ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Galactic Amity
Characters/Pairings: "Stephen"/aliens, "Stephen"/Gorlock, "Stephen"/Jon, brief Lorraine
Rating: NC-17
Contents: Dubcon through noncon, teenage sex (in the first scene), xeno, oviposition, knotting, humiliation
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The Report characters and situatons aren't mine.

Aliens keep coming to Earth to have sex with Stephen. Bizarre, insistent, vigorous, embarrassingly stimulating sex.

...that's it. That's the fic.

For my [community profile] hc_bingo 2017 card, prompt "alien abduction." Title inspired by a James Tiptree story.

( 'You were there for a couple of them. The little armored ones when we roomed together for the DNC back in the day, and the greys after the Emmys last year.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Medium: Televison
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Subject: "Stephen Colbert"
Title: The Truth

For my 2017 [community profile] hc_bingo card, prompt "atonement."

Stephen has a thing for Jon, but at the same time he's been pushing Jon away with a mix of denial, repression, clinging to a certain public image, and displaced anger at himself. To make this work, he's going to have to own up to his issues, admit his feelings, and try to make amends.

...in song, obviously.

Cover

Truth is I love you / More that I wanted to / There's no point in trying to pretend )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: I Intend To Hold You For The Longest Time
Rating: T
Cast: Jon/"Stephen"
Contents: Aftercare, various kinks (mostly referenced)
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

An intense bit of roleplaying hits Stephen harder than expected. Jon cuddles him through it. A story about sub (and top) drop, keeping up your blood sugar, childhood terrors, and well-planned aftercare.

( 'Probably a liberal Feelings Conspiracy — Fight for 15 protests came around last weekend, bet they put something in the water —' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Did You Hear The One About The Comedian And The Werewolf?
Fandom: Fake News
Characters/Pairings: "Stephen"/Jon, Lorraine
Rating: G

Jon gets himself locked in Stephen's apartment on a full-moon night.

A story about forcefields, leftovers, primitive instincts, burnt offerings, the non-reality-based scientific community, bed-sharing, and trying not to use the words "flying monkey."


( Every horror movie Jon had ever seen flashed helpfully through his mind. This was the point in the script where the most-doomed character would say something like ha ha, Stephen, quit crawling around making doggy noises to scare me!, and five seconds later get brutally mauled while the rest of the cast screamed and fled for the next part of the set. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: The Valley Of The Shadow Of Zen
Rating: Explicit
Contents: Sex, BDSM in various permutations
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

This is a peaks-and-valleys AU, basically a D/s AU on a sine wave. Humans cycle from being dominant to being submissive and back, and the ideal partner is one whose peaks line up neatly with your valleys.

Jon has long, leisurely swings, and by adulthood is pretty good at managing his moods. "Stephen", naturally, will rocket from valley to peak and back in the space of a week. Snapshots of their friendship, and then romance, in different combinations over the years.

( 'You can't gag me and expect me to answer questions at the same time, you know.' / 'I don't see why not! It's a free country.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Can I Keep Him?
Rating: G
Cast: Jon/"Stephen", Caesar Flickolbert, Caligula
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

After his trip to the Republican convention, "Stephen" comes home to the cabin...and he brought a friend.

( At his side stood...another Stephen. Or at least, another of Stephen's weird doppelgängers — and between the zebra-patterned suit, giant neck bow, and bouffant pile of blue hair towering six inches over his forehead, this one was weirder than most. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Medium: Television
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Subject:Jon/"Stephen" + space!
Title: The Rising

Mini soundtrack for How Far I've Gone, How High I've Climbed. All the songs referenced in-story, plus a couple of extras.

High-res cover art.



The Rising from erinptah on 8tracks Radio.




Come on up for the rising / Come on up, lay your hands in mine )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: How Far I've Gone, How High I've Climbed
Rating: T
Contents:
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Steve, Sam, astronauts
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

It's mid-2004 and the elections are approaching, but "Stephen" is occupied with an unrelated assignment: to be the Daily Show's first Senior Space Correspondent, on a manned mission across the solar system.

A more-scientifically-advanced-than-reality AU. Featuring a big change of perspective for Stephen, a lot of confused pining from Jon, and a slew of "Drops of Jupiter" references.

