Erin Ptah (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ptahrrific) wrote2013-09-03 10:25 pm
ptahrrific) wrote2013-09-03 10:25 pm
Entry tags:
Fake News | Jon/"Stephen", Killer, Anthony, family | PG-13 | Shout*For, Intermission, part 4
Title: Shout*For, Intermission, chapter 4/4: The Ties That Bind
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Killer, Anthony, family, others
Rating: PG-13
Contents: Foreplay, alcohol
Disclaimer: See series Table of Contents.
In which Jon finally has a couple of coming-outs, along with a couple of much-needed heart-to-hearts.
With a brief detour involving cameos from The Jaquie Brown Diaries, a New Zealand comedy starring a self-centered, status-obsessed, needy, pouty, and hilarious TV news correspondent played by an actress of the same name. If you enjoy shows with that premise, look this one up some time.
A carpet of shadowed sand lay in rolling dunes below Jon's dangling feet. To his left, past Anthony, was the muted clamor of the boardwalk as seen from an angle where you got just as much of each building's industrial-grey roof as its bright flashy front. To his right was a long slope that fed into the ocean, roaringly loud and impossibly dark.
Surrounded by fans in an environment with no VIP exits to be found, instead of trying to funnel them all the way back to where the car was parked, Killer had steered Jon and his friend onto the skyride. It was as good a way of buying time as any.
"Boy," added Anthony, surveying the scalps of the people who were devoted enough to follow Jon all the way to the loneliest, most boring end of the boardwalk, "they really love you, huh?"
Jon grunted something noncommittal.
"Wish I'd asked for some of their numbers," added Anthony. When Jon groaned, he added, "Hey, just because Huma is an angel doesn't mean I'm not allowed to have a backup plan."
They reached one of the supporting posts that held the cables, their bucket bumping lightly up as it went over the crossbeam. Jon tried not to look. He had a hard enough time convincing his brain that this setup was stable without focusing on the most fragile-looking parts.
"I think we lost all our prize tickets," said Anthony presently.
"Oh, geez," realized Jon. "We forgot Dory."
"Ooh." Anthony paused. "At least it's ironic?"
"That's not funny."
"Dude, relax. It's not like you can't just buy another."
This was true. Of course, it wasn't like Stephen couldn't just buy one for himself, either. It was the principle of the thing.
"You know, you can see the Jersey Shore house from some point up here?" remarked Anthony. "At least, you can in the daytime. I don't know about now. I'm not sure what it looks like from this angle. Do you —"
"I gotta tell you something," said Jon.
Anthony shrugged. "All right. Shoot."
Jon rested his forearms on the metal bar not-buckling them in, and stared at a row of tire tracks down on the sand. Where was he supposed to start? "You'd have to keep it secret, though, okay?"
"You know how much dirt I have on you already? If I was interested in sharing, I'd have a book deal by now."
"Yeah, but I mean, this has to be total. Not a word gets out. Not so much as a hint. Not even if you're with a hot girl who promises she'll throw off all her clothes and jump you right there if you tell her."
"You drive a hard bargain, Leibowitz."
"Are you saying you can't handle it?"
Anthony sighed. "All right, all right, I swear. Not a word. Loose lips sink ships, and all that."
For a second Jon was thrown by the phrasing. Then he realized his friend wasn't making a pun, and probably didn't even know what bonus meaning 'shipping' could have in this context. "Good. Because, first...and again, I will disown you if you ever let this get out...you're right about Stephen."
"Uh-huh. So he really is...?" Anthony waved his hands in what was probably meant to be a demonstratively swishy way.
"Has the soul of a beautiful fairy princess," said Jon. "And before you ask, yes, Olivia is faking her side of the relationship as a way to support him, and no, you still do not have even the tiniest sliver of a chance of getting with her."
"Aww. Does that mean she has a secret non-fake boyfriend?"
"No," said Jon, with perfect if misleading honesty. "But, well. Stephen does."
"Good for him!" said Anthony. "Hey, are you allowed to be telling me this kind of thing?"
"I got...special permission."
It didn't seem to strike Anthony that there was only one way that would make sense. "Cool. So does everyone in the band have secret relationships, or is it just you two?"
"Just us."
"Ah. Do they at least know about each other?"
"Who?"
"Stephen's secret boyfriend and your secret girlfriend! They could form a support group or something."
"Anthony," said Jon. "There's no 'them'. It's just us."
"I don't —" Anthony caught himself before he could finish. Jon could practically see the gears turning. "You...never actually said it was a secret girlfriend, did you."
"I did not."
"Well!" Anthony sat back against his side of the bench-seat. "I'm not sure I approve."
A wave of dizziness hit Jon hard. His palms went clammy, his chest tight; the sand seemed to be receding below them, opening up an endless drop under his feet.
"I mean, I did specify the other day that I hoped Col-bert would find a guy with a big dick, so —"
"Hey, fuck you," said Jon, punching his friend in the shoulder, and not gently, either. The panic was fading, but not as quickly as it had hit. "Don't scare me like that, god."
"C'mon, you know I wouldn't really...."
"Yeah, I know now," snapped Jon.
Anthony considered him for a moment, then, to Jon's surprise, pulled him into a tight, steadying, genuine hug. "Sorry."
With part of his mind still swimming, Jon gave himself permission to cling. Just a little. "Don't worry about it."
The comfort had soaked through him, smoothing over the last of the fear, by the time Anthony spoke again. "So does your family know, or can I not even bring it up around them?"
"They don't know. I'll clue you in once I tell Mom," said Jon, pulling back. Their bucket was approaching the far end of the skyride; only two more posts stood between them and the dropoff, with Killer waiting at the gate and what looked like a couple of uniformed officers holding back a few dozen fans. "And, listen, fair warning...photos of that hug are gonna make the Internet rounds, and the tabloid headline is gonna be Jon Stewart's Secret Boyfriend."
"I, uh, didn't think of that," admitted Anthony uncomfortably.
"Yeah. Sorry."
But his friend was already rallying. "Not that it's a problem! Bring on the Internet sex rumors. If they decide I'm gay, I will take it as a credit to all this time I've been spending at the gym. The important thing is that Huma knows she can trust me." He paused. "As long as the Internet doesn't get the idea that you would top."
~*~
As directed, the car was waiting on the last cross-street by the skyride. Killer shooed Jon in first, then Anthony, then took the last spot in the back seat. Larry's girlfriend was behind the wheel, freeing Larry himself to gape at the crowd before turning back to check on Jon. "Are you okay?"
