ptahrrific | Fake News | "Stephen", Olivia, Steve | PG-13

Title: Shout*For, chapter 3: Meeting Across the River
Characters/Pairings: "Stephen" & Olivia, Steve, background Jon and Jimmy, OCs
Rating: PG-13
Contents: Stephen's creepy manager, only more so.
Disclaimer: See series Table of Contents.

Olivia and Stephen finally meet, just in time to land in beautiful canal-laced Venice and start shooting for the movie where they play the romantic leads. That part goes well! Not going so well: friction between Stephen and on-screen sidekick Steve Carell. Jon's only able to provide support via satellite, so Olivia takes matters into her own hands.

In the air over the Atlantic.

Olivia sat down in the free chair/bed next to Stephen Col-bert, pressed the pause button on his armrest to interrupt his viewing of A New Hope, and said, "Isn't it weird to know you're going to make out with someone before you've even met them?"

"What?" stammered Stephen. "I mean, I don't know. Maybe? Unless you're psychic, in which case it would probably be pretty normal. I'm not psychic, by the way. Um, hi."

Olivia stuck out her hand. "Olivia Munn. Hi."

"So," said Stephen, accepting the handshake and trying to offer her a charming smile. "You must be Lisa Munn's stunt double, right?"

Olivia stared.

With his free hand Stephen pulled out the paused headphones. In a stage whisper he added, "Am I helping keep up your secret identity? Or do I not need to do that?"

After another second or two of boggling, Olivia cracked up. "Tooootally not necessary," she giggled, squeezing his hand. Dude had thrown her off-guard in two moves. Even with Jon, the most admirably snarky peer she'd met, she'd been the one doing the throwing. "Okay, this is early, but I'm going to go ahead and make the call that you don't suck. Which is good, because it would be a lot harder to act like your character was hot stuff if you did."

"I could act like your character was hot stuff either way!" said Stephen earnestly.

Olivia allowed herself to preen. "Yeah, I have that effect on people."

Stephen beamed. "You too?"

~*~

Venice!

Stephen was only sleeping in the lightest sense of the word, and woke up the instant his door opened. The Vaxasopor had knocked him out but hadn't kept him there, not when his body thought it was still a Californian late afternoon.

His brain, meanwhile, remembered perfectly well where it was and panicked, especially when he realized it was Ned. "I'm not late, am I?" he asked, scrambling out of bed. Here Stephen was, in nothing but boxers, completely unshaven (which he was sure would start making a difference any day now), and they might be waiting for him in makeup right now.

"Easy, buddy. Call time's not for half an hour," said his manager reassuringly. "I just wanted to make sure you were up. C'mon, get dressed."

"Right," said Stephen, and went for his suitcase.

It was neat to be able to pick his clothes without having to worry about hounding the guys into coordinating. Jimmy always tried, but Tucker complained a lot about the idea, and Jon usually forgot and showed up in a grey T-shirt. Stephen was starting to wonder if it was always the same grey T-shirt.

He settled on a nice blue henley shirt with thin green stripes, pulled it over his head, and came out of the collar to see Ned still at the side of the room, toying with one of the flower arrangements. (It was an insanely classy hotel. Stephen's room had three vases full of live flowers, and it was only a single.) "Ned? Is there something else you needed from me?"

"Hm? No, no, carry on."

If there was something he wasn't saying, Stephen didn't have time to worry about it. He had pants to put on, after all.

Ned was standing on the route to the bathroom, and stopped Stephen before he could duck in for deodorant and other such necessities. "Hold on a minute," he said, catching Stephen by the shoulder and manually turning him around until Stephen's back was to him.

Then his hand was on the back of Stephen's neck, fingers brushing lightly through the fine hairs that swept over it.

Stephen froze. What was going on? Did he have some kind of terrible neck-rash? What if it was so bad the makeup techs couldn't cover it? He couldn't play a convincing love interest for Lisa Munn if he was disfigured like that!

"Needs a trim," concluded Ned, after a couple of long and harrowing seconds. He patted Stephen on the back to shoo him into his routine again. "Go ahead, wash up and I'll walk you downstairs."