( Stephen looked startled. It was hard to read, given the way his head was pointed at a thirty-degree angle from straight down, but that was Jon's best guess. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Some Sunny Day
Rating: PG
Cast: Jon/"Stephen", family, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Neil Degrasse Tyson
Contents: Character death
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Tried to start writing this when TCR ended, but it didn't come together until just now.

Post-Report, "Stephen" is immortal. Snapshots of his relationship with Jon as The Daily Show ends too, and the years go by.

( "I have been busy! Running errands for Santa. Trying to launch a startup around the revolutionary concept of beard-based advertising, or 'beardvertising'. Handing out condoms at the drunken week-long bacchanal in Secret San Francisco after the whole thing with the gays and the marrying." )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Two Pets Stephen Is Not Allowed To Keep (and one he is)
Rating: G
Cast: Jon/"Stephen", animals
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For some prompts back in the day at [livejournal.com profile] fakenews_fanfic: name an animal and I will write the ficlet about how Jon reacted when "Stephen" tried to bring one home.

Mirrored on the AO3.

'Meet Greta Van Fluffteren, the softest, prettiest bunny in the whole wide world.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: The Little Pundit
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Jimmy, Neil Degrasse Tyson, Trevor Potter, correspondents
Rating: G
Disclaimer:#NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A well-intentioned, poorly-informed merman saves a certain land-dwelling comedian during a storm, and finds himself falling head over tailfin. So when a lawyer offers him a pact to turn human and chase down true love, he goes for it.

This is another half-finished fic, with the unwritten parts summarized. I started writing it around April 2013, finished one whole chapter, then got sidetracked with a different Little Mermaid AU that burned through all my momentum. (Also, most of my good fish puns.)

Art: The Little Pundit; Seafin design; Under The Sea; new! Best Underwater Friends Forever.

Relevant TCR clips: Trevor Potter and the SuperPAC; Ham Rove.

Also mirrored on the AO3.

If only it weren't for the Stay Hidden From Humans So They Won't Come After Us With Spears Act, Seafin could have showed these people where the real underwater sights were. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Paradise (or something...) by the Dashboard Lights
Prompt/ Summary: something with soul/grace shining brighter in the presence of true love
Characters/pairings: "Stephen"/Jon, John Oliver, a baby
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Religious themes
Word count: 5K words
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

"Stephen" is a fallen angel. For him, it means a constant struggle to do the right thing, in the hopes of convincing his God to take him back. For Jon, it means he's nice to cuddle in the winter, and they shouldn't plan on having a church wedding.

For the [livejournal.com profile] fakenews_fanfic Secret Santa, prompt "something with soul/grace shining brighter in the presence of true love."

( "Wings? I don't know what you're talking about. Why would I have wings? Hahaha, don't be ridiculous." )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Family Reunion (4/4)
Fandom: Welcome to Night Vale, fake news, The Magic School Bus
Characters/Pairings: Cecil/Carlos, Jon/"Stephen", Ms. Frizzle, other crossover cameos
Rating: T
Disclaimer: None of these series and/or people are mine.

Stephen takes Jon for a ride, while Carlos recovers his childhood memories in full.

( He didn't actually remember packing this particular navy-blue hoodie, but it was on the top of the pile, so (after the routine check for scorpions) he pulled it on. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Family Reunion (2/4)
Fandom: Welcome to Night Vale, fake news, The Magic School Bus
Characters/Pairings: Cecil/Carlos, Jon/"Stephen", Ms. Frizzle, other crossover cameos
Rating: T
Disclaimer: None of these series and/or people are mine.

Jon bonds with Carlos as the only other normal person in a weird, weird group. Cecil wants to hear more about Carlos' childhood, and not just the magical adventures, either. And when Stephen gets picked on, the Friz decides to turn it into a learning opportunity.

( 'And two decades later you were doing seismology research that ended up leading you to Night Vale! I should really track down this Dorothy Ann person and send her a thank-you card.' )
ptahrrific: Cecil and Carlos with science in the dark (night vale)
Title: Family Reunion (1/4)
Fandom: Welcome to Night Vale, fake news, The Magic School Bus
Characters/Pairings: Cecil/Carlos, Jon/"Stephen", Ms. Frizzle, other crossover cameos
Rating: T
Contents (across the whole story); moderate sexual situations, canon-typical character death
Disclaimer: None of these series and/or people are mine.

