Un assemblage de mensonges

Fake News: Five Times Stephen Got A Green Light

2012-02-08T21:35:41Z

Title: Five Times Stephen Got A Green Light
Rating: R
Contents: Sex, D/s, forced femme, bondage, post-roleplay aftercare, language
Characters/pairings: Liberal!"Stephen"/Jon
Disclaimer: The Report characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and I presume Viacom. The real person(s) are used in a fictional parody context.

Fic from TCR's liberal mirrorverse. In which Stephen is still not quite comfortable with kinking on being a Dom, and Jon provides constant reassurance via the stoplight-based safeword system.

This poor fic has been languishing half-finished for aaaaaages, until a certain recent sequence made it fall into place.

( Stephen drops both the half-tied knot around Jon's ankle and the heavy bondage manual he had been consulting while tying it. )

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Fake News(/Sherlock): Consulting Pundit + Useful Italian Phrases

2012-02-05T04:47:16Z

Title: Consulting Pundit
Rating: PG (language)
Characters/pairings: Jon, "Stephen"
Disclaimer: Work of parody; work of fiction; the characters aren't mine.

Fusion with the BBC's Sherlock. I also have a vague idea that Olivia Munn gets to be The Woman, who combines pseudolegal activities and strategic nudity in order to blackmail the government to take stronger action against animal abuse. Anyone who wants to take this and run with it is encouraged.

( 'Uh...does that mean they're reading my blog?' )

Title: Consulting Pundit
Rating: PG-13 (language, foreplay)
Characters/pairings: Jon/"Stephen"
Disclaimer: Work of parody; work of fiction; the characters aren't mine.

Taking advantage of Stephen's favorite endearment. With thanks to this vocabulary list.

( 'You've done very well, principessa.' )

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Madoka Magica: Five Things Scarier Than Demons

2012-01-30T06:13:47Z

Title: Five Things Scarier Than Demons
Fandom: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Characters/Pairings: Mami/Kyoko, Homura, Charlotte, Yuma
Rating: G
Contents: sick!Charlotte fanon, references to sad bits of canon
Disclaimer: MadoMagi characters and plot aren't mine.

There are some things even a puella magi can't face alone. (Post-series fluff.)

For the latest girlgay prompt: Write a humorous scene about a warrior who is brave in battle getting nervous about activity off the battlefield that may cause them minor pain. Tayaki are the fish-shaped pastries often seen vanishing into Kyoko's mouth. Also here on the AO3.

( 'I was so sure I could handle it! But nothing I did seem to work...you have to understand, I'm out of practice, I haven't even tried to do this for years...' )

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The Great Icon Roundup IV: Hellsingpuffs Edition

2012-01-29T00:36:41Z

A compilation of all the Hellsingpuffs icons (so far). The font used in the profile icons is Powerpuff.

Total: 198. All free for use; just credit ptahrrific. Table code courtesy of this generator.

( Alucard is directionally challenged. )

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Madoka Magica: Rosewood

2012-01-26T23:45:29Z

Title: Rosewood
Fandom: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Characters/Pairings: Homura/Madoka, Sayaka, Hitomi(/Kyousuke), Kyoko, Junko, Tatsuya
Rating: R (violence, character death, consent issues, spoilers)
Disclaimer: MadoMagi characters and plot aren't mine.

Scenes from a particularly toothy AU. Based on the third girlgay weekly f/f prompt: Write a fight scene between a priest wielding a holy weapon and a vampire. Also here on the AO3.

( The smell of her blood filled Sayaka's nostrils, pulse thudding hot and slow. Always slow. )

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Fake News: Blue, Thinking About You

2012-01-17T02:09:48Z

Title: Blue, Thinking About You
Rating: PG
Characters: Jon/"Stephen", Siri, Meg, Tad, Gipper
Contents: Wifeless AU, ear!kink, bread abuse
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Stephen, anxious to know what Jon really thinks of him, stumbles on a way to find out for sure...which doesn't go at all the way he planned. Turns out Jon has more secrets than he bargained for (and in the meantime, Stephen's conscience just might be catching up with him).

Now with illustrations! Please read on The Zen and the Damaged to get the full effect (it requires code not supported on LJ/DW).

For a fakenews_fanfic SeSa prompt from gaudy_night: Jon/"Stephen", after a freak accident, he gains the ability to hear what the other is really thinking. Title is from the carol Blue Christmas.

