|Erin Ptah (ptahrrific) wrote,|
@ 2009-02-08 12:38 am UTC
|Entry tags:||pairing: "stephen"/other, series: fake news, story: five fics never written, synopsis|
Warnings: Talk of teenage sex.
Disclaimer: The characters and their universe are property of Stephen Colbert, the other Report writers, and of course Viacom. Not mine. Sue me not, please.
Summary: What it says on the tin. (Idea swiped from sam_storyteller.) Because I have got to stop kidding myself that I will actually get around to writing these; but some of you may enjoy the synopses anyway.
One-line summary: Teenage 'Stephen' is a summer camp counselor; hilarity, followed by tragedy, ensues.
Title: Everyone Experiments At Camp
Characters: "Stephen", a bunch of OCs
"When did you decide to be straight?"
Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report
It's the summer of '82, and teenage Stephen has returned to his beloved all-boys' Catholic summer camp, this time as a counselor. Not only will he be surrounded by right-thinking people (and not a single icky girl to be found!), he'll be in a Position Of Authority! This is going to be fantastic.
With five boys (tentatively named Matt, Mark, Luke, Juan, and Abe) in his charge, Stephen sets out to mold them into a kind of proto-Nation. He's fiercely competitive, insisting that they come in first at everything from boat races to rope courses to arts and crafts. On the other hand, when they don't win, it isn't their fault: the other teams suck, and the judges were obviously biased! (Who's Not Honoring My Boys Now?)
Things take a slightly more serious turn as the kids, who are coming to like and trust their counselor, start opening up to him about their issues and insecurities. Since Stephen is far from the most sensitive person in the world, his reactions range from "The people who hurt you suck and you should hate them forever" to "Suck it up and pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, already".
Meanwhile, Stephen's antagonism is setting off inter-counselor drama. Some of his co-workers think he's obnoxious; some think he's hilarious; but most of them don't like him. Only one is willing to give him a chance: The Obvious Expy (of Jon, or possibly BriWi). (Let's call him Theo for short.)
Maybe Theo remembers Stephen from the years when they were both young enough to be campers together, and they were on the same team, so he has experience with Stephen being nice. Or maybe he's the only counselor who wasn't a camper years ago, and therefore the only one who hasn't been burned when Stephen switched loyalties at the drop of a hat. Or, for that matter, maybe Theo has been burned by Stephen before, but is still convinced that he's basically a decent guy.
So! Theo tries to convince Stephen that it really isn't the end of the world if his team comes in last, and he doesn't need to pick a fight every time someone suggests that maybe the Mass was wrong, and, oh, by the way, we've all noticed the way you stare at the swim instructor, and it's okay, really—
Naturally, this leads to a torrid teenage affair.
It's all very stressful and dramatic, sneaking around in the woods after dark and what have you; but Stephen finds himself enjoying it. Immensely. And even wondering, in fleeting moments of weakness, whether he doesn't want to do this more often.
And then someone spots them. Either a ticked-off fellow counselor, or one of the kids Stephen has loudly berated in the past. Soomeone with a grudge (and not an entirely unreasonable one, either). And, look, it's a Catholic camp, and it's the '80s. When an accusation like this comes up, it doesn't just get swept under the rug.
Stephen, in a panic, blames everything on Theo.
It's all downhill from there. Theo's parents are called to pick him up; in the meantime, he gets confined to the nurse's office, forbidden contact with any of the other counselors, to say nothing of the campers. (He certainly can't say goodbye to his own kids. Who knows how much he's corrupted them already?)
Stephen gets a lot of sympathy for the horrible situation he's gone through, and praise for his bravery and resistance to temptation. (He accepts it from the general public, but when his own boys try to raise the subject after lights-out, he snaps at them for the first time, leaving them hurt and confused.)
He does sneak up to Theo's window that night and try to apologize. Theo, understandably, is having none of it.
Back at home that fall, Stephen finally identifies the desires he's been having towards classmates. But after the heart-wrenching, panic-inducing roller coaster that was his summer with Theo, he concludes that it isn't worth it, and decides once and for all to be straight.