation.
___
Sad news today, ladies and gentlemen. Our 38th president, Gerald Ford, died yesterday at age 93. Which brings us to tonight's WØRD.
Move On!
Before some wishy-washy dead-hugging liberal group gets its panties in a twist about this, let me make it clear that this is in no way meant to disrespect President Ford. He was a good and honorable man. Otherwise, the American people wouldn't have elected him as their President.
Yes, I know he technically wasn't elected - he was appointed to the position of Vice President by Richard Nixon to replace Spiro Agnew, who resigned after pleading no contest to charges of tax evasion.
But just because Agnew had a few money problems, doesn't mean he was a bad Vice President. In fact, in terms of speaking ability, the man is almost as prestigious as me! For example, he was the first man to use the word "radiclib", a portmanteau of "radical" and "liberal".
Other phrases he used included "nattering nabobs of negativism", recently plundered by the Center for Media and Public Affairs for the title of a study about the prequel to the Report, The Daily Show with What's-His-Name.
So it was a sad day when Agnew left office for such minor offenses as tax evasion, money laundering, and alleged acceptance of almost thirty thousand dollars in bribes.
Fortunately, Nixon was wise enough to choose a man like Ford to replace him - a man who, as soon as he became president, after Nixon had that other little situation that we don't need to talk about...
...gave Nixon a full presidential pardon.
Of course, this kept him from being prosecuted and held on trial for breaking the law. But this just proves he didn't do it, because American law is based on the principle that you are innocent until proven guilty.
More importantly, Ford's pardon of Nixon was his greatest legacy, because it allowed the nation to do something very important:
Move on.
And that's the WØRD. We'll be right back.
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Nicely done! :D
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=P
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