( If you were trying to seduce your gay friend for purely exploitative purposes, and maybe enjoying his company and feeling that his happiness made you feel warmer than hot chocolate along the way, that was still safely heterosexual on your part. )

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New Year's announcement

2012-01-16T04:31:55Z

I'm re-opening andthatstheword. Because if there's going to be a fake news DW comm where I end up doing 99% of the posting, it may as well be the one where I like the name.

Which is not to say that other people can't participate! All DW users, whether you have a real account or just OpenID access, are welcome to join and post in both andthatstheword and punditfic. The former is for in-character TDS/TCR fics (that is, no real!Stephen, unless he's somehow meeting "Stephen"). The latter is for...whatever you feel like posting, really. Although fans of the real-news pundits are also encouraged to check out thosestoriesplus, home of the real action in that corner of the fandom.

Oh, and whatever corner of the fake news/real news/pundit/politics/etcetera general mish mash you hail from, do check out punditkink! There are several lovely fics, and loads of prompts just waiting to be filled.

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Fake News: Jealousy, Thy Name Is Stewberry

2012-01-16T04:18:38Z

Title: Jealousy, Thy Name Is Stewberry
Rating: PG
Cast: Jon/"Stephen", Jimmy Fallon, Wyatt, Kristen, other correspondents
Contents: X-Men: First Class spoilers, canon hobo death
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

While Stephen is off having exciting friendship adventures with his new best buddy, Jon copes with his totally-not-jealousy by dragging various correspondents on a series of ill-fated friendventures of their own.

For a fakenews_fanfic SeSa prompt by snobantiker: Jon/"Stephen", Jimmy Fallon. During the time of the BFFSM of Stephen and Jimmy, Jon gets jealous.

( Jon pouted. Disgraceful, that was. Men their age had no business pouting, unless they were facing a truly heart-rending situation, like not being sent a free iPad quickly enough. )

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Madoka Magica: Draco Caseum Amat

2012-01-12T23:18:22Z

Title: Draco Caseum Amat
Fandom: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Characters/Pairings: Mami, Madoka/Charlotte
Rating: PG-13
Contents: Violence, canon character death
Disclaimer: MadoMagi isn't mine. Sad but true.

Fantasy AU. Princess Madoka is trapped somewhere in the monster's cave, and royal knight Mami is going to save her or die trying.

Adapted from the next girlgay weekly prompt (geez, these things are specific): Create an exchange between a dying but powerful dragon and the girl who stumbled into the dragon's lair in search of something with which to save her people. Also here on the AO3.

( She barely misses the next strike, dodging over a treasure chest and landing on a set of fine china, where she smashes one of the plates under her heel. )

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Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Fireworks and Waterfalls

2012-01-08T18:15:53Z

Title: Fireworks and Waterfalls
Fandom: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Characters/Pairings: pre-Kyoko/Sayaka, Yuma
Rating: G
Disclaimer: MadoMagi characters and plot aren't mine.

A battle in a dark and ruined barrier, from a timeline where Sayaka, Kyoko, and Yuma have all contracted and met up.

For the first of girlgay's planned-weekly prompts: Create a haunting depiction of the eldritch beauty of an abandoned elf kingdom. Also here on the AO3.

( The wolves are headless, the basin at their paws filled with moss: living descendants of the scum that flourished once the water stopped running. )

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Fake News: In Summer's Parching Heat

2011-12-28T06:11:28Z

Title: In Summer's Parching Heat
Rating: G
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen (pre-femslash), Jon(/"Stephen"), John Oliver, Wyatt
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Teen-through-young-adult AU: Jon[athan] and "Stephen" are gay dog groomers in California, while Olivia and company are eighth graders nearby. Oh, and a cute new British kid just transferred into their class. And Kristen maybe likes him?? Drama!

Wildly out-of-season, I know, but I needed a last-minute fill for the hc_bingo round 2 card, prompt "heat stroke."

( 'I've just moved here from England, so you're welcome to ask me any questions you have in preparation for our inevitable re-conquest of your charming little nation. Cheerio.' )

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First Lines Meme: 2011 Fic Edition

2011-12-25T02:52:55Z

First lines of fic posted each month. Nine are fake news, two Madoka Magica, one Sailor Moon. Favorite bit: the year starts and ends with the Castleverse :D

January: Her Majesty's Great Hall had never looked more splendid.

February: The figure on Goldman's arm was unmistakably not his wife, a fact which Stewart knew better than to mention.