"Never better," said Jon shortly. "Just drive, will you?"
They peeled away slowly, managing not to run anybody over, and slid off down the street.
"Don't start toward the house yet," said Killer. To Larry, he added, "Tell your mother she might want to get new plates."
"Yessir," said Larry. People tended to say that around Killer, even if they'd never sirred another human being in their lives. "I didn't know it could get...like that."
Jon was in full-on hermit-crab mode, arms crossed, huddled against the side of the car. He wouldn't have been facing his brother at all, but looking out the non-tinted window was an unappealing option and turning his head toward the seat would have just been childish. "You know, I appreciate that you're always gonna see me as the stupid little brother who ruined your Walkman by filling it with glue, once drew cartoon dicks on a school report the morning before you turned it in, and used to think endlessly repeating 'cheese tits' was the height of comedy. But you could at least make the effort to notice that that hasn't stopped other people from seeing me as a currently-successful pop star, and treating me like one."
"I'm sorry, okay? I just told you, I didn't know! I get it now!"
In spite of himself, Jon kind of wanted to cut Larry some slack. But only kind of. "At least tell me you managed to save me some funnel cake."
~*~
Jon's mother gave him a good fifteen minutes of holing up in his room and stewing, then knocked on the door. Jon let her in. He even offered her what was left of the funnel cake (though by now it wasn't much).
"No, you enjoy it," Mom insisted. "You're a growing boy. I can always get my own if I want some."
This was true. She could. Jon had another bite, licking powdered sugar off his fingers and trying not to scatter any on the bed.
"I understand you had an eventful night," his mother began. "How are you feeling?"
"Oh, fine," said Jon. "Just wallowing in the knowledge that I will never...." ...be normal again. "...get to go back there."
"Well, I'm sure you can work up the money to buy your own boardwalk one day," said Mom.
"Gee, thanks."
"I'm only trying to help."
Jon sighed. "I know."
"I've been meaning to come in here and look at your clothes," she continued. "So I can write down all the sizes. I'm sure I've been sending you things that are too small for ages now."
"Suitcase is over there. Go ahead," said Jon, trying not to show his relief. Now he could be rid of the sting of being reminded with every package how far he was from his family, without having to go through the embarrassment of actually telling his mother she no longer knew how tall he was. "And I'm sure I can get someone from the wardrobe department to send you updates, or something."
"Or you could keep me up-to-date yourself," Mom pointed out.
"Mo-om," groaned Jon, only half-joking. "That's what I have people for."
"Of course it is." She gave him that wry, gentle half-smile as she passed, the one he'd started recognizing in the mirror. "My busy celebrity son."
Jon finished the funnel cake, twisting a paper napkin around his sticky hands with only moderate effectiveness. He wasn't going to get a much better setup for a private conversation than this. And after surviving everything else he'd been through tonight, why not take one more plunge? "Hey, um, Mom?"
"Mmhmm?"
"There's something I gotta tell you."
His mother was busy unfolding clothes now. "Go ahead, I'm listening," she said, without looking up from his suitcase.
Well, either Jon would get her full attention with this, or he wouldn't. "You know Stephen Col-bert?"
"Yes? Well, not personally. But he seems like a nice boy."
"Yeah, he is." Jon was cross-legged on the mattress now, fiddling aimlessly with the napkin. "And, listen, I'm really glad you think so. Because he's, well. He's sort of my boyfriend."
There was an excruciatingly long silence.
"Mom? Did you —"
"Sweetie, I will love and support you no matter what, and as long as you two are good to each other I am very happy for you," said his mother quickly. "You'll just have to give me a minute to adjust, okay?"
"...Okay," said Jon, relieved and baffled all at once.
"It's just..." She put down the T-shirt she'd been folding and sat back. "You've always been so very interested in women."
Jon's cheeks flamed. Yeah, he had, and she knew it...in way more detail than he liked to think about. (His twelve-year-old awakening to the existence of free porn on the Internet hadn't come with any understanding of how to cover his tracks. Back when they had used a single family desktop, no less.) "I still am!" he protested. "Just...not exclusively."
"Well, it's always good to try new things," said his mother. Like it was no bigger a deal than, say, trying Korean food for the first time. "You two are being good to each other, aren't you?"
"Yes, Mom."
"And you're being safe? Just because neither of you can get pregnant —"
"Mom!" wailed Jon.
"Don't you 'mom' me, young man. This purity ring business they're putting you through doesn't mean they've skipped your sex education classes, does it? I made it very clear that that had to be part of your tutoring."
Jon buried his face in his hands. "Yeah, I got them." He wasn't sure whether Stephen had, but they could work that out as they went.
"You know how to use a condom?"
"Yes, Mom."
"And have you found a nice, discreet way to get your hands on some?"
"Oh my god, Mom, we haven't even done anything where you'd need them —"
"You are both teenage boys, and I was not born yesterday." She held up a hand before Jon could protest. "I'm not saying I don't believe you. I'm saying that just because you haven't yet is no excuse not to be prepared."
"Okay, okay, I'll get some!" exclaimed Jon. Undercover sex-related purchases were what online shopping was for, right? Or he could hit up one of his friends, or friends-of-friends, who wasn't so famous that a checkout person would think to leak their purchases on Twitter.... "I'll figure something out. I swear. Can we drop it now, please?"
"Of course, sweetheart," said his mother, pleasant as could be. "So, when am I going to get to meet this young man in person?"
~*~
Jon S.
Hey <3 Went well w/both Mom + Anthony. Going to sleep now, but I'll be in all day tomorrow, so call me when you get a chance, ok?
~*~
The lights were out and Jon was on the verge of drifting off when he got another knock. This time it was Larry. Jon considered sending him away, but decided it wasn't worth the effort.
"I wanted to make sure you weren't mad at Gina," his brother began.
Oh, right, Gina was the girlfriend's name. You'd think Jon could remember with it. What with them both starting with G-I, and all.
"Because, I mean, either of us could have said we should go back and find you, but it was my job, not hers."
"Uh-huh," said Jon. "Are you saying that 'cause Mom told you to?"
"...I would have said it even if she hadn't."
Sure he would have. "Won't be mad at Gina. Don't sweat it."
