Entry tags:

genre: the word, pairing: gen, series: fake news

Title: The WØRD - December 28, 2006: Finally
Series: The Colbert Report
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: It ain't my fake news show; I just fake write for it.

Done for the Colboard Report, the fan-produced series of segments that helped TCR addicts on the old Colbert Nation forum make it through a long cold show-free vacation.
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And now it's time to turn to a topic near and dear to my own heart: the execution of Saddam Hussein. It's almost ready to actually happen! Which brings us to tonight's WØRD.



Finally!

Saddam got the death sentence all the way back in November, right before the midterm elections. Now, if only they'd killed him then too, those elections might have had a more sensible outcome. What better reminder of the goals of the Administration's strategy than the death of our most dangerous enemy?



But no, the sentence had to be appealed. Now, I'm no fan of appeals courts. They offer too much chance for flip-floppery. Once you have a verdict, there should be no turning back.



But the last appeals court has declared that Saddam Hussein must be put to death within thirty days. Thirty days! It's going to be like Christmas in January!



Now, Saddam did not have a dramatic and newsworthy reaction when the verdict was announced, because he wasn't present to hear it.



But he did write and release an open letter to the Iraqi people, in which he apologized for the wrongs done to them - both by himself and by other armies in conflicts that he could have avoided - and urged them to peacefully cooperate with the occupation in the hopes of building a stable, peaceful Iraq.

No, he didn't say any of that. I'm kidding.



What he actually said was that the Iraqi people should stop fighting with each other, so that they can focus better on fighting Americans.



But don't worry, America! Don't despair at the reports of increasing violence, bombings, and soldier and civilian deaths! Remember: Saddam's going to be executed. It's official. And the reason we went into Iraq was to get rid of Saddam Hussein.



Therefore, logically, once Saddam is dead, the job will be done, the troops can be brought home, and we will be out of this mess altogether.



And that's the WØRD. We'll be right back.