ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Memento Volui
Rating: PG
Contents: Mild body-horror-y imagery
Characters/pairings: Jon & "Stephen"
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Stephen should have paid more attention to the warnings on Vaxicarus.

(A wingfic. Also, an understated acefic. For my [community profile] hc_bingo Round 3 card, prompt "medication." Mirror on the AO3.)

Stephen swallowed two, chased them with a swig of Bud Lite Lime (he had gallons of the stuff, and they kept sending more; he'd taken to brushing his teeth with it), and went to bed. )
ptahrrific: Woman with a notebook (Default)
Give me a character or pairing and I will write snippets of ten different alternate universes for it. One line, ten lines, a ficlet if you're lucky.

01. Wild West
02. Cyberpunk
03. Shapeshifters
04. Pirates
05. …In SPACE!!
06. Born Another Gender
07. Schoolfic
08. Police/Firefighters
09. Urban Fantasy
10. Harem

Fandoms I'm up for writing: fake news, Hellsing, Doctor Who, Madoka Magica, Sailor Moon, But I'm A Cat Person, Read or Die, Tek Jansen. (Feel free to suggest an alternate for "IN SPACE" if you ask for a character who's canonically there!)


FILLS

Doctor Who

+Ten Doctors, Ten AUs (Teaspoon | AO3) (Jack, One through Ten, Ace, Romana, Rose | PG)
+What This AU Needs Is More Nitro-9 (Teaspoon | AO3) (Ace, Seven | G)

Fake News
+Ten Wyatt&Jessica AUs (Wyatt, Jessica | PG)
+It's What Lincoln Would Have AU'd (Jon, "Stephen", the Wørd, Charlene, Neil, Kilborn, Oprah | through R)
+Ten Olivia/Kristen AUs (Olivia/Kristen, Jon, "Stephen", correspondents | through PG-13)
Note: all three fakenews harem AUs are part of the same continuity.

Read Or Die
+AUs From Beyond The Ceiling (AO3) (Nenene/Yomiko, Maggie, Michelle, Anita, Junior, Nancy | through PG)
ptahrrific: Woman with a notebook (Default)
Title: Five Men Stephen Almost Accidentally Married
Rating: PG
Characters/pairings: "Stephen"/various (Jonathan, Steve, Ellen, OC, Jon, Tad)
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Every time same-sex marriage reaches another legal milestone, "Stephen" almost marries some dude. (And Ellen DeGeneres that one time.)

Canon: the epic 8/5/10 plan to ruin same-sex marriage, and the 5/9/12 almost-marriage with Tad. Written in 2012, so some details in the last section were altered post-2015 to bring them in line with reality. The Universal Life Church is an actual thing, for which you can become a legally ordained minister for free over email if you are so inclined.

Comes with matching art!

Mirror on the AO3.

Steve was in Massachusetts visiting family, but Stephen showed up to film...something. He forgets what. And he lost his field producer somewhere along the way, so he can't even yell at her for letting it slip his mind. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: We'll Always Have New York
Rating: PG-13 (vague sex)
Pairing: "Stephen"/Jon, Whiskers, Other Whiskers (2/21/12)
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Inspired by a kink meme prompt: "Chris Christie vetoes the NJ gay marriage bill, and NJ resident "Stephen" wants Jon to know he isn't completely and utterly devastated by the news. Really, he's not. Even as he cries himself to sleep at night in his lover's comforting arms."

Posting as an ordinary fic because it didn't come out particularly kinky. Although it does have chocolate. And kittens.

Mirror on the AO3.

Jon found Stephen tapping his foot in front of the stove, a half-empty bag of chocolate chips in one hand and a batter-dripping spoon in the other. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: This Is Knot My Heart
Rating: NC-17 (bondage, masturbation, fantasy sex+aphrodisiac, language)
Pairing: Happy!"Stephen"/Jon
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A tale from the happy!AU, same setup as Pink Ropes. Jon's a little shy talking about his fantasy life around Stephen. But Stephen wants to knooooooow. Clearly there is only one solution to this, and it involves elaborate bondage. With pretty knots!

For the [community profile] asexual_fandom Asexy Valentine's Fest. This plotbunny came into being after reading a couple of "asexual character in sexual situation" scenes, which left me craving a version of the scenario that didn't feel tormented and uncomfortable on the ace character's part.

That's an interesting point. And Jon really doesn't want to think about it too much right now, or he'll get distracted with images of ponies at some critical erotic moment. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Consulting Pundit
Rating: PG (language)
Characters/pairings: Jon, "Stephen"
Disclaimer: Work of parody; work of fiction; the characters aren't mine.

Fusion with the BBC's Sherlock. I also have a vague idea that Olivia Munn gets to be The Woman, who combines pseudolegal activities with strategic nudity in order to blackmail the government to take stronger action against animal abuse. Anyone who wants to take this and run with it is encouraged.