"Good! Good," said Larry, rocking back on his heels in the doorway. He clearly still had something to say. Jon waited for him to spit it out. "And — and I know you're not stupid, okay?"
"Kind of you to notice."
"No, I mean, you're smart!" said his brother sharply. "You pick things up fast, and you understand them enough to break them down for other people — I've heard you doing it with your friends, when you'd have study groups or whatever — and sure, you think dick jokes are way more hilarious than they are, but you also laugh at jokes that are actually complicated, and —"
"Hey, whoa, slow down," mumbled Jon. Smart or not, there was a limit to how much he could follow right now. "Listen, can we maybe finish this tomorrow? I already had my pill, and I'm kinda too loopy to have a great conversation right now."
Larry seemed taken aback. "You're on pills?"
"No, it's fine, it's just Vaxasopor," Jon assured him. "Only on trips. For all the time zone changes. Gotta be able to still get to sleep."
"Oh," said Larry. "Well. Good night, then."
Jon's eyes were already closed. "G'night."
~*~
Stephen burst into the hotel suite well ahead of his sister and Jimmy, tossed his coat and messenger bag on the floor next to his bed, and fell into the desk chair facing his laptop. Filming on the Hobbit set had run long — long enough that it would have risked bumping up against local child labor laws if Stephen had a cameo, which he might or might not, he wasn't telling — and he was about to miss the time he'd said he would be available for a call.
Skype took forever and a half to get running. At last Stephen found the familiar username in his contacts list, opened a call, and was gazing into the face he'd been wanting to see for days. Even getting to see Gandalf's face in person didn't quite make up for it.
"Hi!" he said breathlessly. "How are you doing? Do you miss me? Are you being a good girl while I'm gone?"
On-screen, Briar Rose (cradled in Olivia's arms) looked taken aback, then started frantically searching the room for the source of her missing owner's voice.
"She's being a very good girl," Olivia assured him. "Is your camera on? We're not getting video."
"It's off," said Stephen. "You're brushing her every day, right? And taking her for walks?"
"Are you kidding? You know how hot it is up here? I'm brushing her two or three times a day, and she still can't sit down anywhere without leaving a puppy-shaped pile of fur when she gets up. Turn on your video, this is getting weird. Unless you're still wearing elf ears or something?"
Stephen felt the tips of his ears, just in case. Nope, the only point was the natural one on his weird ear. (Fans said it was cute, but he figured they were just being nice.) "No, my ears are fine. It's...I lost a contact, okay? So I'm stuck wearing glasses until I get home."
"By the way, I'm here too," said Jimmy, coming up behind Stephen. "Hi, Olivia! Hi, Briar Rose."
"Hey, Jimmy. Let me guess. Stephen looks great."
"Are you kidding? He's totally rocking the geek-sexy look."
"I don't want to look geek-anything," complained Stephen.
"Uh-huh," said Olivia. "Which is why you keep letting the paparazzi get photos of you having nerdgasms all over the Hobbit cast."
"That's different!"
While Stephen was complaining, Jimmy reached over his shoulder and switched on the webcam. Stephen had to yank his glasses off in the instant before it loaded.
"Oh, much better," said the Olivia-shaped blur. She directed the blur of Briar Rose's face toward her own screen. "See, girl, your Stephen's right there."
"So, speaking of movies!" said Stephen, changing the subject. "Yours started filming this week, right? How's that going?"
"Not even filming. We just started doing full-cast readings," said the Olivia-blur. "Already so much less fun than our movie, though. Like, the girl who's playing my new stepsister? Jaquie Brown? You ever spent any real time with her before?"
Stephen had bumped into most of the less-famous Disney teen stars at events and whatnot, but he'd only spent time with the ones on the Shout*For show and the ones Olivia knew through Star Girl, not from any of the other series like The Jaquie Brown Diaries or Serita and the Family Singh. "No, why?"
"Urgh, where to start? She acts like she's the big headlining name. Keeps talking to me like I should be grateful for the favor she's doing me, letting me get some press out of this by riding her celebrity coattails."
"Hang on, Jaquie Brown?" said Jimmy. "Isn't she a Nickelodeon girl?"
"Which just proves my point!" exclaimed the Olivia-blur. "I'm a household name! Her, people can't even tell apart from Jackie Clarke!"
"Have you tried sneaking out to a bar with her and getting plastered together?" asked Stephen. "That's what got me and Steve to bond when nothing else could."
"No. I dunno. Maybe I will." She cuddled the squirmy-looking puppy. "But how come they couldn't have made this someone else's big-screen debut instead, huh? Serita Singh's ready for it too, and she's supposed to be super nice and down-to-earth behind the scenes. Would it really be so much to ask to make a movie with two Asian-ish leads?"
Stephen blinked. "Wait — you know I don't see race — Serita Singh isn't white?"
~*~
It was going to be another long day inside for Jon, this time without so much as a grocery run to break it up. Larry and Gina promised to head back to the boardwalk later and pick up as much junk food as he wanted, then took off for the beach.
He had an email from Brian, filling him in on PR's strategy going forward; Mom sat with him as he read it, and helped him write out a reply. Yes, he approved the statement they'd drafted. No, he hadn't been using crude language, he just had a friend with an unfortunate last name. No, he did not want to set up a promotional appearance at any of the seventy-four New Jersey organizations that had invited him to stop by while he was in the state.
A handful of friends had texted him "hope you're okay" type messages. He fired off a boilerplate reassurance-and-thanks to Olivia, Kristen, Tina, Wyatt, and Steve.
When that was finally dealt with, he and Anthony settled in to stream a couple of movies: putting all their real-world burdens aside to escape into a land of terrible writing and worse acting, whose only saving grace was having a ton of hot actresses.
Anthony had plenty of opinions on which of the women on-screen he would, given the opportunity, totally do first. Once Jon determined that he'd never met any of them in person, he joined in — and, when his BFF asked, tentatively pointed out a few male actors he wouldn't kick out of bed either. It was...nice. He'd gone so fast from "what, me, attracted to guys?" to "better make sure it's always clear that Stephen's the guy I want most" that he'd never had a chance to sit down with someone and just...perv out, without any filters or self-censorship, conscious or subconscious.
(It was all pure fantasy, obviously. Nothing unfair to their respective significant others. Especially when the whole reason Jon wasn't watching something with a plot in the first place was so he could walk away in a heartbeat the second Stephen called.)
Halfway through a monster movie where the monster was blatantly plastic, his phone went off.
