Erin Ptah (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ptahrrific) wrote2010-09-14 08:34 pm
ptahrrific) wrote2010-09-14 08:34 pm
Entry tags:
Mix - Fake News: State of Grace OST
Title: State of Grace OST
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Rating: Through PG-13
Contents: Language, sex, violence, trauma, religious themes, huge images
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen" (and group), Charlene, OCs
The soundtrack for the initial version of State of Grace: two discs and thirty-four songs in which Stephen is ripped apart and then put back together. (Thirty-three pop songs and a lullaby, for a story with thirty-three chapters and an epilogue. I swear I didn't plan that.)
The rewrite is different in a lot of ways (including its length), and features themes and subplots that this doesn't cover. But these songs still have their places in the general emotional arc.
[Disc 1: The Stranger In Yourself]
1) The Magnetic Fields - If There's Such A Thing As Love
A happy opening, of sorts. Stephen has some odd ideas about love, but he's convinced he's in it.
(Even at this point, there are suggestions of multiplicity. The sentence "If there's such a thing as love..." is finished by Stephen with "I'm in it", Stevie with "give me it", and Tyrone with "let's do it".)
Now the clock is striking one
So we might as well begin it
As there's dancing to be done
And our time is not infinite
If there's such a thing as love, I'm in it
2) Vanessa Carlton - Pretty Baby
Stephen adores his son. Lights up with him. Feels safe and secure and steady with him. Aches over him. Carries a suppressed but intense fear of losing him.
I'd let it all come down and then some for you
Pretty baby, don't you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby, why can't you see
You're the one that I belong to
I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you're the sun that breaks the storm
I'll be all right and I'll sleep sound
As long as you keep comin' round
...Why can't you hold me and never let go?
When you touch me, it is me that you own
Pretty baby
Oh, the place that you hold in my heart
Would you break it apart
Again?
3) Blessid Union of Souls - I Wanna Be There
Jon suspects hard times on the horizon, but he isn't going anywhere.
I wanna be there in the pouring rain
I wanna be there when you call my name...
I wanna be there when your baby cries
I wanna be there when they tell you lies
Gonna light your fire, I'm gonna feel your flame
I wanna be there when you go insane
I wanna be there when your nights are long
And when you're feeling like you don't belong
Gonna be your lover, gonna be your friend
Gonna be there till the end
4) Billy Joel - The Stranger
Stephen may love Jon in proper, socially-sanctioned ways; but if he wants to give Jon desire, someone else has to take the reins.
Well, we all have a face that we hide away forever
And we take them out and show ourselves when everyone has gone
Some are satin, some are steel; some are silk and some are leather
They're the faces of the stranger, but we love to try them on
Well, we all fall in love, but we disregard the danger:
Though we share so many secrets, there are some we never tell...
You may never understand how the stranger is inspired
But he isn't always evil, and he is not always wrong
Though you drown in good intentions, you will never quench the fire
You'll give in to your desire when the stranger comes along
5) Relient K - Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
Jon tries to switch roles; Stephen, in a burst of panic, lashes out and forces him to stop. He then spends the next couple of days trying to undo the explosion, to piece his shell of normality back together.
Stop right there! That's exactly where I lost it
See that line? Well I never should have crossed it
Stop right there! Well I never should have said that
It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back...
I talk to absolutely no one
Couldn't keep to myself enough
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up...
And I was positive that unless
I got myself together, I would watch me fall apart
And I can't let that happen again
'Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been
6) The Rasmus - Dancer In The Dark
Stephen's falling back into the shadowy depths of his past, and trying desperately to keep Jon out of it.
Run to your boy; don't conceal your scars
Run to your boy: let let him feel your love
Before it's too late
The light in your eyes keeps fading out
Night's falling deeper in the heart
Hiding the truth and crashing down
My baby's a dancer in the dark
Your sight is dying but you keep on trying to save your boy
You keep on lying but your false illusions will be destroyed
7) Ana - We Are
Stephen believes his hands are clean: he isn't responsible for the disrespectful things in his past. From within his head, Tyrone angrily disagrees.
(Stevie doesn't have the anger, but in the last few stanzas of the song, there's a desperate young voice echoing "We are" in the background.)