Cecil brings Carlos as his date to a family reunion. He can't wait to catch up with his journalist cousin Stephen, and he's sure Carlos will get along great with his scientist aunt Valerie.

( 'You have to not...freak out. Or scream. Or hide. Or run to the nearest phone and call up the SCP Foundation. In fact, you really shouldn't let on that you've ever heard of the SCP Foundation.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Embarrassing Noises
Rating: NC-17
Cast: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A coda to Silent (the AU where Jon is deaf), which I've been meaning to write ever since I finished the story proper. Jon and Stephen's first time. (And it only took them a decade of best friendship to get there.)

As before, ASL is in italics, voiced speech is in quotation marks. Mirrored on the AO3.

Why the hesitation? Wasn't exuberant gay sex supposed to be a cornerstone of Obama's America? )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Or Perhaps Pleasure
Rating: R
Contents: Canon-typical (cartoony) violence, weird sexual situations
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Jon's back from the Middle East!...and he came back wrong. As the embodiment of all that is American, it's up to Stephen to come to the rescue. The sexy, sexy rescue.

(On top of all the other innuendo in that clip, one of the things Stephen yells while behind the door actually is "Say you love me!" Ah, romance.)

Mirror on the AO3.

The hazmat suit sizzles where the lightsaber clips him in the side, but doesn't let it through. American engineering at its finest! )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
A sequence of TDS/TCR ficlets written for prompts at [community profile] punditfic and [livejournal.com profile] fakenews_fanfic.

Blanket Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.


Title: Worldly Pleasures
Rating: PG-13
Cast: Jon/"Stephen"
Prompt: courtesy the Homolust Challenge Generator: "A racist monk + a clumsy stripper in a lab. They are frenemies. It must involve spanking."

'Kinda far from the cloister, aren't you? How'd that happen?' )

Title: The Heist
Rating: G
Cast: Olivia, Wyatt
Prompt: from They Fight Crime: "He's a lonely dishevelled master criminal fleeing from a secret government programme. She's a virginal antique-collecting hooker with someone else's memories. They fight crime!"

'As long as you follow my lead, we're gonna get your set of vintage pie plates back, I promise.' )

Title: One-sentence Easter fic
Rating: PG-13
Cast: Jon, "Stephen"
Prompt: It's bunny day!

When Stephen shakes him awake in the morning... )

Title: Stephen's Worst Nightmare
Rating: G
Cast: Jon, "Stephen"
Prompt: Nightmares. From [personal profile] politicette: "Stephen" had a bad dream that all his hair fell out.

It's about four in the morning, and Jon really shouldn't try to answer his phone, but he's too groggy to remember that he can send it to voicemail. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Boys (and Girls) of Summer
Rating: PG-13
Contents: Descriptions of mania/depression, strained non-monogamy
Characters/pairings: "Stephen"/Jon, "Stephen"/Lorraine, "Stephen"/various
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For [community profile] queer_fest, prompt: Any fandom, any character, Being queer and mentally ill, and knowing the difference between the two. "Stephen" is (enthusiastically) functionally bi when he's manic, and has no sex drive at all when he's depressed. His wife and his best friend try to manage him through his moods, and everyone (even Stephen himself) is mostly guessing as to where his genuine attractions fall.

( Lorraine is aware of her husband's escapades, and tries not to let them bother her. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Collar U
Rating: PG-13
Cast: Jon/"Stephen", background Olivia/Kristen and Steve/Nancy, other correspondents, Jane Fonda
Contents: Sexual predator Jane Fonda.
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

D/sverse, high school/college AU. Stephen's family doesn't believe in sending uncollared submissives to college, so Jon offers to collar him, at least through graduation. Cue a year of awkward deception, GSA shenanigans, platonic bed-sharing, one threatening incident with a certain pushy senior, and the triumph of the power of unrecognized romantic attraction friendship.

One of the shorter entries for my [community profile] longfic_bingo card, prompt "collar" or "pretend relationship". (This is Stephen's collar, by the way [source].) Mirror on the AO3.

'Who the hell gets collared at seventeen — sorry, seventeen and a half — these days? What do they expect you to do, work retail until you meet a cute dom in the checkout line?' )

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Erin Ptah

January 2019

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