~*~

The hotel was right up on the bank of an honest-to-goodness canal, which was not only devastatingly awesome, it meant there were a lot fewer spots for the paparazzi to hide. Hard to lurk in the bushes when there isn't even any dirt.

They ran through a dozen takes of one of Olivia's scenes with Stephen before lunch. Olivia barely had time to eat before she got dragged into her trailer for a full wardrobe-and-makeup overhaul, along with the girl who was going to act as her body double for the next scene. Lucky girl only needed half an overhaul: she was going to be edited out in most of the shots, and was ready as soon as she looked like Olivia from the back.

In spite of Kristen's reservations, Olivia was getting really into the script. It was a prince-and-the-pauper story about her first character, an up-and-coming pop star visiting an exotic European kingdom, and her second character, the restless princess who mysteriously looked just like her. A chance meeting, a hastily-arranged plan, and they ended up switching places for a few days. Stephen meanwhile was Pop Star Olivia's childhood friend, but never more than a friend — until Princess Olivia, in her place, started flirting with him.

Afternoon saw Pop Star Olivia's half of this particular scene successfully recorded; the sinking sun prevented them from trying to shoot the matching Princess Olivia half until tomorrow. The director and camera crew set out to get some nice establishing shots in the sunset and early-evening light; Olivia and the other actors got to go have dinner. She retreated to her room and picked over the menu, ordering four things that had pretty-looking photos.

The actual dishes that got delivered to her were...surprisingly close to the pictures. Olivia was impressed.

She was texting Kristen a photo of the first dessert when there was another knock. Had they forgotten something? "Come on in!"

"Can't!" countered Stephen's voice. "I'm not telekinetic either!"

When Olivia let him in, Stephen had his arms around his laptop, the cord and an adapter for Italian outlets dangling from one hand. "It's movie night. Well, movie day if you're on American time, which is obviously the correct time," he explained. "Do you want to join in? And even if you don't, can I hang out here for a while? We were going to watch Cinderella, but if you really hate it we can take another vote on the runners-up."

"Uh, sure," said Olivia, waving him in. "Who's 'we'?"

"Me, Jon, and Jimmy! Tucker was invited, but he decided to ignore it, which is probably for the best. Him and Jon don't get along so well," confided Stephen. "Brian managed to set it up while I'm away so their lunch breaks and downtime are all together, and come right around now."

He made himself at home on the floor at the foot of the bed, leaning against the mattress. Olivia flopped down on her stomach on the sheets and looked over his shoulder, watching him set up the laptop and whatever connections he had to make. "Who's Brian? And do you want some of my peach semifreddo amarone?"

"Manager for Shout*For. Did they import South Carolina peaches? If not, then no, it's not worth it."

No, the Italian hotel had probably not shipped its peaches in from South Carolina. Not even to please Stephen. "I wish any of my managers were that cool," grumbled Olivia, nabbing the custard-y dish for herself. "So who's the guy creeping around on you here, then?"

"Ned does not creep," said Stephen stiffly. "He's a very good solo manager."

"He kinda does." Olivia swallowed a bite of the semifreddo. Oh, right, she'd forgotten: amarone was a kind of wine. Probably for the best Stephen hadn't tried any after all. "Dude was behind me in the lunch line, said hi, so far so good, then started petting my hair. That's a little creepy."

"No, that's just Ned being Ned," said Stephen. "Shh! It's connecting."

The computer blooped at them, then the greyed-out rectangle switched to a fisheye view of Jon, peering into the webcam. "Hello? Stephen? Can you see me?"

"We're connected!" put in Jimmy, pulling Jon back and leaning into the frame next to him. "Hi, Stephen!"

Even from behind him, Olivia could tell Stephen was practically bouncing. The small panel that displayed his own webcam's view showed him grinning like a pleased puppy. "Hi! I brought Olivia, is that okay?"

"Uh, I guess so," said Jon. "Where is she?"

Olivia stuck her hand in-frame and waved.

"The rest of her is here too!" added Stephen quickly. "I'm not trying to fool you with her disembodied arm!"

