ext_2460 ([identity profile] f-real.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] ptahrrific 2007-11-18 05:08 pm (UTC)

"That's me," said Jon, quite unnecessarily. "Excuse me." He ducked outside, checked the number (212-BIG-GUNS), and flipped the phone open. "Stephen, can it wait?"

The whole thing regarding the phone-calls was perfect - Jon's ringtone, Stephen's number, the way everyone in the writers' meeting knew Jon was wrapped around Stephen's little finger - and that here they don't worry at all about exchanging knowing looks, contrasted with the incident later in the fic (you know the one) - and I was amused by the fact that it's Sam, the one of them that's probably exploited her husband mercilessly for ice-cream and pickles during her pregnancy, that gets to say something.

"I don't need the doctor. I need you. It's an emergency, Jon." was spectacularly slashy.
And to open the next segment with Stephen's chest? Poor, resolutely heterosexual, monogamous Jon ;)

Dudders FTW.


Characterisation-wise: Jon raised an eyebrow. "Do you really want to admit that in front of your producer?" is a subtle reminder of their various positions, and gives Jon authority (I do like that your Jon isn't a pushover even when he's clearly, you know, a pushover. Er. If you know what I mean. I like that he can be both authorative and flexible in this, and that even when he's wrapped around Stephen's little finger, little bits of his natural - presence, come through. And you have no idea how many times I had to rewrite that sentence to make it seem like I wasn't at all discussing D/s).
"Stephen"-wise: Stephen's need for re-assurance - is that the first explicit bit we see? Hmm, I think it is - builds on the moment in the first chapter where he lifts his chin in The Word - and that's wonderfully grafted from the Report-verse :) - ...and breaks the spell of how endearing "Stephen" can be with a subtle (for Stephen) bit of prejudice. Nice.

The Word was great, as ever, and I loved the introduction of the subplot :)

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