We’ve never been so many
And we've never been so alone
Keep watching from your picket fence
You keep talking but it makes no sense
You say we're not responsible, but we are
We are
You wash your hands, you come out clean
You fail to recognise the enemies within
You say we're not responsible, but we are
We are
8) Breaking Benjamin - Had Enough
Stephen's furious, self-destructive bids to keep his other personalities down. As anger goes, he's in rare form, afraid that Tyrone's desire and Stevie's weakness may lose him Jon altogether.
You should have learned by now
I'll burn this whole world down
I need some peace of mind
No fear of what's behind
You think you've won this fight
You've only lost your mind
You had to have it all
Well have you had enough?
You greedy little bastard
You will get what you deserve
9) Fefe Dobson - Kiss Me Fool
Jon stops the sex, holding out for a serious conversation. Stephen tries to figure out who he needs to be to make this all go away, while Tyrone dancesin the dark in the corner until it's time to bring him back out.
Tell me, who should I be to make you love me?
Tell me, what does it mean to be alone?
Can’t you see me standing, staring, out from a distance
Hear my cry if you’d only listen
Out of focus, into me and you
Touch me fool, if you’re allowed
I’ll be dancing in the corner
It’s so cruel to play it proud
Take your hands and cover me
I’m aware that all in love is fair
But that’s no reason to make me feel this way
10) Relient K - Be My Escape
Falling into himself and finding nothing but fear, Stephen reaches out.
I've gotta get out of here
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I've gotta get out of here
And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape
I've given up on doing this alone now
Cause I've failed and I'm ready to be shown how
You've told me the way, and now I'm trying to get there
And this life sentence that I'm serving
I admit, that I'm every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
11) Voltaire - I'm Sorry
After showing Jon the biggest rift in his view of himself as "good", Stephen spends a chapter in tearful apology.
All's black and white when you're just a baby
You get some hair on your chin, you think you know everything
Years go by, then everything's "maybe"
And all that you believe drowns in a sea of gray
But while I'm tearing at the seams
I'll apologize to anything
I'm sorry I'm selfish
I'm sorry I behave this way
I'm sorry, couldn't help it
I'm sorry that you lost your faith in me
12) TLC - Damaged
Stephen is a mess.
I know I'm kinda strange to you sometimes
Don't always say what's on my mind
You know that I've been hurt by some guy
But I don't wanna mess up this time...
My heart's at a low; I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
I'm falling in love; there's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
13) Jonathan Coulton - I Crush Everything
So is Stevie. Though he desperately wants to reach out, he's convinced he'll do something wrong.
(This is a song about a sea monster. While Stephen is afraid of drowning, Stevie has already been held under for a very long time.)
And the dolphins are all phonies
They seem nice enough at first
They pretend to be your friends
Until they see you at your worst and then they leave you
Without a word they swim away
So I can't do that thing anymore
I can't be the thing I was before
Maybe I am better off alone
Because I crush everything
And I crush everything
And I crush everything
And everything I want I take
And everything I love I break
14) Voltaire - Almost Human
(h/twishflower4 for the suggestion.)
Tyrone's in no better shape. He revels in degrading sex, but it still stings that he's not allowed any other kind.
What did I ever do so wrong
That you should cast me from grace?
Though I love to rule in hell here
How I miss the taste of heaven
Its soft and cool embrace...
I'm just like you
Made by he
Despised by they
I'm almost me
I'm nearly human
Look at me, I'm almost a human being
15) Billy Joel - State of Grace
Every time Stephen starts to dissociate too far, Jon tries to pull him back.
But, darling, there you go
Slipping away into a state of grace
Granted, this world is not a perfect place
Still it's the world that I'm in
Here I am
Talking while you don't hear a word I say
Knowing you're watching me from far away
Somewhere that I've never been
Don't you see
You lived a different life than me
It doesn't mean you have to be afraid of how
We're not the same; don't leave me now...
How can I get you to stay where you are?
Keep you from going too far?
Holding you here is so hard to do
I'm losing you
Bonus track: Erykah Badu - Tyrone [Live]
When I found a song with this title, I was really, really hoping it would fit. And, uh, for the most part it doesn't. But this bit sounds like Jon's early desire to deal with Stephen sans Tyrone.