"It's Stephen," he told Anthony, accepting the call. "You aren't going to be offended if I leave you alone for half an hour, right?"
"Completely sympathetic," said his friend. "But what are you going to do for the other twenty-eight minutes?"
Jon threw a decorative pillow at his head and carried the phone upstairs.
~*~
Jimmy talked briefly with Jon while the call was on speaker, then picked up on Stephen's subtle hints that they needed some alone time, and announced that he'd been meaning to email Tina.
He was even kind enough to close the door when he left.
Stephen had fished a hands-free headset out of his luggage at some point, and he popped this on now, freeing him to lie down and stretch without losing the connection. "Okay, we're alone now. So is your mom ever coming out to LA? Do I get to meet her? You want me to meet her, right?"
"I don't know about LA," said Jon, "but you know how we're going to do that show in New York in a couple months anyway? She promised to be there. Hinted that maybe we should take her out to dinner. And yeah, I'm not worried at all. She's gonna love you in person."
"She better!" exclaimed Stephen. "I work very hard to be lovable!"
Jon's giggle was like music to his ears. "Well, it's working. I told her how it was you who picked out the ring, and how I keep it in the box she sent me. She was charmed as hell, let me tell you."
Stephen rolled over on his stomach on the mattress, sitting up on his elbows. He'd seen the classy little keepsake box with the JSL mongram, but hadn't known..."That box came from your mom?"
"Um, yeah," said Jon. "I have to put it somewhere nice, you know? Can't just throw it in a drawer at the end of the day."
There were unfamiliar fluttery things going on in Stephen's chest. Kind of like the warm feeling you got from being with family, only different, because there weren't any conditions or expectations weighing it down.
"I'm, uh...." Jon's voice went low and velvety-dark. "I'm not wearing it now, though. How about you?"
Stephen hastily tugged off his purity ring. "Nope," he said, tucking it safely in a pocket of his coat. "Not at all."
"Then, do you wanna...fool around?"
"Jon, I don't want to embarrass you, but you should know that there's a tiny logistical problem with your idea."
"No, I mean, like, phone sex? Where we talk about things we'd be doing to each other if we were in the same room. And we, well, how does your religion feel about jerking off? Because mine is okay with it. If you catch my drift."
"Mine is...willing to look the other way." Stephen stretched out on his back again, heels kneading divots in the comforter. "O-okay. We can try it. You start."
"Sure," said Jon. "What are you wearing?"
"Dolce & Gabbana, why?"
Jon sighed. "Okay, let me say this another way. What would I have to do to strip you out of it? Walk me through it. Step by step."
~*~
There were fireworks over the pier, and after some searching Jon's group found an empty stretch of beach where they could spread out a couple of towels and watch. The nearest company was a family with a bunch of kids playing a lax game of baseball fifty yards down; in the gloom they could probably barely tell each other apart, let alone identify Jon. Besides, once the show started, they were too busy watching sparklers scream through the air before lighting up the sky in glittering showers of blue and green and gold.
Jon was strolling along the edge of the wet sand where the waves broke and rushed up over his feet, watching the explosions and enjoying a chocolate cupcake slathered with peanut butter frosting, when he heard from Olivia.
<3 Olivia <3
good newws boo! u wer ttly righr
<3 Olivia <3
jackquie is a barrell of lauhgs when shes smashd
<3 Olivia <3
life of the pqrty :)))
Jon stuffed the rest of the cupcake in his mouth and stuck the crumpled wrapper in his pocket, freeing up his hands to type a reply.
Jon S.
Are you sure you're texting the right person?
<3 Olivia <3
oh sgit
<3 Olivia <3
ment thar for stephen
<3 Olivia <3
ignor plz
Jon S.
Put your phone away until you've slept it off ok?
<3 Olivia <3
ok
<3 Olivia <3
very wise advce jon stewarrt
<3 Olivia <3
c u when u get hpme :)
That wasn't actually right. He would see her at the album launch party, along with Stephen and the others coming straight off their various vacations, and then they would all pile on a plane and go....
Home?
Was LA home now? He still didn't like it much, and didn't feel like he fit in, but somehow enough of it had seeped into his bones that he couldn't just slide comfortably back into the place he'd left in New Jersey, either.
Maybe there was somewhere else waiting for him. Somewhere he'd like to live, where he'd fit in and be comfortable even the way he was now. It wasn't like he couldn't afford to move around: once his contract was up, he could pick out a house anywhere that seemed promising and give it a try. Even if he'd have to go all the way to New Zealand before he found it.
(If he was really lucky, he'd land in a place where Stephen could be happy too.)
In the meantime, though, Jon turned around and ambled back up the beach. California might come more naturally to him in some ways, and it was where most of his friends were...but not all of them, and not his family, either. Awkward as it had gotten sometimes, they did love him, and if he couldn't come back here for good, he should spend as much time with them as possible while he had the chance.
Besides, Larry had the rest of the desserts.
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Killer, Anthony, family, others
Rating: PG-13
Contents: Foreplay, alcohol
Disclaimer: See series Table of Contents.
In which Jon finally has a couple of coming-outs, along with a couple of much-needed heart-to-hearts.
With a brief detour involving cameos from The Jaquie Brown Diaries, a New Zealand comedy starring a self-centered, status-obsessed, needy, pouty, and hilarious TV news correspondent played by an actress of the same name. If you enjoy shows with that premise, look this one up some time.
A carpet of shadowed sand lay in rolling dunes below Jon's dangling feet. To his left, past Anthony, was the muted clamor of the boardwalk as seen from an angle where you got just as much of each building's industrial-grey roof as its bright flashy front. To his right was a long slope that fed into the ocean, roaringly loud and impossibly dark.
Surrounded by fans in an environment with no VIP exits to be found, instead of trying to funnel them all the way back to where the car was parked, Killer had steered Jon and his friend onto the skyride. It was as good a way of buying time as any.
"Boy," added Anthony, surveying the scalps of the people who were devoted enough to follow Jon all the way to the loneliest, most boring end of the boardwalk, "they really love you, huh?"
Jon grunted something noncommittal.
"Wish I'd asked for some of their numbers," added Anthony. When Jon groaned, he added, "Hey, just because Huma is an angel doesn't mean I'm not allowed to have a backup plan."
They reached one of the supporting posts that held the cables, their bucket bumping lightly up as it went over the crossbeam. Jon tried not to look. He had a hard enough time convincing his brain that this setup was stable without focusing on the most fragile-looking parts.
