I really liked that you incorporated - of all things - the Even Stephen segment from earlier; I like Tina, I don't know if she's anyone real - and because I'm writing this on a train, I have no Google-powers with which to check. (An aside, because I feel the need to vent: the man sat across the aisle from me keeps trying to look at my screen and the man directly across from me is listening to music on his iPod loudly enough for me to a) identify it as Meatloaf, nevermind b) the fact that I can hear it over my Coltrane.) The three of whom have their ears pressed to the door right now, I can tell! bit made me grin, as did the kids scrambling away from it - and I like that she doesn't just cave to Jon - that she respects Evie and her position as parent as much as she feels for the kids - and that they work out an alternative around it. (Further to what we were saying earlier: Jon doesn't because up until that point he has no alternative. I'm not sure who's in the worse position here, Jon or Tina. Either way, well-resolved.) And I liked Tina's snark - "A pen. Long thing with ink in it. Jon having to add in "the human one, I mean" was funny in itself.
Stephen wanting to surprise Jon! And getting worried about Jon not being okay with it! I loved this line: It hadn't been long since he had learned that Jon liked to be asked for things, and he still wasn't always sure which things. It's the last little bit that makes it - Stephen's insecurity really does tug at the heartstrings, and moreso once you make it plain that he really is making an effort (and following on from the fact that he sees Jon's worry but puts it down to the news...Oh, Stephen) - and then Jon's laughing at him. Not maliciously at all, and I like that with Jon, Stephen is able to see that - I can't think of anyone else he'd put up with laughing at him.
Ah, Stephen, Jon may indeed be the 'wordinista', but look how good he is at coining things! Re: the aftershave on the couch - first of all, wow, endearing; there are so many signs that Jon makes Stephen feel safe in this segment - the aftershave, the keeping his eyes closed even when Jon sits next to him, not questioning for a moment why Jon would be watching him - and the lifted shirt! The intern made me laugh, as did Jon's response and self-consciousness. You do a good job of introducing Jon's unease with other people's perceptions before it comes up as a plot-point - here particularly, with the intern, but also in an earlier chapter, the part where Stephen rings and Jon forces himself to Laugh it off. And his self-categorisation as 'moony' cracks me up in the best possible way :)
I like how Jon's increasing awareness of how this all looks (and perhaps more than looks, at least on his part) is growing as we start seeing increasingly explicit signs of "Stephen" genuinely caring for him, and making more effort with him. (And I'd like to point out here Stephen not just changing his stance and saying that he can be flexible re:timing, but "I can be flexible for you, Jon" - freudian slip, much? And having him use Jon's name here reinforces that Stephen's changing his ways for one specific person.)
The whole exchange about the bedroom was wickedly funny.
I'm glad you show that Jon's realised things need to change, as well as Stephen - treading carefully about the problem with Evie but noting it all the same; noting Stephen's perception, and your line about him making an effort after the fight - writing, "he was making his own effort" shows that he's conscious of Stephen's.
no subject
I really liked that you incorporated - of all things - the Even Stephen segment from earlier; I like Tina, I don't know if she's anyone real - and because I'm writing this on a train, I have no Google-powers with which to check. (An aside, because I feel the need to vent: the man sat across the aisle from me keeps trying to look at my screen and the man directly across from me is listening to music on his iPod loudly enough for me to a) identify it as Meatloaf, nevermind b) the fact that I can hear it over my Coltrane.) The three of whom have their ears pressed to the door right now, I can tell! bit made me grin, as did the kids scrambling away from it - and I like that she doesn't just cave to Jon - that she respects Evie and her position as parent as much as she feels for the kids - and that they work out an alternative around it. (Further to what we were saying earlier: Jon doesn't because up until that point he has no alternative. I'm not sure who's in the worse position here, Jon or Tina. Either way, well-resolved.) And I liked Tina's snark - "A pen. Long thing with ink in it. Jon having to add in "the human one, I mean" was funny in itself.
Stephen wanting to surprise Jon! And getting worried about Jon not being okay with it! I loved this line:
It hadn't been long since he had learned that Jon liked to be asked for things, and he still wasn't always sure which things.
It's the last little bit that makes it - Stephen's insecurity really does tug at the heartstrings, and moreso once you make it plain that he really is making an effort (and following on from the fact that he sees Jon's worry but puts it down to the news...Oh, Stephen) - and then Jon's laughing at him. Not maliciously at all, and I like that with Jon, Stephen is able to see that - I can't think of anyone else he'd put up with laughing at him.
Ah, Stephen, Jon may indeed be the 'wordinista', but look how good he is at coining things!
Re: the aftershave on the couch - first of all, wow, endearing; there are so many signs that Jon makes Stephen feel safe in this segment - the aftershave, the keeping his eyes closed even when Jon sits next to him, not questioning for a moment why Jon would be watching him - and the lifted shirt! The intern made me laugh, as did Jon's response and self-consciousness. You do a good job of introducing Jon's unease with other people's perceptions before it comes up as a plot-point - here particularly, with the intern, but also in an earlier chapter, the part where Stephen rings and Jon forces himself to Laugh it off. And his self-categorisation as 'moony' cracks me up in the best possible way :)
I like how Jon's increasing awareness of how this all looks (and perhaps more than looks, at least on his part) is growing as we start seeing increasingly explicit signs of "Stephen" genuinely caring for him, and making more effort with him. (And I'd like to point out here Stephen not just changing his stance and saying that he can be flexible re:timing, but "I can be flexible for you, Jon" - freudian slip, much? And having him use Jon's name here reinforces that Stephen's changing his ways for one specific person.)
The whole exchange about the bedroom was wickedly funny.
I'm glad you show that Jon's realised things need to change, as well as Stephen - treading carefully about the problem with Evie but noting it all the same; noting Stephen's perception, and your line about him making an effort after the fight - writing, "he was making his own effort" shows that he's conscious of Stephen's.