Part of the impression I got was that Esquire!Jon deliberately bullies people, and deliberately uses false niceness to manipulate them into taking it, at least in public -- while behind the scenes he's leaving a trail of "battered wives" in his wake. And "Stephen" would be an easy target for that, one who would keep coming back long after Jon stopped making any effort to use niceness on him.

SoG also has the complication that Stephen wants to protect Jon from The Gay, and thinks "well, it's not gay for him if he tops." He hasn't even started sorting out personal preferences there; it's about his sense of obligation first.

With oral, it depends on how it's written...and in this case it's written as demeaning, so. =)

I can't write too much evil!Jon, either XD