"I think we lost all our prize tickets," said Anthony presently.
"Oh, geez," realized Jon. "We forgot Dory."
"Ooh." Anthony paused. "At least it's ironic?"
"That's not funny."
"Dude, relax. It's not like you can't just buy another."
This was true. Of course, it wasn't like Stephen couldn't just buy one for himself, either. It was the principle of the thing.
"You know, you can see the Jersey Shore house from some point up here?" remarked Anthony. "At least, you can in the daytime. I don't know about now. I'm not sure what it looks like from this angle. Do you —"
"I gotta tell you something," said Jon.
Anthony shrugged. "All right. Shoot."
Jon rested his forearms on the metal bar not-buckling them in, and stared at a row of tire tracks down on the sand. Where was he supposed to start? "You'd have to keep it secret, though, okay?"
"You know how much dirt I have on you already? If I was interested in sharing, I'd have a book deal by now."
"Yeah, but I mean, this has to be total. Not a word gets out. Not so much as a hint. Not even if you're with a hot girl who promises she'll throw off all her clothes and jump you right there if you tell her."
"You drive a hard bargain, Leibowitz."
"Are you saying you can't handle it?"
Anthony sighed. "All right, all right, I swear. Not a word. Loose lips sink ships, and all that."
For a second Jon was thrown by the phrasing. Then he realized his friend wasn't making a pun, and probably didn't even know what bonus meaning 'shipping' could have in this context. "Good. Because, first...and again, I will disown you if you ever let this get out...you're right about Stephen."
"Uh-huh. So he really is...?" Anthony waved his hands in what was probably meant to be a demonstratively swishy way.
"Has the soul of a beautiful fairy princess," said Jon. "And before you ask, yes, Olivia is faking her side of the relationship as a way to support him, and no, you still do not have even the tiniest sliver of a chance of getting with her."
"Aww. Does that mean she has a secret non-fake boyfriend?"
"No," said Jon, with perfect if misleading honesty. "But, well. Stephen does."
"Good for him!" said Anthony. "Hey, are you allowed to be telling me this kind of thing?"
"I got...special permission."
It didn't seem to strike Anthony that there was only one way that would make sense. "Cool. So does everyone in the band have secret relationships, or is it just you two?"
"Just us."
"Ah. Do they at least know about each other?"
"Who?"
"Stephen's secret boyfriend and your secret girlfriend! They could form a support group or something."
"Anthony," said Jon. "There's no 'them'. It's just us."
"I don't —" Anthony caught himself before he could finish. Jon could practically see the gears turning. "You...never actually said it was a secret girlfriend, did you."
"I did not."
"Well!" Anthony sat back against his side of the bench-seat. "I'm not sure I approve."
A wave of dizziness hit Jon hard. His palms went clammy, his chest tight; the sand seemed to be receding below them, opening up an endless drop under his feet.
"I mean, I did specify the other day that I hoped Col-bert would find a guy with a big dick, so —"
"Hey, fuck you," said Jon, punching his friend in the shoulder, and not gently, either. The panic was fading, but not as quickly as it had hit. "Don't scare me like that, god."
"C'mon, you know I wouldn't really...."
"Yeah, I know now," snapped Jon.
Anthony considered him for a moment, then, to Jon's surprise, pulled him into a tight, steadying, genuine hug. "Sorry."
With part of his mind still swimming, Jon gave himself permission to cling. Just a little. "Don't worry about it."
The comfort had soaked through him, smoothing over the last of the fear, by the time Anthony spoke again. "So does your family know, or can I not even bring it up around them?"
"They don't know. I'll clue you in once I tell Mom," said Jon, pulling back. Their bucket was approaching the far end of the skyride; only two more posts stood between them and the dropoff, with Killer waiting at the gate and what looked like a couple of uniformed officers holding back a few dozen fans. "And, listen, fair warning...photos of that hug are gonna make the Internet rounds, and the tabloid headline is gonna be Jon Stewart's Secret Boyfriend."
"I, uh, didn't think of that," admitted Anthony uncomfortably.
"Yeah. Sorry."
But his friend was already rallying. "Not that it's a problem! Bring on the Internet sex rumors. If they decide I'm gay, I will take it as a credit to all this time I've been spending at the gym. The important thing is that Huma knows she can trust me." He paused. "As long as the Internet doesn't get the idea that you would top."
~*~
As directed, the car was waiting on the last cross-street by the skyride. Killer shooed Jon in first, then Anthony, then took the last spot in the back seat. Larry's girlfriend was behind the wheel, freeing Larry himself to gape at the crowd before turning back to check on Jon. "Are you okay?"
"Never better," said Jon shortly. "Just drive, will you?"
They peeled away slowly, managing not to run anybody over, and slid off down the street.
"Don't start toward the house yet," said Killer. To Larry, he added, "Tell your mother she might want to get new plates."
"Yessir," said Larry. People tended to say that around Killer, even if they'd never sirred another human being in their lives. "I didn't know it could get...like that."
Jon was in full-on hermit-crab mode, arms crossed, huddled against the side of the car. He wouldn't have been facing his brother at all, but looking out the non-tinted window was an unappealing option and turning his head toward the seat would have just been childish. "You know, I appreciate that you're always gonna see me as the stupid little brother who ruined your Walkman by filling it with glue, once drew cartoon dicks on a school report the morning before you turned it in, and used to think endlessly repeating 'cheese tits' was the height of comedy. But you could at least make the effort to notice that that hasn't stopped other people from seeing me as a currently-successful pop star, and treating me like one."
"I'm sorry, okay? I just told you, I didn't know! I get it now!"
In spite of himself, Jon kind of wanted to cut Larry some slack. But only kind of. "At least tell me you managed to save me some funnel cake."
~*~
Jon's mother gave him a good fifteen minutes of holing up in his room and stewing, then knocked on the door. Jon let her in. He even offered her what was left of the funnel cake (though by now it wasn't much).
"No, you enjoy it," Mom insisted. "You're a growing boy. I can always get my own if I want some."
This was true. She could. Jon had another bite, licking powdered sugar off his fingers and trying not to scatter any on the bed.
"I understand you had an eventful night," his mother began. "How are you feeling?"
"Oh, fine," said Jon. "Just wallowing in the knowledge that I will never...." ...be normal again. "...get to go back there."