(And the image of Jon as a sexy R&B-belting sistah is worth the price of admission.)
And every time you come around
You got to bring Jim, James, Paul and Tyrone
See, why can't we be by ourselves sometimes
See, I've been having this on my mind for a long time
I just want it to be you and me like it used to be, baby
Bonus track: Shinedown - I Dare You
Jon's arc throughout the story: meeting Stephen's insiders, learning about them and the memories they carry, and convincing Stephen that he isn't an innocent in need of protection, that he can help bear Stephen's pain.
Hello, let me introduce you to
The characters, in the show
One says yes, one says no
Decide - which voice in your head should you keep alive?
Even in madness I know you still believe
Paint me on canvas so I become
What you could never be
I dare you to tell me to walk through fire...
Hello, are you still chasing
The memories, in shadows
Some stay young, some grow old
[Disc 2: Falling Into Grace]
1) Death Cab for Cutie - Soul Meets Body
Unacceptable thoughts are cordoned off by amnesiac barriers, sometimes to come out during the Wørd, others erupting in flashbacks. And Stephen still doesn't know how deep it goes.
Still, he wants to pull his soul back together.
Because in my head there's a Greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far-off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
Where they're far more suited than here
I cannot guess what we'll discover
When we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels...
But if the silence takes you then I hope it takes me too
So, brown eyes, I'll hold you near
Because you're the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
2) Jason Robert Brown - Someone To Fall Back On
Charlene, trying to repair her long-tattered bond with her cousin. She knows her limits, but within them she's determined to do what she can.
Some comedy
You’re bruised and beaten down
And I’m the one who’s looking for a favor
Still, honestly,
You don’t believe me, but the things I have
Are the things you need...
I am no prince
I am no saint
And if that’s what you believe you need
You’re wrong
You don’t need much
You need someone to fall back on
And I’ll be that:
I’ll take your side
If I’m the only one, I’m used to that
I’ve been alone; I’d rather be
The half of us
The least of you
The best of me
3) Vienna Teng - Harbor
Stephen's going to go through a lot. Jon will always be ready to lead him back.
You’ve got a journey to make
There’s your horizon to chase
So go far beyond where we stand
No matter the distance, I'm holding your hand
Sail your sea; meet your storm
All I want is to be your harbor
The light in me will guide you home
All I want is to be your harbor
4) Jewel - Always
Even the intensity of love and adoration connects Stephen back to the intensity of fear, weakness, helplessness. It's a careful path they tread.
Please don't say I love you
Those words touch me much too deeply
And they make my core tremble
Don't think you realize the effect you have over me...
And when you look in my eyes
Please know my heart is in your hands
It's nothing that I understand
But in your arms you have complete power over me
So be gentle if you please
'Cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth, baby
And it makes me want to make you near me always
5) OK Go - Don't Ask Me
Tyrone is flat-out hostile. He doesn't believe in genuine, no-strings-attached affection, and wouldn't know what to do with it if he did.
Quit acting so friendly
Don't nod, don't laugh all nicely
Don't think you'll up-end me
Don't sigh, don't sip your iced-tea
And don't say, 'It's been a while...'
And don't flash that stupid smile
Don't ask me
Don't ask me
Don't ask me, ask me, ask me how I've been
6) Relient K - I Need You
Stevie, who doesn't think he can do anything on his own, has a desperate need to be saved and is hoping Jon will be the one to finally pull it off.
Explore the cave that is my chest
A torch reveals there's nothing left
Your whispers echo off the walls
And you can hear my distant calls
The voice of who I used to be
Screaming out, someone, someone please!
Please shine a light into the black
Wade through the depths and bring me back
I have not been abandoned
No, I have not been
Deserted and I have not been forgotten
I need you!
I need you here, I need you now
I need security somehow
I need you like you would not believe
7) Within Temptation - What Have You Done
After an inexcuseable lashing-out out at Jon, a barrage of fear, anger, hatred, and shame ricochets back and forth within the system.
Would you mind if I killed you?
Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy
You carry hate that I don't feel
It's over now
What have you done?
What have you done now?
8) Superchick - Stand In The Rain
After the shattering of Stephen's two great bulwarks of self-worth—his role on the air and his role as a good parent—Jon refuses to let him give up.
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears
Whispering
If she stands
She'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's
Running from
Wants to give up
And lie down
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
9) Something Corporate - Watch The Sky
Swept up in a storm of guilt and despair, Stephen hears Jon's call and reaches back.
I'm lost at sea
The radio is jamming
But they won't find me
I swear it's for the best
And then your frequency
Is pulling me in closer till I'm home...
I will crawl
There's things that aren't worth giving up, I know
But I won't let this get me, I will fight...
When you can't bear to carry me, I'll fight
You live the life you're given with the storms outside
Some days all I do is watch the sky
10) Lifehouse - Unknown
In Stephen's old black-and-white world, good people received grace and bad people didn't. Now his system is left unsure of anything, and searching for a new kind of grace in the shades of grey where Jon has always been.
Take my security from me
And maybe finally
I won't have to know everything
And I am falling into grace
To the unknown, to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you...
I am against myself again
Trying to fit these pieces in
Walking on a cloud of dust to get to you
11) Kelly Clarkson - You Found Me
Integrating Stevie. What's lost has been found.
So, here we are, and that's pretty far
When you think of where we've been
No going back; I'm fading out
All that has faded me within...
You found me when no one else was looking
How did you know just where I would be?
You broke through all of my confusion
The ups and the downs and you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
The good and the bad and the things in between
You found me
12) Girls Aloud - Love Machine
(h/tstellar_dust for providing this one.)
Integrating Tyrone. He's never going to be "tame", but then, what fun would that be?
(While Stephen is afraid of drowning and Stevie is unwillingly trapped in the depths, Tyrone sings "I'll breathe underwater 'cause I like the way it feels.")
We're gift-wrapped kitty cats
We're only turning into tigers when we gotta fight back...
Come take my hand
Understand that you can
You're my man and I need you tonight
Come make my dreams
Honey, hard as it seems
Loving me is as easy as pie
I'm just a love machine
Feeding my fantasy
Give me a kiss or three
And I'm fine
13) Point of Grace - Love Like No Other
The whole system revels in the formerly unimaginable gift of unconditional love.
(This song is sung not by one person, but by a chorus of similar-sounding voices in harmony. Symbolism!)
I'm surrounded by a grace this soul just can't ignore
Lord, I'm living in a love like no other
Lost in a mercy like I've never known
Lord, I'm trusting in a love like no other
To lead me on!...
Unconditionally
You embrace all that I am
It's beyond all reason
It's a love I'll never understand
14) Christopher Bingham - Family
(h/tcanadian_plant for the suggestion and link.)
The whole crowd. Stephen's system isn't just a complicated group of its own; it's set within a loving, supportive, and ridiculously unconventional family.
Mama's got a girlfriend, Mom loves the ladies
Mama's really happy when you're looking at her these days
Papa's got a boyfriend, yeah, Dad is a man's man
Everybody's family, loving everybody he can
Oh the old world is turning around like a top
And there's nothing you and I should even try to do to stop it
It takes a lot of courage to stand up and get what you need
And lots of us are happy in a different kind of family...
Ozzy & Harriet are spinning around in their graves
But who needs television these days, anyway?
15) Simon & Garfunkel - Kathy's Song
Trying to figure out what to do when they return to the Report, now that its initial foundations have been torn down.
And as a song I was writing is left undone
I don't know why I spend my time
Writing songs I can't believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme
And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you
And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go I
Bonus track: Billie Holiday - Me, Myself And I
They still has a lot of internal conflict, but on this point all the personalities are aligned:
Me, myself and I
Have just one point of view
We're convinced
There's no one else like you
It can't be denied dear
You brought the sun to us
We'd be satisfied dear
If you, you'd belong to one of us
So if you pass me by
Three hearts will break in two
'Cause me, myself and I
Are all in love with you
Extra bonus: Peter, Paul & Mary - Mockingbird
Stephen's favorite lullaby...albeit a more conventional version than he usually ends up singing.
