ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: It Came From Beyond The Stars And Stripes (short version)
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Alien!sex, (skip) mpreg
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

A ficlet held back from the Merry Month of May. As prompted by [personal profile] biichan: "Fic where Stephen is the alien and is secretly conducting a study of human behavior. His, ah, Stephen-ness is his way of 'blending in.'"

Expanded version: Table of Contents

'So the rest of the galaxy currently thinks my entire species behaves like you do?' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Clear Blue Day
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] doctorv, who wanted "the one where they get married."

Jon strolls, hands tucked in his jacket pockets. Stephen sort of flutters. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: The Gravitas Never Fails
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon, "Stephen", BriWi
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] sarcasticsra, who wanted "Jon and Stephen discover they have a mutual crush on Brian."

'Don't be ridiculous, Jon. This is not a slumber party.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: The Rainbow Agenda
Series: TDS/TCR, Death to Smoochy
Characters/Pairings: Jon, "Stephen", Sheldon
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] seagullsong, who wanted an AU where Jon and Stephen are on a popular children's show, preferably with ridiculous costumes. The crossover was inevitable. (Inspired by this Sesame Street clip.)

'Have you seen the lyrics?!' continued Stephen, while an intern zipped him into his bright orange eagle costume. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Karaøke Night
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Sam/Jason/Rob Riggle, John-O/Larry, Kristen/Demetri, Aasif, Wyatt, the Wørd
Rating: PG-13 (language, lead-ups to sex)
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] stellar_dust, who prompted: "The Wørd moonlights at a karaoke bar (as, of course, the bouncy ball that follows along with the words). Stephen has no idea. And then the whole TDS gang shows up for Rob Riggle's farewell bash..."

Which led to a ficmix, using songs from the TDS gang's playlists.



Wyatt plans to improvise, playing fast and loose with the timing, giving the lyrics his own sexy, sexy rhythm. The little ball on the screen hits every word exactly as he says it. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Campaign Strategy
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon, "Stephen", shoutout to Rahm
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] zelkovaserrata, who wanted more of the Senateverse, and prompted "flirting lessons."

'Come on, Stephen, don't do this. You're endorsing my opponent. I know.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Nice Red Uniforms
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon, "Stephen"
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] seagullsong, who prompted "NOBODY EXPECTS THE COLBERT INQUISITION!" (Depends on you having seen the sketch.)

'Angry, loud, unreasonable interrogation based on unflinchingly dogmatic beliefs is your whole schtick.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Grey, And Oh So Large
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", an elephant
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] punkishgrin, who wanted Jon and Stephen riding an elephant.

'And after all I've done for their population growth, too!' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: With The Stars In His Eye
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", audience
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] stellar_dust, who prompted "Stephen scores the last ever tourist trip to the International Space Station." Title is from Alan Parsons Project's Day After Day.

(Since this is light sci-fi, I feel compelled to mention that today is Towel Day. Douglas Adams fans, represent!)

'For more on this story, we turn to our Senior Space Correspondent...' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Into The Rain
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] zelkovaserrata, who wanted "sexy accents. And trenchcoats."

It was as if the night itself had simply grown a pair of headlights. )
ptahrrific: Woman with a notebook (Default)
Title: Services Rendered
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Computer, ????
Rating: PG-13 (offscreen sex)
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] punkishgrin, who wanted something with Jon and Computer, suggesting that "perhaps 'she's' helping Jon live out his fantasies about Stephen virtually, and Stephen finds out."

For a second Jon saw the wireframe rendering on the table in front of him. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Long Time No See
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Future Jon/"Stephen"
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] seagullsong, who wanted something on "that moment when you lose your glasses and can't find them because you CAN'T SEE."

Jon couldn't see his husband's face, but he knew Stephen was smirking. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Truth Springs Eternal
Series: TDS/TCR; Ranma ½
Characters/Pairings: Jon, "Stephen", Tad
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] biichan, who wanted "Stephen gets back from his vacation...at Juusenkyo."

'A...an eagle!' stammered Stephen. 'I fell into Spring of Drowned Very Fierce And Dangerous Bald Eagle.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: What's Up, Doc?
Series: TDS/TCR; Looney Tunes
Characters/Pairings: "Stephen"(/Jon), Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] doctorv, who wanted "the one where they're cartoons." Which turned into a thoroughly bizarre crossover.

'And what do you see when you experience this dizziness? Stars and planets, or little singing birds?' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Conventional Wisdom
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", OCs
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] seagullsong, who wanted Stephen to drag Jon to a sci-fi convention. (Contains a reference to [livejournal.com profile] xlormp.)

'I don't think I've ever seen such an accurate Alpha Squad costume!' enthused a guy with a Klingon forehead. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: The Drapes
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] bobdafrogg, who prompted "Stephen is blond."

'If we go any farther, you will discover my most shameful secret.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Score
Series: TDS/TCR
Characters/Pairings: Jon/"Stephen", family
Rating: G
Disclaimer: See the index.

For [livejournal.com profile] anais_rhys, who prompted "Jon takes Stephen to a baseball game."

'No shouting, no doping scandals, no minibar. What kind of boring game is this?' )

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Erin Ptah

January 2017

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