'Uh...does that mean they're reading my blog?' )

Title: Useful Italian Phrases
Rating: PG-13 (language, foreplay)
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: Work of parody; work of fiction; the characters aren't mine.

Taking advantage of Stephen's favorite endearment. With thanks to this vocabulary list.

'You've done very well, principessa.' )
ptahrrific: Madoka preparing to take on Walpurgis (madoka magica)
Title: Five Things Scarier Than Demons
Fandom: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Characters/Pairings: Mami/Kyoko, Homura, Charlotte, Yuma
Rating: G
Contents: sick!Charlotte fanon, references to sad bits of canon
Disclaimer: MadoMagi characters and plot aren't mine.

There are some things even a puella magi can't face alone. (Post-series fluff.)

For the latest [community profile] girlgay prompt: Write a humorous scene about a warrior who is brave in battle getting nervous about activity off the battlefield that may cause them minor pain. Tayaki are the fish-shaped pastries often seen vanishing into Kyoko's mouth. Also here on the AO3.

'I was so sure I could handle it! But nothing I did seem to work...you have to understand, I'm out of practice, I haven't even tried to do this for years...' )
ptahrrific: Madoka preparing to take on Walpurgis (madoka magica)
Title: Fireworks and Waterfalls
Fandom: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Characters/Pairings: pre-Kyoko/Sayaka, Yuma
Rating: G
Disclaimer: MadoMagi characters and plot aren't mine.

A battle in a dark and ruined barrier, from a timeline where Sayaka, Kyoko, and Yuma have all contracted and met up.

For the first of [community profile] girlgay's planned-weekly prompts: Create a haunting depiction of the eldritch beauty of an abandoned elf kingdom. Also here on the AO3.

The wolves are headless, the basin at their paws filled with moss: living descendants of the scum that flourished once the water stopped running. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Ambush
Rating: PG
Pairings/Characters: Pre-Jon/"Stephen", background Jon/BriWi
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A snippet from late 2005, in the alternate universe where gender is divided along Dom/sub lines rather than male/female. Jon's getting misgendered quite a bit lately, which is strange, since it's always seemed clear enough to him. Not even Stephen can throw him for a loop on that point. (Right?)

It's not foreplay now (mostly) (Brian Williams in the green room with the silk tie), but it's close enough that it comes as a shock whenever anyone fails to connect the dots. )
ptahrrific: Madoka preparing to take on Walpurgis (madoka magica)
Title: Charmed Lives
Fandom: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Characters/Pairings: Mami and friend, Kyoko and sister, Sayaka and parents, Homura/Madoka
Rating: hard R (only for the last part)
Contents: Major spoilers; delicious yuri.
Disclaimer: I've got 99 ideas, but MadoMagi ain't one.

Post-series. It's a whole new world, and four girls get to grow up in it. (And, in Homura's case, have insubstantial shower sex in it.)

The game was in full swing, and there was one girl kicking circles around the rest of the third-grade class. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Archnemesis
Rating: PG
Contents: Innuendo
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Drabble (100 words) inspired by [personal profile] kribban, wondering if Stephen still considers Jon his archnemesis even after they get together.

Archnemesis )


Title: And It's F@#king Golden
Rating: G
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: Same as above.

Stephen reacts to Jon's recent exchange with an Emmy.

And It's F@#king Golden )
ptahrrific: Woman with a notebook (Default)
Title: Gimme Shelter
Fandom: United States of Tara
Characters/Pairings: Tara and the alters; canon pairings
Rating: R
Warnings: As with the show: deals with rape, child abuse, violence, language, bodily fluids.

Vaguely AU to Season 3, heavier on the listening and comforting, lighter on the shouting and gratuitous pseudo-violence. Also, with no alter!Bryce.

Instead of flailing around blindly when it comes to dealing with her system, Tara's trying to approach them with something like sidian3's 5 Steps to Cooperation (communication, reassurance, understanding, structure, and cooperation). Gimme-centric, but everyone gets their moments.

Written for my [community profile] hc_bingo card, prompt "major illness" (DID). Alice's book is Four Little Puppies (1935).

Tara walks their body to the local library, tries to listen to her instincts while they browse the children's shelf, and ends up with a stack of picture books sitting beside her at the window. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Something To Celebrate
Rating: PG
Characters/pairings: Jon, liberal!"Stephen"
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Stephen belongs to the Susan Sarandon school of political thought. A very special holiday-themed Liberalverse ficlet, referencing the passing of the Zadroga bill. Based on a prompt from [personal profile] queenfanfiction: 034. Not Enough

Mirror on the AO3.

