|Erin Ptah (ptahrrific) wrote,|
@ 2006-07-09 02:17 pm UTC
|Entry tags:||genre: comedy, genre: romance, pairing: pip/seras, series: hellsing|
Genre: Comedy, light romance
Disclaimer: Hellsing is the creation of Kōta Hirano. Characters used without permission - but with love (and, more importantly from a legal standpoint, without profit).
Notes: Pip/Seras ficlet as part of hellsingreviews's 50th-review party.
The shot rang out over an empty field somewhere in England. Half a kilometer away, a human-shaped cardboard target collapsed, sporting a large hole in its side that most certainly hadn't been there a moment ago. Landing on its back in the damp grass, it took its place beside a dozen similar targets, all of which were missing large chunks of themselves.
As there were no shootable things left standing, Senior Hellsing Officer Seras Victoria shouldered the massive Harkonnen Cannon and surveyed her handiwork.
Her ears caught the rustle of boots in the grass behind her and she turned, half starting to lower her cannon again - it wasn't loaded at the moment, but it was plenty formidable without being fired. Then she relaxed as she recognized the solder approaching from the direction of the Hellsing mansion.
Captain Pip Bernadette.
It was a warm night; he'd been on a mission earlier, but had since changed into a pair of rather threadbare jeans and a shirt with some eccentric design on it. Probably a band logo, Seras thought. His disconcertingly long orange hair was out of its usual braid, and thus hanging down his back instead of tossed casually over his shoulders. (And in front of his neck.)
Seras winced. She wished Pip's neck weren't so . . . uncovered. Not that she, y'know, liked him or anything - it's just that, well, he was young and healthy and she could almost see the blood rushing through his neck if she looked at it for too long. Ugh.
The captain waved cheerfully at her, and a moment later - probably when he thought he was in hearing range, not realizing that she could've heard him a hundred meters earlier - called, "Hi, vampire!"
Seras bristled. "Don't call me vampire, Captain" she snapped. "I have a name, you know."
"So do I," he replied with a grin, coming to a stop a few meters from her. "But you call me 'Captain,' don'tcha?"
"That's your rank. It's different."
"I could call you 'police gi-'"
"Don't you DARE." Seras shot him a glare that would have sent many humans running the other way in hysterics. Pip, being Pip, merely shrugged nonchalantly: "Everyone else calls you that."
"Master and Sir Integra and Walter do. But you aren't allowed to."
Something in the tone of the question made Seras start to relax. He didn't sound accusing or self-important or petulant - he sounded as if he was just interested. Still, she couldn't resist getting a good barb in.
"Because," she replied coolly, "they're stronger than me."
Pip's eyes - eye, she corrected herself mentally; his expressions came so naturally that it was easy to forget that there was only the one eye expressing them - widened, then he burst out laughing. At her, or at himself? The joke was on him, but Seras couldn't help remaining suspicious that she'd missed something.
Or maybe it was just her. After all, she'd been tense this entire conversation, whereas Pip had been utterly relaxed. Her mental state was based on previous conversations, in which he'd always, always ended up harassing her. But maybe this time was different? Maybe he was actually how he seemed to be? Maybe she'd just been missing the nice guy under the insufferable tease?
"Touché," grinned Pip as he began to regain his composure. "I woulda thought you were makin' fun of me, but I did read Walter's file, and you're definitely right about 'im. But c'mon - all your strength is kinda useless if I have a blessed bullet on me, or a holy wafer, or somethin' of the kind."
"But you don't," pointed out Seras, now thoroughly engrossed in this conversation. "If it was just us - no Harkonnen Cannon on my side," and to prove this point she let it drop with a thump onto the damp ground, "and no holy weapons on yours, I'm stronger. There's nothing you can do to me."
Pip considered this. "What if I . . . I dunno, recited Bible verses or somethin'? Does scripture make you go queasy or anythin'?"
Now it was Seras' turn to consider. "I don't know. I've never really gone to church regularly, and I haven't picked up a Bible since I . . . you know . . ."
"Well, wanna find out?" offered the captain affably. "If they hurt you, I mean."
The young vampire hesitated for a moment, then nodded slowly. "All right. Do you know any Bible verses?"
"Sure do." Pip cleared his throat, then began reciting from Song of Solomon. "Your two breasts are like two fawns, / like twin fawns of a gazelle / that browse among the lilies . . ."
An outraged shriek echoed across the field, and the last thing Pip felt before losing consciousness was the very forceful impact of something against his skull. Later on, when he woke up in the Hellsing hospital wing, he would alternately wonder if Seras had somehow gained access to hammerspace - that mystical dimension from which anime females often pull large blunt objects with which to hit their male co-stars - and ponder the downside of satisfying one's curiosity with a female who can hit so hard that she doesn't need hammerspace.
He didn't look up right after his return to consciousness, or he would have seen the door swinging in the wake of someone passing through, and possibly - if he'd looked quickly enough - a flash of blonde hair.