"...Why would we even think that?" asked Jon.

Stephen groaned. "Do we have to add Toy Story to your movie list too?"

~*~

The balcony was the picture of elegance, finely-curved white pillars holding up the railing, bright red peonies growing in armfuls all around, the view below a gorgeous expanse of ocean. Against a sapphire-blue sky, two sorta-maybe lovebirds stumbled through a tender, nervous conversation...

...then pressed into a gentle kiss. (There would be a swelling score added over these frames eventually.)

It was Olivia who pulled back, with a gasp. "I — I'm sorry, Justin. I can't do this."

Stephen's face fell. "Oh," he said faintly, trying to pull himself together. "Of course...we don't want to ruin our friendship, right? Because you're my best friend, Mel, and I wouldn't do anything to mess that up."

"That isn't it!" exclaimed Olivia. "I can't do it because...." She took a deep breath. "Because I'm not Mel."

"...what?"

Olivia poured out the whole backstory, while Stephen listened with rapt attention. "Don't get me wrong, you're a great guy," she added, "and I wouldn't mind kissing you as — as me, but that's not how things are, is it? Mel's the one you're in love with."

"She always has been," agreed Stephen, with soulful eyes just this side of tears that teenage girls the world over were going to eat up with a spoon.

"Then that settles it!" said Olivia. "We have to go find her, right away, so you can tell her how you really feel!"

"But where is she?" asked Stephen. "Who's she pretending to be? Who are you, anyway?"

"Well, um." Olivia fidgeted. "Princess Gabriella Bianchi?"

~*~

After some absurd number of takes for the awkward-kiss sequence, Olivia and Stephen went out to lunch: itself a major production, requiring their hairstyles to be touched up and their outfits to be assembled from the complimentary samples provided by high-end designers. No point in being photo-bait if you didn't look good.

Stephen spotted, and waved to, a couple of paparazzi along the way. Olivia stayed safely behind her sunglasses and didn't acknowledge any of them, even the ones Stephen didn't see.

At least the meal itself was inside (even in the middle of the day, it was too chilly to eat outdoors), and their security people had the courtesy to let them have their own table. While waiting for their fish and gnocchi, respectively, to arrive, Olivia got a pile of fresh mozzarella, layered with tomato slices, basil, and olive oil. She snapped a photo.

"How come you keep doing that?" asked Stephen, nibbling on a slice of plain bruschetta.

"Kristen and Wyatt like it when I send photos of neat random things," explained Olivia. Mostly Kristen, to be honest. "And my sister's really into food. So I show them what I'm eating, if it looks interesting."

"What's interesting about that? Now, if it looked like this...." Before Olivia could protest, Stephen was poking around on her plate with his fork, rearranging things. "...that would be neat."

He'd made a smiley face. Cherry-tomato eyeballs and a curved green line of basil, on a mozzarella canvas.

"That's really stupid," said Olivia.

"Scoot over," ordered Stephen, pulling out his own phone. "I need to show Jon the creative heights I'm achieving, here."

~*~

Almost every scene required one if not both of Olivia's characters. The first time she got any downtime was during a short exchange between "Justin" and his comic-relief sidekick.

The sidekick in question was played by a kid named Steve Carell; Olivia hadn't worked with him before, but he seemed funny enough. At least, to her. Steve and Stephen got a break during the next Olivia-only scene, and the minute lunch came around Stephen attached himself to her side as quickly as possible. "Steve is an idiot and a horrible person and we're not speaking to each other," he announced. "And if you have any loyalty to me as a friend, you won't speak to him either."

"Uh-huh," said Olivia. "You know I have a couple of scenes with him, right?" In fact, part of the ending sequence involved Princess Olivia and Goofy Sidekick running into each other and being cute, in a way that implied they, too, were destined to hook up at some point in the future. It felt kind of tacked-on to Olivia, but hey, she wasn't a writer.

"I will make an exception for the sake of artistic integrity," allowed Stephen. "But that's all!"

~*~

Stephen swallowed his Vaxasopor with a glass of water, gave himself one last once-over in the mirror (still adorable), and wandered out into his room to find Ned waiting at the table. "There you are, buddy! I was starting to worry you'd fallen in."