Hush little baby, don't say a word
Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird....
( Fanfic Soundtrack Downloads )
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Rating: Through PG-13
Contents: Language, sex, violence, trauma, religious themes, huge images
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen" (and group), Charlene, OCs
The soundtrack for the initial version of State of Grace: two discs and thirty-four songs in which Stephen is ripped apart and then put back together. (Thirty-three pop songs and a lullaby, for a story with thirty-three chapters and an epilogue. I swear I didn't plan that.)
The rewrite is different in a lot of ways (including its length), and features themes and subplots that this doesn't cover. But these songs still have their places in the general emotional arc.
[Disc 1: The Stranger In Yourself]
1) The Magnetic Fields - If There's Such A Thing As Love
A happy opening, of sorts. Stephen has some odd ideas about love, but he's convinced he's in it.
(Even at this point, there are suggestions of multiplicity. The sentence "If there's such a thing as love..." is finished by Stephen with "I'm in it", Stevie with "give me it", and Tyrone with "let's do it".)
Now the clock is striking one
So we might as well begin it
As there's dancing to be done
And our time is not infinite
If there's such a thing as love, I'm in it
2) Vanessa Carlton - Pretty Baby
Stephen adores his son. Lights up with him. Feels safe and secure and steady with him. Aches over him. Carries a suppressed but intense fear of losing him.
I'd let it all come down and then some for you
Pretty baby, don't you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby, why can't you see
You're the one that I belong to
I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you're the sun that breaks the storm
I'll be all right and I'll sleep sound
As long as you keep comin' round
...Why can't you hold me and never let go?
When you touch me, it is me that you own
Pretty baby
Oh, the place that you hold in my heart
Would you break it apart
Again?
3) Blessid Union of Souls - I Wanna Be There
Jon suspects hard times on the horizon, but he isn't going anywhere.
I wanna be there in the pouring rain
I wanna be there when you call my name...
I wanna be there when your baby cries
I wanna be there when they tell you lies
Gonna light your fire, I'm gonna feel your flame
I wanna be there when you go insane
I wanna be there when your nights are long
And when you're feeling like you don't belong
Gonna be your lover, gonna be your friend
Gonna be there till the end
4) Billy Joel - The Stranger
Stephen may love Jon in proper, socially-sanctioned ways; but if he wants to give Jon desire, someone else has to take the reins.
Well, we all have a face that we hide away forever
And we take them out and show ourselves when everyone has gone
Some are satin, some are steel; some are silk and some are leather
They're the faces of the stranger, but we love to try them on
Well, we all fall in love, but we disregard the danger:
Though we share so many secrets, there are some we never tell...
You may never understand how the stranger is inspired
But he isn't always evil, and he is not always wrong
Though you drown in good intentions, you will never quench the fire
You'll give in to your desire when the stranger comes along
5) Relient K - Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
Jon tries to switch roles; Stephen, in a burst of panic, lashes out and forces him to stop. He then spends the next couple of days trying to undo the explosion, to piece his shell of normality back together.
Stop right there! That's exactly where I lost it
See that line? Well I never should have crossed it
Stop right there! Well I never should have said that
It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back...
I talk to absolutely no one
Couldn't keep to myself enough
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up...
And I was positive that unless
I got myself together, I would watch me fall apart
And I can't let that happen again
'Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been
6) The Rasmus - Dancer In The Dark
Stephen's falling back into the shadowy depths of his past, and trying desperately to keep Jon out of it.
Run to your boy; don't conceal your scars
Run to your boy: let let him feel your love
Before it's too late
The light in your eyes keeps fading out
Night's falling deeper in the heart
Hiding the truth and crashing down
My baby's a dancer in the dark
Your sight is dying but you keep on trying to save your boy
You keep on lying but your false illusions will be destroyed
7) Ana - We Are
Stephen believes his hands are clean: he isn't responsible for the disrespectful things in his past. From within his head, Tyrone angrily disagrees.
(Stevie doesn't have the anger, but in the last few stanzas of the song, there's a desperate young voice echoing "We are" in the background.)
