ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: The one where Stephen is a cat
Rating: G
Cast: Jon, cat!"Stephen"
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

What it says on the tin. For the prompt "Lost and found." (Illustration source.) (Mirror on the AO3.)

'Most of the cats pick up that we have a schedule for treats, but Stephen here expects to be fed every time someone comes in.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Little Red State Parka With Hood And Gloves
Rating: Soft R
Contents: Person-with-animal-characteristics!kink, light voyeurism, a gun chase
Characters/pairings: Wolf!Jon/"Stephen", Willard Mittington "Romney" Romney, bird!Olivia/pie, Sarah Palin
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

I retconned part of Little Red State Riding Hood, so now the Wolf does actually eat the Candidate instead of having him put on a bus. Which leaves him with this whole empty mansion to hang out in. Stephen sticks around, too, because he is weak for a small fuzzy person in a suit. (With illustrations and more illustrations!)

And then there is some adventure in which Olivia tweets, Jon gets shot at from a helicopter, and Stephen comes to the rescue.

For my [community profile] hc_bingo round 3 card, prompt "forced to rely on enemy/rival." (A wolf relying on creatures who might under other circumstances have been wolf chow totally counts.) Mirror on the AO3.

And sure, Jon ate actual humans once in a while, but everyone had their flaws. Why, Stephen's own dearly-deceased Candidate had killed lots of people in his day (if by 'people' you meant 'corporations', which Stephen did). )
ptahrrific: I want a girl with fingernails that shine like justice. (sailor moon)
Title: The Xyll Saga
Series: Sailor Moon
Rating: General audiences, but this is a Choose Not To Warn experience.
Characters: Mostly original, with a few canon faces dropping in.
Disclaimer: Unless you count in dreams, Sailor Moon was never mine.

Before the fall of the Silver Millennium, the princess of a neighboring star system seeks to awaken her fellow Sailor Senshi to repel the Dark Kingdom. Granted, if one of the team died in the initial attack, her quest may have failed before it began...but with refugees to protect, brainwashed comrades to rescue, and an invading enemy force to outrun, our heroes don't have time to think too much about that.

Rhea sprite Dido sprite Hestia sprite Antigone sprite Chronos sprite

Story and other links under the cut. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Maxim's Finest
Rating: R (vague sex, one NSFW image)
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Olivia(/Kristen)
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A ficlet in honor of both Stephen and Olivia Munn making the Maxim Top 100. Mostly in text-message format.

Mirror on the AO3.

THE SEXIEST OF ALL THE PLACES OBVIOUSLY )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Little Red State Riding Hood
Rating: PG-13
Contents: ...wolf play?
Characters/pairings: wolf!Jon/"Stephen", Willard Mittington "Romney" Romney
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

An election-era fairy tale, starring the characters depicted in Grey Wolf and Little Red.

Now with a sequel!

'It's an eyecatcher of a hood, I'll say that. But I'm happy to call you Stephen, if you want.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Blue, Thinking About You
Rating: PG
Characters: Jon/"Stephen", Siri, Meg, Tad, Gipper
Contents: Wifeless AU, ear!kink, bread abuse
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Stephen, anxious to know what Jon really thinks of him, stumbles on a way to find out for sure...which doesn't go at all the way he planned. Turns out Jon has more secrets than he bargained for (and in the meantime, Stephen's conscience just might be catching up with him).

Now with illustrations! Please read on The Zen and the Damaged to get the full effect (it requires code not supported on LJ/DW).

For a [livejournal.com profile] fakenews_fanfic SeSa prompt from [livejournal.com profile] gaudy_night: Jon/"Stephen", after a freak accident, he gains the ability to hear what the other is really thinking. Title is from the carol Blue Christmas.

If you were trying to seduce your gay friend for purely exploitative purposes, and maybe enjoying his company and feeling that his happiness made you feel warmer than hot chocolate along the way, that was still safely heterosexual on your part. )
ptahrrific: I want a girl with fingernails that shine like justice. (sailor moon)
Title: Artemis Parthenos
Fandom: Sailor Moon
Characters/Pairings: Venus/Artemis, Luna/Artemis, various royals
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Canon character deaths. Spoilers for the first arc and the Sailor V manga, plus light references to the rest of the series.
Disclaimer: The series, settings, and characters are not mine. All hail Naoko-hime.

Scenes from Artemis' past life, growing up and having girl trouble. In any other era, with any other girls, this wouldn't even have been a footnote to history; but these are princesses and royal advisors, in the twilight of the Silver Millennium.

For the Magical Girl Fic/Art Swap 2011; also here on the AO3. The princesses' names come from epithets used for their respective gods in Roman mythology, while their parents are named for the corresponding Greek gods. The poetry is from translations of Sappho; similar verses must have been written by her previous incarnation.