"When did you get here?" asked Stephen uncertainly.

"A couple of minutes ago, don't worry. Sit down." He waved Stephen over, to take a seat on the edge of the bed facing him. "Did I see you having some trouble with one of your co-stars earlier?"

"He started it," huffed Stephen. "Ned? Can we do this tomorrow? I didn't know you were waiting, so I took my pill, and I need to go to sleep now."

"Of course, of course." Ned nodded at the pillows. "Lie down. I'll tuck you in."

What did he think Stephen was, some kind of kid? But you didn't argue with Ned at the best of times, and if Stephen stayed up and tried he would be getting loopy in a couple of minutes. So he curled up under the covers and let Ned smooth the blankets over him.

It was...strange. Stephen had had at least an inch on his agent for a while now, but from this perspective it was like Ned was the taller one again. He'd always been broader than Stephen — like Papa, but with hair more black than brown, and a natural tan. (Stephen's family was not known for tanning. At best, they went from ivory to taupe.)

And now he was smoothing down Stephen's hair. Was that strange? It felt pretty normal. Olivia was probably just overreacting.

"You're a talented kid, Stephen," said Ned, caressing the side of his face. "Could have a really bright future ahead of you. I don't want you to screw that up by being hard to work with. Remember what happened to Current?"

"Uh-huh," admitted Stephen. Current had been Disney's ascendant boy band a few years ago, the one whose media niche Shout*For had been assembled to fill. They were handsome, they were talented, they should have held the market until they aged out of it and then split off into a constellation of chart-topping individual pop acts. Instead the band had imploded well before their contracts were up. Outside the company the details were played down, but from within it was an open secret that the lead singer had made himself impossible to manage.

"Don't let yourself turn into the next Keith Olbermann."

"I won't."

Ned's open hand was moving along the slope of his shoulder. "You won't give us any trouble? Won't go causing a scene during any of the jobs I've worked so hard to get you?"

Stephen shook his head. "I'll be —"

A distant-sounding knock cut him off. Ned sighed and patted him on the arm. "I'll take care of it. Get some sleep, buddy."

He switched off the light and left. Stephen caught what sounded like Olivia's voice (I was going to hang out with Stephen, is he in there?) and part of Ned's reply (just leaving, you shouldn't disturb) before closing his eyes and dropping off in an instant.

~*~

The next morning, in the everybody-but-Olivia makeup trailer, Stephen was getting his eyebrows plucked when Steve Carell (whose own eyebrows were, frankly, a lost cause) actually came over and sat down next to him. "I have been informed that I was unfairly rude to you yesterday and should apologize," he said stiffly. "So. I'm sorry."

"I accept your apology," said Stephen with magnanimous politeness. "I'm glad you've finally recognized the wisdom of my arguments."

"No, no, I still think you were saying the stupidest things I'd ever heard," Steve assured him. "I'm just sorry I was rude to you over them. Most likely you have some kind of brain damage and can't help it in the first place."

"If by 'brain damage' you mean logic," said Stephen. "Face it, Steve, you just don't want to admit that Halloween is a terrible holiday and you're a terrible person for liking it."

"Spoken like someone who's bitter he never got any of the good candy!"

Stephen lunged out of his chair. Fortunately for both of their handsome faces, half a dozen makeup techs had been converging on the scene, and were dragging Stephen and Steve away from each other before anything could connect. (Their handsome hairdos, on the other hand, were lost causes.)

~*~

They only did four takes of the other best-friend conversation scene before the director yelled at them both, lamented that she couldn't work like this, and ordered them off to change so they could shoot a thing that would be mostly "Justin" talking to "Melanie" (still the real Melanie at this stage), with Steve's character in the background and not required to act thrilled about it.

When lunch rolled around, Stephen didn't bother trying to sit with Olivia. He threw himself into the first available seat and put all his focus on his phone.