We’ve never been so many
And we've never been so alone
Keep watching from your picket fence
You keep talking but it makes no sense
You say we're not responsible, but we are
We are
You wash your hands, you come out clean
You fail to recognise the enemies within
You say we're not responsible, but we are
We are
8) Breaking Benjamin - Had Enough
Stephen's furious, self-destructive bids to keep his other personalities down. As anger goes, he's in rare form, afraid that Tyrone's desire and Stevie's weakness may lose him Jon altogether.
You should have learned by now
I'll burn this whole world down
I need some peace of mind
No fear of what's behind
You think you've won this fight
You've only lost your mind
You had to have it all
Well have you had enough?
You greedy little bastard
You will get what you deserve
9) Fefe Dobson - Kiss Me Fool
Jon stops the sex, holding out for a serious conversation. Stephen tries to figure out who he needs to be to make this all go away, while Tyrone dances
Tell me, who should I be to make you love me?
Tell me, what does it mean to be alone?
Can’t you see me standing, staring, out from a distance
Hear my cry if you’d only listen
Out of focus, into me and you
Touch me fool, if you’re allowed
I’ll be dancing in the corner
It’s so cruel to play it proud
Take your hands and cover me
I’m aware that all in love is fair
But that’s no reason to make me feel this way
10) Relient K - Be My Escape
Falling into himself and finding nothing but fear, Stephen reaches out.
I've gotta get out of here
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I've gotta get out of here
And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape
I've given up on doing this alone now
Cause I've failed and I'm ready to be shown how
You've told me the way, and now I'm trying to get there
And this life sentence that I'm serving
I admit, that I'm every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
11) Voltaire - I'm Sorry
After showing Jon the biggest rift in his view of himself as "good", Stephen spends a chapter in tearful apology.
All's black and white when you're just a baby
You get some hair on your chin, you think you know everything
Years go by, then everything's "maybe"
And all that you believe drowns in a sea of gray
But while I'm tearing at the seams
I'll apologize to anything
I'm sorry I'm selfish
I'm sorry I behave this way
I'm sorry, couldn't help it
I'm sorry that you lost your faith in me
12) TLC - Damaged
Stephen is a mess.
I know I'm kinda strange to you sometimes
Don't always say what's on my mind
You know that I've been hurt by some guy
But I don't wanna mess up this time...
My heart's at a low; I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
I'm falling in love; there's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
13) Jonathan Coulton - I Crush Everything
So is Stevie. Though he desperately wants to reach out, he's convinced he'll do something wrong.
(This is a song about a sea monster. While Stephen is afraid of drowning, Stevie has already been held under for a very long time.)
And the dolphins are all phonies
They seem nice enough at first
They pretend to be your friends
Until they see you at your worst and then they leave you
Without a word they swim away
So I can't do that thing anymore
I can't be the thing I was before
Maybe I am better off alone
Because I crush everything
And I crush everything
And I crush everything
And everything I want I take
And everything I love I break
14) Voltaire - Almost Human
(h/t
wishflower4 for the suggestion.)Tyrone's in no better shape. He revels in degrading sex, but it still stings that he's not allowed any other kind.
What did I ever do so wrong
That you should cast me from grace?
Though I love to rule in hell here
How I miss the taste of heaven
Its soft and cool embrace...
I'm just like you
Made by he
Despised by they
I'm almost me
I'm nearly human
Look at me, I'm almost a human being
15) Billy Joel - State of Grace
Every time Stephen starts to dissociate too far, Jon tries to pull him back.
But, darling, there you go
Slipping away into a state of grace
Granted, this world is not a perfect place
Still it's the world that I'm in
Here I am
Talking while you don't hear a word I say
Knowing you're watching me from far away
Somewhere that I've never been
Don't you see
You lived a different life than me
It doesn't mean you have to be afraid of how
We're not the same; don't leave me now...
How can I get you to stay where you are?
Keep you from going too far?
Holding you here is so hard to do
I'm losing you
Bonus track: Erykah Badu - Tyrone [Live]
When I found a song with this title, I was really, really hoping it would fit. And, uh, for the most part it doesn't. But this bit sounds like Jon's early desire to deal with Stephen sans Tyrone.
