Entry tags:

genre: comedy, genre: fluff, pairing: alt!"stephen"'n'jon, series: fake news, story: liberalverse

Title: Not Out Of The Woods Yet
Rating: G
Characters/pairings: Jon, liberal!"Stephen"
Disclaimer: Two.

For the Report characters: They and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and of course Viacom. Not mine. Sue me not, please.

And for the real people, the poem:
Please, make no mistake:
these people aren't fake,
but what's said here is no more than fiction.
It only was writ
because we like their wit
and wisecracks, and pull-squints, and diction.
We don't mean to quibble,
but this can't be libel;
it's never implied to be real.
No disrespect's meant;
if you disapprove, then,
the back button's right up there. Deal.

Summary: I asked the Internet for ficlet prompts; aybara_max responded with "Liberal!Stephen takes Jon on a camping trip."

ETA: Speak of the devil: Stuff White People Like (stuffwhitepeoplelike_feed) just did an entry on camping!


Not Out Of The Woods Yet


"Jon! Jon, wake up!"

Jon grunts in the negative and tries to burrow deeper into the sleeping bag. His whole body is sore from sleeping flat on the ground, and a couple of unfortunately placed rocks have kept him from finding a single comfortable position all night.

"Wake up, quick!" hisses Stephen again, shaking his shoulder. "You have to see this!"

Finally, grudgingly, Jon hauls himself up and rubs his eyes. "What...?"

"Shh!" admonishes Stephen, plucking at his shirt. "Come look. But keep quiet!"

The light filtering into the small tent is the grey of pre-dawn. Jon swipes a hand along the dew-covered canvas and dabs the cold water on his face; it perks him up enough to crawl over to the flap, which Stephen is holding open just a crack.

He peeks out at the remains of their campfire, and gasps.

"Shhh," soothes Stephen again, chin pressed against Jon's temple as he leans in. "Isn't it magnificent?"

Jon hardly dares to whisper. "Stephen, it's a bear!"

"I know!" breathes Stephen excitedly. "We're really in the wild now! Nature at its finest!"

Jon supposes this shouldn't have come as a shock. He doesn't mind animals, but only when they come in manageable sizes or neatly packaged in a zoo; he only agreed to come on this trip in the first place after Stephen promised to choose a site with working latrines.

And now there's a massive grizzly not twenty feet from their tent, chewing up their prepackaged hot dogs. All of which is making Stephen's eyes sparkle like a kid watching fireworks.

"Next time," hisses Jon, "we're coming to a site with less nature."

Stephen drapes an arm around his shoulders. "You worry too much," he murmurs. "Hush and enjoy the moment."