March: "Double whipped grande black mocha venti latte with cream and sprinkles, on the rocks. And make it snappy."

April: When Olivia appeared at the door, stashed her backpack under the counter, grabbed a lollipop from the dish next to the register, and came straight back to say hello, Jonathan didn't think anything of it.

May: The first time Stephen shows up for lunch after summer vacation, there's a hideous knitted thing slung over his shoulder.

June: Someone opens the door to the coatroom, and Jon and Stephen spring guiltily apart.

July: The ensign operating the transporter was about to tie hir tentacle in a knot in agitation.

August: The cat gyrated her hind paw in the direction of her chin, and only barely managed to bump her knee into the side of her head.

September: She should have waited for Homura.

October: The game was in full swing, and there was one girl kicking circles around the rest of the third-grade class.

November: On the first day at the Foreign Planets Academy, the members of the youngest class milled around in tiny, species-segregated clusters.

December: Belowdecks was a hive of anxiety.

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Fake News: Battered Rose

2011-12-24T18:23:29Z

Title: Battered Rose
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: "Stephen"/Jon, Olivia/Kristen, assorted correspondents
Warnings: Sex, emotional abuse, (skip) consent issues, choking
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

By, um, popular demand: the alternate ending to the Castles In The Sand in which Jon refuses to give Stephen up.

(Or, to put it another way: an extended argument for why the canon ending is the happy one.)

( 'Mine. In body and heart, to do with as I please. That's the deal, right?' )

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Fake News: California Boys Masterpost

2011-12-20T22:51:54Z

Collected fanworks from the world described in this monologue (transcribed here). Each piece isn't necessarily in the same universe as any of the others; the only thing binding them together is that they're all based on some interpretation of the original clip.

Strict Canon

"Stephen" and a man known only as "Jonathan" are a gay couple in early-'90s California, where they run an upscale dog grooming salon.

♦ Eyes Like Dead Birds (fic)
♦ Somewhere Greener, Somewhere Warmer (mix)
♦ California Boys (comic)

Full-Cast AU

The area is populated by other Daily Show cast members, with age-fudging as necessary. For instance, Olivia and other young correspondents are eighth graders at a local school.

♦ May The Horse Be With You (fic)
♦ The DM of +4 Ohana (fic)
♦ In Summer's Parching Heat (fic)

By Other People

Because I don't have dibs on this clip (nor would I want to).

♦ Prenuptial Agreements by queenfanfiction (fic)

This will have a proper header and so on eventually. Also, I'm not the only one to play with this idea, right? Links to other fanworks based on the same clip are appreciated!

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Mix - Fake News: Turrets & Moats

2011-12-19T05:01:29Z

Medium: Television
Fandom: The Colbert Report
Subject: "Stephen", Olivia, and friends (Castleverse AU)
Title: Turrets & Moats

Official soundtrack for the heroes of the Castle Down universe, a fantasy slavefic AU featuring all that is best in life: soulbonds, unicorns, and magical fempreg.

Thanks to politicette and queenfanfiction for song suggestions!

( Far beyond these castle walls, where the distant harbor meets the sky )

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Fake News: Castles in the Sand, Epilogue

2011-12-19T04:57:39Z

Title: Castles In The Sand (Epilogue)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

And so our story ends! Before the end of the year, even, which is a relief as it was one of my 2011 fannish New Year's resolutions.

Amazing beta job by queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( Five months later. Friends are reunited, future plans are laid, and, of course, our troublesome magical baby is finally born. )

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Fake News - didn't he heal, weren't the spring seeds planted

2011-12-16T05:54:33Z

Title: didn't he heal, weren't the spring seeds planted
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: Jon/"Stephen", families, OCs, Al Gore
Warnings: Children in danger, religious abuse, language, random tense changes.
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Scenes from three summers in the Expectingverse. Stephen, trauma, childhood, water, and a brief history of Sweetness.

Refers to this Formidable Opponent. For my hc_bingo round 2 card, prompts "archaic medical treatment" and "drowning".

( 'I tried to bite Al Gore last Wednesday' )

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Fake News: Castles in the Sand, chapter 10

2011-12-15T05:59:51Z

Title: Castles In The Sand (10/10+epilogue)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy, Bobby, Alan, Jay, Meg, Buttons, Rebecca Drysdale, (skip) a tentacle monster, Neil Degrasse Tyson, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Paulina Porizkova, Helen Thomas, Martha Stewart, Stephanie Tubbs-Jones, Reza Aslan
Warnings:
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For those of you who have the misfortune not to recognize Rebecca Drysdale...run, don't walk, to watch Time Traveling Lesbian.