(And the image of Jon as a sexy R&B-belting sistah is worth the price of admission.)
And every time you come around
You got to bring Jim, James, Paul and Tyrone
See, why can't we be by ourselves sometimes
See, I've been having this on my mind for a long time
I just want it to be you and me like it used to be, baby
Bonus track: Shinedown - I Dare You
Jon's arc throughout the story: meeting Stephen's insiders, learning about them and the memories they carry, and convincing Stephen that he isn't an innocent in need of protection, that he can help bear Stephen's pain.
Hello, let me introduce you to
The characters, in the show
One says yes, one says no
Decide - which voice in your head should you keep alive?
Even in madness I know you still believe
Paint me on canvas so I become
What you could never be
I dare you to tell me to walk through fire...
Hello, are you still chasing
The memories, in shadows
Some stay young, some grow old
[Disc 2: Falling Into Grace]
1) Death Cab for Cutie - Soul Meets Body
Unacceptable thoughts are cordoned off by amnesiac barriers, sometimes to come out during the Wørd, others erupting in flashbacks. And Stephen still doesn't know how deep it goes.
Still, he wants to pull his soul back together.
Because in my head there's a Greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far-off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
Where they're far more suited than here
I cannot guess what we'll discover
When we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels...
But if the silence takes you then I hope it takes me too
So, brown eyes, I'll hold you near
Because you're the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
2) Jason Robert Brown - Someone To Fall Back On
Charlene, trying to repair her long-tattered bond with her cousin. She knows her limits, but within them she's determined to do what she can.
Some comedy
You’re bruised and beaten down
And I’m the one who’s looking for a favor
Still, honestly,
You don’t believe me, but the things I have
Are the things you need...
I am no prince
I am no saint
And if that’s what you believe you need
You’re wrong
You don’t need much
You need someone to fall back on
And I’ll be that:
I’ll take your side
If I’m the only one, I’m used to that
I’ve been alone; I’d rather be
The half of us
The least of you
The best of me
3) Vienna Teng - Harbor
Stephen's going to go through a lot. Jon will always be ready to lead him back.
You’ve got a journey to make
There’s your horizon to chase
So go far beyond where we stand
No matter the distance, I'm holding your hand
Sail your sea; meet your storm
All I want is to be your harbor
The light in me will guide you home
All I want is to be your harbor
4) Jewel - Always
Even the intensity of love and adoration connects Stephen back to the intensity of fear, weakness, helplessness. It's a careful path they tread.
Please don't say I love you
Those words touch me much too deeply
And they make my core tremble
Don't think you realize the effect you have over me...
And when you look in my eyes
Please know my heart is in your hands
It's nothing that I understand
But in your arms you have complete power over me
So be gentle if you please
'Cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth, baby
And it makes me want to make you near me always
5) OK Go - Don't Ask Me
Tyrone is flat-out hostile. He doesn't believe in genuine, no-strings-attached affection, and wouldn't know what to do with it if he did.
Quit acting so friendly
Don't nod, don't laugh all nicely
Don't think you'll up-end me
Don't sigh, don't sip your iced-tea
And don't say, 'It's been a while...'
And don't flash that stupid smile
Don't ask me
Don't ask me
Don't ask me, ask me, ask me how I've been
6) Relient K - I Need You
Stevie, who doesn't think he can do anything on his own, has a desperate need to be saved and is hoping Jon will be the one to finally pull it off.
Explore the cave that is my chest
A torch reveals there's nothing left
Your whispers echo off the walls
And you can hear my distant calls
The voice of who I used to be
Screaming out, someone, someone please!
Please shine a light into the black
Wade through the depths and bring me back
I have not been abandoned
No, I have not been
Deserted and I have not been forgotten
I need you!
I need you here, I need you now
I need security somehow
I need you like you would not believe
7) Within Temptation - What Have You Done
After an inexcuseable lashing-out out at Jon, a barrage of fear, anger, hatred, and shame ricochets back and forth within the system.
Would you mind if I killed you?
Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy
You carry hate that I don't feel
It's over now
What have you done?
What have you done now?
8) Superchick - Stand In The Rain
After the shattering of Stephen's two great bulwarks of self-worth—his role on the air and his role as a good parent—Jon refuses to let him give up.
