Erin Ptah (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ptahrrific) wrote2010-11-27 10:17 pm
ptahrrific) wrote2010-11-27 10:17 pm
Entry tags:
Mix - Fake News: but the crack let in light
Medium: Television
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Subject: "Stephen" and system
Title: but the crack let in light
Notes: Dissociation, dysphoria, trauma. Some slightly NSFW illustrations. One track in .mp4 format.
Dr. Parr used to say of such men, that they were certainly cracked; but that the crack let in light.
John Connolly, An Inquiry Concerning the Indications of Insanity (1830)
A character soundtrack for the revised State of Grace. (Cover is spoilery; click through to see. There's also a large clean version here.) Stephen has multiple personalities, and spends years thinking of himself as broken because of it. Then they start getting to know each other, and learn to see things differently.
MILEY CYRUS (HANNAH MONTANA) | THE OTHER SIDE OF ME
Welcome to the Report! Meet the host. He's perfectly adapted to fit the pundit role. He's also not the only person in his body. It gets confusing sometimes.
Inside, I try to make the pieces fit right
A jigsaw puzzle everywhere
'Cause I flip the script so many times I forget
Who's on stage, who's in the mirror
Back in the spotlight, the crowd is calling
The paparazzi and the fame
(It can drive a girl insane)
If you could see the other side of me
I'm just like anybody else, can't you tell
I hold the key to both realities
The girl that I want you to know
If only I could show
The other side, the other side I want you to see
The other side, the other side, the other side of me
BILLY JOEL | NO MAN'S LAND
Their internal world is the Colbunker: a construct of television and truthiness, built to cover a foundation of something lost and rootless and painful.
I've seen those big machines come rolling through the quiet pines
Blue suits and bankers with their Volvos and their valentines
Give us this day our daily discount outlet merchandise
Raise up a multiplex and we will make a sacrifice...
Now we're gonna get the whole story
Now we're gonna be in prime time
Everybody's all excited about it
Who remembers when it all began - out here in No Man's Land
We've just begun to understand - out here in No Man's Land
Low supply and high demand - here in No Man's Land
I see these children with their boredom and their vacant stares
God help us all if we're to blame for their unanswered prayers
They roll the sidewalks up at night this place goes underground
Thanks to the Condo Kings there's cable now in Zombietown
ALAN PARSONS PROJECT | BREAKDOWN
Up front, Stephen isn't aware of all the goings-on inside him. He loses time once in a while, but he can spackle the cracks with a thick helping of denial, and it works as long as he doesn't let anybody close enough to see.
I break down in the middle and lose my thread
No one can understand a word that I say
When I break down just a little and lose my head
Nothing I try to do can work the same way
Any time it happened, I'd get over it
With a little help from all my friends
Anybody else could see what's wrong with me
But they walk away and just pretend...
Where are all the friends who used to talk to me?
All they ever told me was good news
People that I've never seen are kind to me
Is it any wonder I'm confused?
APOPTYGMA BERZERK | YOU KEEP ME FROM BREAKING APART
As Jon gets the first inklings of Stephen's vulnerable side and soothes them, Stephen begins developing enough trust to lean on him.
You understand the chaos in my head
Only you understand every word I say
You restore my soul and erase all hurt
The hurt that only you can take away
You keep me from breaking apart
ADAM LAMBERT | FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT
Tyrone, meanwhile, doesn't lean on anyone. Once they step into the bedroom, he's in control.
I hate the way this illustration came out so much. Augh.
Let’s go, it’s my show, baby, do what I say
Don’t trip off the glitz that I’m gonna display
I told ya, I’ma hold ya down until you’re amazed
Give it to ya ’til you're screaming my name...
Oh, do you know what you got into?
Can you handle what I’m ’bout to do?
‘Cause it’s about to get rough for you
I’m here for your entertainment
Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
You thought an angel swept you off your feet
Well I’m about to turn up the heat
I’m here for your entertainment
AVRIL LAVIGNE | WHEN YOU'RE GONE
Stephen's starting to need Jon more deeply than he's ever been prepared for. It doesn't help that the other members of his system are starting to weigh in.