"Well, I'm sure you can work up the money to buy your own boardwalk one day," said Mom.
"Gee, thanks."
"I'm only trying to help."
Jon sighed. "I know."
"I've been meaning to come in here and look at your clothes," she continued. "So I can write down all the sizes. I'm sure I've been sending you things that are too small for ages now."
"Suitcase is over there. Go ahead," said Jon, trying not to show his relief. Now he could be rid of the sting of being reminded with every package how far he was from his family, without having to go through the embarrassment of actually telling his mother she no longer knew how tall he was. "And I'm sure I can get someone from the wardrobe department to send you updates, or something."
"Or you could keep me up-to-date yourself," Mom pointed out.
"Mo-om," groaned Jon, only half-joking. "That's what I have people for."
"Of course it is." She gave him that wry, gentle half-smile as she passed, the one he'd started recognizing in the mirror. "My busy celebrity son."
Jon finished the funnel cake, twisting a paper napkin around his sticky hands with only moderate effectiveness. He wasn't going to get a much better setup for a private conversation than this. And after surviving everything else he'd been through tonight, why not take one more plunge? "Hey, um, Mom?"
"Mmhmm?"
"There's something I gotta tell you."
His mother was busy unfolding clothes now. "Go ahead, I'm listening," she said, without looking up from his suitcase.
Well, either Jon would get her full attention with this, or he wouldn't. "You know Stephen Col-bert?"
"Yes? Well, not personally. But he seems like a nice boy."
"Yeah, he is." Jon was cross-legged on the mattress now, fiddling aimlessly with the napkin. "And, listen, I'm really glad you think so. Because he's, well. He's sort of my boyfriend."
There was an excruciatingly long silence.
"Mom? Did you —"
"Sweetie, I will love and support you no matter what, and as long as you two are good to each other I am very happy for you," said his mother quickly. "You'll just have to give me a minute to adjust, okay?"
"...Okay," said Jon, relieved and baffled all at once.
"It's just..." She put down the T-shirt she'd been folding and sat back. "You've always been so very interested in women."
Jon's cheeks flamed. Yeah, he had, and she knew it...in way more detail than he liked to think about. (His twelve-year-old awakening to the existence of free porn on the Internet hadn't come with any understanding of how to cover his tracks. Back when they had used a single family desktop, no less.) "I still am!" he protested. "Just...not exclusively."
"Well, it's always good to try new things," said his mother. Like it was no bigger a deal than, say, trying Korean food for the first time. "You two are being good to each other, aren't you?"
"Yes, Mom."
"And you're being safe? Just because neither of you can get pregnant —"
"Mom!" wailed Jon.
"Don't you 'mom' me, young man. This purity ring business they're putting you through doesn't mean they've skipped your sex education classes, does it? I made it very clear that that had to be part of your tutoring."
Jon buried his face in his hands. "Yeah, I got them." He wasn't sure whether Stephen had, but they could work that out as they went.
"You know how to use a condom?"
"Yes, Mom."
"And have you found a nice, discreet way to get your hands on some?"
"Oh my god, Mom, we haven't even done anything where you'd need them —"
"You are both teenage boys, and I was not born yesterday." She held up a hand before Jon could protest. "I'm not saying I don't believe you. I'm saying that just because you haven't yet is no excuse not to be prepared."
"Okay, okay, I'll get some!" exclaimed Jon. Undercover sex-related purchases were what online shopping was for, right? Or he could hit up one of his friends, or friends-of-friends, who wasn't so famous that a checkout person would think to leak their purchases on Twitter.... "I'll figure something out. I swear. Can we drop it now, please?"
"Of course, sweetheart," said his mother, pleasant as could be. "So, when am I going to get to meet this young man in person?"
~*~
Jon S.
Hey <3 Went well w/both Mom + Anthony. Going to sleep now, but I'll be in all day tomorrow, so call me when you get a chance, ok?
~*~
The lights were out and Jon was on the verge of drifting off when he got another knock. This time it was Larry. Jon considered sending him away, but decided it wasn't worth the effort.
"I wanted to make sure you weren't mad at Gina," his brother began.
Oh, right, Gina was the girlfriend's name. You'd think Jon could remember with it. What with them both starting with G-I, and all.
"Because, I mean, either of us could have said we should go back and find you, but it was my job, not hers."
"Uh-huh," said Jon. "Are you saying that 'cause Mom told you to?"
"...I would have said it even if she hadn't."
Sure he would have. "Won't be mad at Gina. Don't sweat it."
"Good! Good," said Larry, rocking back on his heels in the doorway. He clearly still had something to say. Jon waited for him to spit it out. "And — and I know you're not stupid, okay?"
"Kind of you to notice."
"No, I mean, you're smart!" said his brother sharply. "You pick things up fast, and you understand them enough to break them down for other people — I've heard you doing it with your friends, when you'd have study groups or whatever — and sure, you think dick jokes are way more hilarious than they are, but you also laugh at jokes that are actually complicated, and —"
"Hey, whoa, slow down," mumbled Jon. Smart or not, there was a limit to how much he could follow right now. "Listen, can we maybe finish this tomorrow? I already had my pill, and I'm kinda too loopy to have a great conversation right now."
Larry seemed taken aback. "You're on pills?"
"No, it's fine, it's just Vaxasopor," Jon assured him. "Only on trips. For all the time zone changes. Gotta be able to still get to sleep."
"Oh," said Larry. "Well. Good night, then."
Jon's eyes were already closed. "G'night."
~*~
Stephen burst into the hotel suite well ahead of his sister and Jimmy, tossed his coat and messenger bag on the floor next to his bed, and fell into the desk chair facing his laptop. Filming on the Hobbit set had run long — long enough that it would have risked bumping up against local child labor laws if Stephen had a cameo, which he might or might not, he wasn't telling — and he was about to miss the time he'd said he would be available for a call.
Skype took forever and a half to get running. At last Stephen found the familiar username in his contacts list, opened a call, and was gazing into the face he'd been wanting to see for days. Even getting to see Gandalf's face in person didn't quite make up for it.
"Hi!" he said breathlessly. "How are you doing? Do you miss me? Are you being a good girl while I'm gone?"
On-screen, Briar Rose (cradled in Olivia's arms) looked taken aback, then started frantically searching the room for the source of her missing owner's voice.
"She's being a very good girl," Olivia assured him. "Is your camera on? We're not getting video."