As long as I'm here, let me rec you this episode recap, featuring the Moon Kingdom's downfall in blank verse.

On the first day at the Foreign Planets Academy, the members of the youngest class milled around in tiny, species-segregated clusters. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Sense and Sensibility and Vampires
Rating: PG
Warnings: Blood, character undeath
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen", Jon
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

From the Eagle of Hermes 'verse, with spoilers for the main story. For the [livejournal.com profile] fakenews_fanfic prompt "the five senses." Or, in Stephen's case, five and then some. Illustration here. Mirror on the AO3.

If the peach tasted ashen and watery in his mouth, it was because of the inferiority of non-South-Carolina stock, that was all. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: The DM of +4 Ohana
Rating: PG-13
Contents: Swearing, foreplay, references to IRL childhood angst, corruption of the youth
Characters/pairings: "Stephen"/Jon[athan], Olivia, Kristen, Demetri, Wyatt, Sam(/Jason)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For the prompt "Fixed" from [personal profile] politicette. Trouble threatens to break up the most beautiful gay dog-grooming couple in all of 1980's California. Can Olivia, with the help of her quirky multi-ethnic posse, figure out a way to save it?

Or, more seriously: a story about three people trying to find a way to balance each other out, plus the friends who play D&D with them.

'Their love is beautiful and true like a Disney movie. Stephen even has pretty princess eyelashes! They're meant to be!' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Red String
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: "Stephen", Jon/Tracey, families
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. The fictional characters are fictional, not mine, and used with love, not profit.

An epilogue to Green & Gray. Just enough to tie up the loose ends.

And when Stephen wants something from Jon he usually gets it, so it'll save time to just give in now. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: State of Grace: the Despair That Slumber'd remix (4/4)
Fandom: The Colbert Report/His Dark Materials
Rating: R
Disclaimer/Warnings: Same as on State of Grace.

Final scenes from the Expectingverse-with-daemons. Plus some illustrated profiles of the daemons themselves, because I'm addicted to backstory.

One | Two | Three | Four&.

'Why didn't you tell me they were here?' he demanded, over the baby's anguished sobbing, threaded with the kitten-formed daemon's heart-rending mews. )
ptahrrific: Integra Hellsing (hellsing)
Title: Night Kept Chain'd Below
Rating: R
Warnings: Gore, fantasies of violence
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen", Jon
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Another recent prompt: "Nightmare", from [personal profile] w_thit. Takes place in the Eagle of Hermes universe, some time in the early 2000s. The title continues with the whole Tempest-quoting theme it picked up. Mirror on the AO3.

The flying is nice. That's something, at least. Rushing above the skyscrapers in a swarm of eyes and wings and radar-dish ears, or floating insubstantial down the streets and letting the city breathe him in and out. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: As If You Were Salt-Rose, Or Topaz
Rating: PG
Pairings: Jon and Raven (pre-slash or pre-het, however you want to read it)
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Written for [livejournal.com profile] pookiesbleubass in the 2010 [livejournal.com profile] fakenews_fanfic Secret Santa. Big Stew (or, at least, sinister!Jon) meets Raven for the first time.

Sexy title courtesy of Pablo Neruda. Sketchy illustration over here. Far better illustration, by [personal profile] omelton, here.

The figure on Goldman's arm was unmistakably not his wife, a fact which Stewart knew better than to mention. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: The Catboy, The Phlebotinum, And The Hot-Air Balloon (Not Necessarily In That Order)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Gets kind of 9/11y. Violence, mortal peril, (skip) potential body-morphing squick, antagonist death, protagonist apparent death. Also, crack of the finest order.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Written for [personal profile] paperscribe in [livejournal.com profile] fakenews_fanfic's 2010 Secret Santa. Prompt: "Stephen" has always wanted to have superhero/magical powers. However, when Jon accidentally discovers that he has powers, "Stephen" is very upset.

Now with illustrations! Secret Alter Ego (WARNING: spoilers) and Indecision 2002 (the news team).

Mirrored on the AO3.




This is set in the universe of Empowered. For reference, all the superheroes mentioned are on this page, but no familiarity with the series is necessary; I just needed a generic background mileu full of superheroes.

Takes place around the era of Indecision 2002. "Stephen" is a TDS correspondent and occasional substitute host, with active compatriots including Rob Corddry, Ed Helms, Rachael Harris, Mo Rocca, and Stacey Grenrock-Woods, and of course your host, who also plays all the title roles. It makes sense in context. (Sort of.)

