Entry tags:

genre: dramedy, pairing: jon/surprise, series: fake news

Title: Thoroughly Convincified
Series: The Daily Show
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Two.

For the Report characters: They and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and of course Viacom. Not mine. Sue me not, please.

And for the real people, the poem:
Please, make no mistake:
these people aren't fake,
but what's said here is no more than fiction.
It only was writ
because we like their wit
and wisecracks, and pull-squints, and diction.
We don't mean to quibble,
but this can't be libel;
it's never implied to be real.
No disrespect's meant;
if you disapprove, then,
the back button's right up there. Deal.

Notes: This was spawned from either the Pundit Porn Story Generator or the PRT Porn Story Generator; I've forgotten which. The challenge: Jon Stewart and/or any politician make out in a car or other vehicle.





The episode hasn't even broadcast yet, the one they taped this afternoon in which Jon ditched the jokes at the top of the show to plead that anyone with knowledge of Stephen's whereabouts please contact the authorities, but he's walking out the door when a couple of men in black suits and black sunglasses grab him, and he's thrown in the back seat of a black limo with tinted windows and no lights on inside, and it drives off in God knows what direction.

"Your show won't be playing tonight," says a very familiar voice from the other end of his row of seats. "We don't want too much attention drawn to your friend's disappearance."

"Coulda picked a better person to knock off, then, couldn't you?" snaps Jon. He doesn't expect to live through this, and it makes him stupidly brave. "I mean, he hasn't been gone twenty-four hours and the Colbert Nation is throwing a fit."

"He's not dead," says the other man. "He's acting in the service of this great Nation, just, y'know, secret-like. Undercoverage. Nobody's supposed to know. Heh heh heh."

(On the off chance that it survives to do another bad impression of him, some part of Jon's brain is taking notes.)

"Then why are you telling me?" he demands.

"He said he wouldn't do anything unless you knew he was okay. And he is instruplaceable to catching some pretty nasty Al-Qaeda types. People who hate our way of life. You gotta understand, these people want to kill our families."

"Save it for the press. Why should I believe you?"

"I'm going to give you a message, which he said would convincify you that it was really him."

"What is it?" asks Jon, very warily.

Two minutes later the Secret Service guys dump him next to a random subway station and drive off, leaving Jon spitting onto the sidewalk and thoroughly convinced, even though he was sure that Stephen's original message had tasted more like honeydew and not quite so much like a Texas barbecue.