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone, the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it okay
I miss you
PHIL COLLINS | STRANGERS LIKE ME
The neediest is Stevie, anxious but curious, reaching out into Jon's world and introducing Jon to his.
Every gesture, every move that she makes
Makes me feel like never before
Why do I have this growing need to be beside her
Ooh, these emotions I never knew
Of some other world far beyond this place
Beyond the trees, above the clouds
I see before me a new horizon...
Come with me now to see my world
Where there's beauty beyond your dreams
Can you feel the things I feel?
Right now, with you take my hand
There's a world I need to know
I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these strangers like me
Tell me more, please show me
Something's familiar about these strangers like me
THE RASMUS | NOT LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS
On the other end of the spectrum is the outright hostile Sweetness, Stephen's eerie but beloved protector.
No more blood, I will be there for you my love
I will stand by your side
The world has forsaken my girl...
She's fading away
Away from thís world
Drifting like a feather
She's not like the other girls
She lives in the clouds
And talks to the birds
Hopeless little one
She's not like the other girls I know
ROB THOMAS | HARD ON YOU
When Stephen's not struggling to stop being clingy, he's struggling to stop pushing Jon away. Sometimes it works; other times, he's left to repair the damage.
You're the best thing I ever knew
You do everything that I can't do
Sometimes I get lost in my blue
Please forgive me if I'm hard on you...
'Cuz I didn't mean to be mean
When I said all the things I said to you
But maybe the worst is the best I can do with you
And I never want you to go
But I know I been moving way too slow
And I fall apart 'cuz it's all that I know
NINE INCH NAILS | ONLY
The depths of dysphoria, when they're not sure which of them, if any, is real.
I'm becoming less defined as days go by
Fading away
And, well, you might say
I'm losing focus
Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself...
Yes, I am alone, but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell
I think maybe it's because
Because you were never really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself
PETER GABRIEL | THE BOOK OF LOVE
Healing takes time and care and work, and, yes, reading. Stephen thinks it's too fact-y; Stevie soaks up the tenderness; Tyrone thinks it's too sentimental; but all of them are getting increasingly attached to Jon through the process.
The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures
And instructions for dancing
But I, I love it when you read to me
And you, you can read me anything...
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I, I love it when you give me things
And you, you ought to give me wedding rings
FEFE DOBSON | MAN MEETS BOY
Reaching out to the parts of the system that need to be helped out into the light...
Man meets boy
Shattered summer, broken dreams...
Oh child it's not your fault
Don't rub your wounds with salt
He can't hurt you anymore
I am your friend
My love will be your cure
He can't hurt you anymore
Give me your hand
I'll help you fight your war
Cause he can't hurt you anymore
JEREMY CAMP | LET IT FADE
...and the ones that need to be welcomed in from the cold.
Have you been walking on a surface that's uncertain?
Have you helped yourself to everything that's empty?
You can't live this way too long
There's more than this, more than this...
Have you been holding on to what this world has offered?
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
It will be gone, forever gone
It will be gone, it will be gone
Let this old life crumble, let it fade
Let this new life offered be your saving grace
BARBRA STREISAND | KISS ME IN THE RAIN
The whole system finally decides to accept Jon.
And if I drift outside myself
Please don't turn away
I'm searching for the innocence
I've lost along the way
Come join me in my fantasy
Step out of space and time
There's only one thing left to do
So if you wouldn't mind
Kiss me in the rain, and make me feel like a child again
Bring back all those memories
Kiss me in the rain, and make me feel like a child again
With the feeling that I get
I don't even mind if I get wet
GENESIS | THE CHAMBER OF 32 DOORS
The Colbunker, once their security, has begun to keep them confined. Time to venture outside.
At the top of the stairs
There's hundreds of people
Running around
To all the doors
They try to find
Find themselves an audience
Their deductions
Need applause
The rich man stands in front of me
The poor man behind my back...
My father to the left of me
My mother to the right
Like everyone else
They're pointing
But nowhere feels quite right...