Stephen is resolutely observing Soltice, Festivus, HumanLight, Christmahanukwanzakah, Kwanzaa, and Slovenien Independence Day all in a row. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Feel The Magic, Hear The Purr
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Characters/Pairings: "Stephen", Jon, Christiane, Tad
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Summary: An accidental bit of magic leaves Stephen's mind switched out of his body...and into Christiane Aman-purr's. While Tad heads off to retrieve the fix, Jon gets stuck with cat-sitting.

(In other words: I had a sudden urge to write some kind of catboy!Stephen, and decided not to fight it.)

Written for round 2 of [community profile] hc_bingo, prompt "mindswap"; card and masterpost here. Mirror on the AO3.

'I'm not used to being dependent on someone else for basic needs. I mean, sure, my lunch is always catered and brought to me on silver platters by toga-clad interns, but I always open it up myself!' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Sweetness Follows (The Clownfish Files)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Transphobia, hazardously placed toys.
Characters/pairings: Jo(a)n/Tracey and kids
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Outtakes from Sweetness Follows (and thus a part of Transverse). Joan's family reacts to the change.

'And what about, uh, Mrs. Godzilla?' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: When You Love Someone (And/Or Their Giant Head)
Rating: PG
Pairings/Characters: Various correspondent pairings
Warnings: Interspecies romance?
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For [livejournal.com profile] gaudy_night, prompt: "023. Lovers." Featuring...pretty much everything except Jon/"Stephen".

Clips referenced: Kristen; Larry and Aasif; Tad; appletinis; BriWi.

Kristen finds a fantastic family-owned hole-in-the-wall pie place, and refuses to tell Olivia where it is. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Eight Roads Converged
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Liberal!"Stephen"/Beck!Jon, happy!"Stephen"/Beck!Jon, "Stephen"/Beck!Jon, real!Stephen/Jon, real!Stephen/Beck!Jon, Jon/"Stephen", Wyatt
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Ficlets written for a series of requests: what happens when people from various fakenews AUs cross paths. Featuring the liberalverse, the happy!verse, Jon's Beck incarnation, and the universe where Wyatt hosts the 11:30 timeslot.

Done again in Ten Roads Converged.



For [personal profile] politicette, liberal!"Stephen"/Beck!Jon meet happy!"Stephen"/Beck!Jon


'Can I play with your hair?' )

For [personal profile] raven_hoodoo: "Stephen"/Beck!Jon meet regular Stephen/Jon

'My god, what have we wrought?' )

For [personal profile] w_thit: regular!Stephen/Beck!Jon meet regular!Jon/"Stephen Colbert"

'He's a nice guy, I'd be glad to have him as a friend, but you're the one that I want.' )

For [personal profile] aybara_max: "Stephen" meets Wyatt from a 'verse where Larry & Wyatt were always the hosts of the shows.

'We're not filming a 'my white friend' segment this week.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Disney Magic
Rating: PG
Series: Pet Shop of Horrors/Fake News
Pairings/Characters: Jon, an Olberclone, D, ???
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. PSoH is not mine.

For [community profile] hc_bingo; master post with card. Takes place in the Eagle of Hermes universe, in the summer of 2009. Illustration here.

Mirror on the AO3.

Still trying to figure out how to bond with his newly adopted daughter, Jon takes her on what should have been a magical vacation. But when she gets overwhelmed by the heat, they end up taking refuge in a shop that looks mysteriously off-brand. Featuring quotes from Special Comments, various takes on mermaids, and a special appearance by T-chan while trying to be inconspicuous.

'That's because the sign at the store was trying to get parents to buy their little girls Ariel dresses.' )
ptahrrific: Woman with a notebook (Default)
Title: Lemon
Series: Jeeves & Wooster
Rating: PG-13 (vague BDSM)
Characters/pairings: Bertie/Jeeves
Disclaimer: The gentleman and his personal gentleman are Plum's.

A drabble (exactly 100 words). Jeeves, Bertie, and an object lesson in taste. Title is punnier with some background knowledge of anime fandom.

'And there are lots of chaps who enjoy this sort of thing?' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: May The Horse Be With You
Rating: G
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Olivia, animals
Disclaimer: The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and I presume Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

Written for the picture prompts thread, in which [personal profile] w_thit gave me this.

The background of the setting is an AU I've been kicking around in my head. Late eighties; slight fudging of ages, but not much. Jon[athan] and "Stephen" are running their upscale dog salon in California, and have started to bond with kid!Olivia, who lives nearby. (Olivia goes to school with kiddie versions of some of the other correspondents, but that doesn't come up in this bit.)

The girl made a beeline for the door, quickly enough that she didn't see Jonathan wince (and Lady McPawsington try to claw him for mishandling her, though he had wisely clipped her nails first thing). )

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ptahrrific: Woman with a notebook (Default)
Erin Ptah

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