"It's off," said Stephen. "You're brushing her every day, right? And taking her for walks?"
"Are you kidding? You know how hot it is up here? I'm brushing her two or three times a day, and she still can't sit down anywhere without leaving a puppy-shaped pile of fur when she gets up. Turn on your video, this is getting weird. Unless you're still wearing elf ears or something?"
Stephen felt the tips of his ears, just in case. Nope, the only point was the natural one on his weird ear. (Fans said it was cute, but he figured they were just being nice.) "No, my ears are fine. It's...I lost a contact, okay? So I'm stuck wearing glasses until I get home."
"By the way, I'm here too," said Jimmy, coming up behind Stephen. "Hi, Olivia! Hi, Briar Rose."
"Hey, Jimmy. Let me guess. Stephen looks great."
"Are you kidding? He's totally rocking the geek-sexy look."
"I don't want to look geek-anything," complained Stephen.
"Uh-huh," said Olivia. "Which is why you keep letting the paparazzi get photos of you having nerdgasms all over the Hobbit cast."
"That's different!"
While Stephen was complaining, Jimmy reached over his shoulder and switched on the webcam. Stephen had to yank his glasses off in the instant before it loaded.
"Oh, much better," said the Olivia-shaped blur. She directed the blur of Briar Rose's face toward her own screen. "See, girl, your Stephen's right there."
"So, speaking of movies!" said Stephen, changing the subject. "Yours started filming this week, right? How's that going?"
"Not even filming. We just started doing full-cast readings," said the Olivia-blur. "Already so much less fun than our movie, though. Like, the girl who's playing my new stepsister? Jaquie Brown? You ever spent any real time with her before?"
Stephen had bumped into most of the less-famous Disney teen stars at events and whatnot, but he'd only spent time with the ones on the Shout*For show and the ones Olivia knew through Star Girl, not from any of the other series like The Jaquie Brown Diaries or Serita and the Family Singh. "No, why?"
"Urgh, where to start? She acts like she's the big headlining name. Keeps talking to me like I should be grateful for the favor she's doing me, letting me get some press out of this by riding her celebrity coattails."
"Hang on, Jaquie Brown?" said Jimmy. "Isn't she a Nickelodeon girl?"
"Which just proves my point!" exclaimed the Olivia-blur. "I'm a household name! Her, people can't even tell apart from Jackie Clarke!"
"Have you tried sneaking out to a bar with her and getting plastered together?" asked Stephen. "That's what got me and Steve to bond when nothing else could."
"No. I dunno. Maybe I will." She cuddled the squirmy-looking puppy. "But how come they couldn't have made this someone else's big-screen debut instead, huh? Serita Singh's ready for it too, and she's supposed to be super nice and down-to-earth behind the scenes. Would it really be so much to ask to make a movie with two Asian-ish leads?"
Stephen blinked. "Wait — you know I don't see race — Serita Singh isn't white?"
~*~
It was going to be another long day inside for Jon, this time without so much as a grocery run to break it up. Larry and Gina promised to head back to the boardwalk later and pick up as much junk food as he wanted, then took off for the beach.
He had an email from Brian, filling him in on PR's strategy going forward; Mom sat with him as he read it, and helped him write out a reply. Yes, he approved the statement they'd drafted. No, he hadn't been using crude language, he just had a friend with an unfortunate last name. No, he did not want to set up a promotional appearance at any of the seventy-four New Jersey organizations that had invited him to stop by while he was in the state.
A handful of friends had texted him "hope you're okay" type messages. He fired off a boilerplate reassurance-and-thanks to Olivia, Kristen, Tina, Wyatt, and Steve.
When that was finally dealt with, he and Anthony settled in to stream a couple of movies: putting all their real-world burdens aside to escape into a land of terrible writing and worse acting, whose only saving grace was having a ton of hot actresses.
Anthony had plenty of opinions on which of the women on-screen he would, given the opportunity, totally do first. Once Jon determined that he'd never met any of them in person, he joined in — and, when his BFF asked, tentatively pointed out a few male actors he wouldn't kick out of bed either. It was...nice. He'd gone so fast from "what, me, attracted to guys?" to "better make sure it's always clear that Stephen's the guy I want most" that he'd never had a chance to sit down with someone and just...perv out, without any filters or self-censorship, conscious or subconscious.
(It was all pure fantasy, obviously. Nothing unfair to their respective significant others. Especially when the whole reason Jon wasn't watching something with a plot in the first place was so he could walk away in a heartbeat the second Stephen called.)
Halfway through a monster movie where the monster was blatantly plastic, his phone went off.
"It's Stephen," he told Anthony, accepting the call. "You aren't going to be offended if I leave you alone for half an hour, right?"
"Completely sympathetic," said his friend. "But what are you going to do for the other twenty-eight minutes?"
Jon threw a decorative pillow at his head and carried the phone upstairs.
~*~
Jimmy talked briefly with Jon while the call was on speaker, then picked up on Stephen's subtle hints that they needed some alone time, and announced that he'd been meaning to email Tina.
He was even kind enough to close the door when he left.
Stephen had fished a hands-free headset out of his luggage at some point, and he popped this on now, freeing him to lie down and stretch without losing the connection. "Okay, we're alone now. So is your mom ever coming out to LA? Do I get to meet her? You want me to meet her, right?"
"I don't know about LA," said Jon, "but you know how we're going to do that show in New York in a couple months anyway? She promised to be there. Hinted that maybe we should take her out to dinner. And yeah, I'm not worried at all. She's gonna love you in person."
"She better!" exclaimed Stephen. "I work very hard to be lovable!"
Jon's giggle was like music to his ears. "Well, it's working. I told her how it was you who picked out the ring, and how I keep it in the box she sent me. She was charmed as hell, let me tell you."
Stephen rolled over on his stomach on the mattress, sitting up on his elbows. He'd seen the classy little keepsake box with the JSL mongram, but hadn't known..."That box came from your mom?"
"Um, yeah," said Jon. "I have to put it somewhere nice, you know? Can't just throw it in a drawer at the end of the day."
There were unfamiliar fluttery things going on in Stephen's chest. Kind of like the warm feeling you got from being with family, only different, because there weren't any conditions or expectations weighing it down.
"I'm, uh...." Jon's voice went low and velvety-dark. "I'm not wearing it now, though. How about you?"