Back inside this chamber of so many doors
I've nowhere, nowhere to hide
I'd give you all of my dreams
If you'd help me find a door
That doesn't lead me back again
TENTH AVENUE NORTH | HEALING BEGINS
Unconditional love, even when it's hard for them to trust in, gives them the strength to take the first step.
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do so we think that you're good
And you can't believe it’s not enough
All the walls you built up are just glass on the outside
So let them fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground...
This is where the healing begins
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight this coming light
TIM MCGRAW | UNBROKEN
Coming together, with a little help from their friends. They're not exactly a single consciousness, but it doesn't mean they're not whole.
If I lived and breathed before you loved me, I don't recall
If I walked around at all, it was in bits and pieces of a jagged heart
You kissed me and every piece went back in place, every pain got erased...
In this world sometimes, the only thing that's real is the way you make me feel
Babe, this changes day and night
I swear it's like
No one ever left me out in the rain
Cold words still remain unspoken
I never got lost, spent years in the dark
You're here, now my heart's unbroken
When I see your smile fill my soul again
I'm unbroken
JOURNEY | KISS ME SOFTLY
And, yes, they have loved.
There's a state of grace that happens every day
It's a feeling I thought lost or locked away
Another question to an answer that I know
Oh, are you coming home, coming home for sure
I'd walk a thousand miles, just to hear you calling out my name
Kiss me softly, kiss me slowly
I get lost in you like only lovers do
Hold me closer, love me tender
I get swept away like only lovers do
NEIL DIAMOND | GITCHY GOOMY
George included.
Gitchy Goomy, gitchy gaddy, sit you laddie down on your daddy's knee
And ain't it a nice place to be?
Goggin noggin, papa's rockin' like a mockin' bird in a windy tree
And that ain't no place for me
Been there one time, been there two times
Been there three times more than I care to be
But we're gonna make it through, Gitchy Goomy
Life is good, life is fine, life is warm
Life is kind, can you see it?
Love is great, love is right
Keeps you warm late at night when you need it
Baby boy, daddy's joy, life's a toy, but you don't wanna break it
Like a sweet symphony, all you need is the key, you can play it
◊ · § · (fanfic soundtrack downloads) · § · ◊
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Subject: "Stephen" and system
Title: but the crack let in light
Notes: Dissociation, dysphoria, trauma. Some slightly NSFW illustrations. One track in .mp4 format.
Dr. Parr used to say of such men, that they were certainly cracked; but that the crack let in light.
John Connolly, An Inquiry Concerning the Indications of Insanity (1830)
A character soundtrack for the revised State of Grace. (Cover is spoilery; click through to see. There's also a large clean version here.) Stephen has multiple personalities, and spends years thinking of himself as broken because of it. Then they start getting to know each other, and learn to see things differently.
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
MILEY CYRUS (HANNAH MONTANA) | THE OTHER SIDE OF ME
Welcome to the Report! Meet the host. He's perfectly adapted to fit the pundit role. He's also not the only person in his body. It gets confusing sometimes.
Inside, I try to make the pieces fit right
A jigsaw puzzle everywhere
'Cause I flip the script so many times I forget
Who's on stage, who's in the mirror
Back in the spotlight, the crowd is calling
The paparazzi and the fame
(It can drive a girl insane)
If you could see the other side of me
I'm just like anybody else, can't you tell
I hold the key to both realities
The girl that I want you to know
If only I could show
The other side, the other side I want you to see
The other side, the other side, the other side of me
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
BILLY JOEL | NO MAN'S LAND
Their internal world is the Colbunker: a construct of television and truthiness, built to cover a foundation of something lost and rootless and painful.
I've seen those big machines come rolling through the quiet pines
Blue suits and bankers with their Volvos and their valentines
Give us this day our daily discount outlet merchandise
Raise up a multiplex and we will make a sacrifice...
Now we're gonna get the whole story
Now we're gonna be in prime time
Everybody's all excited about it
Who remembers when it all began - out here in No Man's Land
We've just begun to understand - out here in No Man's Land
Low supply and high demand - here in No Man's Land
I see these children with their boredom and their vacant stares
God help us all if we're to blame for their unanswered prayers
They roll the sidewalks up at night this place goes underground
Thanks to the Condo Kings there's cable now in Zombietown
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
ALAN PARSONS PROJECT | BREAKDOWN
Up front, Stephen isn't aware of all the goings-on inside him. He loses time once in a while, but he can spackle the cracks with a thick helping of denial, and it works as long as he doesn't let anybody close enough to see.