Stephen*Colbert
Jon this is outrageous

Stephen*Colbert
they are forcing me to act as if the most terrible person in the world is my BFF

Stephen*Colbert
well secondary BFF

Stephen*Colbert
one of the Olivias is my character's first BFF and that is acceptable

Stephen*Colbert
but this Steve Carell person is not acceptable

Stephen*Colbert
this has got to qualify as some kind of child abuse

Stephen*Colbert
you're the scholar here, you should research this situation

Stephen*Colbert
although come to think of it if there was a possible way for you to get rid of Tucker you would have already found it

Stephen*Colbert
so nvm

Stephen*Colbert
but really Jon this is torture

Stephen*Colbert
why couldn't they have let Jimmy play his character??

Stephen*Colbert
not that you would not also be fun to act with! but this is a role for someone who is adorable in a nonthreatening background way. you would probably keep upstaging me with accidental sexiness.

Stephen*Colbert
although that would make it more realistic in the last scene when Olivia #2 starts making eyes at you

Stephen*Colbert
and perfect sequel bait!!

Stephen*Colbert
would it be weird if we both made out with Olivia for movies?

Stephen*Colbert
Jon?

Stephen*Colbert
Jon I am starting to think your silence is not rapt attention so much as ignoring me

Stephen*Colbert
this is not very good aspiring BJFF behavior

Stephen*Colbert
abandoning me in my time of crisis

Olivia interrupted Stephen then with a poke on the shoulder. Under her breath she said, "Hey, do you take anything to help you sleep?"

"Uh-huh. You want some?"

"No, I'm good. Just, uh, don't take any of it tonight, okay?"

"Whatever," agreed Stephen.

"What's got your panties in a bunch?" asked Olivia. "I don't care what's up with you and Steve, it can't be that bad."

"Can so!" said Stephen. "Also, Jon's not even paying attention to me!"

Olivia raised her eyebrows.

Stephen*Colbert
Olivia has reminded me that it is 4am where you are so you are probably just asleep

Stephen*Colbert
as such you are forgiven

Stephen*Colbert
for now

Stephen*Colbert
although if you do not text me back before bedtime you will be On Notice

~*~

Jon S.
I have accidental sexiness?

Stephen*Colbert
protip Jon: it is best not to draw attention to these things yourself

Stephen*Colbert
people will get the wrong idea re: whether you are also modest and humble

Jon S.
You're the one who said it! I'm just trying to confirm that you meant it!

Stephen*Colbert
why would I say something I don't mean Jon let's be logical about this

Stephen*Colbert
you already know from boybandology that you were the brooding sexy one to balance out me as the wholesome all-American sexy one. and we are selling like hotcakes which means the market has spoken.

Stephen*Colbert
sexy in a wholesome age-appropriate way obvs.

Jon S.
I don't know whether to be flattered that you said it, weirded out that you only believe it because of sales figures, or insulted that I don't qualify as "all-American."

Stephen*Colbert
when it is a choice you should always pick flattered

Stephen*Colbert
that's what I do

Stephen*Colbert
anyway g2g Olivia needs me for late-night bonding or something

Jon S.
what??

Stephen*Colbert
idk she was very hush-hush about the specifics

Stephen*Colbert
I will let you know how it goes

Jon S.
um

Jon S.
You won't tell me anything without her permission right?

Stephen*Colbert
sure fine

Stephen*Colbert
she'll probably want to tell you about it herself anyway

Stephen*Colbert
bye!

~*~

"Okay, before either of you start yelling, shut up and listen," said Olivia, when Stephen opened his door and saw Steve standing behind her, both of them dressed for cold. "There's a club that's practically right across the canal. It's Steve's last night in the country, and Stephen is my only actual friend in the country, so we are all sneaking over there together, capisce?"

"But he's —" began Stephen.

"I don't —" put in Steve.

"Don't care!" snapped Olivia. "If you can't deal with each other, then don't talk to each other. Problem solved."

Steve glared at Stephen. Stephen's eyes bored into Steve.

"Okay then!" said Stephen brightly, pasting on a grin as he focused on Olivia and nobody else. "I'll get my coat."

Fake News | "Stephen", Olivia, Steve | PG-13 | Shout*For, chapter 3

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