Stephen hastily tugged off his purity ring. "Nope," he said, tucking it safely in a pocket of his coat. "Not at all."
"Then, do you wanna...fool around?"
"Jon, I don't want to embarrass you, but you should know that there's a tiny logistical problem with your idea."
"No, I mean, like, phone sex? Where we talk about things we'd be doing to each other if we were in the same room. And we, well, how does your religion feel about jerking off? Because mine is okay with it. If you catch my drift."
"Mine is...willing to look the other way." Stephen stretched out on his back again, heels kneading divots in the comforter. "O-okay. We can try it. You start."
"Sure," said Jon. "What are you wearing?"
"Dolce & Gabbana, why?"
Jon sighed. "Okay, let me say this another way. What would I have to do to strip you out of it? Walk me through it. Step by step."
~*~
There were fireworks over the pier, and after some searching Jon's group found an empty stretch of beach where they could spread out a couple of towels and watch. The nearest company was a family with a bunch of kids playing a lax game of baseball fifty yards down; in the gloom they could probably barely tell each other apart, let alone identify Jon. Besides, once the show started, they were too busy watching sparklers scream through the air before lighting up the sky in glittering showers of blue and green and gold.
Jon was strolling along the edge of the wet sand where the waves broke and rushed up over his feet, watching the explosions and enjoying a chocolate cupcake slathered with peanut butter frosting, when he heard from Olivia.
<3 Olivia <3
good newws boo! u wer ttly righr
<3 Olivia <3
jackquie is a barrell of lauhgs when shes smashd
<3 Olivia <3
life of the pqrty :)))
Jon stuffed the rest of the cupcake in his mouth and stuck the crumpled wrapper in his pocket, freeing up his hands to type a reply.
Jon S.
Are you sure you're texting the right person?
<3 Olivia <3
oh sgit
<3 Olivia <3
ment thar for stephen
<3 Olivia <3
ignor plz
Jon S.
Put your phone away until you've slept it off ok?
<3 Olivia <3
ok
<3 Olivia <3
very wise advce jon stewarrt
<3 Olivia <3
c u when u get hpme :)
That wasn't actually right. He would see her at the album launch party, along with Stephen and the others coming straight off their various vacations, and then they would all pile on a plane and go....
Home?
Was LA home now? He still didn't like it much, and didn't feel like he fit in, but somehow enough of it had seeped into his bones that he couldn't just slide comfortably back into the place he'd left in New Jersey, either.
Maybe there was somewhere else waiting for him. Somewhere he'd like to live, where he'd fit in and be comfortable even the way he was now. It wasn't like he couldn't afford to move around: once his contract was up, he could pick out a house anywhere that seemed promising and give it a try. Even if he'd have to go all the way to New Zealand before he found it.
(If he was really lucky, he'd land in a place where Stephen could be happy too.)
In the meantime, though, Jon turned around and ambled back up the beach. California might come more naturally to him in some ways, and it was where most of his friends were...but not all of them, and not his family, either. Awkward as it had gotten sometimes, they did love him, and if he couldn't come back here for good, he should spend as much time with them as possible while he had the chance.
Besides, Larry had the rest of the desserts.
no subject
I'm sad that they forgot their prizes and Dory.
"Uh-huh. So he really is...?" Anthony waved his hands in what was probably meant to be a demonstratively swishy way.
"Has the soul of a beautiful fairy princess," said Jon.
I wonder if Jon's masculinity does not come into question because he's bisexual. Or just because he's interested in traditional guy things.
"Anthony," said Jon. "There's no 'them'. It's just us."
:D
Their bucket was approaching the far end of the skyride; only two more posts stood between them and the dropoff, with Killer waiting at the gate and what looked like a couple of uniformed officers holding back a few dozen fans.
Killer is smart. Although wouldn't Jon's mom's adress be public knowledge?
"Oh, fine," said Jon. "Just wallowing in the knowledge that I will never...." ...be normal again. "...get to go back there."
Jon should know celebrity will fade in a few years. Also, he could wear disguises.
"Well, it's always good to try new things," said his mother. Like it was no bigger a deal than, say, trying Korean food for the first time.
Maybe Jon's mom thinks he's going through a phase. She probably doesn't take their teenage romance seriously.
I hope she's nice to Stephen, although I have a bad feeling about it. :/
And they're not going to need condoms! Unless Stephen is raped and gets an STI ;_;
Very nice of Olivia to take care of Stephen's dog while he's away.
"Have you tried sneaking out to a bar with her and getting plastered together?" asked Stephen. "That's what got me and Steve to bond when nothing else could."
So bb!Stephen and bb!Steve found a bar that was willing to serve two fifteen year olds booze?
Yes, he approved the statement they'd drafted.
What kind of scandal was it? I don't get it.
There were unfamiliar fluttery things going on in Stephen's chest.
bb!Stephen is so adorable! ^^
But why isn't he letting Jon see him?
Maybe there was somewhere else waiting for him. Somewhere he'd like to live, where he'd fit in and be comfortable even the way he was now.
Nice romancing on NYC. I hope this future isn't too far away.
no subject
He'll get his masculinity questioned plenty when he comes out to the general public. There's already a lot of joking about boy bands being inherently girly and/or gay, so it'll only get worse. Some people will probably cast him as "the guy" compared to Stephen because he's more into sports, but others will imagine Stephen as "the guy" for equally superficial reasons (he's taller, his laugh is deeper, and so on).
They're currently staying at a rented place, the address of which isn't common knowledge. Killer will have to chase off some paparazzi camped out in Mrs. Leibowitz's yard when they get back, unfortunately =(
Whether Jon's celebrity will fade depends on what he goes on to do post-Disney. If he's like Justin Timberlake, whose star has only kept rising since 'N Sync was retired in 2002, it'll only get worse.
Whatever his mother thinks of his relationship with Stephen, she's going to be cool about his bisexuality =)
Olivia snuck Steve and Stephen out to that bar in Italy, where they didn't have any trouble -- especially since the local drinking age was 16 at the time.
It wasn't a scandal (except for the minor flurry around Anthony's last name). Jon just had to release something to pacify the press, giving them an official line they can all print so they feel less of a need to follow him around looking for more. The gist of it is "okay, you caught me, I'm in New Jersey, but I'm not doing interviews or anything on my vacation, so please leave me alone for the next few days."
Stephen is embarrassed about how he looks in glasses. Not that Jon would actually mind.
They'll make it to NYC eventually...