I break down in the middle and lose my thread
No one can understand a word that I say
When I break down just a little and lose my head
Nothing I try to do can work the same way
Any time it happened, I'd get over it
With a little help from all my friends
Anybody else could see what's wrong with me
But they walk away and just pretend...
Where are all the friends who used to talk to me?
All they ever told me was good news
People that I've never seen are kind to me
Is it any wonder I'm confused?
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
APOPTYGMA BERZERK | YOU KEEP ME FROM BREAKING APART
As Jon gets the first inklings of Stephen's vulnerable side and soothes them, Stephen begins developing enough trust to lean on him.
You understand the chaos in my head
Only you understand every word I say
You restore my soul and erase all hurt
The hurt that only you can take away
You keep me from breaking apart
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
ADAM LAMBERT | FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT
Tyrone, meanwhile, doesn't lean on anyone. Once they step into the bedroom, he's in control.
I hate the way this illustration came out so much. Augh.
Let’s go, it’s my show, baby, do what I say
Don’t trip off the glitz that I’m gonna display
I told ya, I’ma hold ya down until you’re amazed
Give it to ya ’til you're screaming my name...
Oh, do you know what you got into?
Can you handle what I’m ’bout to do?
‘Cause it’s about to get rough for you
I’m here for your entertainment
Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
You thought an angel swept you off your feet
Well I’m about to turn up the heat
I’m here for your entertainment
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
AVRIL LAVIGNE | WHEN YOU'RE GONE
Stephen's starting to need Jon more deeply than he's ever been prepared for. It doesn't help that the other members of his system are starting to weigh in.
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone, the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it okay
I miss you
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
PHIL COLLINS | STRANGERS LIKE ME
The neediest is Stevie, anxious but curious, reaching out into Jon's world and introducing Jon to his.
Every gesture, every move that she makes
Makes me feel like never before
Why do I have this growing need to be beside her
Ooh, these emotions I never knew
Of some other world far beyond this place
Beyond the trees, above the clouds
I see before me a new horizon...
Come with me now to see my world
Where there's beauty beyond your dreams
Can you feel the things I feel?
Right now, with you take my hand
There's a world I need to know
I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these strangers like me
Tell me more, please show me
Something's familiar about these strangers like me
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
THE RASMUS | NOT LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS
On the other end of the spectrum is the outright hostile Sweetness, Stephen's eerie but beloved protector.
No more blood, I will be there for you my love
I will stand by your side
The world has forsaken my girl...
She's fading away
Away from thís world
Drifting like a feather
She's not like the other girls
She lives in the clouds
And talks to the birds
Hopeless little one
She's not like the other girls I know
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
ROB THOMAS | HARD ON YOU
When Stephen's not struggling to stop being clingy, he's struggling to stop pushing Jon away. Sometimes it works; other times, he's left to repair the damage.
You're the best thing I ever knew
You do everything that I can't do
Sometimes I get lost in my blue
Please forgive me if I'm hard on you...
'Cuz I didn't mean to be mean
When I said all the things I said to you
But maybe the worst is the best I can do with you
And I never want you to go
But I know I been moving way too slow
And I fall apart 'cuz it's all that I know
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
NINE INCH NAILS | ONLY
The depths of dysphoria, when they're not sure which of them, if any, is real.
I'm becoming less defined as days go by
Fading away
And, well, you might say
I'm losing focus
Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself...
Yes, I am alone, but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell
I think maybe it's because
Because you were never really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
PETER GABRIEL | THE BOOK OF LOVE
Healing takes time and care and work, and, yes, reading. Stephen thinks it's too fact-y; Stevie soaks up the tenderness; Tyrone thinks it's too sentimental; but all of them are getting increasingly attached to Jon through the process.
The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures
And instructions for dancing
But I, I love it when you read to me
And you, you can read me anything...
