Un assemblage de mensonges

Title: Consulting Pundit
Rating: PG (language)
Characters/pairings: Jon, "Stephen"
Disclaimer: Work of parody; work of fiction; the characters aren't mine.

Fusion with the BBC's Sherlock. I also have a vague idea that Olivia Munn gets to be The Woman, who combines pseudolegal activities and strategic nudity in order to blackmail the government to take stronger action against animal abuse. Anyone who wants to take this and run with it is encouraged.

( 'Uh...does that mean they're reading my blog?' )

Title: Consulting Pundit
Rating: PG-13 (language, foreplay)
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: Work of parody; work of fiction; the characters aren't mine.

Taking advantage of Stephen's favorite endearment. With thanks to this vocabulary list.

( 'You've done very well, principessa.' )

Title: Fireworks and Waterfalls
Fandom: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Characters/Pairings: pre-Kyoko/Sayaka, Yuma
Rating: G
Disclaimer: MadoMagi characters and plot aren't mine.

A battle in a dark and ruined barrier, from a timeline where Sayaka, Kyoko, and Yuma have all contracted and met up.

For the first of girlgay's planned-weekly prompts: Create a haunting depiction of the eldritch beauty of an abandoned elf kingdom. Also here on the AO3.

( The wolves are headless, the basin at their paws filled with moss: living descendants of the scum that flourished once the water stopped running. )

Title: Charmed Lives
Fandom: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Characters/Pairings: Mami and friend, Kyoko and sister, Sayaka and parents, Homura/Madoka
Rating: hard R (only for the last part)
Contents: Major spoilers; delicious yuri.
Disclaimer: I've got 99 ideas, but MadoMagi ain't one.

Post-series. It's a whole new world, and four girls get to grow up in it. (And, in Homura's case, have insubstantial shower sex in it.)

( The game was in full swing, and there was one girl kicking circles around the rest of the third-grade class. )

Title: Gimme Shelter
Fandom: United States of Tara
Characters/Pairings: Tara and the alters; canon pairings
Rating: R
Warnings: As with the show: deals with rape, child abuse, violence, language, bodily fluids.

Vaguely AU to Season 3, heavier on the listening and comforting, lighter on the shouting and gratuitous pseudo-violence. Also, with no alter!Bryce.

Instead of flailing around blindly when it comes to dealing with her system, Tara's trying to approach them with something like sidian3's 5 Steps to Cooperation (communication, reassurance, understanding, structure, and cooperation). Gimme-centric, but everyone gets their moments.

Written for my hc_bingo card, prompt "major illness" (DID). Alice's book is Four Little Puppies (1935).

( Tara walks their body to the local library, tries to listen to her instincts while they browse the children's shelf, and ends up with a stack of picture books sitting beside her at the window. )

Title: Feel The Magic, Hear The Purr
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Characters/Pairings: "Stephen", Jon, Christiane, Tad
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Summary: An accidental bit of magic leaves Stephen's mind switched out of his body...and into Christiane Aman-purr's. While Tad heads off to retrieve the fix, Jon gets stuck with cat-sitting.

(In other words: I had a sudden urge to write some kind of catboy!Stephen, and decided not to fight it.)

Written for round 2 of hc_bingo, prompt "mindswap"; card and masterpost here.

( 'I'm not used to being dependent on someone else for basic needs. I mean, sure, my lunch is always catered and brought to me on silver platters by toga-clad interns, but I always open it up myself!' )

Title: When You Love Someone (And/Or Their Giant Head)
Rating: PG
Pairings/Characters: Various correspondent pairings
Warnings: Interspecies romance?
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For gaudy_night, prompt: "023. Lovers." Featuring...pretty much everything except Jon/"Stephen".

Clips referenced: Kristen; Larry and Aasif; Tad; appletinis; BriWi.

( Kristen finds a fantastic family-owned hole-in-the-wall pie place, and refuses to tell Olivia where it is. )

Title: Disney Magic
Rating: PG
Series: Pet Shop of Horrors/Fake News
Pairings/Characters: Jon, an Olberclone, D, ???
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. PSoH is not mine.

For hc_bingo; master post with card is here. Takes place in the Eagle of Hermes universe, in the summer of 2009. Illustration here.

Still trying to figure out how to bond with his newly adopted daughter, Jon takes her on what should have been a magical vacation. But when she gets overwhelmed by the heat, they end up taking refuge in a shop that looks mysteriously off-brand. Featuring quotes from Special Comments, various takes on mermaids, and a special appearance by T-chan while trying to be inconspicuous.

( 'That's because the sign at the store was trying to get parents to buy their little girls Ariel dresses.' )

Title: May The Horse Be With You
Rating: G
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen", Olivia, animals
Disclaimer: The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and I presume Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

Written for the picture prompts thread, in which w_thit gave me this.

The background of the setting is an AU I've been kicking around in my head. Late eighties; slight fudging of ages, but not much. Jon[athan] and "Stephen" are running their upscale dog salon in California, and have started to bond with kid!Olivia, who lives nearby. (Olivia goes to school with kiddie versions of some of the other correspondents, but that doesn't come up in this bit.)

( The girl made a beeline for the door, quickly enough that she didn't see Jonathan wince (and Lady McPawsington try to claw him for mishandling her, though he had wisely clipped her nails first thing). )

Title: The Affair
Rating: PG
Warnings: Foreplay.
Pairings/Characters: ...well, that would be telling.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

This is another of those old handfuls-of-words that I thought I was going to do more with, and then...yeah, it isn't happening. Enjoy the standalone domestic cuddling instead.


( '—where all these gorgeous, powerful men — ummm — are falling at your feet — and you turn them all down and come home to me. Mmm.' )

Title: And Make It Snappy
Rating: G
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen"/Barry
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

I hereby declare this the Merry Month of March Neglected Commentfic Roundup Week.

Kicking off with a ficlet written at the request of politicette, who wanted me to pair "Stephen" with someone other than Jon, such as, perhaps, the barista under his desk.

( 'Double whipped grande black mocha venti latte with cream and sprinkles, on the rocks.' )