Erin Ptah (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ptahrrific) wrote2010-07-07 01:37 am
ptahrrific) wrote2010-07-07 01:37 am
Fake News - Seven
Title: Seven
Rating: G
Characters/pairings: "Stephen", liberal!"Stephen", happy!"Stephen", Steve ColberT, Jermaine Maine, Sweetness, Esteban, Jon, Allison
Disclaimer: Work of parody; work of fiction; the characters aren't mine.
Based on the virtues given in Dante's Purgatorio, where each corresponds to one of the Deadly Sins. Seven sentences, seven virtues, seven "Stephens" (and associated doppelgangers, alter egos, and hallucinatory voices):
Humility (/pride) - Jermaine Maine
She only sings when she's alone, long blonde wig fanning over her shoulders like a shampoo commercial; Tad walked in on her once and blurted that with a voice like that she deserves a bit on the show, but she knows it would be wrong to steal Stephen's thunder (and besides, she owes it all to Miley anyway).
Generosity (/envy) - Happy!Stephen
The hairs on the back of his neck are prickling, like one of the employees is already glaring at him; when he turns, though, it's just the guy in the shocking pink, smiling like a sunbeam and holding out an envelope (Jon hadn't even realized they made Congratulations On Your New Job cards featuring Hello Kitty).
Meekness (/wrath) - Steve ColberT
Stephen's latest impossible demand sounds much less terrifying when it's the kid repeating the words on his behalf: so much so that Bobby finds himself explaining why it's impossible, and spends all next week reeling from the heady sensation of being treated like he knows what he's talking about.
Zeal (/sloth) - Stephen
Between editorial meetings, recording sessions, negotiations over that book deal he's working on, impassioned phone calls to every anchor who brings up Obama's name without mentioning his socialist agenda, and twenty minutes he doesn't have spent signing things for a couple of overjoyed fans who flew in all the way from Kansas, Stephen charges into Jon's office, collapses onto the couch, and demands that Jon not let him sleep for more than five minutes (Jon gives him ten).
Charity (/greed) - Liberal!Stephen
Allison catches him staring at the little golden statue with an intensity that in another person might be mistaken for possessiveness, and steps in quickly to talk him down before he can resolve to auction it off and send the proceeds to Planned Parenthood.
Temperance (/gluttony) - Sweetness
The desire is always there, sometimes almost overwhelming; but she fortifies herself with thoughts of the romantic dinner Stephen has promised her as a reward (at Starbucks, where they don't discriminate), and makes it through a whole week without demanding the blood of anyone in the audience.
Chastity (/lust) - Esteban Colberto
When Amora lands a small but steady role in a new telenovela, Esteban finds himself deluged with applications for her replacement: the women who flank him on-camera may show off thighs and necklines for appearance's sake, but he's never pressured any of them for more behind the scenes, and apparently the word has gotten around.
Rating: G
Characters/pairings: "Stephen", liberal!"Stephen", happy!"Stephen", Steve ColberT, Jermaine Maine, Sweetness, Esteban, Jon, Allison
Disclaimer: Work of parody; work of fiction; the characters aren't mine.
Based on the virtues given in Dante's Purgatorio, where each corresponds to one of the Deadly Sins. Seven sentences, seven virtues, seven "Stephens" (and associated doppelgangers, alter egos, and hallucinatory voices):
Humility (/pride) - Jermaine Maine
She only sings when she's alone, long blonde wig fanning over her shoulders like a shampoo commercial; Tad walked in on her once and blurted that with a voice like that she deserves a bit on the show, but she knows it would be wrong to steal Stephen's thunder (and besides, she owes it all to Miley anyway).
Generosity (/envy) - Happy!Stephen
The hairs on the back of his neck are prickling, like one of the employees is already glaring at him; when he turns, though, it's just the guy in the shocking pink, smiling like a sunbeam and holding out an envelope (Jon hadn't even realized they made Congratulations On Your New Job cards featuring Hello Kitty).
Meekness (/wrath) - Steve ColberT
Stephen's latest impossible demand sounds much less terrifying when it's the kid repeating the words on his behalf: so much so that Bobby finds himself explaining why it's impossible, and spends all next week reeling from the heady sensation of being treated like he knows what he's talking about.
Zeal (/sloth) - Stephen
Between editorial meetings, recording sessions, negotiations over that book deal he's working on, impassioned phone calls to every anchor who brings up Obama's name without mentioning his socialist agenda, and twenty minutes he doesn't have spent signing things for a couple of overjoyed fans who flew in all the way from Kansas, Stephen charges into Jon's office, collapses onto the couch, and demands that Jon not let him sleep for more than five minutes (Jon gives him ten).
Charity (/greed) - Liberal!Stephen
Allison catches him staring at the little golden statue with an intensity that in another person might be mistaken for possessiveness, and steps in quickly to talk him down before he can resolve to auction it off and send the proceeds to Planned Parenthood.
Temperance (/gluttony) - Sweetness
The desire is always there, sometimes almost overwhelming; but she fortifies herself with thoughts of the romantic dinner Stephen has promised her as a reward (at Starbucks, where they don't discriminate), and makes it through a whole week without demanding the blood of anyone in the audience.
Chastity (/lust) - Esteban Colberto
When Amora lands a small but steady role in a new telenovela, Esteban finds himself deluged with applications for her replacement: the women who flank him on-camera may show off thighs and necklines for appearance's sake, but he's never pressured any of them for more behind the scenes, and apparently the word has gotten around.
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