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I, I love it when you give me things
And you, you ought to give me wedding rings
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
FEFE DOBSON | MAN MEETS BOY
Reaching out to the parts of the system that need to be helped out into the light...
Man meets boy
Shattered summer, broken dreams...
Oh child it's not your fault
Don't rub your wounds with salt
He can't hurt you anymore
I am your friend
My love will be your cure
He can't hurt you anymore
Give me your hand
I'll help you fight your war
Cause he can't hurt you anymore
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
JEREMY CAMP | LET IT FADE
...and the ones that need to be welcomed in from the cold.
Have you been walking on a surface that's uncertain?
Have you helped yourself to everything that's empty?
You can't live this way too long
There's more than this, more than this...
Have you been holding on to what this world has offered?
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
It will be gone, forever gone
It will be gone, it will be gone
Let this old life crumble, let it fade
Let this new life offered be your saving grace
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
BARBRA STREISAND | KISS ME IN THE RAIN
The whole system finally decides to accept Jon.
And if I drift outside myself
Please don't turn away
I'm searching for the innocence
I've lost along the way
Come join me in my fantasy
Step out of space and time
There's only one thing left to do
So if you wouldn't mind
Kiss me in the rain, and make me feel like a child again
Bring back all those memories
Kiss me in the rain, and make me feel like a child again
With the feeling that I get
I don't even mind if I get wet
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
GENESIS | THE CHAMBER OF 32 DOORS
The Colbunker, once their security, has begun to keep them confined. Time to venture outside.
At the top of the stairs
There's hundreds of people
Running around
To all the doors
They try to find
Find themselves an audience
Their deductions
Need applause
The rich man stands in front of me
The poor man behind my back...
My father to the left of me
My mother to the right
Like everyone else
They're pointing
But nowhere feels quite right...
Back inside this chamber of so many doors
I've nowhere, nowhere to hide
I'd give you all of my dreams
If you'd help me find a door
That doesn't lead me back again
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
TENTH AVENUE NORTH | HEALING BEGINS
Unconditional love, even when it's hard for them to trust in, gives them the strength to take the first step.
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do so we think that you're good
And you can't believe it’s not enough
All the walls you built up are just glass on the outside
So let them fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground...
This is where the healing begins
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight this coming light
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
TIM MCGRAW | UNBROKEN
Coming together, with a little help from their friends. They're not exactly a single consciousness, but it doesn't mean they're not whole.
If I lived and breathed before you loved me, I don't recall
If I walked around at all, it was in bits and pieces of a jagged heart
You kissed me and every piece went back in place, every pain got erased...
In this world sometimes, the only thing that's real is the way you make me feel
Babe, this changes day and night
I swear it's like
No one ever left me out in the rain
Cold words still remain unspoken
I never got lost, spent years in the dark
You're here, now my heart's unbroken
When I see your smile fill my soul again
I'm unbroken
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
JOURNEY | KISS ME SOFTLY
And, yes, they have loved.
There's a state of grace that happens every day
It's a feeling I thought lost or locked away
Another question to an answer that I know
Oh, are you coming home, coming home for sure
I'd walk a thousand miles, just to hear you calling out my name
Kiss me softly, kiss me slowly
I get lost in you like only lovers do
Hold me closer, love me tender
I get swept away like only lovers do
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
NEIL DIAMOND | GITCHY GOOMY
George included.
Gitchy Goomy, gitchy gaddy, sit you laddie down on your daddy's knee
And ain't it a nice place to be?
Goggin noggin, papa's rockin' like a mockin' bird in a windy tree
And that ain't no place for me
Been there one time, been there two times
Been there three times more than I care to be
But we're gonna make it through, Gitchy Goomy
Life is good, life is fine, life is warm
Life is kind, can you see it?
Love is great, love is right
Keeps you warm late at night when you need it
Baby boy, daddy's joy, life's a toy, but you don't wanna break it
Like a sweet symphony, all you need is the key, you can play it
◊ · § · ◊ · § · ◊
◊ · § · (fanfic soundtrack downloads) · § · ◊
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