Amazing beta job by queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( Some relationships are patched up, others not so much, and the H.M.S. Report reaches the End of the World. )

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Fake News: Castles In The Sand, chapter 9

2011-12-12T18:40:52Z

Title: Castles In The Sand (9/10+epilogue)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy, Allison, (skip) Rebecca Drysdale
Warnings: (skip) Tentacles!
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Apparently all my Olivia fics are going to make her cry at some point. Not that anyone else escapes the angst in this chapter.

Amazing beta job by queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( Allison hates her job, Kristen is cold and wet, Jon and Stephen mix like vinegar and baking soda, and Olivia could really use someone to talk to. )

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Fake News: Castles in the Sand, chapter 8

2011-12-08T05:37:44Z

Title: Castles In The Sand (8/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Buttons, Jon, Allison, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy
Warnings: Past trauma, (skip) fire! (Again!)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Well, would you look at that. New pairing tags.

Amazing beta job by queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( In which our heroes decide to coordinate their breakdowns, and the term DIAF becomes uncomfortably literal. )

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Fake News: Ambush

2011-12-07T00:34:34Z

Title: Ambush
Rating: PG
Pairings/Characters: Pre-Jon/"Stephen", background Jon/BriWi
Disclaimer: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

A snippet from late 2005, in the alternate universe where gender is divided along Dom/sub lines rather than male/female. Jon's getting misgendered quite a bit lately, which is strange, since it's always seemed clear enough to him. Not even Stephen can throw him for a loop on that point. (Right?)

( It's not foreplay now (mostly) (Brian Williams in the green room with the silk tie), but it's close enough that it comes as a shock whenever anyone fails to connect the dots. )

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Fake News: Castles in the Sand, chapter 7

2011-12-05T17:49:59Z

Title: Castles In The Sand (7/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, c!Stephen/Tad (subtext), Amy, Bobby, (skip) Neil DeGrasse Tyson, c!Stephen/Tad/Amy
Warnings: Past trauma, hazardous coconuts
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

For the record, this whole fic is a wildcard fill on my hc_bingo card, for the prompt "unexpected pregnancy" and/or "unexpected consequences of planned soulbonding." (How much do I love that both of those are options?)

Amazing beta job by queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( Our heroes split into groups to explore an uncharted island. Cue physical danger, prophetic uncertainty, and personal revelations. )

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Fake News: Castles In The Sand, part 6

2011-12-01T15:02:23Z

Title: Castles In The Sand (6/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, c!Stephen/Amy (subtext), c!Stephen/Tad (also subtext), Buttons, (skip) Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres
Warnings: Foreplay, tumbling (literal)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Makes reference to this clip.

Amazing beta job by queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( This is the chapter with the Big Reveal. Also, pirates. )

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Madoka Magica: Keepsake

2011-11-30T01:11:26Z

Title: Keepsake
Fandom: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Characters/Pairings: Kyouko/Sayaka, Homura
Rating: R
Contents: Depression; character deaths; (teen/teen) sex; spoilers for everything.
Disclaimer: Not my universe; I just play in it.

Scenes from a timeline where Oktavia gets averted, at least for a while. In which Sayaka is in a dark place, Kyouko is fighting to hang on to her, and neither is really in any shape to be sorting out her intense feelings about the other (but they make a connection anyway).

For the Kaleidoscope fest at dark_agenda. My recipient didn't specify a mood...so this went and got amazingly angsty. Title is an allusion to a poem by Izumi Shikibu.

( The world is distorting in a pool with Sayaka at the epicenter. )

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Fake News: Castles in the Sand, part 5

2011-11-28T14:14:26Z

Title: Castles In The Sand (5/10)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Olivia/Kristen, Jon/c!Stephen, Tad, Amy, Alan, Buttons
Warnings: Foreplay, Scrabble abuse.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the Report. Names of real people are used in a fictitious context, and all dialogue, actions, and content are products of the author's imagination only.

Amazing beta job by queenfanfiction. Decorative capitals by Daily Drop Cap. Chapter index: Table of Contents

( In which Stephen continues to bond with Tad and Amy, Olivia's insecurities pop up at weird times, Jon gets shirtless, and a revelation is made...sort of. )

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