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears
Whispering
If she stands
She'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's
Running from
Wants to give up
And lie down
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
9) Something Corporate - Watch The Sky
Swept up in a storm of guilt and despair, Stephen hears Jon's call and reaches back.
I'm lost at sea
The radio is jamming
But they won't find me
I swear it's for the best
And then your frequency
Is pulling me in closer till I'm home...
I will crawl
There's things that aren't worth giving up, I know
But I won't let this get me, I will fight...
When you can't bear to carry me, I'll fight
You live the life you're given with the storms outside
Some days all I do is watch the sky
10) Lifehouse - Unknown
In Stephen's old black-and-white world, good people received grace and bad people didn't. Now his system is left unsure of anything, and searching for a new kind of grace in the shades of grey where Jon has always been.
Take my security from me
And maybe finally
I won't have to know everything
And I am falling into grace
To the unknown, to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you...
I am against myself again
Trying to fit these pieces in
Walking on a cloud of dust to get to you
11) Kelly Clarkson - You Found Me
Integrating Stevie. What's lost has been found.
So, here we are, and that's pretty far
When you think of where we've been
No going back; I'm fading out
All that has faded me within...
You found me when no one else was looking
How did you know just where I would be?
You broke through all of my confusion
The ups and the downs and you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
The good and the bad and the things in between
You found me
12) Girls Aloud - Love Machine
(h/t
stellar_dust for providing this one.)Integrating Tyrone. He's never going to be "tame", but then, what fun would that be?
(While Stephen is afraid of drowning and Stevie is unwillingly trapped in the depths, Tyrone sings "I'll breathe underwater 'cause I like the way it feels.")
We're gift-wrapped kitty cats
We're only turning into tigers when we gotta fight back...
Come take my hand
Understand that you can
You're my man and I need you tonight
Come make my dreams
Honey, hard as it seems
Loving me is as easy as pie
I'm just a love machine
Feeding my fantasy
Give me a kiss or three
And I'm fine
13) Point of Grace - Love Like No Other
The whole system revels in the formerly unimaginable gift of unconditional love.
(This song is sung not by one person, but by a chorus of similar-sounding voices in harmony. Symbolism!)
I'm surrounded by a grace this soul just can't ignore
Lord, I'm living in a love like no other
Lost in a mercy like I've never known
Lord, I'm trusting in a love like no other
To lead me on!...
Unconditionally
You embrace all that I am
It's beyond all reason
It's a love I'll never understand
14) Christopher Bingham - Family
(h/t
canadian_plant for the suggestion and link.)The whole crowd. Stephen's system isn't just a complicated group of its own; it's set within a loving, supportive, and ridiculously unconventional family.
Mama's got a girlfriend, Mom loves the ladies
Mama's really happy when you're looking at her these days
Papa's got a boyfriend, yeah, Dad is a man's man
Everybody's family, loving everybody he can
Oh the old world is turning around like a top
And there's nothing you and I should even try to do to stop it
It takes a lot of courage to stand up and get what you need
And lots of us are happy in a different kind of family...
Ozzy & Harriet are spinning around in their graves
But who needs television these days, anyway?
15) Simon & Garfunkel - Kathy's Song
Trying to figure out what to do when they return to the Report, now that its initial foundations have been torn down.
And as a song I was writing is left undone
I don't know why I spend my time
Writing songs I can't believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme
And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you
And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go I
Bonus track: Billie Holiday - Me, Myself And I
They still has a lot of internal conflict, but on this point all the personalities are aligned:
Me, myself and I
Have just one point of view
We're convinced
There's no one else like you
It can't be denied dear
You brought the sun to us
We'd be satisfied dear
If you, you'd belong to one of us
So if you pass me by
Three hearts will break in two
'Cause me, myself and I
Are all in love with you
Extra bonus: Peter, Paul & Mary - Mockingbird
Stephen's favorite lullaby...albeit a more conventional version than he usually ends up singing.
Hush little baby, don't say a word
Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird....
( Fanfic Soundtrack Downloads )
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I'm just starting to get into doing the new artwork for this. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I am drawing for it :D