'Most likely? Someone with hex powers was doing a flyover, and they accidentally dropped a curse along the way. Remember in April when one of them turned half the city purple.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Series: Fake News; Hodgmanverse; various crossover shoutouts
Rating: Through R
Disclaimer/Warnings: See individual chapters
Characters: Jon/"Stephen", past "Stephen"/O'Reilly; Larry/John Oliver; Olivia/Kristen; ensemble cast

Tales from a magical mystical medieval AU, full of gratuitous glowing gemstones and golden glasses. If you have a thing for rich and detailed original worldbuilding, this may not be the 'verse for you. If you're in the mood for soulbonds, unicorns, and a whole lot of magic jewels, you've come to the right place.

♘ Castle Down

TDS meets slavefic meets Princess Gwenivere and the Jewel Riders, with just a dash of mole-men.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Illustrations


♘ Castle Walls

The love story of a foreign princess and a fire mage, featuring kidnappers, wizardry, and scanlators.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Illustrations


Castle Crossing

A one-shot crossover with the canon TDS/TCR world. Just for fun, not part of the continuity.


♘ Castles In The Sand

As per fantasy convention, it's time for our heroes to hire a ship and set sail for the End of the World.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Epilogue
Illustrations I
Illustrations II
Beta'd by the endlessly helpful [personal profile] queenfanfiction.
Fills a square on my [community profile] hc_bingo card.


Stone By Stone

A one-shot that flashes back to Stephen's life in Vulpis. Also, a 30 Rock crossover. Just because.


♘ Extras

Castle Chibis (art)
Turrets & Moats (soundtrack)
Battered Rose (non-canon alternate ending to Castles In The Sand)
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Microfics
Rating: G
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: Work of parody; work of fiction; the characters aren't mine.

A meme. The rules: Ten fics. Ten genres. Ten words or less.

Bonus references to Cardcaptor Sakura and Neon Genesis Evangelion (with art).


Stephen's self-control is iron. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Pace Yourself For Me
Rating: G for the first half; PG-13 for the second
Characters/pairings: "Stephen"/Jon, family
Two disclaimers, with love )

This is a jumble of ideas for some kind of college-age AU. One written scene, one illustration, and a bit of synopsis. Stephen's deeply closeted about his attraction to guys, and feels much safer when he appears to have a girlfriend. Which works out fine for Jon, who's in a closet of his own.

Most of it was originally posted here. A link is going on the Transverse masterlist. And, yes, the title is from the Killers song.

(For the record: if anyone wants to take this concept and run with it, either using these specifics as canon or contradicting them completely...go for it.)


'Mama says I'm supposed to be a gentleman and offer you my bed.' )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Afterwards, Wyatt Was Never Able To Look At Salad Tongs The Same Way Again
Series: TDS
Characters/Pairings: Wyatt/Kristen/John-O/Sam/Jason(/Aasif/???)
Rating: PG-13

The prompt demanded something NC-17. This is what I ended up writing instead.

Illustration by [personal profile] aybara_max.

Her hair fanned out along Wyatt's shoulder, where she had started to doze off without even bothering to shed her thigh-high leather boots first. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Why Should I Care? (Epilogue)
Series: Strangers With Candy
Pairings: Seamus/OMC; Chuck/Geoffrey; Jon/"Stephen"
Rating: PG
Contents: References to sex; family drama
Beta: [livejournal.com profile] stellar_dust, who gave thoughtful feedback on everything from sentence structure to character arcs, just rolled with it when I did things like randomly re-ordering chapters, and was generally helpful and awesome beyond belief.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use.

Summary: Seamus wears a gown down the aisle and embraces his future. Love may not quite conquer all, but it doesn't do too badly for itself, either.

Those of you who have been waiting to see more of the dresses, check out Seamus in green, George in blue, the wedding portrait, and a bonus Seamus in slinky red. Previous chapters here.

(Would you believe this was originally supposed to be a one-shot?)

It had taken some serious cajoling to keep her from showing up in a low-cut dress, and when George's sister caught the bouquet Jerri tried to bite her. But the impossibly virtuoso score was worth it. )
ptahrrific: Jon and Stephen, "Believe in the me who believes in you" (fake news)
Title: Why Should I Care? (6/?)
Series: Strangers With Candy
Pairings: Seamus/OMC; Chuck/Geoffrey
Rating: PG-13
Contents: Language; men in dresses; sexytime.
Beta: [livejournal.com profile] stellar_dust
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use.

Summary: George tries on some new clothes, and Seamus has a couple of epiphanies.

This is Rose's dress. The blue dress looks like this.

Previous chapters here.

'Does there have to be an insidious motive for everything? Can't a guy just go dress shopping without it being some kind of plot?' )

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Erin Ptah

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